TITLE: The Goddess Must Be Crazy.. Who Are We Kidding? She Is.
AUTHOR: Silence
DISCLAIMER: See previous parts
SPOILERS: General warning for everything.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you haven't, it might be a great idea to read "Confessions of a Mary Sue" before reading this.
Okay, I'm sooo sorry for not updating sooner. I got totally distracted by my dad's birthday, then mine, and then Mythe's. Not too mention I kinda got sucked into playing Baldur's Gate 2 again.. Anyway, I'm sorry and I'll stop the babble.
Fun with Feedback!
Xandman: *pats on the head and gives a 'get out of death free card'* As if I haven't made you late/almost late for work before. *snort* ;p
Weirdbard: Hehe Thankees bro! If 13 ever gets self esteem problems, you KNOW it's a sign of the world ending. (It's not mentioned in the Bible, but I doubt the line 'and Imp 13 will gain low self esteem' or something would sound good, so they edited it out. It's true! *looks around* Yeah, that should secure my ticket to hell.) As for the tape, it's called "Reiko's Excellent Adventure" I saw it in several chain stores.. Right next to the steel chains and the licorice chains. ^_~
BookCrazy77: lol, thanks! And if you get the crossover thingee, that's more then I get.. Just uh.. Don't tell anyone.
Holly:o): Hehe.. Lucius.. Oh the plans.. Err.. Ahem.. Sue? You'll be seeing her again VERY soon.
Zefyr: Lol, sorry about any confusion, but sometimes it's how I write.. And this fic is one giant bag of confusion. Pity the canon characters.. Lol
Mythe: Sister dear.. You're biased. ;p
Dusty Fedora: Chart? As if! You KNOW full well it's all the voices. You're just lucky I ignore the one that says to stalk you before I build that shrine in your honor.
And for those who wish to brave the horror, I have a page dedicated to Lacey.
You may now groan in disbelief. The link is in my user info! (I'd put it here, but links refuse to show up half the time.. *kicks her programs*)
And now.. To the fic!
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Part 10: Lacey, Harry, and Nancy Boy Hair Gel
I slammed the door behind me and flashed Harry a panicky look. "Lock it with a spell or something!" Leaving him to deal with the door, I went for the nearest wooden chair and picked it up. I slammed it against the table causing it to break apart. I snatched one of the splintered legs and turned back to Harry, who was giving me a confused look.
"Would you mind telling me what's going on?" He asked. "Why were we running? You said he was a champion."
I nodded. "WAS. That wasn't Angel. That was Angelus. See vampires don't have souls, but Angel does. Did. Something must have happened to take his soul. He's probably going to kill us so I think we should find some weapons and take him out."
Harry stared at me. "How did he get his soul in the first place?"
"Gypsy curse."
"Then we'll just go to the library and look up a restoration spell."
My jaw dropped. Why hadn't I thought of that? Oh yeah, I was busy panicking. Excuse me for not wanting to be tortured by a master. I don't care how hot Angelus is, I did NOT feel like being a meal for him. I sighed. "We'll still have to get past him."
"I still have my cloak." Harry said, pointing to the silvery garment.
"Yeah, but he can sense us. Why do you think I said run? Hello? He was STARING at us."
"Then I'll be careful." Harry said. "What makes you so positive that he lost his soul?"
"His eyes." I answered automatically. "You never forget eyes like that.." I frowned. "Wait a second, you said 'I'll be careful'."
He wrapped his cloak around his shoulders again. "Yes I did."
"Excuse you, you are NOT leaving by yourself."
"I'll move faster if I'm alone." He replied. Harry sighed. "Besides, I have to warn Filch. What if that vampire decides to eat him?"
No big loss in my opinion. "Fine. Go. Get killed. See if I care. But if you live and I die, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life and unlife. You'll NEVER be rid of me. I'll ruin every possible special moment you could ever dream of having. I'll--"
Harry pointed his wand at me and I snapped my mouth shut. His mouth quirked into a small smile. "I'll be right back." He pulled the cloak over his head and disappeared. The door opened and shut behind him.
I sighed. "He just had to say the words of doom. If I don't get out of this damn world soon, and we both survive, I'm going to teach Golden Boy the finer points of horror movie survival."
I counted to one hundred before I took my make shift stake and quickly went into the hallway.
So I have a death wish.
It's a special gift.
**********
"I hate the powers. I hate the powers." I muttered to myself as I got lost in the halls of Hogwarts. Why oh why must I be in a 'verse that isn't even canon? Why must I be in Harry Potter no less? Whoever is doing this to me sure as hell better put me back in Middle Earth when Return of the King comes out.
Of course I'd be satisfied if I just had someone to ogle here. Eye candy helps ease the pain.
A crash interrupted my thoughts. I gripped my stake tightly and ran to the fork in the hall. Peering around the left corner, I saw Angelus clutching Harry by the throat and holding him against the wall. Harry's wand and cloak lay on the floor a few feet away from them.
Angelus is hot and worth ogling, but not when you know he's going to kill you next.
I bit my lower lip and stepped around the corner. "HEY! SOUL BOY!" Angelus turned to me, his hand still on Harry's throat. He was in his game face, so I took a deep breath and tried my 'Anti-Eomer Look' on him. "You know I hear there's great plastic surgeons that can fix that nasty condition of yours."
He snarled at me. "Wait your turn, girl."
I flipped him off. "Sorry, but leftovers are soo not my style. But hey, I'm sure Buffy is available for that. Maybe she can screw the soul back in you."
Angelus tossed Harry to the floor and started for me. I glanced at Harry, who was trying to gather the air back into his lungs.
I kept my smug look as he got closer. "Trying to kill Harry, eh? So you get off on little boys. That's just pathetic. Really-" I was cut off by him grabbing me by the shoulders and slamming me up against the wall. Stars. Pretty. Yay. And can I say ow?
He sniffed at me and leaned close. His fangs grazed my throat enough to send a chill down my spine. I shivered at his taunting and he grinned. "I don't think I've met anyone as desperate as you to die."
I kneed him in the groin and he let go of me with a sharp cry. I slumped to the ground and scrambled away from him. I let out a cry when his hand grabbed my ankle and dragged me back.
"Stupefy! "
Angelus froze instantly and hit the floor. I kicked his prone form away from me and slid myself back. I took a deep breath. "Took you long enough."
Harry offered me a hand and when I took it, he pulled me to my feet. "You were supposed to stay in the classroom."
"I was also supposed to be eating popcorn and reading a book in peace, but that isn't happening." I snapped. I glanced down at Angelus and kicked him again. "Besides, you went and gave yourself a death sentence when you left."
"I what?" Harry looked confused as he pointed his wand at Angelus. "Mobilicorpus! " Angelus's body levitated and Harry motioned for me to help push him. "We'll lock him in the nearest room until we find that spell. Now what were you saying I did?"
I gave Angelus a good shove. "You said 'I'll be right back.' That's a curse." His blank look caused me to sigh in frustration. "Horror movie logic. When someone says that, they end up dead."
"We aren't in a horror movie."
"Technically, no." I shoved the stupefied vampire with more oomph. "But we have the whole creepy castle and a vampire who likes to torture people. It's common sense!"
Harry gave Angelus the final push into a room and shut the door, leaving our favorite vampire alone. He locked the door before turning to me. "Do you mind if I refer to you as completely insane?"
"This coming from the guy who decided to stalk the halls while Angelus was around." I rolled my eyes. We walked past the spot where Harry's cloak lay. I knelt down and picked it up. I ran my hand on the odd feeling material before handing it back to Harry. I had to. Shut up. "I think you dropped this in your quest to be throttled by a vampire."
"Thank you." Harry said. He brushed a hand on his bruised neck. "That is an experience I don't want a repeat of."
"Then I guess that means I can't set you up on any blind dates with my friends."
***********
I slammed the book closed with a whine. "Well that was a big ball of nothing!" Harry ignored me and kept reading. His mouth was curved into a slight smile of satisfaction.
If he had found something, it'd be about time. We'd been in there for at least an hour, and as neat as the books were, they tended to be almost as wordy as a Tolkien novel. Not that it was a bad thing. Just.. Well if you knew me and my Middle Earth venture, you'd know why I get fidgety.
With a shrug, I moved from my chair to the table and leaned over to see what the golden boy was reading. "Whatcha got?"
He leaned back and pointed. "One soul restoration spell."
My eyes widened as I skimmed it. Son of a bitch. The little bastard not only found one, but one without the soul losing clause. "Can you pull this off?"
A serious look appeared on his face. "I'd better. It can only be cast on it's target once every twenty years."
"Oh that figures." I muttered.
Thud.
I turned around at the muffled sound. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Harry asked as he resumed studying the spell.
Thud.
"That." I said.
"I didn't hear anything."
"Well I heard something!" I hissed. "We aren't alone in here and--" I was cut off as a body slammed into me, knocking me off the table and onto the floor. I groaned and tried to get up, but I realized one unconscious greasy looking old man was on me. Oh yay. Someone was playing dodge ball with me and using Filch as the ball.
"Lacey!" Harry cried out. He turned to the direction Filch had come from, his wand pointed, and was greeted by Angelus wrenching the wand away and tossing Potter into the shelves, and the wand to the floor.
I struggled with Filch's heavy body and tried to ignore the sounds of Harry trying to lose Angelus in the stacks. With a cry of triumph, dirtball moved and I was free.
Just in time to see Harry in the air.. And landing on the floor near me with a loud crack.
My eyes widened and I crawled over to Harry. "Harry??!!" I shook him. "Oh come on, you boy scout! You CAN'T be dead! I swear to god if you are, I'm making sure I find myself in a Final Fantasy verse so I can revive your English ass with a Phoenix Down or something.. And THEN I'm going to cast a Hold spell on you and make you watch reruns of Thundar the Barbarian!"
Harry let out a breath. I sighed in relief. He was alive. Hurt, but alive. He probably had a broken rib.. Spine.. Arm. I didn't know. I didn't care at the moment. Just as long as I wasn't left alone with Angelus.
"Fuck." I said. I WAS alone with him. Harry was out of it. I looked around for my stake and it suddenly landed on the floor next to Harry's wand with a clatter. I glanced up to see Angelus in a crouched position on the table.
He looked a little bit pissed. "Do you honestly think you could lock me up like that?" He smiled and it sent a chill through me. "Pick it up."
"Why? So you can taunt me before you snap my neck?"
"I like the struggle. The screams." His eyes glittered in anticipation. "I bet you're a screamer."
"My ex boyfriend never found out, so you sure as hell aren't going to either, he of the nancy boy hair gel." I reached over and made a wild grab for Harry's wand. I had it pointed at Angelus and he laughed.
"You aren't a witch."
"Obviously." I snarled. Oh whatever powers there were, please let this work.. "I'm worse. I'm a Mary Sue. Flipendo!"
Much to my shock, and believe me I was more shocked then Angelus, a ball of energy shot out of the wand and barreled into Angelus's chest. He went flying backwards and took out a stack of bookshelves.
"YES!" I got to my feet and let out a triumphant cheer. A Mary Sue skill working in my favor! "Eat that, you brainless corpse!"
Angelus let out a roar as he stood up. "I'm going to kill you slowly for that one."
I ran a hand through my hair and aimed the wand at him. "You have to reach me first." I shrugged and tried a spell I knew was from the movies and not the books. "Lumos Solarum!"
A bright light filled the room and Angelus released a pain filled snarl as he started to smoke.
Cool. Magical sunlight is fun. Did I ever mention I was a closet pyro?
He pointed at me. "This isn't over."
I flipped him off. "Bite me."
"Don't worry. I will." He said and pulled out an amulet from under his shirt. With a muffled word, the vampire vanished.
"Well fuck." I muttered. "Now what the hell are we supposed to do?"
As if on cue a small pamphlet fell at my feet. With the curiosity of a cat, I naturally picked it up. It was an advertisement for Diagon Alley.
Okay. Since when the hell did they advertise like this? I shrieked as the pamphlet burst into flames, nearly singing my fingertips. Wannabe pyro or not, I don't want to be burned personally. Because you know, ow.
Well a location is always neat. Helpful. And far too convenient. But it was all I had. With a sigh, I knelt down to Harry and got to work on waking him up.
After all, every Mary Sue needed cannon fodder.
I just needed to make sure Harry wasn't going to end up mine.
