A BtVs / Men in Black crossover. Minor spoilers up to season 6 of Buffy, AU from then on. MiB set after the two films (don't know the animated series well enough to use it as a source) and suggested by the name of a character in the first film.

All characters belong to their respective creators / film companies / etc. and are used without permission. This story may only be distributed on a non-profit-making basis.

Work in Progress. If you like this story, check out my other stories on the Fanfiction Net, Twisting the Hellmouth, and Fonts of Wisdom websites. Other sites please ask before using.


Family Issues

by Marcus L. Rowland

XIV

"Willow," Tara said hesitantly, as Buffy and the MIB agents worked on unblocking the exit to the deneuralyzer room. "All those extra memories, are you sure you're okay?"

"I think so. I'm still me, all of the old memories are... well, I guess, old memories, kinda an overlay over the things I already know. It was the sudden rush of them that shook me just now, all of those versions of you... us."

"But what about your mother? That must be really strange."

"I think I can handle it. It's so... I guess the word is remote. It's like a small part of me was this really weird little alien student. She just wasn't good at relationships, even with her own kind. I know who she was, I guess, who her family are, looks like I have a couple of cousins on Baltia but nobody particularly close, but what she was isn't me. I've got the memories, I suppose that technically I am her in some ways, but it just doesn't feel real. It's all filtered and interpreted by my human brain and memories and perceptions, whatever I did to make her... make me human changed things pretty radically. Some of her is in me, I guess, I think the computer and science geek side of me, but the human memories are much stronger. I have this weird idea that she envied me, envied us, because we'd found each other, found love, but that's about it."

"You don't want to go back?"

"Wouldn't if I could. Basically, I've gone from being a twenty-one year old gay Wicca with too much magic and a college fund that's barely in the black to a two-hundred or so year old alien with too much magic and an unreasonable amount of Baltian money, if my memories are accurate. Still gay though."

"Oh well," said Tara, hugging her, "nobody's perfect." After a couple of minutes she asked "What about the human side of it?"

"Lots of memories. But they're mostly the same except for the last couple of months, and some things to come, so it isn't so much to take on board."

"You can remember the future? Goddess, that sounds weird."

"It isn't one future, there are different versions, all of them feel pretty blurry, and I don't know which we're gonna get. Probably none of them, things have already changed pretty radically. The whole Spike thing, and the new improved April, and Warren on the run, none of that's in my memories. I just don't know, we can try to take precautions against the things I remember but I think we'll just have to play things as they come."

"That makes sense. Now you have to make me a promise."

"What?"

"No more vengeance. Even if Warren does somehow hurt me, promise me that you won't do this to yourself again. You've put yourself through.. I guess hundreds of years of suffering, and I love you for it but it has to stop."

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat if anything happened to you."

Tara hugged her again. "Baby, people die. It's the normal human condition. You could protect me from Warren forever but I could still walk under a car tomorrow, or have a safe dropped on my head accidentally. I'm glad you did it, I guess, and I love you for it, but it stops here."

"But..."

"But nothing. I've seen your resolve face, this is mine. It stops here, whatever happens."

"What about Warren?"

"I guess we take a lot of care, he's more dangerous than we thought. But if he does somehow hurt one of us, you have to promise me that you won't try to change things again, not like this."

"Okay...

"Promise."

"I promise."

There was a quiet cough, and everyone looked around. D'Hoffryn was standing next to one of the broken machines. "So that's what happened," he said.

"'Fraid so," said Willow, "looks like I dropped out of being a vengeance demon, and I just promised not to go back."

"Yes... very few leave my service voluntarily. Usually I find ways to.. punish them for their disloyalty."

"Punish?" said Buffy, walking back with a length of heavy steel pipe in her hands, just the right size for hitting uncooperative demons.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not planning to hurt any of you or your friends, Anyanka would never forgive me. Technically speaking Willow never actually worked for me, at least not in this universe as it currently exists."

"I feel a big 'but' coming on," said Willow.

"I've decided to withdraw my offer of employment. You obviously aren't Vengeance Demon material. Even if you changed your mind again I'd always be looking for ulterior motives in your vengeance, and there are enough demons waiting to stab me in the back as it is. I'd be grateful for the return of my talisman, I believe Miss McClay has it."

"Sure," said Tara. "But can I ask a small favour?"

"I'm not really in the favour business, but you may ask."

"It's a little private. Can I whisper? Sorry guys, talk amongst yourselves."

Tara walked to the other side of the room with D'Hoffryn, and quietly said "I've got your talisman, and some other stuff that belongs to other people. Can you get it back to the true owners, without them knowing who had the stuff or causing trouble for anyone?"

"It goes against the grain but... very well. For someone who can inspire such an act of vengeance..."

"And you promise you won't hurt Willow for this?"

"Absolutely."

Tara pulled out a knotted silk scarf containing Dawn's stolen hoard. "Hmm," said D'Hoffryn, "returning these items will cause some amusing confusion, even if the owners don't know where they have come from. Very well." The scarf flattened, like a balloon losing its air.

"Thanks," said Tara. On an impulse she kissed him on the cheek, and thought that he blushed slightly. "See you at the wedding?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He vanished.

"Okay," said Tara, walking back to Willow. "He's taken the talisman, and I think he's cool about the whole taking advantage of vengeance demon powers thing."

"And..?" asked Willow. "What was the whispering about?"

"Well..." Tara thought furiously, then said "I asked him to get rid of some.. uh.. other things while he was taking the talisman. Stuff I still had around that I want to be rid of if we're.. um.. back together, but couldn't just dump in the trash."

"Stuff you don't trust me with? You're probably right, I still have a way to go."

"Ummm... Anyway, he was cool on that, but I got some odd vibes. It may be nothing, but I got a sort of feeling that he's kinda looking forward to Anya's wedding. Really looking forward, like he thinks something interesting's gonna happen."

"Yeah, I have a feeling about the wedding too, I guess I went to it in one or another of my lives. Not good. I'll try to remember more."

"Definitely," said Buffy, "we'd better be ready for problems."

"Okay," Kay said a few minutes later, "that's the door open. Now we need to sit down somewhere and discuss Willow's legal problems."

"Legal problems?" asked Willow.

"We've established that you're your mother, which means that you're an illegal alien. We need to discuss arrangements for your return to your world of origin."

"I think we need mochas," Willow said faintly. "Lots and lots of mochas."

* * * * *

"How the hell does an underground complex catering for aliens come to have a Starbucks?" Buffy asked.

"This was their first franchise on Earth," said Jay, "they keep it open for sentimental reasons. Wish they'd put one into our New York base, all we have is a couple of Mister Coffee machines in the rec room."

"Are you saying that Starbucks is owned by aliens?" asked Tara.

"Starbucks, Doublemeat Palace, quite a few other franchises. What they sell varies according to the world, of course, but not as much as you might think."

"I think you've just explained a lot about my job," said Buffy, "not to mention why there's nothing resembling meat in a doublemeat medley."

"Now about being an illegal alien," Willow began. "I don't think that can be right, if what I think I remember about the Treaty of Tycho still holds."

"Why would that be?" asked Kay.

"First, I'm human. I may have some Baltian memories, but I have a human body and mostly human memories. I don't remember much about the spells I used as a vengeance demon, but I'm pretty sure they didn't create me, they took the baby that was always due to become me and slammed her back into me. Don't even know when it happened, maybe in the womb, maybe when I was a few weeks old. I'd guess around the time I was fostered by Sheila and... well, by Sheila. It isn't her name, but it'll do. The point is, I was conceived and born of human stock on Earth."

"There are plenty of aliens that can turn themselves into copies of humans," argued Kay. "that's not necessarily enough to prove you've a right to Terran residency."

"Doesn't your machine show her as human?" asked Tara.

"Sure, but it isn't always reliable. The power levels she shows certainly aren't normal for a human."

"How do I rate on that scale?"

"Okay, you got me there, not exactly normal. But the point still stands."

"Let's try another," said Willow. "You actually have no evidence that I'm a Baltian apart from my word. I could be lying. Maybe my mom coached me and I'm covering for her."

"We have the deneuralyzer records," said Kay, "They'd show the Baltian neural signature."

"Actually we don't," said Jay, "I think that machine kinda melted."

"Damn. Well, we could scan her again."

"Violates my civil right against self-incrimination if you use human law," said Willow, "and my rights as a sentient being if you go by the Treaty of Tycho."

"Hmm..."

"And another thing, isn't there a clause in there somewhere about deportation being illegal if the deported person will die as a result?"

"What?" asked Buffy, "if there's someone wants to kill you.."

"No, nothing like that, but humans can't live on Baltia. They don't even have bathrooms our size, and we can't breathe the air for more than a few minutes."

"That's a good point," said Jay.

"Not to mention that I wouldn't actually fit into any Baltian spaceship."

"They could always pack you in the hold."

"Sure, radiation and no air. Think that one's illegal under the treaty too."

"Okay," said Kay.

"Okay?"

"You win."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm glad you came up with those arguments on your own, because otherwise I would have had to coach you. I agree, it's absurd to treat you as anything other than human. I just needed to make sure that we've all got our arguments straight before I tell my boss and the Baltians what happened. Welcome to the human race. Or possibly to dual nationality, we'll have to see what the lawyers say."

"Lawyers?"

"Your Baltian family. I'd imagine they'll want to settle your uncle's estate, not to mention yours. I can't promise anything, but if they agree that you're her and alive I'd guess that at the end of it you'll be a pretty wealthy woman. Probably not as much as if you were a Baltian, but wealthy."

"That's cool. Any way to get an advance on it? We could really do with some money for repairs and other expenses."

"Don't you have access to your mother's bank account?"

"No... but I wonder if I could activate the body suit and get her to sign a few checks..."

"I'm not going to try to stop you."

"What about that stuff?" asked Tara, "Won't you be taking it away?"

"Eventually, once the courts have established that Willow's our missing alien and doesn't need them to survive. Until we do it'd be illegal to take them away, a real Baltian can't live without a body suit so they'd be classed as essential life-saving equipment. Just don't try to take them apart or patent any of the technology, that really would be a major offence."

"What about the dog?" asked Buffy.

"That's totally illegal, she should never have imported it. Expect to pay a hefty fine out of that inheritance if you get it, Willow."

"I guess I can live with that."

Buffy's cellphone began to beep, and she answered. "Yeah? Dawn, what's happened?... Okay, get out of the house, get somewhere safe before dark, Spike's crypt is probably best, even Warren wouldn't risk going there, I hope. If it isn't the crypt call me and let me know where you are... No, definitely not, we've found out a few things about him today, there's no way that I want you anywhere that might be in the line of fire. Okay, we'll be back in Sunnydale in a half hour or so, I'll see you soon. And be careful. I love you."

She closed the phone, and said "We have to leave. Now. Warren's running around with a gun, he's shot April and hurt.. damaged her, now she's out trying to track him down. Dawn found a message from her when she got home, I can't believe it's got so late. If Willow's memories are right there's no telling what he might do, we've got to catch him now and make sure that Dawn and everyone else is safe."

"Okay," said Jay, "get to the pad, I'll have the car bought round, we can be back in twenty minutes if I take the direct route and ignore speed limits."

* * * * *

"So where do I go for magic these days?" Warren asked Willy.

"Magic? Whad'ya mean, magic?"

Warren peeled a twenty from his dwindling roll of bills. "Oh, magic. Well, let's see, the Magic Box is your best bet for books and materials."

"Can't go there."

Willy said nothing. Warren produced another ten.

"Last of the big spenders, aren't ya. Well, Doc's long gone, so I guess that leaves Rack. He can maybe sell you something, but it won't be cheap."

"I just need a spell, something to cut through a witch's defences and give me a fighting chance."

"Okay, Rack's probably your guy."

"How do I find him?" said Warren, then produced a five when Willy didn't answer.

"Boy, that's really cheap. Now I'm feeling insulted." Warren gave him another ten cents and let him see the gun.

"On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with a little thrift. This week the entrance to Rack's place is in Wilkins Alley, just west of Aurelius Street. Look for the air feeling weird."

"Thanks."

He went out. Willy pocketed the money and went back to polishing the bar. About ten minutes later a woman came in, wearing an unseasonably heavy sweat shirt. "Hi."

"Hi, doll."

"Hi. I'm looking for Warren, can you help me find him?"

"What's it worth?"

April wrenched a metal bar stool from the floor and bent the main support column into a U.

"I'm looking for Warren, can you help me find him?"

"If you put it that way... he was here about ten minutes ago, went looking for a wizard called Rack."

"Where do I find this Rack."

"His place moves around, tonight the entrance is in Wilkins Alley, just west of Aurelius Street. Look for the air feeling weird."

"I'm not sure that I know what that means, but thank you. Have a nice day."

* * * * *

"Can't this thing go any faster?" asked Buffy.

"We're doing Mach five, can't do better than that without going a lot higher, and we'd lose as much time climbing for altitude as we gained from the extra speed."

"Got a radio?" asked Willow, "and can it transmit Baltian l'tunkyr modulation and G'trusk coding?"

"Sure."

"Good. Give me the mike, I need to give my parents a wake-up call..."

To Be Continued