Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. I am merely borrowing the characters for the purpose of this fan fiction. Please do not sue.
Chapter 11: Freedom from reality
The fear, the anxiety clutched violently at his heart, a pain so terrible that he felt that he would die from it. His eyes darted in every direction praying to be freed from the darkness that surrounded him. Where in the worlds was he? He screamed out, but no one returned his cries unless you counted the numerous echoes. With his mind spinning he tried to remember what had happened. He had been captured by the Kaiser then he told him to leave. He had ran only to bump run into his slaves who then attacked him. Perhaps he had died from the attack.
"No I can't be dead! Not yet! I have to get to them! I can't be dead! I can't be dead! Please someone help me!"
"Still relying on others to save you? You really haven't changed…" A distant voice called. He looked up to see the leader of the chosen children standing there.
"Taichi!" he cried happily. "Thank God you're here!"
"All those times in the Digital world with you… What a load of crap… Acting all cool as if you didn't care, leaving it to the rest of to defeat all those monsters. Pretending like you couldn't careless about anybody else. How the hell can you be a loner if you have to rely on others every goddamned second?!"
"What-what are you saying Taichi. I mean we're friends, that's all-"
His brown eyes narrowed. "Friends? Is that what I am to you? Was that what I was to you when you tried to kill me? You're just afraid of being alone…"
"No I do care! I do care! I didn't mean what I did! I was just confused, that's all! While was separated from the group I thought about it over and over again! You can't understand how much I regret what I did and if I could I'd do anything to take it back!"
"Well you can't, can you? Not now, not ever. The more you continued to think about it, the more it hurt. That's why you came back to us, so you could make the pain go away. You knew that if we forgave you then your conscience would be cleared and you could carry on guilt free. Well I won't let that happen, because I'll never forgive you!"
"I-I've changed."
"Not for the better." stated another voice.
Yamato bolted around to see a similar looking boy standing there. "Dai-Daisuke?"
"After all Taichi-san did for you, you didn't even bother to tell him about that boy. All you did was get mad. All you did was hurt him."
"No I-"
"I'll never forgive you for doing that to him!"
"Either will I. All you care about is your self." came a female voice, the body of Sora standing on the other side of him. "All we wanted to do was help, but what do we get in return? Nothing but lies! I can't believe I was ever nice to you…"
"You're just a scared little boy that can't possibly go on without one little reason to do so." said Daisuke.
"All you do is cling to others so that they may give you a reason to live, so that you may escape you own self-loathing. You don't think anyone notices but it is quite obvious." added Taichi.
"Yes we can see right through you."
The rest of the chosen appeared forming a circle all around him.
"It sickens me to look at you."
"It's disgusting."
"You're ashamed of it. That's why you hide. Everybody does it."
"If everyone else does it then why are you saying these things!" cried Yamato on the verge of tears.
"Because you refuse to admit it. You hid, ashamed that you had to rely on other's so much."
"You pretend the feeling doesn't exist."
"You run from it."
"You think everyone else who had this feeling is pathetic."
"You frown at us because of that."
"You think you are better."
"No!"
"Yet you wished for it more than any of us."
"You sought reason in caring for you're younger brother. But once you're parents split up you were alone."
"Ichijouji came and you clung to him."
"You actually believed all the crap he told you about needing you and being the only person he was happy with." yelled Taichi.
"Of course you didn't care if it was true or not. Those words were enough for you. You found self-worth even if it was fake, even if it was concealed through a lie."
"It didn't matter if it was real or not, as long as you could convince yourself into believing."
Yamato violently clasped his hands over his ears unable to take anymore. "No you're wrong! It's not true! I do care for people! I care for Osamu! I care for Takeru! I care-"
"Liar. You just used me in one of your pathetic excuses. The fact that you always had to take care of me gave you a purpose." His brother stated bitterly. "That time six years ago when I told you that I no longer needed you, you were terrified. Your little plan failed and you blamed it all on your rival. You even went as so far as to kill him. Stupidly we all forgave you, even wanted to be friends with you. But all you do is push people away. It's quite amusing actually, considering you can't stand to be alone."
"Well we'll leave you by yourself now."
"Takeru-"
"It's too late for that now. You've got your wish."
"No don't leave me! Please!"
But they were all ready gone. Within seconds his knee's collapsed and he was left sobbing on the ground.
Yamato-chan… Yamato-chan…
He stopped and looked up, instantly recognising that voice. "Osamu-san? Osamu-san, is that you?!"
Through the darkness he could see a bright light in the image of a boy. He rose and started running towards it at once. "Osamu-san!" Yes it was him. Osamu-san. He could see that perfect smile of his clearly through the bright light.
"Osamu-san! Osamu-san, I'm coming!" But the closer he drew towards him the more the light began to fade. "Matte!" he screamed, terrified that he would be abandoned yet again. He leapt forwards trying to catch the last glow of light but it had all ready vanished. He felt a surging pain tear right through him, like knives had been pierced through him in every possible spot. He couldn't even scream, and slowly his consciousness faded. Surely he would be dead.
The next moment to his utter bewilderment, all pain had vanished. Light shone through his eyes lids. Slowly he opened them to find himself staring a beautiful blue sky complete with white fluffy clouds. What the hell? One moment he was in a horrifying and unbelievable amount of pain, now this. Heaven perhaps?
"Konnichiwa Yama-chan. I missed you." His eyes widened and slowly he turned to see the person sitting beside him.
"O-Osamu-san?"
***************************************************************
"Come on! Can't you move any faster! By the time we get there, he'll all ready be fucking dead!" screamed Taichi looking more heated than the others had ever seen him before.
"If he is alive then the Kaiser is probably torturing him right this moment…" added Sora, tears running from her eyes.
"What do you mean if he's alive?! Of course he's still alive!"
The red haired girl took a step back. The others frowned feeling guilty despite thinking that Yamato would probably all ready be dead.
Taichi turned and started to jog ahead. He really didn't give a damn what the others though about him right now. All that mattered was getting to Yamato. Agumon caught up with his partner, now completely out of breath. The battle earlier had worn both him and the other Digimon out. They were unable to evolve at the moment and so everyone had no choice but to walk to the Kaiser's base.
"Taichi don't you think we should wait for the others to catch up?" asked Agumon nervously.
"No I don't. If they want to walk as slow as humanly possible when our friend needs us then let them."
Agumon opened his mouth to say something but soon thought better of it.
If anything were to happen to Yamato, he would never forgive himself. The anger towards himself was growing and growing that he found he couldn't help taking it out on the others. Why couldn't Agumon have evolved sooner?!
"Taichi-san!" Daisuke ran ahead of the others with Veemon and Gabumon. If possible the younger chosen looked even more worried than him.
"It-it's all my fault." stated Taichi not looking the younger boy. "The Kaiser was probably spying on us from the moment we arrived in the Digital world. Yamato must have confronted the Kaiser earlier and told him that he knew so now he wants revenge on Yamato. I should have been more careful! I should have had Agumon evolve they moment we met up the Digimon! I'm such an idiot."
"The others say that going to the Kaiser's base is a bad idea, that it will be the trap, after all the Kaiser's army is their."
"Well I don't give a shit because my best friend is their and I need to help him! If they're so worried then why don't they just go the hell home?! I'll go after Yamato myself if I have too!"
"You won't be, because I'm going with you."
"Us too!" cried Gabumon and Veemon in unison.
"Yamato's my friend." said Daisuke smiling sadly.
"I'm Yamato's Digimon, it's my duty protect him no matter what."
They continued to walk. "Do-do you really think the Kaiser is torturing him?" Daisuke asked, the thought making him shudder.
Taichi sighed hopelessly. "More than likely..."
Gabumon let out a small whimper.
"Hey don't worry, Yamato's strong, he'll be able to hang on until we get there. He may be skinny but that blond can sure pack a punch. Believe me, I should know." The both gave a small fake laugh. No not even one of Taichi's stupid jokes could carry them through.
"I still can't help feeling this is my entire fault."
"It's not." Both Taichi and Daisuke turned around to find Yamato's younger brother Takeru standing there. "The only person to blame all of this is Yamato."
"What do you mean it's his fault?!" demanded Taichi angrily. "The Kaiser was the one who attacked him. He can't help it if some stupid bird swoops down and captures him!"
His blue eyes narrowed. "If Yamato had just told us about Osamu and Ken in the first place then all of this could have been prevented. Maybe there would be no war and the Digital world would be at peace. He chose to keep what he knew a secret and now he's paying for it."
"Yamato-san made a mistake but that doesn't mean he deserves to be tortured!" cried Daisuke.
"I realise that!" Takeru cried irritably. "I'm his brother it's not like going to abandon him when he needs help! I'm just saying that if he told us then perhaps the Digital world would be safe all ready."
"Well there's no sense moping. Just move on and forget about. No point in wishing we could change the past when we have the chance to change the future."
"Remember you've had more time to think this over than the rest of us. It's a little hard to deal with. All those Digimon suffered and lost their lives all because of one stupid secret"
Taichi sighed. "There's more to it than that, but I understand. A lot of people have suffered for this. Too many people… But that's why we have to keep on going so no one else will be killed."
"Especially Yamato… Let's go…"
Taichi nodded and they hurried forward. I'm coming Yamato. I'll be there soon. Just please hang on a little bit longer.
***************************************
As a fist collided with his face the body of Ichijouji Ken was sent hurled across the floor.
"How dare you disobey me, you ungrateful little shit! After all I've done for you!"
Ken stared fearfully had his brother. Somehow he had known that Yamato had been there as well as what they had both done together. Osamu's eyes were glaring furiously at him, immense anger from within. But of course Osamu wasn't going to conceal his temper, he had all ready gave his brother a brutal beating when he returned from were ever he had gone.
Ken lay on the ground, his tear stricken face covered with blood and bruises. Even a single movement caused vast pain to shoot through his body. "Osamu-sama, I'm sorry.I-I don't know why I did it… please…please forgive me…"
The older boy leapt for him and yanked him up by his collar. "You're sorry?! Didn't you hear me correctly when I clearly explained that you belonged to me?! You even said so yourself that you didn't have any feelings for him."
"Osamu I-"
"I leave you for a couple of hours to aid us in our plans and what do I come back to? You fucking the bloody enemy in the bed we did it just a few hours earlier!"
Ken winced. "Please I'm begging you! Forgive me!" he cried completely terrified.
"Forgive you?!" screamed the older boy, once again throwing his brother against the ground. "I was about to give you everything! Everything you'd ever dreamed of, everything you had ever wished for and more! I was helping you achieve the things you alone could never do."
"You see Ken, no matter what you do, wherever you go, you'll always need your dear Oniisama there with you. You can't do anything right without me. You're nothing without me! You really think that boy would ever help you? Honestly are you completely blind?! He was trying to trick you, to get you trust him, and when he gained this he would have had the other kill you. This is war brother and in war forgiveness does not exist. Only one side will walk away alive. And your naive ness almost caused us that victory." He turned his back on his brother. "I thought you were more than. I thought you were strong, but I see now that you're just like the rest of the scum that plagues the earth."
"No!" he whimpered weakly.
"Yes, and weaklings need to be punished. " Osamu smirked broadly seeing the petrified looks on his brother's face. "I suppose I'll just have to be stricter." He said in a sadistic tone as he took the Kaiser's own whip from one of the drawers. "You used to get pleasure out of punishing your slaves. Well now let's see how much I get out of punishing you little brother."
"Osamu…"
*****************************************************
"Yes it's I." replied the dark haired boy smiling.
Yamato stared in utter disbelief. "But… but you're dead." The boy nodded. "But then how are you-" He stopped. "Am-am I dead too?"
Osamu gave a small laugh. "No you're still alive."
"If I'm not dead then where in the world am?" he asked as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "What is this place?"
"We are in your mind." Osamu answered softly. "This place is within your mind, a part of you sub-conscious self."
"We're in my mind? But how can that be? Is this some sort of dream?"
"Yes and no. It's a bit difficult to explain. When you're asleep your mind produces mixed up images and thoughts and processes them into that of a dream. You aren't able to choose what you dream. But in this sub-conscious state you have chosen what you wanted to see, this world which you have created over the years deep inside yourself. This world that you control, this world were only you can enter."
"I don't understand… I've never seen this place before, how could I have created it? None of this makes sense…"
Smilingly Osamu turned away and gazed longingly at the sky. The mind works in mysterious way…" Yamato stared at the boy. Was this really Osamu? Although dead he seemed to have aged now bordering on the appearance of 19 to 20 year old. He looked even handsomer than he did seven years ago. Yamato faintly felt himself blush.
"It's beautiful isn't it?"
"Um…yeah…" Slowly he looked around. He was right it was a magnificent sight to behold. He had barely taken the time to notice it when he first woke up. Then again when you wake up to see your dead best friend sitting staring at you then that's obviously going to steal your attention away from anything else.
"You don't have to be afraid anymore. Neither will you have to worry or hurt ever again."
"You're saying here I'm free from all pain and all my problems?"
"To a certain extent yes, this world is your freedom from reality. Your mind has suffered so much that it couldn't take the strain much longer. I couldn't bare to watch you suffer anymore. That is why I brought you here. I'm just sorry I couldn't help you sooner."
Yamato gave a small smile. "Arigatou. You're right; I didn't think I'd be able to take the stress much longer. I-I thought I would go insane in the end. That-"
"Yes I know. I felt it. In this place I feel your emotions as if they were my own. You're heart made a wish to escape from it all and so I granted it."
"O-Osamu-san…" Tears began to fill his eyes. "I missed you so much!" he cried as he leapt on to the other boy. "I thought that I'd never see you again! I was so terrified when you… when you-"
"It's all right. Everything is okay now." The older boy replied soothingly as he wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde. "I have missed you as well. But now you no longer need to worry because from now on I'll always be with you. We can stay in this dream world, 'your' dream world forever."
His tears faded and finally he no longer felt sad. He couldn't believe this was happening. This really was his dream world, his perfect world. To be embraced by the person he had loved for the past nine years of his existence.
"To spend eternity here with you is more than I could have ever longed or wished for. This is my perfect happiness…"
It was awhile before either of them spoke, both reflecting on how happy they were to see each other. The knowledge of never having to leave Osamu ever again sent a warm sensation through his body.
"What's it like being dead?" Yamato asked curiously.
"Different."
"And?"
Osamu gave a small chuckle. "It's difficult to describe."
"That's strange, you used to be good at explaining thing." The blonde boy joked.
"I don't think any creature could describe what death feels like, no matter how intelligent they might have been when alive."
"Osamu-san…"
"Hai?"
"Are you happy?"
The boy smiled and gently ran his fingers through his companions beautiful golden locks. "Now that you are here, I am."
"I'm glad. I used to spend hours thinking of where you were. Whether you were feeling happy or sad, and just how much I wanted to be there with you. I tried not to cry so much when you…you passed away but it was difficult and… and-" Osamu suddenly placed a finger on his lips.
"Say no more. I'm sure when I first died, I was sad too."
Yamato stared in confusion. "Can't you remember?"
"No… I suppose it's similar to that when you're first born. You are unable to remember the events because you were too young."
"Osamu-san, if you are dead then how can you be here in my mind?"
"I have always been here. Since the very first day you met me. I am the reflection of what Osamu is to you."
Yamato face drastically fell. "So then you aren't really Osamu-san? You're just some illusion made by my messed up mind?"
"I disagree. I am real. You made me real and nothing can change that."
"Yes but in reality you aren't really Osamu. You're a fake, made to be what I wanted him to be, nothing but my memories of him and my very own thoughts. Of course you're not real…"
"Who's to say what reality is? The things we find to be real in our life could be nothing more than a misled perception. Besides things are simpler and less complex in your own mind to that of what's outside in the real world."
"I don't understand…"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse or worry you. This place is your sanctuary. Anything your heart desires can be granted."
"This place… it's amazing… Paradise…"
"But still I can feel you are troubled."
"I don't understand this. This place is more than I could ever have hoped for, yet some how it feels wrong, that I really shouldn't be here."
"Are you saying you want to leave?"
"What? Oh of course not! To stay here forever it's…"
Osamu smiled sadly. "Your heart cries out for another I see. Your friends… my brother…"
"I've caused so much trouble that-"
"That you feel it is your responsibility to protect." said Osamu, finishing off his sentence once again.
Yamato nodded. "The fate of the Digital world depends on my friends. I need to help them. I can't leave them when they need me the most."
"You'll never change will you Yama-chan?" stated Osamu flashing him a small smile.
"I-I promised that I would try to help him but I don't think he-"
"He is confused, that's
all. He is torn between two paths struggling to discover which one he should
follow. My brother is also being manipulated by what is most commonly referred
to as the darkness."
"That's right… I could never accept that an innocent little kid like him would
suddenly come through as an evil monster like that. He said something about
you, I mean the real Osamu being alive, that he was there with him."
"It is possible."
"Bastard! No wonder Ken has been acting so strangely. I've tried to help him but he won't believe me when ever I say I care. I mean what if I can't help him? What if that other part of him to strong?"
"If you aren't able to help Ken recover, then I believe no one can."
Yamato glanced guiltily at Osamu. If he was able to feel what he felt then he would no doubt know what had happen with Ken and him.
"Osamu-san, about what happened-"
"There's no need to explain your actions. You were lonely and I knew that my brother felt the same way. Both of you are the people I care about most. It would bring me great joy to see you two happy."
The blonde boy felt his face go slightly pink. "Osamu-san…"
"So please try your best to help him. Perhaps then he will realise that you only have his best interest at heart."
Yamato nodded. "I'll try."
"Arigatou Even when Ken was little he was always so stubborn when it came to listening to people."
"Just like another Ichijouji brother I know." Yamato replied jokingly.
"Hey!" Both boys laughed, but it quickly faded as Yamato was reminded just how sad he would be to leave this place, to leave his Osamu.
"Are you sad that I'm going?" he asked nervously.
"Of course, but it is your own choice. I really do wish for you to remain, yet I believe you are doing the right thing. So like you, just one of the many reasons why I love you. And I'm sure the real Osamu as you call it would have been proud."
"Do-Domo arigatou gozaimasu, for everything ."
Slowly Osamu bent over and wrapped his arms around the golden haired angel embracing him in a sweet kiss. Now Yamato was positive he was in heaven. The taste of the elder boy's lips seemed too good to be true, yet they tasted familiar. He gave a small whimper when his love broke apart.
"That is what you have desired for so long yet thought it as impossible. I hope it satisfies you until we meet again."
"Will I ever be able to return?"
A small frown settled upon Osamu's face. "I'm afraid not."
"But-but why?"
"Because once you deny this world it will no longer exist. It offers you two choices, to stay here and have everything you ever dreamed of come true or for you to return to the world were separate bodies and souls exist. When you deny your paradise it sees no reason to be and thus it vanishes."
"But if this world no longer exists, what will happen to you?" Yamato asked panic stricken.
"Don't worry. I'll live on in another part of your mind. I just won't be able to speak to you like this."
There were a few moments of silence in which Yamato's mind was screaming at him about how stupid he was to even consider leaving this place. Yet another part showed him his friends smiling faces, the seven year old Ken and the new smiling Ken which soon to be the result when this was all over. They were the ones who needed him right now, not Osamu.
I suppose you better go. No doubt they'll be waiting for you." suggested Osamu. Yamato quickly picked up on the hint of regret in his loves voice.
Regretfully he nodded.
Osamu quickly bent over placing a small kiss on his cheek. A white light appeared surrounding itself around Yamato. He could feel it pulling him, pulling him away from this place, pulling him away from his Osamu.
Slowly he opened his eyes and as he expected, the world of green grass and blue sky was gone. He looked around to find he was in some forest. Panic struck him when he realised he was naked. He was wasn't sure what was worst, letting his friends get killed or having them see him trying to rescue them butt naked. But the fear quickly vanished when he realised that his clothes beside him. He blinked curiously, realising that Ken must have left them here with him. He found this slightly odd at first but he supposed that if this evil thing was using Osamu's form to manipulate him then he would have to hide the evidence that Yamato had ever been there. Then again maybe this fake Osamu all ready knew.
Ken hadn't killed him. Maybe he did care about Yamato after all. Maybe he really didn't want to hurt him. Wearily he got up, grasping on to a tree for the support to stand. He had to stop Ken before he did anything he might regret. "Don't worry. I'm coming…"
Authors Notes: Another weird chapter and product of my messed up mind… I believe that the forces of light and dark have a more powerful influence in the Digital world than the real world and that the mind plays a vital role in how things will turn out. Examples from the series being Taichi forcing Agumon to evolve and Agumon becoming evil because of Taichi's arrogance and selfishness, Yamato feeling angry and unwanted, evil forces manipulating him making him think that the only way out is to kill Taichi. In the fic the thoughts of Yamato's mind were so powerful that the light interfered providing him with his hearts desire. Um, sorry not very good at explaining things. Hopefully next chapter will give a better understand standing. Either that or it will just confuse you more. o_o; Hope Yamato finding his clothes wasn't too convenient but I thought it might be a bit embarrassing for him to go off rescuing the others naked. Of course the fangirl in me definitely wouldn't have minded. ^_^;
Thank you to Hitomi No Ryu, Crystalstorm21, vanishinggact, SailorEevee, Yersi Fanel, Dreamer and Debra for reviewing the last chapter. Your reviews are appreciated very much. Thanks for the warning SailorEevee, I hate it when a fic gets deleted off the site just cause it has content that others might disagree with. A lot of my favourite authors stopped posting here because of the removal of NC-17 fics and lot of their stories which they put hard work into got deleted cause of the stupid rule. It's not the authors fault if some stupid immature kid clicks on their fic and finds it disturbing. Most peoples stories had clear warnings which the narrow-minded people refused to listen to and end up going reporting it. I'm quite disappointed with the way the site is going. *sigh* So much for unleash your imagination and free your soul… Ah, sorry for ranting, the issue just pisses me off.
Anyway thanks lots for reading. Feedback and any advice on how I could improve my writings would be greatly appreciated. Domo arigatou!
