TITLE: The Goddess Must Be Crazy.. Who Are We Kidding? She Is.

AUTHOR: Silence

DISCLAIMER: Joss, Fox, UPN and whoever own all things Buffy. J.K. Rowling own Harry Potter and what not. Lord of the Rings & the One Ring belong to J.R.R Tolkien and anyone that's not me. Copyrighted characters mentioned in passing don't belong to me either. Allison Warren, Lacey, Interlude person and Amalthea are all mine. Imp 13 belongs to Weirdbard. Professor Skyler Mythe belongs to Mythe. "He" belongs to himself. It's better that way.

SPOILERS: General warning for everything.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you haven't, it might be a great idea to read "Confessions of a Mary Sue" before reading this.

As for Mythe uh.. You may blame her for her presence in this fic. Let's see YOU say no to an older sister who can kick your ass.

** = *thoughts*

FEEDBACK!

BookCrazy77: Hee. After becoming an addict to Potter *insert accusing glare at Dusty Fedora* and reading one too many Buffy/Harry Potter crossovers, I had an urge to try. Only it's going down a completely different road then I'd planned. Hee. I hope you enjoy it!

Dusty Fedora: I thought you'd appreciate the headgear. ;p I have no idea where anything is here. Although if Mythe had her way I'd have this done NOW. Slave driver.. Heheh.. But anyhow.. Chaos.. It's what I live for.

Holly: Hee, thank you! *Hugs!*

Thanks again for the comments! *UBER HUGS AND SUGAR!!!* I adore you all who read and give feedback! (Heck, I adore you even if you don't!) And now.. On to a nice chapter involving dear ole Lacey.

~Silence, who is still giggly cause she watched The Lizzie McGuire Movie~

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Part 5: Lacey Meets The Anti-Continuity Hell Beast

I drummed my fingers on the armrest of the chair that Dumbledore had offered me. See, I was waiting. Hagrid had taken me to see Dumbledore all right, only now I had to wait for this DADA teacher and Harry Potter.

Goody. I get to be the focus of attention. Again. God, what the hell was I doing here? Was I here to ruin continuity? Was I in some freakish fan fic where I turn out to be the long lost mother of young Harry Potter, only I've been reincarnated? Was I a long lost daughter of Voldemort or Severus Snape? (Which would be really gross since I'm one of those Snape lovers.. What? Alan Rickman is-- never mind. Shutting up.) Did I eat dinner?

Finally a woman joined us in the office. I frowned. She looked cool. Dark hair.. And a complete rip off of Sephiroth's outfit from Final Fantasy 7. I groaned inwardly. Oh god. She was a Mary Sue wasn't she. Another perfect one like Mary and Sue.

"This is our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor." Dumbledore said, his voice kind. "Skyler Mythe."

I tried to refrain from throwing up. Skyler? Who was she kidding? Mythe? I'm in hell once again and without an elf or a ranger to save my sanity. God those blue eyes would be nice right about now..

"Mythe will be fine." She said, her voice cold, American, and yet I swear I thought I heard a touch of curiosity there. Mythe began to stare at me as if I were a specimen in a jar just waiting to be pulled out and dissected.

I resisted the urge to pull my hat over my face, if only because I didn't want my hair falling all over the place.

And shut up. I know that rhymed. Bite me.

"Harry, good." Dumbledore's voice snapped me back to reality. "Hagrid has brought something to our attention."

I turned my head, expecting to see one of the many young faces of Harry Potter. But no. That would be too kind. What I saw was a guy who wasn't much younger then me. With a winged.. Thing next to him. He had the always present messy hair and glasses. The guy, not the creature.

Now I was annoyed. I couldn't be in one of the books then. Not if that's Potter. Of course if the creature was Potter, I was DEFINITLY in the wrong book. That meant I was completely out of continuity, which meant I had nothing to work with or to possibly keep myself breathing for whatever reason I was here.

Have I mentioned I HATE my life?

"Will you stop staring at me for god's sake?" I snapped at them. "You'd think you had never seen a Mary Sue before."

Mythe arched an eyebrow but said nothing and instead glanced at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Mary Sue-"

"Ugh. DON'T call me that." I growled.

Harry looked confused. "But you just said--"

"I said I was A 'Mary Sue' not that my name is Mary Sue." I tapped my foot impatiently. "Look, my name's Lacey and I'm a Mary Sue. Mary Sues are like these 'original characters' put in stories for a writers amusement. Usually some one elses' stories. It's a term called-"

"Fan fiction." Mythe finished. She answered my unasked question. "My sister enjoys it."

I shrugged. "Anyway, Mary Sues are typically used to fulfill some desire of the author/creator type. Usually to fix something they didn't like, like a canon character death or the most over used plot, getting the main character to fall in love with them."

Harry looked a little worried. Ah yes, he knew the drill. Trouble liked to cling to him, and a Mary Sue sounded like trouble. He had some common sense if he was worried. Good.

The creature floating next to him snickered. "So you're here to get Harry?" He flew over next to me and gave me a once over. "Not that you look bad or anything, but I've seen better. I know this cat woman who--Gyah!"

I pushed him away from me with a snarl. "Shut up! God! I'm not here to 'get' Harry! I don't know WHY I'm here. All I know is I was sitting on my couch reading a damn Harry Potter book, which I don't think I'm ever going to touch again now, and then wham! My stupid god damn ring brought me here!" I finished my brief tirade in time to see the little red creature getting dangerously close to my personal space again. "Will you get away from me? What the fuck are you anyway?"

"I'm an imp." He said as if it were obvious. "Imp 13. And I was just wondering where you got your top. I like the corset design on it. It looks the one I have at home. Did you get a good deal on it?"

There was a soft coughing sound, and we all looked over to Dumbledore. "I believe we have a purpose for this meeting, do we not?"

Mythe muttered the phrase, "Accio." and Imp 13 flew into her grasp, She clutched the back of his toga tightly. "Be silent."

13 opened his mouth to speak and nothing came out.

So Scary Sue has some uses.

"Your claims seem to tell of experience." Dumbledore said to me. "Why is that?"

"Long story short, this happened to me before, only before I got my ring. I found out I was there to be a Convenient Plot Device to help two Perfect Mary Sues achieve their goals. Only I didn't do it. I stopped them and only managed to screw up one thing in continuity, but it's something I didn't mean to do, it just kind of happened." Ah.. So I left the hard core details out.. But they weren't important. Not really.

"What's the difference between a 'Perfect Mary Sue' and, well, you?" Harry asked.

"A perfect Mary Sue is just that. Perfect." Mythe explained, much to my surprise. "She tends to be beautiful, powerful, has the love of all the characters, while still having this one tiny flaw to supposedly make her 'human'. A normal Mary Sue tends to have those qualities as well, but on a less grandeur level."

Okay, Mythe was officially weirding me out. If she was a typical Sue, she wouldn't be like that. At least I didn't think she would be.

Mythe whispered something to Dumbledore who nodded. He turned to Harry. "Mr. Potter, if you would be so kind as to take Lacey to get something to eat? Professor Mythe has something to discuss with Hagrid and myself."

Harry blinked at him and nodded. "Of course, sir." He cast a suspicious glance at me.

I sighed. Maybe I didn't go about explaining things in a good way. I stood up and followed Harry to the entrance of the office. I looked back at 13 who was looking peeved at how he was being handled.

Ah, yes, I did what any mature woman of my age would do. I stuck my tongue out at him. His eyes widened and he made a VERY rude gesture at me which caused Mythe to tighten her grip.

As Harry and I were about to walk past the portraits of the headmasters and headmistress of Hogwarts, my eye caught one in particular. I stood there staring at it for a moment until I felt a hand on my arm.

"What are you looking at?" Harry asked me.

I pointed to the portrait. "That's Gandalf. Wow. He really WAS a headmaster of the school here. That's just.. Neat." I reminisced as Harry led me back down the hidden staircase and to the hallway. Of course as soon as the gargoyle was back in place, I squashed all my memories of the Fellowship real fast. That road always led to what I'd done.. What I'd caused.. And of course that damn elf that no one could compete with.

God I hated me.

*****************

So here I was, sitting in Harry's room and eating from his stash of goodies from Honeydukes.

Yeah, that's right. I work fast. I got him to take me to his room. The sucker. Now to jump him.

Oh please, as if I would. Still mooning over the elf, remember? Yeah. Try to distinguish the sarcasm people.

It didn't take much actually, I just told him I didn't want to be any trouble and that I didn't want anything major. So he was nice and offered me, of all things, sugar.

God bless this wizard.

Sure, it's not Pixi Stix, but hey, I'll deal.

I was sitting on my knees in an arm chair nestled in the corner of the room, trying hard to ignore the fact that Harry, from his sitting position on his bed, was watching me like a hawk.

I swallowed the last bit of fudge I'd been working on and sighed. "Look, I'm not going to try and grope you if that makes you feel better."

"It doesn't, but thank you." Harry said dryly. "So.. you were reading about me?" I nodded and his curiosity took it from there. "Exactly what were you reading about?"

"Book number five. It's the newest out of the seven." I smirked. "See that's why I'm not about to glom you or some freaky thing. It's too.. Pedophile like."

He flashed me a 'look'. "I turn twenty-one next month."

"It makes no difference." I said. "Once an image is in one's head, or at least mine, it won't be shaken. But hey, if you insist, I could always pounce you now. I'll do it for all the Potter stalkers in the cosmos." I retaliated that look of his with my most devious smile. It's the one I tended to use when threatening my friends. They tell me I'm scary when I do that. Keen.

Harry shook his head and waved his hands in front of him. "No thank you. I think we can both do without that."

I snapped my fingers. "Aww nuts. And here I was hoping to make it some kind of holy mission. I can see it now; temples dedicated in your honor where fangirls, and fanboys, all flocking to them to worship, grovel, and grope." I rolled my eyes. "Then again they already have those on the internet.."

We sat there in an uncomfortable silence, and I wished that I had a familiar face with me. Of course no magical friend appeared, so I was stuck with the strange adult known as Harry Potter.

Yeah, the Powers That Be are definitely DEAD.

*****************

A hand clamped tightly on my throat.. His teeth were glinting in the firelight as he sneered at me.

"Not so tough now, are you."

A whimper escaped, causing his grip to tighten, his mouth moved..

Screams bounced off the walls as a body hit the wall..

It slid to the floor..

Dead eyes stared up at me even as pain tore at my throat.

Figures.. Laughing behind flames..

"Time to play."

I gasped for air as my eyes greeted the world again. "Oh god." I found myself staring at Harry who was watching me from his bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Dream." I muttered. "Just a dream." The heat I could feel through me told me otherwise. I frowned. "Something bad is coming."

That's when I noticed that Harry didn't look too good. His hair was messier then usual and he looked extremely pale. His eyes met mine. "You're a seer."

"No. I'm not. It's just.." My frown faded with a sigh as I stood up. I wasn't a seer. I wasn't anything. I'm nothing, damn it. When will people accept that? I pushed a stray hair away from my eyes and my ring caught my attention. The eyes were going dark. "The ring. It did it."

"We need to see Dumbledore." Harry said. He led me out of his room. "What did you see?"

"People. Death." I sighed. "You know, fun stuff. You?"

"What are you talking about?" He asked, trying to look innocent.

I snorted. "Puh-lease. Don't try that that innocent look. I've seen it from the best. Hobbits, kid's I used to baby-sit for, hell I perfected it. Besides, the only other reason you'd look like that is if you were.." I blanched. "Ew. Not going there."

Horror crossed his face. "Don't be ridiculous!" His look was so funny I snickered. "I think it best if I waited until we spoke to Professor Dumbledore."

And that was that. But when we reached Dumbledore's office, we found only two people there.

Rather, a person and an imp.

Mythe was standing at Dumbledore's desk speaking in low tones with the imp, who was waving his arms franticly as he shook his head.

"Where's Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Gone." Mythe replied. She eyed us both. "We left the two of them a half hour ago. When I returned, they were gone." She waved her hand at the paintings, which I now realized were all frozen as if they were.. Well.. Normal. "They were like this, and this place was impeccable."

She held something up. "All we found.. Was this."

My jaw dropped. I recognized it.

It was a dagger.

Harry looked at the dagger then at me. Realization appeared in his eyes. "You recognize it."

Of course I recognized it. I still saw it in my nightmares. Didn't know about that, did you?

I reached out and snatched the dagger from Mythe's hand. She didn't look surprised.

The blade was covered in blood that was months old. Surprisingly, it wasn't just flashy looking with a jeweled hilt, but entirely functional. My mind whirled. "No.."

I let her body slump to the ground and I backed away, her blood soaking through my gloves.

With a cry, I let the dagger fall to the floor with a clatter, breaking the silence of the room. I stepped away from them all, even as the familiar voices echoed in my head.

"If they won't kill you, I will."

"No one will miss you."

"You'll get yours."

"You're just like Mary said. Useless. You should have let them kill you when you had the chance."

"You killed a girl. You killed her and enjoyed it."

I clutched the sides of my head, knocking my fedora off. "NO I DIDN'T!!!" I shouted. As my hair fell down around my face. God I probably looked like Samara from 'The Ring'.

"Whoa. She's crazy!" 13 exclaimed. "Where's my camera?"

"Shut up, imp." Mythe snapped.

I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders, shaking me lightly. "What's wrong?"

I bit my lip and shook my head, refusing to look up. Harry tried again, but I shoved him away and fell to my knees with a whimper.

"Why won't they just leave me alone.."

Mythe's voice was what got me to look up. "Who?" It was amazingly uncold and it made me think she could fix things with that wand of hers. "Why won't who leave you alone?"

I lowered my hands and picked the dagger back up. "This was hers. I killed her you know. The blood.. It soaked my gloves.. And her eyes.. She just stared at me as I let her fall. Her smile.."

"Who are you talking about?" Harry asked softly, kneeling to look at me.

"Sue." I murmured. I touched the blade of the dagger lightly and an intense pain smacked me upside the head and called me it's bitch. It sent me reeling and flying backwards. I hit the wall with a yelp.

"It's Amalthea now." Her eyes were glowing a solid sliver and burning holes into my soul and her red painted mouth was curved into a dangerous smile. "Did you miss me, Lacey?" Her tone was sweet, with the poison of a viper behind each word. "Because.. I missed you."

I let out a scream as pain tore through me. There were shouts.. And as everything went dark.. One voice stood out.

"I knew she'd be a screamer. It's a corset thing."

If I lived.. I was going to throttle that imp.