Disclaimer: I don not own Digimon.
Chapter 7: Seeking the past
Steadily the bus pulled to a halt and a group of passengers quickly struggled to get out, frightened at the possibility that there was a chance they could be late for work. Behind them came the blond boy, who was neither rushing nor taking his time. He walked at the paste he wanted to. He got off the bus and walked down the street with eyes fixated on the ground.
About five minutes later he reached his destination. He sighed. Never had he wanted to return here… Never…
He couldn't help but stare at the large iron gates as he passed through into the cemetery. They made him feel eerie, like he was walking through into the gates of hell. He had never liked grave yards. The thought of death reminded him of darkness. He remembered blaming darkness when Osamu had died, and claimed it was the Evil that had taken his best friend away from him. His experience in the Digital world had increased this fear.
He hadn't been here for at least eight years, and it was only once before that he had walked into this place of mourning. Of course that was at Osamu's funeral. But still he knew were he was going. He didn't recognise anything around, but still he knew. Slowly he began to sweat knowing that Osamu's grave was near. He wanted to stop, turn back around, run and never look back. But he knew that if he ever wanted to defeat the Kaiser, he had to pay his brother a visit.
He stopped. He had reached his destination, the place were his pain had once again re-emerged from long ago. He stood still, barely breathing, just gazing at the gravestone were six feet under lay his best friend's rotting corpse. The thought sickened him.
Awakening from his brooding state he approached the stone. He closed his eyes and uneasily he reached out to touch it. Slowly he began to look back on the day of Osamu's funeral. The first thing he saw was the little boy with dark blue hair who resembled Osamu so much.
The sky began to pour with rain and everyone took out their umbrellas and quickly began to depart without even saying any last words to the newly deceased boy. The priest closed his book and the coffin was slowly lowered. He said a few words of sorrow to the Ichijouji's then left like the rest. Only his mother, father and Ken were left now. They gazed sadly at large hole dug to store their dead son there for all eternity. Mrs. Ichijouji gave her now only son a small nod and slowly the boy walked towards the grave. He said something then threw in a rose. Yamato hadn't heard what he had said. Hell, the Ichijouji's didn't even know he was there. They didn't even know him. Mrs. Ichijouji took Ken by the hand and with her husband they led him away from this awful place.
Making sure they had finally left, Yamato emerged from the gravestone he had been hiding behind. Slowly he approached the open grave, his eyes filling with water. He wanted to scream so badly. His best friend in this whole world had left him. Other than Takeru, who he rarely saw, Osamu was the only person that made him feel special.
"I-I promised you that I wouldn't cry. But-but that was before I came here…" He wiped the tears away with his arms then tightly clenched his fists together. "I-I promise I wouldn't cry but... but… I have to go!"
He turned and ran away.
A cold breeze blew past lifting Yamato's golden locks of hairs. He opened his blue eyes and gave a small unsure smile. "I haven't come here since that day. It was too hard. I considered coming back just once, but a short while after I found out the Kaiser true identity. I couldn't bring myself to return here…" He stopped and neatly knelt down before his stone. "I'm sorry that I never came to see you. It just hurt too much, and even right now it hurts. But besides that I miss you. I-I miss you so much. You've been gone for almost eight years now, but I still I can't bring myself to think of you as dead. I wish you were still here with me. I miss you so much, and I know that your brother misses you too even if the part he shows the most won't come out and say it directly." He sighed softly. "Well wherever you are right now, I hope you're happy."
Suddenly he began to tense up, remembering the comment Ken had made about his brothers soul burning in hell, and the worms eating his putrid flesh. The image flashed across his mind and instantly he felt the need to throw up. Quickly he put his hand to his mouth, attempting to stop himself from doing so. No, that couldn't be happening. He didn't want to see Osamu that way. He wanted to remember Osamu alive with that enigmatic smile on his face.
"No wonder I fucking hate this place!" He let his arms fall to the ground and scrunched up his face doing whatever he could to prevent himself from crying.
"Osamu-san gomen nasai. Gomen nasai, there is no other way. But I suppose you all ready know that by now don't you? I'm going to tell them. I can't keep the truth hidden from them any longer. They deserve to know the truth. I'm one of the chosen, just like them and I have to let them know that they can count on me no matter what the circumstances…"
"I didn't really know him, but I know that Ken isn't Ken anymore. And I wish I could have done something to prevent all of that. I know that even though I'm one of the chosen children, I can't stop what was fated to be, just like I couldn't save you from dying… Still I can't help feeling guilty, like it was my entire fault. Maybe… maybe it was…"
"I remember watching him from behind that tomb stone. It was raining heavily. He was crying. I wanted to cry. It was like the sky had closed up with its dark clouds and it too was crying. I wanted to go over and hug him, reassure him that everything would be all right, and maybe reassure myself also. I regret not doing so now, after all like me he was alone in the world. Maybe if I had shown him kindness all of this could have been prevented. That maybe he wouldn't have turned to darkness…
"Sorry there ago I go again thinking I can change fate and destiny. Anyway your brother… I mean the 'Kaiser' sure has a thing for all that crap."
He let out another sigh. "I wish you were here to give me advice, but if were here maybe it wouldn't have happened. I have to leave now… Time to tell the others… Although I'm not sure if I'm ready just now." His expression suddenly changed and now he was smiling. "I bet you would have given me those encouraging words of yours like you always would when I was worried about something. Good bye, Osamu-san. I'll never stop thinking of you."
Slowly he stood up and gave a last glance at the grave. With that he walked away hoping that he never had to return here again.
I guess I'll have to imagine those words now, won't I?
*****************************************************************
Hours had passed since his dramatic reunion with his older brother Osamu, and still he lay curled up on the floor in a state of horrific shock. For the past three years he had consider himself God, master and creator of this world. He had evolved, evolved far beyond those other creatures he shared physical structures with. But Ken had left his world, he rose above them and gave live to a new reality to which he could control. Could any of those maggots back in the real world say that? The answer was undoubtedly no…
Of course this what he had believed. He had breathed and lived this knowledge for so long. But belief held no purpose in what reality really was. Only God had that power. A power the Digimon Kaiser had craved for, for so long. But he had no destiny. A wretched and soulless creature like him wishing to oppose the position of God? The thought was laughable, if not to Ken, agonising.
Being considered worthless… Yes that had to be his worst fear… But to be considered worthless by the one you loved the most… No words could describe what it felt like…
A couple of slaves stood at the door panicking to what was wrong with their beloved master. Ken could hear them whispering. It hurt… These creatures, data or not, had souls… The same creatures he had imprisoned and made his slaves were more significant than he. Those with dark rings attached to their bodies worshipped him. The Kaiser was their master, their God, their whole meaning being composed together to serve the lord of this world. This was fake of course, and for the first time Ken realised this. Those words of admiration, their will to do what ever he pleased them to, the fact that they would die for him were all fake reactions, inserted into to their feeble minds to bring the Kaiser pleasure. These thoughts were not real, and therefore never would be.
"What do you think is wrong with master?" cried a Gotsumon, his voice ringing with fake concern.
"Master has been like this for hour's now." replied a shaking Gazimon.
Slowly the Digimon began to creep towards him. "Master! Master! Do you hear us?"
No reply.
"I am extremely sorry to interrupt you but me and your other slaves are worried about you. As our master we find it our duty to make sure that you are all right."
Still no reply.
"Please tell us what is wrong so we may help you."
"But if the master knew we were being sympathetic towards him he would kill us all!"
"Shut up, our master is our main concern whether we will be punished for it or not!"
Suddenly a Bakemon appeared through a wall and floated towards the other Digimon.
Instantly the Gazimon turned to the Bakemon. "Well?! Did anyone find Wormmon yet?"
The creature shook its head. "I am afraid not. We've searched all over the base but he's nowhere to be found."
"Damnit, I'm sure if that little worm was around then the master would have woken up. If that bug had done anything to hurt master then I shall personally squash him myself!"
"Wor… Wormmon?" Ken whispered softly.
"Master!" Instantly all the Digmon gathered around him. "Master you're awake!"
"Wormmon…"
"Master are you all right?"
"Wormmon? Where is Wormmon?" asked Ken pulling himself up.
The group of Digimon looked at each other guiltily. "I am afraid we don't know sir. We've searched the whole base but can't seem to find him anywhere." said the Gotsumon.
Ken's eyes widened.
"Don't worry Sir, we'll track him down. A little bug like that couldn't have gotten far… I mean…"
Ken wasn't paying attention. His head ached painfully. He let out a loud wail and grasped on to his head as the pain shot through it. The Digimon began to panic once again.
Wormmon don't leave me!
After what you did to him he'd never want to come back to you.
You monster, you'll never be even half of what Osamu was!
You are pathetic...
You killed him! You killed your own brother!
You are nothing…
I hate you!
What do you fear?
I love you, Ken-chan…
Ken burst into tears once again. "Wormmon no… No, don't leave me like this!"
His slaves stared in shock, no idea what was happening to their master. "Si-Sir?"
Ken tightly grasped his chest, his face completely drained of colour. I-I see now. I-I think I understand… In order to become something I musr therefore kill them all. If I do so I won't me nothing. I-I won't feel any pain, just like before… I-I'll be free of pain. My pain will instead be their pain. I won't be the one suffering anymore…
"Master!" The Kaiser turned around in annoyance as the Digimon awoke him from his thoughts. "Master are you all right?"
Ken gave a small smirk and asked, "Are you all right," to the Digimon.
The Gekomon stared at his master, looking even more confused than usual. "I-I am all right sir. Thank you for concerning over me. I am just glad that master is okay."
Ken snorted. "And just who said anything about me being okay?"
The Digimon's confused look turned to terror. "I-I… Sorry master! I-I just assumed-"
"Assumptions will get you nowhere, never assume anything." For a moment Ken stopped talking. A strange twisted smile began to appear on his lips. "I am glad that you feel happy knowing that I am all right, but… How would you feel if I told you that both yours and everybody else's deaths were coming?"
The Digimon began to shake nervously making his master grow impatient.
"Well?! Are you going to answer me?"
"We-we didn't mean to offend you your greatness, we were just unsure of how to answer you and were worried. But-but with your power we-we knew you wouldn't be hurt or anything,"
"You believe I cannot be hurt?"
"Well uh…" The Kaiser's laughter cut the Digimon off short as they quickly tried to come up with a suitable answer for their master. "How sad that still you believe this. I am weak as you are. We are all weak. And because of this we must pay. But first I must fulfil my purpose… I must do what Osamu asked of me, destiny or not." Trying his best to hide his grief, he turned around to his Digimon slaves and smiled. "Unfortunately you won't be needed to complete this task, and so your time ends now."
The Digimon unknown to what he meant stood silently awaiting their master's next command. The Digimon Kaiser approached the control panels. "I hope you've enjoyed your pitiful lives while they've lasted, because now your no longer needed." The Kaiser quickly typed in the keys and instantly the Digimon started to scream. The dark rings around their necks were shocking them. Their eyes scarily looked as if they would pop out of their head, but finally they disintegrated just like Wormmon had.
"Sayonara…"
Ken face suddenly turned to that of sorrow. "Yamato, soon we shall meet again and it will be our last. I won't let you trick me this time. I definitely won't let you trick me, and from now on I'll be the one causing you pain. I'll destroy you first. I'll make you suffer but most of all I'll make you regret you were ever born, and just like the rest of the Chosen children this will be your end…"
********************************************************************
It had been a few hours since Yamato left the cemetery and it was only now he found himself drawing close to home. He had wandered aimlessly around the streets of Tamachi with no distinct purpose than to think. He felt guilty beyond belief, and it was eating him up inside. Soon he would have to tell the others. Soon he would have to force himself to do it. Part of him wanted to go over to Taichi's right now and tell him the whole thing just to get it over and done with. But as usual it was fear that held back.
God, I really should see a goddamn psychologist, but I doubt they'd believe me about the Digital world. Hell, they'd probably throw me in a mental institution. Then again if it helped me get away from all of this, maybe it wouldn't be bad…
Yamato knew he wasn't thinking rationally at the moment but of course one couldn't expect a person to think straight after all that had happened. I haven't been able to sleep properly in over a week. I feel so tired and weak. I just want to fall asleep and have this all go away. Even if I can't manage to get to sleep it would still be nice just to lie on my bed peacefully without any hassle from my thoughts. Yamato smiled at the thought. That would have been heaven for him. No worries, no cares, no guilt… Damn the Digital world.
As he turned the corner to his apartment building he suddenly stopped dead. Standing there was Taichi.
"Hey Yamato."
Yamato remained still, unsure of what to do or what to say. God, he really wasn't ready to go through with this.
"Yamato?"
He bit his lip. How was he going to get through this? How would he start off? How would Taichi react? Okay, dumb question, Yamato knew very well how Taichi would react, and this frightened him the most.
Slowly the brunette approached him. "Are you okay?"
"Taichi…" Yamato all but whispered.
"What is it?"
"I-I have to tell you something."
"I know."
The saliva caught in his throat. "O-Oh" There was a few minutes silence until finally Yamato realised he was the one who would have to speak. "Do-do you want to come inside?"
"No thanks. I think I'd rather talk about it out here."
Slowly Yamato nodded. Taichi must have known something about it. Maybe he was even planning to beat him up.
With a sigh Taichi let his body fall upon the stairs. He then gave the other boy a look which told him he should also sit down. Nervously Yamato did so.
"Um the thing I needed to talk to you about… Well it's to do with the reason I've been acting strangely lately. It's because-"
"I know Yamato."
"But-but how?"
"Daisuke told me. He said that you two talked yesterday and that you had something to tell me. I asked him to tell me what it was but he refused. I said I would go ask you myself but he grabbed on to my arm and told me I couldn't, not yet anyway. That's when I knew something must have been seriously wrong. I could see the worried look in Daisuke's eyes. He ended up bursting into tears, and I had to comfort him. After that he told me everything…"
Yamato's body became paralyzed with fear. Taichi knew. What would happen next? Why did Daisuke have to go tell him like that?
"Daisuke's sorry. I don't think he even realised he was telling me. When he found out he ended up telling me he had to go and ran out."
"Is-is he all right now?"
"I don't know. I haven't seen him since. I had to sit down for a bit until I knew I had to come and see you."
Yamato nodded. He didn't reply, despite knowing it was his cue to say something to the brunette. But what could he say, 'I'm sorry for betraying your friendship and keeping something this big from you?' A few moments had pasted and Taichi was becoming frustrated. "Well?"
"We-well what?" the blond stuttered.
"You fucking know what Yamato!" yelled Taichi, finally exploding. Yamato winced. He desperately wanted to cry out that he was sorry but he knew it would do no good.
Taichi now aware of how scared his friend looked stopped pressed his hands against the wall. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like a total asshole but I'm really pissed off right now."
"I know. And-and you have a right to be." The blond boy replied in a small voice. "I-I'm sorry…"
"Look right now, I just want the truth. I feel like I barely know you anymore. It's like how we started off in the Digital world. Everyone would try to stick together and get along, but you would be quiet and off to the side acting all mysterious and stuff. And…and I really don't want you to go back to being like that cause-cause we acted like we hated each other back then. And I don't want that!"
Yamato's eyes widened in shock, "Taichi you know I could never hate you! And-and I never really hated you back then either. I-I just didn't understand you that's all…"
"If that's truth then why didn't you tell me then? You said I was supposed to be your best friend after all!"
"Taichi…"
"I thought those days of keeping our feelings locked up were over with! I thought we could trust each other! I thought… I thought…."
"Taichi I never meant for you to find out like this." Yamato replied regretfully.
Taichi gave a soft snort. "You never meant for me to find out at all, or at least you wanted it to be that way."
Yamato's eyes fell to ground. It was true. He had wanted no one to know. "I thought things would be easier if you and the others didn't know."
"Easier? How the hell would it have been easier for us if we didn't know?! If we had known the Kaiser's true identity then maybe somehow we could have stopped him! But instead we've been fighting meaningless battles to which the Kaiser is growing stronger. We got lucky last time because the Kaiser retreated for some reason, but if he had fought on then I'm sure we'd all be dead right now."
Yamato bit his lip. Neither Taichi nor Daisuke knew that Yamato had actually confronted the Kaiser himself.
"When…" he stopped and sighed. "When I meant it would be easier, I meant it would be easier for me. You see Osamu was my best friend before the Digital world, but then he was taken from me. You can possibility know how sad I was. Years later when I had finally moved on, I saw a news report about the missing genius Ichijouji Ken. Instantly I knew it was Ken when I saw the picture. His and Osamu's appearances are really similar. So I watched with concern. I hadn't ever spoken to the boy, in fact the only time I had really saw him was at Osamu's funeral. And as I looked closely at Ken's picture, I became aware that it was actually the Digimon Kaiser staring back at me."
"My best friend's little brother was the one we had being trying to defeat all along. He was the person I was supposed to hate him. This person was supposed to be my worst enemy. I became really distressed after I found out. It took me days alone to figure out what to do. And to be honest after some consideration I was going to tell you and the others. But when we went to the Digital world that's were I realised that I couldn't to it. Every time I saw the Digimon Kaiser's face I saw Osamu. It frightened me. Ken resembled his brother so much, and he was making the person I cared about so much look evil. I was angry, and because of this I wanted to kill him so badly. But behind that dark exterior I could see Osamu's collected and sweet smile. It always reminded me of how much I missed him, and how much I wanted him to come back. I knew Osamu had cared for his younger brother. I couldn't just destroy a person Osamu cared about."
"Ken seemed such an innocent child last time I had seen him now he was a monster, but even so I couldn't bring myself to do it, even if I did come to help you and the others out. I guess I just wanted to make sure neither you nor the others got hurt. I suppose you never really needed me to be there but I thought it would be best to keep on going. I'm sorry Taichi. I never imagined everything would turn out this way, and if I could turn back time, I wish I had of told you all sooner."
Yamato's eyes were still fixated on the ground as he waited for a reply. Taichi remained still, trying to configure everything Yamato had just said together. Finally he took a deep and began to speak. "I'm disappointed, but I 'think' I understand even if I find this all of this hard to believe."
"Taichi…" The blonde boy slowly lifted his head.
"But why now?"
Yamato gazed at the brunette in confusion.
"I mean why did you decide that you'd tell us now?"
Yamato shovelled uncomfortably. He couldn't possibly tell Taichi about his encounter with the Kaiser could he? Apart of him wanted to, but Taichi had all ready suffered the exasperation of taking in all the information of Osamu and his own connection to the Kaiser's past.
No, he wasn't ready, or in other words he could bare to tell him anymore.
Realising that Taichi was still waiting for an answer, he began to speak. "Because of all the defeats we've suffered. You were right about last time, we almost did lose and there was a chance of one of us getting seriously hurt. I guess I just felt guilty."
Taichi gazed at the other boy with a somewhat dissatisfied look on his face but nodded.
"I guess knowing the Kaiser's identity now won't do us much good now, but I know we can't give up. We have to stop him. Either that or we'll die trying."
"That all depends if the others are willing to put their own lives on the line."
"Well they have before."
"Yeah but back then they knew they had a better chance of winning. I understand though, we can't give up." Yamato himself knew he sounded pessimistic about the whole thing, and it was true, he did. So far they had the support of three of the Chosen, including him. He was quite sure his brother would be willing to fight, Hikari too, or if she was unsure at first Takeru would no doubt come up with some speech to convince her to fight. In away it was the same Taichi did to convince the others. Hopefully Taichi could convince most of the others.
"Taichi the others…" Yamato began nervously. "When…. When will I tell-"
"I will."
"Huh?" Yamato blinked.
"You have enough on your mind besides worrying what the other chosen will think. I'll tell them."
Yamato nodded, feeling as if a huge weight had just been lifted off his shoulder, even though he still partly felt weighed down.
"Thank you."
"It's okay."
"Yamato."
"Yeah?"
"You know I'll always be there for you. You're my best friend and I don't like seeing you hurt, so I'd appreciate if you gave me a better idea of what's going on with you. You don't have to tell me every but-"
Yamato gave a small smile. "Don't worry. I promise I will."
Taichi returned the smile. It was the first time they had smiled in along while, and although it was good to find a reason to be happy, deep down both knew those smiles were both fake.
"We'll have to get ready to fight soon."
"I know. Sooner the better I guess." replied Yamato with a hint of apprehension.
Taichi nodded. "Well I guess I should get going. Have to figure out a plan that will come close to working this time."
"I'm sure you'll figure out something. I'm sure Daisuke would want to help."
"Yeah… Well bye." With that Taichi turned and walked away. As soon as the brunette's back was turn, Yamato frowned. Taichi was still mad at him. Would it be like this forever?
No, his main concern was stopping Ken right now. Nothing else mattered…
Slowly he turned around and entered his apartment.
Authors Notes: Thanks everyone for reading. I hope this chapter was all right. Sorry if things are moving slowly, but things will hopefully move faster soon, as well as Yamato's next meeting with the Kaiser. Thanks very much to Crystalstorm21, Debra and SailorEevee who reviewed the last chapter. Thanks Debra for the comment on Daisuke. *blushes* I always like to make him sweet and caring and unsure of himself, so he concerns over the others a lot. *glomps Daisuke-chan*
Reviews and any advice upon how I can improve would be greatly appreciated.
