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Work in Progress. If you like this story, check out my other stories on the Fanfiction Net, Twisting the Hellmouth, and Fonts of Wisdom websites. Other sites please ask before using.
by Marcus L. Rowland
IX
"So there are demons that grant wishes?" asked Jay.
"Sure," said Buffy. "The more extreme the better. Of course they're demons, so the wish always turns out badly. We know about one wish that ended up with Sunnydale ruled by vampires, Willow as Queen of the Damned, and me dead. That time we got lucky and the wish was reversed."
"Okay.. so how do you spot these things?"
"The ones we've met look like human women," said Willow, "in fact they usually start out as human witches who use magic for vengeance, then get recruited by D'Hoffryn, the demon that runs their... organisation, I guess you'd call it. He tried to recruit me once, when my magic kinda screwed things up for a lot of people."
"Is that why you've been trying to cut back on your use of magic?" asked Kay.
"No, that was a relatively minor disaster, mostly accidental. This time round was much worse." Tara gently squeezed her hand.
"The thing to remember," said Buffy, "is to never ever let a stranger con you into making a wish, no matter how harmless it seems. It's almost as stupid as inviting a stranger into your house at night."
"So what do you think happened to the Baltian?" asked Kay.
"Okay," said Willow, "what she said was 'treforkil snoe g'takli ediv human.'... which I originally translated as 'would that I really understood humans.' Now I guess that could be translated as 'I wish that I really understood humans', but I'm damned if I know how understanding us would make her disappear, or why a vengeance demon would take any interest in her."
"Is it just me," said Tara, "or does Baltian sound a lot like Klingon?"
"Klingon is a pidgin version of the local cluster dialect of Interstellar Trade Talk," said Kay, "which has a lot of Baltian word roots. One of the scriptwriters was from Betelgeuse, thought it'd be funny. That's one of the reasons why we were ready to investigate your supervillain friends, they could have been aliens using Trade Talk, not Klingon."
"Could the demon have made her into a human?" asked Dawn, ignoring the interruption.
"It's certainly a possibility," said Willow. "Thing is, vengeance demons are always malicious. Always. So it wouldn't just be a normal human, it'd be someone with a horribly painful disease, or a deaf, dumb, and blind cripple."
"Someone like that turning up out of nowhere is probably findable," said Kay. "Let's see..." he pressed a few keys on the computer, "this is when it happened. Date mean anything to you?"
"Wouldn't be out of nowhere. The way it works, there would always have been that person, and everyone would remember her. Let's see, when was that? Around the time you started working at the Palace, Buffy, what was going on then?"
"Usual slaying... oh, and we'd just found out that Warren and his gang were behind all the thefts and stopped them from using that invisibility ray."
"Okay," said Kay. "I'll try checking for women with disabilities moving into the area, that sort of thing."
"Or men, of course," said Willow.
"Eww..." said Dawn, "bad enough suddenly being human."
"Well, I doubt it'd be a man, I think vengeance demons are kinda squicky that way so most likely a woman, but you never know."
"Do the Baltians actually have demons of their own, or would it have been one of ours?" asked Buffy, "cos' I'm thinking three-inch-tall demons not much of a problem for me. Wasn't the last time anyway."
"Might not be so easy to stomp though, vengeance demons are pretty much invulnerable unless you smash their amulets. That's what happened to Anya, remember? Let's see... yes, they have a word for 'demon'. No equivalent of 'vampire' though, which I guess is why she used the human word in that recording from the dog."
"Is there any way we could find out what happened by magic?" asked Jay.
"Not really," said Tara. "And if there was, Willow's on the wagon and I'm not sure I'd want to try it."
"Could we just ask?" said Dawn.
"Ask who?" said Willow.
"Anya, of course. Hello, former vengeance demon, remember? Maybe she could ask her old boss, I think she said he's coming to her wedding."
"Yeah, that's right," said Buffy, "I think he's on the table with Xander's Uncle Rory and Spike and some half-demons. Actually, we'll have to do something about Spike, need to revise the seating plan again. Anya's gonna kill me."
"The one time I met D'Hoffryn," said Willow, "he didn't seem that bad for an evil demon. Of course he was trying to talk me into becoming a vengeance demon at the time, so he turned up the charm."
"Anya invited him, so she's gotta have a way to contact him. If he's anything like Anya he'll probably boast about the things his guys have done, especially if he thinks there's nothing that we can do to put them right. He might give us a clue."
"Let me get this straight," said Jay. "You're going to ask a retired evil vengeance demon to call up some sort of boss evil vengeance demon and ask him to explain what happened here?"
"Sounds like a plan to me," said Buffy.
"I don't know which is worse, this whole idea of this plan or the fact that I'm sorta thinking it makes sense."
"Hello," said Anya "this is the Magic Box, your one-stop shop for all your magical needs. How may I help you?"
"Hi Anya, this is April," said the caller.
"Oh! What do you want?"
"Your advice."
"What sort of advice?" asked Anya suspiciously, "and why are you asking me?".
"Willow and Tara have suggested that I explore the possibilities of free will, and suggested that it will make me more like a human. I am doing so, and have decided that I like being more human. Now I need an opinion that is not from Willow, Tara, Buffy, or Dawn."
"About what?"
"You have not always been human."
"Well, not always, no."
"Do you like being human?"
"Mostly, yes."
"What do you most like about being human?"
"Orgasms and money, I guess. Oh, and chocolate."
"Okey-dokey. Thank you. Have a nice day." April hung off; Anya briefly thought about calling back, but was distracted by the arrival of a customer.
Warren woke in a puddle of oil, tried to sit up, and hit his head. When it stopped spinning he looked around and eventually realised that he was underneath some sort of vehicle, and began to remember how he'd got there. It wasn't until he tried to crawl out that he realised his left arm must be broken.
"Got to get clear," he thought, and tried again, eventually finding a way to squirm out that was horribly painful rather than excruciating. He looked around, eventually found a car that still had its keys in the ignition, and burned rubber getting out of the car park while juggling the accelerator and brakes with one foot. He knew a crooked doctor who could help him; after that he wanted payback.
"You don't just call D'Hoffryn," said Anya, half an hour after April's call, "There are elaborate protocols, sacred rituals and sacrifices to be made."
"I guess that's right," said Willow, "but are you telling me that you never needed to get hold of the guy in a hurry?"
"Depends on the circumstances."
"Say you just wanted to invite him for coffee?" asked Dawn.
"What, without wanting him to do anything like, say, turn some cheating male into a cockroach, or give you some time off?"
"Sure, like that," said Buffy, "say you just wanted to talk about the job and ask D'Hoffryn's advice or something, or tell him about a particularly nifty bit of vengeance."
"Well, if you were a vengeance demon you'd just touch your amulet and send an invitation. Anyone else, you need one of his tokens."
"I used to have one of those, but I think I dumped it when I decided to go cold turkey."
"I'm not sure we should be messing with it even if you didn't," said Tara. "The boss of all vengeance demons isn't someone you really want to page on a whim."
"I'm glad you think so," said a voice from behind them. "Anyanka, if these people keep taking my name in vain I may have to think again about coming to your wedding."
"Okay," said Anya, "maybe not so difficult after all. Everyone, I'd like you to meet Lord D'Hoffryn." Everyone turned slowly to see a shortish demon, who didn't look particularly menacing.
"Anyanka, Miss Rosenberg," said D'Hoffryn, "a pleasure as always. Slayer, Miss McClay, Miss Summers, gentlemen, also a pleasure to meet you. Now would you mind telling me why you keep saying my name, it's a little annoying when I'm trying to work."
"We're trying to find my mother," said Willow, "we think she may have made a wish."
"And you thought I would help you undo it? How charmingly naive."
"We're not asking you to undo it; we're just... curious."
"I must admit to feeling some curiosity myself; I'm not aware that any of my demons have granted wishes for your family. Let me check... no, none have."
"What about former demons? Have any left you in the last few weeks?"
"Left me. Certainly not, Anyanka was the last to leave my employ. Gentlemen, if you use that device near me it will explode."
Jay sheepishly put his scanner away.
"This is really reaching," said Willow, "could someone have used the power of a wish to alter reality in some way without you knowing it. Could this be an alternate time line created by a wish?"
He laughed. "Do you really think that time is so simple?"
"Please?"
"The simple answer is that all time lines are created by wishes, by deeds, by sheer random chance. They split, they merge, they intertwine. I sense that there is a wish somewhere in your past, If anyone can remember the details it will be you."
"So much for Hawking," muttered Tara.
"And now I have business. Anyanka, I'll see you at your wedding. Miss Rosenberg, my token is in Miss Summers' jewel box, please use it if you wish to reconsider my offer. Or any of you other ladies, of course, if you feel the need for vengeance." He shimmered and disappeared.
"Well, he was in an excellent mood," said Anya enthusiastically, "someone must have wished for the earth to swallow them up. Last time that happened the earthquake was 6.3 on the Richter scale."
"Dawn," asked Buffy, "do you have this token thing?"
"What does it look like?" asked Dawn cagily.
"A flat disk about an inch and a half wide with a lot of inscriptions pierced with several holes," said Willow, "framing a green stone about half an inch wide. About the thickness of a dollar coin."
"Oh, yeah, think I found it in the yard."
"Dawn, what have we told you about picking up strange things that might be magical?" said Buffy, "After that business with the music demon I thought you'd know better."
"It was pretty. Not like I've tried to use it. Not like I summoned the demon either."
"Okay, let Tara have it. And get Tara or Anya to check out anything else you have there that might be magical, we don't want any accidents."
"Anyone going to buy anything while you're here?" asked Anya hopefully.
"So how do we restore my memory?" asked Willow, ignoring her, "cos I'm willing to bet that that was a big fat hint he just dropped. Either he's in a really good mood or I'm gonna end up knowing something I'd much rather had stayed forgotten. But I need to know."
"There are spells," Tara began uncertainly, "but they're all for short-term memory loss. Undoing memory charms, that sort of thing. We're talking about several weeks ago."
"Not necessarily," said Willow. "That might be what we think he was implying, but he didn't actually say that. There's only one hole in my memory we actually know about."
"When you were a baby?" asked Buffy.
"That's right. Any way to fix whatever it is that a neuralyzer does?"
Jay and Kay looked at each other, then Kay said, "There's a machine called a deneuralyzer, but it's painful as all hell. That far back, that early in someone's life, I just don't know how well it would work."
"Well, this is your chance to find out," said Willow, putting on her 'determined' face.
"We'll have to get a medical opinion on that," said Kay, "if the doctors say it's okay we'll have the equipment shipped out here."
"How long's all that going to take?"
"Oh, tomorrow morning if we get clearance."
While they were talking Tara motioned Dawn to one side and murmured "I think you'd better let me have that talisman tonight. And whatever else it is that's making you feel guilty."
"What do you mean?"
"Don't try to fool someone who can read your aura, Dawnie."
"Umm... okay, but I'll have to talk to you alone. And Buffy never knows."
"Deal."
Meanwhile Buffy was saying "I think we've all been pretty busy, how about we take the evening off, maybe meet up at the Bronze a little later. If Willow's gonna be doing this memory thing tomorrow she needs to relax first."
"We'll head back to your house, Willow," said Jay, "and see if we can find anything else of interest in the recordings. But I think Buffy's right, from what I've heard the deneuralyzer is pretty tough."
"It is," said Kay grimly. "have some fun tonight, it'll help."
Willow smiled a little timidly and said "Wow, nice to hear everyone being so positive about this. Let's get home, if we're going out tonight I want to be wearing some decent clothes."
"Anya, can you bring Xander along tonight?" asked Buffy, "There's something I wanted to mention, it'd be nice if you were both there."
"I guess so. Say, is it something about the robot, because I had a very odd call from her a little while ago..."
To Be Continued
