TITLE: The Goddess Must Be Crazy.. Who Are We Kidding? She Is.
AUTHOR: Silence
DISCLAIMER: See previous parts
SPOILERS: General warning for everything.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you haven't, it might be a great idea to read "Confessions of a Mary Sue" before reading this.
** = *thoughts*
*sneezes*
Erm.. Sorry. Sickly Sil. Lol But here's feedback. ^_^
Holly:o): Hee. I love Angel/Angelus myself. *swoon*
BookCrazy77: Ahh, the X-Over from Buffy? Simple. As you know the original Confessions of a Mary Sue was my deranged take on Mary Sues in LotR.. This fic is a take on the Buffy/Harry meshed verses. Rather find herself in a set continuity, Lacey's got herself in yet another situation gone horribly wrong. In this verse, both Harry & Buffy exist in the same world.. Only completely oblivious to the other. I'm not too sure if that explains properly.. lol
Uber hugs to all who read this! And remember, feedback isn't needed, but it sure does make a girl feel better.
~Silence, a feedback whore who wants to start a Feedback Brothel..~
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Part 9: Why Every Hero Needs A Sidekick
"Oh you have to be kidding." Buffy muttered.
Alli grinned. "Checkmate!"
Buffy rolled her eyes at Alli's announcement. They'd been playing chess while waiting for Wesley to call back. Sadly, it wasn't one of Buffy's better skills so Alli was having an annoyingly good time at winning.
"Where did you get to be such a good player?" Buffy asked.
"Well, I've played chess with a demi-goddess," Alli began and ticked the list off on her fingers, "a demon with a soul, a clone, an android, two brilliant scientists, Riley Finn, an annoying wizard who likes to have seizures, a couple of goddesses--"
"Hold it!" Buffy demanded. "Riley? As in my Riley?"
Alli blinked at her. "Um.. Sorta, but not. Alternate reality thing. He was hired to be a teacher's assistant at this school I go to for fun." She flashed an innocent look. "That's all."
"No way. There's something.." Buffy narrowed her eyes at her. "You're dating him!"
"Well.. Um.. Yeah, kind of.. But he's not YOUR Riley."
"But he was still a Buffy's Riley!"
"So? It's not like I kidnapped him! He was there, we got along, the soldier boy and the insane stalker." Alli held her head up high. "It works! Or did. I'm not seeing him now."
That got Buffy curious. "Really? Why?"
"UST." At Buffy's blank look, Alli sighed. "Unresolved Sexual Tension. With another guy." Alli hastily threw in, "Me not him. Cause I don't want that mental picture. Although it could stand for Unresolved Stalker Tendencies, but hey they both work for me!"
Buffy shook her head, trying not to see the mental image Alli had obviously tried to avoid. "When the hell is Wes going to call?" The phone chose that moment to ring and Buffy snapped it up. "Thank god. Hello?"
Alli looked out the window as Buffy was on the phone. As she traced her finger in random designs on the glass, a bright light flashed in the distance. Blue eyes blinked. Pink lips turned upward into a gleeful smile as the sound of the receiver being placed on it's cradle.
"They can't find any trace of Angel." Buffy said. "They went to some oracle, tried magic, nothing. They even looked for Giles and the others." She noticed Alli staring at the window. Her eyes followed Alli's and spotted the shining light. "What's that?"
Alli looked up, her face filled with mischief. "Don't know, but it's our duty to find out!"
"Let me get my sword." Buffy said.
"Finally!" Alli laughed. "Something to do!"
*************
The light had faded considerably as the duo walked the streets of Sunnydale, but it was still bright enough to track, so they soon found themselves in Weatherly Park.
Buffy gaze fell onto the dark and empty park, her body tense. "I don't like this. Something's off."
Alli nodded in agreement. "It reeks of magic."
"And you know that how?" Buffy asked her, glancing at an empty swing as it swung in the soft breeze.
"When you've been around it as much as me, you can tell." Alli said with a shrug. She was weaponless even though Buffy had tried to talk her into taking an ax. "It's not as bad as Hell though. You know they really shouldn't have called this place the Hellmouth. I mean it looks nothing like Hell, and it's severely lacking all the levels."
"Levels?"
"Like the Scooby Doo level, the horror movie level.." Alli's voice faded. "And I'm talking THE Hell not one of the Hells you or Angel have seen. The one where Lucifer lives."
"I'm going to regret asking, but why were you in Hell?"
"To save demon with a soul's 666 imps from being tortured by Luci's sister Lilith. I wasn't really there until later since I was kidnapped and all.. But I did get rescued by two goddesses and got to watch tv with Odin and God before using his back door to go to Hell. He has a great setup, you know. It's big screen, high definition."
Buffy closed her eyes warily. She wasn't sure if Alli was completely insane or just a pathological liar. But she was all the backup she had right now, so Buffy pushed her thoughts aside and marched forward.
Mentally of course, because she couldn't seem to move.
"What the hell?" Buffy exclaimed. "I can't move!"
"Join the club." Alli said. "Must be a holding spell or something."
"I see the Slayer has finally decided to grace us with her presence."
Out of the shadows walked a pair of distinguished looking men, their hair a shocking blond white. They wore dark robes that contrasted with their pale complexions and hair.
Alli's blue eyes shined. "Cool! Lucius and Draco Malfoy!"
"Who?" Buffy hissed.
"Wizards." Alli replied. "Lucius is the one with long hair. Draco is the mini Spike."
Buffy nodded mentally. It'd be a good idea to keep track of who's ass she was going to kick first.
Lucius wore a glowering look on his face, "I was told all of the slayer's companions were dealt with."
"Actually, I'm a temp." Alli grinned. "Would you like to see my resume?"
"YOU took my friends." Buffy growled. Oh how she wanted to just tackle that jerk as he stared at her as if she were lower than dirt. "Where are they?!"
"You're in no position to demand answers from me, Slayer." Lucius sneered. "We have appointments to keep. Draco."
Draco flashed a bored look at his father. "What?"
"Deal with the blue haired muggle." Lucius ordered. He pointed his wand at Buffy. "Crucio."
Buffy let out a scream as her body crumpled to the ground in pain. Pain upon pain coursed through her body, but she kept her eyes open and on Lucius, a deadly look in them. One that said, 'I'm going to break every bone in your body and then gut you like a fish.'
"BUFFY!" Alli cried out. This wasn't good. Alli was all for the adventure but now a friend, well okay she was friends with an alternate Buffy but that still didn't change much in her eyes, was being tortured.
One thing Alli never liked was torture. Her eyes narrowed and without warning a metal spike came shooting out of the ground next to the elder Malfoy.
Pain ripped through Lucius's mouth as the spike shot through his free hand. He swore and pulled his hand free of the spike even as it vanished. He stalked over to Buffy, anger and hatred on his face. "You'll pay for that."
Draco watched as the girl with the strange blue hair seemed to break free of the holding spell his father had cast. Her fist shot out and collided with Lucius's face, sending him to the ground. It was all Draco could do to retain his mask of disinterest on.
She was pissed. Her eyes were ablaze and as he watched, her fist seemed to turn to metal.
"I did that, bucko." She spat at Lucius. "And I'm about to do a lot more." Several more metal spikes shot out of the ground, each narrowly missing Lucius as he tried to crawl away. The metal on her hand spread as if it were water until it covered her entire body.
Buffy watched the strange sight, and couldn't help but think of Terminator 2 and it's liquid metal effects. "Cool." She murmured weakly.
Draco sighed. He supposed he'd better step in before his father soiled himself. "Ventosus!"
Alli yelped as a gust of wind sent her flying. She slammed into a tree and fell.. But like a cat she landed on her feet. "Oh yeah, now it's on!"
Unfortunately, her chance at Lucius was gone as he quickly grabbed Buffy. He smirked and the two vanished.
That left her staring at the steel gray eyes of one Draco Malfoy.
Draco took a step back at the metal girl's smile. It was as cold as the metal she was now protected by. He swore and followed it up by apparating away. Better to run then to fight an enemy you know nothing about.
Alli's smile faded and the metal around her body dissolved with a puff of glitter. "Kay. Buffy taken by Malfoys. Angel and the Scooby Gang taken too. Me on my own."
She sighed and pulled a cell phone out her sub space pocket. She dialed a number and waited impatiently for the ring to start.
"I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed is inaccessible at this time." A very Anthony Hopkins like voice said into her ear. "We're sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you for using Washu/Morgan Inter-dimensional Communications."
Alli's jaw dropped. "YOU SUCK!" She snapped the phone shut and tossed it to the grass in fury. "Ok, then fine. If I can't get Cat or Raina, I'm going for the uber ones!!!"
She stood there, knowing she was going to look like a complete idiot, but she started screaming at the top of her lungs. "SIL!!!"
Nothing.
Odd. Her boss should have appeared. It's what she did. Heck, she'd love to join this party. But there was no sign of her.
So Alli tried again. "BARDY!!!!"
Nada. No four armed demon barreling through a portal, imps in tow.
Alli bit her lip. If she couldn't phone for help, she wasn't going to be able to get anyone else to portal in. With a reluctant sigh, she tried one more name, one she'd probably regret, especially since said being still held a slight grudge for a snowball attack one fine Christmas.
"Mythe?"
And there she was. One moment, nothing, the next, there Mythe stood. Her dark coat, dark hair, and her dark eyes that were narrowed as they stared at Alli. "You called?" Mythe's eyes widened as the girl gave her a big hug before bouncing away. "What in the Nine Hells--"
"I need some help!" Alli broke in. "Buffy was taken by those Malfoy guys from Harry Potter and--"
"Buffy? Ohh. I could work with that!"
Alli's eyes narrowed instantly at the imp that flew up from behind Mythe. "13!" Her hand shot out and she grabbed the imp by the throat. "WHERE'S THAT TAPE, YOU LITTLE PERVERT?!"
Mythe rolled her eyes and broke them apart. 13 gave her a grateful look as he coughed, but flinched at the warning look Mythe had given him. "All right. Enough." She motioned to Alli. "And you called me why?"
"Sil didn't answer-"
"Of course not." Mythe muttered. "She's too busy enjoying all this."
Alli ignored her, "And Bardy didn't either-"
"He won't." Mythe said. "No one will. Only those on this Earth are to deal with it as of now."
"Why were YOU here then?" Alli asked.
"Teaching at Hogwarts."
Alli blinked at her. She giggled. "YOU?! HA!! Heehee.. Oh.. That's rich. You SUCK at magic!"
Mythe gave her a fierce look. "It's part of my training. One year. Nothing but magic. I promised."
"Oh. Okay. Promises. I can deal. Gotcha." Alli nodded. "Coolies. So are you going to help me save Buffy and the Scoobies or what?"
Mythe nodded curtly. "Apparently that's what I'm here for. He's enjoying it thoroughly." The woman smiled an evil smile. "Besides.. I owe Malfoy payback."
"What did he do?"
13 grinned. "He killed her!!"
Alli's eyes widened. "That.. Boy, he's really stupid."
"It's the bleach he uses." 13 said. "It's soaked into his brain. So tragic. So hey, when you're done with him, can we take him back to school? The penguins and imps could have a nice feast. I mean it's not everyday we have a wizard for dinner."
The women stared at him in disgust.
Alli gagged. "Eww."
"This is who I've been putting up with all day." Mythe said dryly. "How 330 is related to him, I'll never know."
"Not like you care." 13 said, a hurt look on his face. "You've been acting like you don't know me!"
"I would too." Alli muttered.
"Didn't want to blow my cover." Mythe explained. "Only Dumbledore knows who I really am."
"Okay, are we done with the talking?" Alli asked. "Because we have a slayer to save!"
Mythe nodded curtly. "Take 13." She handed Alli a crystal. "This will help you locate her."
"You aren't coming?" Alli looked at her in shock. "But--"
"Not yet. I'll come in when I'm needed." She snapped her fingers and disappeared in a smatter of lights. Her voice echoed to the two of them. "You can't expect me to do EVERYTHING."
13 stared at Alli.
Alli stared at 13.
13 swallowed slowly.
Alli pointed at him. "After this is over, I'm sooo telling Bardy on you."
"Ha! Like he--"
"Especially about the tape you sold with Reiko in it."
13 shut up, causing Alli to beam in delight.
