TITLE: The Goddess Must Be Crazy.. Who Are We Kidding? She Is

AUTHOR: Silence

DISCLAIMER: Joss, Fox, UPN and whoever own all things Buffy. J.K. Rowling own Harry Potter and what not. Lord of the Rings & the One Ring belong to J.R.R Tolkien and anyone that's not me. Copyrighted characters mentioned in passing don't belong to me either. Allison Warren, Lacey, Interlude person and Amalthea are all mine. Imp 13 belongs to Weirdbard. "He" belongs to himself. It's better that way.

SPOILERS: General warning for everything.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you haven't, it's a great idea to read "Confessions of a Mary Sue" before reading this, as this chapter deals with a LOT of that, and is filled with uber spoilage for it and "The Two Towers".

** = *thoughts*

Once Lacey has been introduced, some chapters will be first person in her view. (after this chapter there won't be any more split views unless it's an 'interlude' or what not. You know skipping from third to first person in one chapter..)

Look! Feedback!

Dusty Fedora: You get a hundred boxes of Cookies of DOOM and a clone of your choice. Why? Cause you reviewed first. (And there will be no mercy, as it was YOU who drove me over the edge and made me read the books! *whap*)

Xandman: Uber huggage! Aren't all my fics drug induced though?

Israfel: I hope it picks up too.. Lol. As for the chapters, well, hopefully they'll be longer now. When I tried meshing the first two, they just didn't 'feel' right together like that. I get picky.. lol

Feedback gets feedback. ^_^ Now I'll shut up and move on.

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Part 3: Trouble Always Comes In Threes

She was beautiful, with white blonde hair, green eyes with silver flecks, and a perfect curvaceous body. The realms of fandom were her playground.. For she was Amalthea. The most perfect evil of all.

She was a Mary Sue.

Recently, she had discovered a new realm to twist into her own image.. And there was no Lacey to stop her.

She raised her hand and gazed at the golden ring that was now housed there.

Her cold smile shined bright as she snapped her fingers, causing flames to rise from the cold marble floors. They flickered and danced as she began to laugh..

***********

INTERLUDE

I fidgeted in my seat as my boss eyed me.

"You realize this is all your fault. You got carried away."

"Yes, sir." I said with a small nod. "And I'm sorry, but I--"

He held up his hand. "No excuses. I know everything already. What you need to do is fix it!"

"I KNOW that. That's why I already--"

"Good good. Just in time too. My tv was fixed this morning."

"That's great news, sir." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Now I--"

"Two heroes against her.. That should be enough. Good job."

"Two heroes, two sidekicks, and a Mary Sue actually.." I muttered and sighed inwardly, knowing He had tuned me out. This was my fault and my problem, He was just reminding me that my job wasn't all fun and games.

Which was too bad, because fun with me went a long way..

END INTERLUDE

***********

While Amalthea plotted, in a very normal and ordinary world, much like our own, where things like that simply didn't happen, a young woman was flipping through a book.

Lacey was an ordinary girl living in said ordinary world. She was in her mid-twenties, worked at a Pizza Hut as a cook (slave rather), had a small circle of friends, and she liked to write. She had long black hair, brown eyes, and a nose that she hated. She wasn't overly pretty, she wasn't ugly, but she was average. Did she have a last name? Obviously. But that's not really an important factor today.

Of course she had done something so many others had done or wished to have done.. She had been a Mary Sue in a realm where the Lord of the Rings was quite real, and quite movie based. She had managed to not only put an end to two other Mary Sues' meddling ways, but had managed to survive Helm's Deep, apparently all to save Haldir from a death he should not have had.

Shortly after, she had stolen a kiss from the one and only Legolas and was thrown back into her world via a ring given to her by Galadriel.

All in all, it was a bitch of a journey, one she didn't care to repeat any time soon. After all, she lived through "The Fellowship of the Ring" and "The Two Towers" all without working plumbing, and that was true hell.

As Lacey munched on a piece of freshly popped popcorn, she closed her book with a sigh, just in time for the phone to ring. With her free hand, she reached over the couch and picked up the cordless phone. With a quick swallow to finish off the popcorn she answered it. "What?"

"Someone's doing their Miss Parker impersonation."

Lacey rolled her eyes. "Bite me, Rick. What do you want?"

"What are you doing?"

"Finishing up the newest Harry Potter book." She was greeted by silence and she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Oh knock it off. It's not like I'm going to start gushing about it."

"Today anyway."

"Shut up!"

"Maybe tomorrow." Her friend laughed. "Listen, the gang is going to the movies tonight to see '28 Days Later'. Want to come?"

She shook her head, forgetting that he couldn't see her. "No thanks. Saw it last night. Besides, the last thing I want to do is watch you hit on the girl in the ticket booth and get shot down again."

"…"

"Okay, that'd be great reason to go actually, but nah. I have to work tomorrow, duh." She growled good naturedly. "If I remember, someone named Rick asked me to cover his shift."

"I have a dentist appointment!" He said in his defense. "Besides, I told you I owed you big."

"Yes, you do. So why haven't you kidnapped Orlando Bloom for me yet?"

"Because Aims isn't done with him yet?"

Lacey laughed. "Excuses excuses. You're so full of it."

"So Nic keeps telling me. I better go. Have to meet the others. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Unless I'm a corpse hanging from a hook in a meat locker having my flesh peeled off by some guy named Bob who likes kinky sex and sheep, sure."

"Always so perky and upbeat aren't you."

"I try."

"So.. Is that sex with the sheep or not?"

Lacey hung up the phone with a snicker. Her friends were evil, but that's what she loved about them. They were special that way. Completely insane with minds that lived in the gutter. It was nice to have company there.

With a yawn, Lacey stretched, "Hoo.." She rose to her feet and winced as she felt a strange wave of heat surge through her. She fell to her knees with a gasp. The last time she'd felt pain like that was when she had been brought back home from Middle Earth.

Biting her lip in pain, Lacey brought her right hand up to gaze at her ring. The gift from Galadriel was a silver ring that looked like a small phoenix had wrapped itself around the finger. It's eyes were two small rubies that just happened to be glowing and getting brighter by the moment.

Lacey managed an, "Oh fuck."

And everything went white.

************ Lacey's Point of View*************

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself staring into a large pair of dark eyes, attached to a very large dog, bigger then me. I blinked at the beast, being sure not to make any sudden movements. What? You think I'm frigging stupid or something? My family has a history of taking in one too many dogs. Treat them nice and you're good. Get freaky on them and you might lose a limb.

In this case it was looking to be my head. I really didn't feel like losing it just yet, so just call me Miss Behaving Chick. I swallowed slowly and a loud voice echoed towards us.

"Fang! Here, boy!"

The giant dog barked in reply, causing me to wince. Ugh. I think my ears were bleeding. Thanks. Think I can sue a dog? Because fuck, that was loud. Much to my relief the dog ran off, but it continued to bark.

Great. Lassie the Wonder Mutant was going to lead someone to me. Just fucking peachy.

I scrambled to my knees, trying hard to ignore the slight wave of nausea I was feeling. With a groan I took a look at my surroundings.

Trees were everywhere.

"Trees?" I let out a moan. "Not more damn trees!! I hate my life. I hate it!" I slammed my hand into the ground with a frustrated moan. Yeah, I was acting like a brat, but for the past four months I'd been safe and cozy in my shabby apartment, with modern conveniences, and no trees. After my time spent on Middle Earth, I'd had my fill, and unless Legolas appeared soon, I wanted the hell out, and I wanted it now.

"Someone just kill me.." I grumbled as I picked twigs out of my hair.

"Migh' jus' happin if you don' tell me wha' you're doin' 'ere."

I looked up from my task.. and kept looking up. Standing above me, and I was straining my neck here, was a dark and burly fellow, at least twice as tall as I was. My jaw dropped in recognition. How could I not recognize him?

Rubeus Hagrid, the grounds keeper of Hogwarts.

Well at least I knew where I was. Harry Potter. Why the hell would I be in Harry Potter? Christ. I like the books, but hello, no one for me to ogle here. God I needed a boyfriend.

I remembered that Hagrid was eyeing me carefully, so I lifted a hand and waved slightly. "Um.. Hi." I gave a sheepish smile. "To be honest, I think I got here by a magic ring, but I'm actually leaning to a bad batch of acid."

"A magic ring, eh?" I nodded and he looked thoughtful, even as Fang started sniffing around me. "Well, I just be takin' ye to see Dumbledore then." He stared at me, as if daring me to say no.

"Peachy." I said and got to my feet. Much to my relief I was still wearing the clothes I'd been wearing at home. A black pleather skirt, a purple corset tank, and a pair of black, short tomb buckle boots. I glanced around and noticed my hat laying on the grass. I quickly snatched it off the ground. It was a black fedora, my newest and most used article of clothing as of late. What can I say? It's a fedora! You can't get much cooler.

Moving quickly, I caught up to Hagrid, who had gone on ahead. Thank god I've been keeping in a bit more shape lately. I shuddered at the memory of running around the plains of Rohan. I think if I was forced to run much further back then, I'd have keeled over from a heart attack.

Saddest part, I wouldn't have even made a good looking corpse.

As we worked our way out of the Forbidden Forest, I wound my hair up as best as possible and proceeded to shove it underneath my hat, all the while mumbling about how I hated sunlight.

I burn, okay? I'm the wannabe vampire with my hours. Pale me and sun do not mix. Which is funny because I'm really not supposed to be pale, what with my genetics and crap. But when you spend most of your free time locked away in your room most of your life, you get to defy the rule of genetics I think.

With a slight look at my ring, I shook my head.

The Powers That Be were playing with me again, and I didn't like it one bit. One day, I'm going to hunt them down and shoot them. A lot.