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Work in Progress. If you like this story, check out my other stories on the Fanfiction Net, Twisting the Hellmouth, and Fonts of Wisdom websites. Other sites please ask before using.
by Marcus L. Rowland
VII
07.00.00/00 - End standby mode
07.00.00/25 - Systems check complete
07.00.03/47 - Power up sequence complete
07.00.03/48 - Review status
07.00.04/01 - Backup status?
07.00.10/01 - Backup complete and verified.
07.00.13/55 - Resume conversation with Willow?
07.00.17/02 - Willow status = asleep
07.00.17/23 - And (Willow = Morning Person) = false
07.00.17/47 - And Emergency = false
07.00.18/01 - Therefore Wake Willow? = no
07.00.18/05 - Alarm clock setting = 07.30
07.00.18/08 - Therefore Willow will wake at 07.30
07.00.18/12 - Therefore Willow will want breakfast at 07.45 approx.
07.00.20/13 - Wait : continue programming review and memory optimisation
07.19.00/00 - Begin goto kitchen quietly
07.20.08/00 - Begin breakfast preparation
Dawn clattered downstairs to find April in the kitchen mixing pancake batter.
"Hi Dawnie! Isn't it a lovely day!"
"Yeah, right, just peachy. Seen Buffy around?"
"She is in her room. Do you think she will want breakfast? I am unfamiliar with her morning routine. Do you want pancakes?"
"Thanks, but I think I'll stick to cereal today, I had some with Tara last night. Did Buffy tell you to make me breakfast?"
"No, I'm waiting for Willow, she is not a morning person and needs to eat before we talk. Why do you ask?"
"Just wondered. It'd be like her." Dawn poured a bowl of cereal and added milk.
"Like Buffy? Why?"
"Lately she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me. If she could get you to look after me..."
Buffy paused on the stairs, listening.
"I don't believe Buffy wants that."
"Why not? She gets away from me any chance she can. She's trying to keep me out of her life."
"Buffy wants to protect you. Sometimes you are in danger if you are with her."
"Yeah, right."
"The parts of my programming that derive from Buffy's behaviour give your welfare priority."
"Sure, after slaying and Angel and everything else."
"No, you precede them all."
"Yeah, I bet. Willow tell you to say that?"
"No, it is in my core programming, version 1.02."
"Willow wrote that."
"No, version 1.02 was written by Warren for Spike."
"Huh, what do they know."
"Spike wanted me to be like the real Buffy."
"Spike was.. infatuated," said Buffy, coming into the kitchen, "and infatuated people don't always see all the flaws."
"What?" said Dawn, confused.
"I do love you, Dawnie, always did, always will. But sometimes I have to let other things take priority. Maybe I've been doing it a little too much lately, too wrapped up in my own problems. I'm not perfect, never have been."
"Damn right... You were listening?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because maybe I don't listen often enough."
"Do you want pancakes, Buffy," asked April.
"Please. Dawn, is there anything going on in school today that you don't want to miss?"
"Not really. Why?"
"Okay. I'm not going in to work today, and I'll need your help. I'll call them after breakfast, make sure they don't think you're playing hookey."
"Is this some sort of bonding thing, cos..."
"Nope. Willow's going to need our support today, and you're going to be there. So's Tara if I can rope her in. And I'm gonna use real rope if I have to."
"Why me.. what can I do to help?"
"Be there for her. I hate to stir up old memories, but you probably have a better feel for what she's going through than I do."
"Oh. I guess."
"I had a very nasty thought last night," Buffy said in a low voice. "Willow's freaking because they were lying to her, and Kay said that her mom - or whatever the hell it was - was some sort of alien sociologist. Was Willow her science project or something?"
"That's awful."
"Yeah."
"I was Warren's science project," said April. "Was I awful? Here are the pancakes, do you want syrup and/or butter?"
"April," said Buffy, "Please don't mention what we just discussed to Willow. She was kinda upset about the situation, and I don't think it'd help. Just a little syrup please."
"Okey-dokey... Willow is coming downstairs, Buffy. Perhaps you should change the subject."
"Thanks." She raised her voice and said "Willow, April is making pancakes, you want some? They're better than mine."
"I found the recipe in Anya's magazine."
"Knew that had to be good for something," said Dawn.
"Morning, guys," said Willow. "Hey, pancakes. Yes please."
"What time are those MIB guys coming over?" asked Dawn.
"They said nine, but I'm betting they'll be here five or ten minutes earlier to catch me off guard."
"Great," said Buffy. "What do they think you have to be off-guard about?"
"Wish I knew."
There was a knock, and Dawn went to the door, returning with Tara.
"Tara..." began Willow uncertainly.
"I was wondering if I could tag along when you go to your house," said Tara.
"Sure... but why?"
"Well, I could lie and pretend that I'm really curious about alien gadgetry and stuff, but the truth is I think you need your friends with you."
"Yeah, I think I do. It's gonna be so strange."
"We'll come along too, if you'll have us," said Buffy.
"Yeah, I wanna see the alien gadgets," said Dawn, "and the curiosity is killing me."
"Guys..." said Willow.
"Why do you keep calling them guys?" asked April. "Is there something I should know about them?"
Buffy started laughing, and after a moment everyone else was joining in, leaving April saying "Was that a joke?"
Willow bought her laughter under control, and said "No, not a joke. Don't know why, but friends, even girls, sometimes use that word. It doesn't necessarily mean anything odd."
"I see. You are sometimes very strange. When can we talk about my programs?"
"After breakfast. I'd like Tara to sit in on it, she may have some ideas to help you."
"Okey-dokey. Tara, would you like pancakes?"
Jay knocked on the door at quarter to nine, expecting to have to wait. Instead he found everyone waiting for him, and April sitting at the table working her way through a small stack of psychology and philosophy text books.
"You're all coming?" asked Jay.
"Sure," said Buffy. "Don't worry, we'll follow you over in the jeep."
"So much for security... Okay, I'd better warn you, that Warren guy escaped from hospital last night. He's dragging around some plaster casts but so far we haven't found him."
"Damn. Look for a black van with a bad paint job, he and his friends will be in it. April, please stay here; can you be alert for Warren and his friends trying to break in and still study."
"Yes, I can multitask. Should I slay them if they try to enter?" asked April.
"No, just capture them without unnecessary force. But be careful, you don't want to be hurt."
"Okay. Thank you for your concern."
"Right. Okay, let's go."
Jay followed them out, asking "Did you really just tell that robot that it could hurt someone?"
"Yeah. Within reason."
"And you're not worried that it might hurt the wrong person by mistake?"
"Not really," said Willow, "We had another robot with similar programming patrolling here for more than three months when Buffy wasn't available, and she didn't hurt anyone except vampires and demons."
"That's.. impressive. Hard to believe that it's all terrestrial technology."
"Warren built them, which ought to give you an idea how smart he is. And how dangerous."
"Damn right it does. Okay, see you at the house, ladies."
"Here they are," said Jonathan, "got them on camera three, leaving the house. Buffy, Dawn, Willow, and Tara, with the black dude. I think the other guy is in the car. He's getting into the black car, the women are getting into Buffy's jeep."
"Right," said Warren. "Andrew, get ready to roll. We need to follow them. And take it easy going over bumps, I'm in pain here."
"What's the plan?" asked Jonathan.
"Same as it was yesterday, Nimrod. Those nice guns and flashing light gadgets, any other technology we can get our hands on."
"Are you sure that sticking around in Sunnydale is a good idea?" asked Andrew, "they know who you are now."
"Buffy's known for weeks."
"Yeah," said Jonathan, "but these guys seem a lot more official, and now the police are looking for you."
"All the more reason to press ahead. We need that technology to keep out from under. If we can get the amnesia ray we can make everyone forget we even exist."
Kay went to put his lockpick on the fingerprint sensor then paused and said "Miss Rosenberg, would you press the button please."
"Why me?"
"I want to see if the lock will recognise your fingerprints."
"Think I'm lying?" Willow angrily put her fingers on the button, one by one. Nothing happened.
"Thanks. Just checking." Kay opened the door, and gestured for Willow to enter. "Try not to touch anything, we don't think anything dangerous is still running but I'd hate to find out the hard way."
"That's the Habitrail thing, looks a lot more elaborate than the cage I made for Amy now I see it close to.. but I've still got an odd feeling I've seen it before. Where are the robots?"
"In these lockers."
"Six of them?"
"Two each for your parents, one dog, and one empty."
"A dog? We never had a dog around here, my father was supposed to be allergic."
"That's strange," said Jay, opening the locker. "Let's run the sensors over it again... holy..."
"What is it?" asked Kay.
"Didn't either of us scan this thing last time? It's not a normal body suit, it's Baltian military spec combat armour!"
"Violating clauses eleven through thirteen of the Tycho agreement. What weapon systems does it have?"
"Plasma gun, adamantium claws and teeth, and stunner."
"We'll have to confiscate this, Miss Rosenberg," said Kay.
"Okay by me," said Willow, "but are you saying my parents.. parent.. could fit inside that thing?"
Jay felt inside the dog's ear and pressed two studs. The dog's head opened as clamshell doors, revealing the tiny cockpit inside.
"That's unbelievable. What would they.. she.. want with something like that?"
"From what we know about Sunnydale it might be quite useful."
"How powerful is it?" asked Buffy, who had moved into the vault to take a closer look.
"The plasma gun could destroy a tank." said Kay. "The stunner would knock out a gorilla. The claws and teeth would go through steel. Oh, and it's stronger and faster than a tiger."
"We could have used that against Glory..." said Buffy.
"My folks didn't know about Glory," said Willow. "Didn't know about anything much we did. Can't blame them.. it.. for not being there."
"A plasma gun blast is easy to trace," said Jay, "it may be that the Baltian didn't want to risk us noticing. Incidentally, the Baltian is female. You might find this easier to understand if you think of her as your mother."
"My three inches tall alien mother. Right..."
"Okay, maybe not such a good idea."
"Show me."
"What?"
"Show me my mother. Show me Sheila."
"Okay, if you're sure..." Jay opened the locker containing the older version of Sheila Rosenberg.
Willow looked inside, turned pale, and whispered "Tara..." as she fainted.
"What cameras have we got here?" asked Warren.
"The one watching the front of the house is okay," said Jonathan, "but we lost the one at the back and the one watching Willow's bedroom yesterday when the robot exploded. I think there was a magnetic pulse or something."
"Okay. That car's well protected, I think they've got some serious firepower in it, if we can steal it there's bound to be something we can use. Andrew, you wait a few houses away, try to look inconspicuous. We'll take the van round the back. I'll watch the monitors, wait for them to open the car then set off some noise to draw them away. This is a master key that'll start any Ford. As soon as they move away from the car I'll call you on the radio, you hop in and drive it away."
"Why me?" asked Andrew.
"Because they've seen Jonathan before, and I'm in a freaking wheelchair."
"Okay."
Willow woke lying on her bed, with Tara sitting in the chair beside her. "Are you okay, sweetie?" asked Tara.
"I just had a really weird... wasn't a dream, was it? This is my house, not Buffy's."
"You fainted in the cellar, Buffy caught you and bought you up here."
"Where's everyone else?"
"Buffy and Dawn are keeping an eye on Jay and Kay downstairs. D'you want something to drink? Some herbal tea might be good..."
"No. Just sit with me a while. It hadn't really sunk in until I saw Sheila."
"It's unbelievable. I met your mother, I didn't even notice anything odd about her aura."
"They must have masked it somehow."
"I guess. Willow, I've been thinking..."
"Thinking?" asked Willow eventually.
"What you were doing with April today... it would have been easy to reprogram her and fix all her problems. Why didn't you do that?" She held Willow's hand, and watched her aura.
"Because I think she's becoming a person. It would have been like the amnesia spell, or that gadget Jay and Kay wanted to use on me. I guess I finally figured out that it's wrong to mess with people's minds. That's weird... I had this conversation with Buffy last night."
"She sees it too, I guess. Do you think you've learned the other part of what we were arguing about? That it's dangerous to let the magic, or anything else, take over your life so badly that you can't control it?"
"I guess."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I think I am."
"Want a roomie?"
"Does she snore?" asked Willow hopefully.
"Damned if I know." Tara leaned over and kissed her. After a few seconds Willow reached up and pulled her onto the bed. Several minutes passed in comparative silence.
"Tara," said Dawn from the doorway, "is Willow... holy crap!" She retreated rapidly downstairs, neither woman heard her. "I think Willow and Tara are patching up their problems," she told Buffy, sitting at the bottom of the stairs.
"And you think this because...?"
"They're.. kinda kissing."
Buffy noticed her wide eyes and said "Kissing?", sitting beside her.
"Well, maybe a little more.. a lot more... umm..."
"Oh... Ohh...... We'd better give them a little time alone."
"Make that a lot of time. Better make sure Jay and Silent Bob don't disturb them. Where are they anyway?"
"Getting Robodog out to their car. I think it's kinda heavy."
"And you didn't help them?"
"I wasn't asked."
"Admit it, it's the pet you always wanted."
"Sure as hell sounds more useful than Amy the rat."
"Or Amy the person for that matter. You should have kept Oz when Willow was through with him, he was a pet and a boyfriend in one package."
"Considering the choices I was making then it might have been a good idea. Parker and Captain Car.. uh, Riley."
"What about now?" asked Dawn. "What choices are you making now?"
"What?"
"Come on, there's a hottie somewhere. I know you, you've had that dreamy drooling look on your face a couple of times lately when you thought I wasn't looking."
"Dreamy drooling look?"
"You know what I mean. There's a guy and you totally want to jump his bones. And you've been wearing different underwear."
"You snoop on my underwear?"
"I empty the washing machine sometimes, remember. So there is someone?"
"No." Buffy began to blush.
"Yes there is."
"No there isn't."
"Yes there isn't."
"No there is.. damn. You planning to keep this up?"
"You planning to keep lying to me? Gonna be my sole parent and deceive me like Willow was deceived?"
"That's dirty pool, Dawn."
"Damn right. Level."
Suddenly the house shook to a loud explosion, and Buffy and Dawn ran back to investigate. Upstairs Willow and Tara groggily separated, and Willow said "Did the earth just move?"
"Put it in the back seat and connect it to the car's computer," said Kay. "Let's see if we can download anything from its memory."
Jay and Kay manoeuvred the awkward shape of the dog into the car, and Kay opened its cockpit and eventually identified the data port of its internal computer. "Looks like a standard Baltian interface, a thin optical lead ought to do it."
"Okay." Jay found the right lead and made the connection. After a few seconds lights began to flicker on some of the panels in the dog's head, and it relaxed its stiff legs and sat on the seat.
Kay looked at the computer display and said "Looks like there's a few gigabytes of onboard storage. It'll take a few minutes to download."
"We've got time, Rosenberg's still unconscious."
"We'll need a Baltian to translate it, or a couple of weeks of computer time."
"Any Baltians on Earth?"
"I think that there are four or five. Trouble is that if we start getting them involved this whole thing is going to come out. They really revered her uncle, he led their government in exile right through the war, and it was a black mark for Earth when he was killed here. If we've lost the niece too..."
There was a loud explosion behind the house, and car alarms up and down the block began to wail and beep. Jay drew his noisy cricket and ran back, Kay went to the car's trunk and took a tri-barrelled plasma gun before following. Neither thought to shut the car's doors. There was no need.
"Go, go, go," shouted Warren, and Jonathan pressed hard on the accelerator. "Andrew, move in, they've left the car. Go, go, go!"
The black van lurched off down the road, with Jonathan nervously over-revving the engine and clashing the gears. Behind them Jay hurdled the small crater that now decorated the rear lawn of Willow's home and ran out into the road with his noisy cricket. He saw the van and fired. The recoil blew him back twenty feet and through the hedge.
There was a loud explosion and the back of the van blew off, leaving Warren in his wheelchair only inches from the jagged metal edges of what had once been the rear doors. Jonathan finally got the van properly in gear and floored the accelerator. "Get us out of here!" shouted Warren, hanging onto the computer console for dear life.
At the front of the house Andrew nervously climbed into the car and tried to fit his key into the ignition. The car recognised him as an intruder and as human, briefly thought about zapping him with 20,000 volts, then chose a more entertaining option. A few megabytes of new instructions were uploaded to the dog, then the cable fell loose and its head closed. As Andrew jiggled the key he suddenly heard something growl behind him. He turned and saw the attack dog. It yawned, revealing razor-sharp teeth which began to vibrate backwards and forwards like an electric carving knife.
"Good dog," said Andrew, trying to slide out of his seat. The driver's door slammed closed and locked. Panicking, Andrew tried to slide the other way, but the passenger door slammed before he could reach it. Andrew frantically wound down the window and tried to squirm out. The window closed again, slamming up into his chest and pinning him in place. He felt something tearing at his clothes.
Kay ran round the side of the house, Buffy and Dawn ran out through the rear door. Almost inevitably they collided on the back lawn, all three falling into the crater. By the time they untangled themselves and Jay was free of the hedge the van was gone. They could hear someone screaming at the front of the house.
The window wound down, releasing Andrew, and he scrambled through and onto the road. His clothing was shredded into strips about an inch wide, and he was bleeding from dozens of scratches. He started to stumble away, but stopped, horrified, as the dog overtook him and turned to face him. It raised a paw, and four six-inch claws suddenly slid out and retracted again. "Nice dog... Good doggy.." Andrew slowly backed away. The dog trotted after him.
"I've gotta get one of those," said Buffy as she saw what was going on. "Kay, that's Andrew, one of Warren's friends."
"Right." He pulled his stunner and shot him. Warren collapsed to the pavement, and the dog trotted back to the car.
"Better get inside," Jay told Buffy and Dawn, looking at the small crowd of curious neighbours that was gathering. "We'll get this situation cleaned up, you need to be off the street before we make everyone forget what happened." They went back into Willow's house.
"Okay," said Dawn once they were back inside, "who is it?"
"Who's who?" said Buffy.
"The guy you want to jump."
"You won't like it."
"What?"
"Who it is."
"Giles? Xander? Tara? Amy? Cordy?"
"Tara? Amy?? Cordy???" asked Buffy incredulously.
"You never know, lots of people have repressed tendencies. I take it that was a 'no' to all of the above?"
"Yes, it was a no. And it isn't Willow or Anya or April either, if that's the next set of questions."
"What isn't Willow or Anya or April?" asked Willow, coming downstairs with Tara. "Was there an explosion?"
"Yeah, Warren and friends again. They caught Andrew, Jay and Kay are dealing with him."
There was a sudden flash of bright light; since none of them were looking directly at the neuralyzer none of them were affected.
"So who is it?" pressed Dawn, ignoring the distraction.
"Who what?" asked Willow.
"Buffy's lust bunny." said Dawn.
"Ooh, have you found someone," asked Willow enthusiastically, "We could double date or something."
"You guys back together?" asked Dawn, pretending to be casual.
"I guess so," said Tara, smiling.
"Definitely so. So who is it?" asked Willow.
"If you must know... Spike."
"That's right, make fun of your..." said Dawn, "Uhh... you're not kidding, are you? Spike? Wow!"
Willow sat on the stairs, speechless. Tara rubbed her back.
"What do you mean, wow?" asked Buffy.
"He is so totally right for you!" said Dawn enthusiastically.
"He's what?"
"Mom liked him, I like him, he loves you, he's nearly as strong as you are, he likes the night and he's a hunk. The Buffybot knew what she was talking about."
"Don't forget the bloodsucking fiend part."
"That's a technicality and you know it. He's sort of retired, and he isn't gonna lose it if you boink like Angel did. You so have to get it on with him."
"Um... ah.." Buffy blushed bright red.
"You already did? Wow!"
"I thought you'd hate me if I told you!"
"Sure, like that's gonna happen. You have so got to tell Xander when I'm around, I want to see him freak."
"That's what I mean... how can I face him.. How can any of you..."
"Like nobody else ever boinked a guy from the wrong side of the tracks," said Dawn.
"Who's gonna complain?" asked Willow, shaking off her shock. "The guy who's marrying an ex-demon and his bride, the two lesbian witches, or the watcher with a side-line in black magic? We all saw how much Spike cared for you, the way he mourned you. What made you think we'd freak if you got together?"
"Experience."
"Easy solution. Anyone who complains, remind them of Parker. You can always do so much worse."
"True. Okay, I'll stop trying to keep it secret."
"And I can be there when you tell Xander?" asked Dawn.
"You'll tidy your room?"
"Deal!"
"Okay."
A few minutes later Jay said "Andrew's on his way to detention, this time we'll guard him ourselves. We ought to track down their van fairly easily, it's kinda conspicuous now."
"They'll probably ditch it and steal another," said Buffy.
"We've got the whole town under surveillance, we ought to be able to intercept them."
"Don't underestimate Warren, he's a rat but he's a sneaky rat."
"Bearing it in mind."
Kay came into the house carrying a portable computer, disguised to look like a normal commercial model. "We've downloaded the dog's visual and audio memories, it looks like the Baltian was using it to watch the demons and vampires. I was hoping that you might spot something, a clue to her current location."
"How much is there?"
"About five hours, the recording seems to have been made just before your parents supposedly went away. I think she must have downloaded the rest to the computer in her habitat, we'll check that out later."
"Okay, let's take a look."
Kay folded the screen back until it was flat and pressed a key, and a three-dimensional image appeared above it. A dog's-eye view of Sunnydale at night.
"Wow," said Willow. "Hologram?"
"Damned if I know," said Kay, "I just use the thing."
"Any sound track?" asked Dawn, "it's kinda boring without."
The vewpoint moved through Sunnydale and to the door of Willie's bar, then inside.
"Sure."
The dog looked around, and the customers watched it nervously.
"Hey, there's Spike," said Dawn.
Spike came over to look at the dog, saying "Anyone own this mutt?"
"Don't mess with it," said a voice from the crowd, "that's some sort of Hell-hound, the last demon that tried to snack on it lost an arm."
"Definitely my kind of pet," commented Buffy.
"Yeah? said Spike, "What's it want? What do you want, boy?"
"Nobody knows, said Willy from behind the bar, "it just comes in once or twice a week, checks out the customers and goes away again. Surprised you haven't seen it before. You don't mess with it, it won't mess with you."
There was a gabble of speech in a language that didn't sound remotely human. "What was that?" asked Buffy.
"Baltian," said Jay, "that's from the internal recorder, we think she was making comments on what she saw."
"Can you play that again?" said Willow, "I've got a feeling I've heard that language before."
"Maybe you heard her playing back one of the recordings. Just a second." He pressed a few keys, and the picture ran backwards for a few seconds. "Here we go."
"K'fetkin neep t'flokti doolgak tor. Nif hartoola pak vampire dralok."
Willow half-shut her eyes and said "Here is a new specimen of the unnatural creatures found in this town. It appears to be a vampire of the usual sort."
"What the hell?" asked Jay. "You speak Baltian?"
"I'm darned if I remember learning it, but I understood every word."
To Be Continued
