Title: Not What You Expect 6/?
Author: King Xander
Email: reed204@cox.net
Feedback: God, yes! It is the only thing that gives me a reason to continue through this weird yet harsh reality.
Distribution: Ask and thou shall receive.
Spoilers: None
Pairings: B/X, R/F (No, it's not Riley! If you think it's Riley, I will find out where you live and smack you.)
Rated: PG -13 for language
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy and Co. They belong to the Joss W and now the UPN. I also do not own any of Bruce Lee's ideas. They belong to his widowed wife Linda Lee Caldwell and the Bruce Lee Educational Foundation. All I own are some smelly socks and I am sure you don't want that. ;-)
Summary:
Author's Note: If you have read my other fic: If the Shoe Fits. You will know that I really hate the idea of Buffy dying. In case you haven't, I will tell you that she didn't die this time. Instead I have it to where Xander went up to save Dawn instead of Spike. As the Doc turns to greet him, thinking that Xander will fight him. Instead Xander walks up to him and gives him a speech like he did Angelus. When in actuality Xander was just distracting him enough to where the Doc's back is to the ledge so he could push the overconfident asshole off the platform. Which he succeeded in doing. Oh and Anya died, when she saved Xander.
2nd note: . . . indicates thoughts, * . . . * indicates telepathic conversations, and ~ . . . ~ indicates a phone conversation. And any words I use for spell casting are just gibberish. =Þ
Xander's Apartment
Brooke finally woke up. She got out bed to reveal that she slept in a white tank top with and pink trim and a skimpy looking pink thong. She picked up her bath robe and processed to walk half asleep to the bathroom.
In the bathroom . . .
Xander was taking a shower with a very disappointed look on his face.
Dammit Faith. Why did you have to sneak into my bathroom and take MY hot tube?! What is worse is that the water pressure on this shower sucks. I guess now that I have the time I can get it fixed. Xander thought as he was getting out of the shower.
As he was drying off, he heard a shout "Sweeto!" and realized he was on the floor, all wet again, and had a pair of arms around him.
Just outside the Bathroom door . . . a minute before
Brooke is still too out of it to pay attention to her surrounding namely the fact that the bathroom is currently occupied. She opens the door to see a *VERY NEKKID* Xander whose head is covered by the towel. In less than ten second she pulls a cold bucket of water from her subspace pocket, screaming "Sweeto!," and gloomps the distracted man. Now this action would make two anime characters very proud. Namely a three foot tall lecherous old martial artist and a very attractive Chinese Amazon.
The Livingroom
Reed is sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and thinking about last night. He is waiting for Xander to finish showering because he needed to wash off the sweat from his morning workout. When he hears Brooke patented cry every time she sees a naked guy.
"Dammit! I knew I shouldn't let her watch that Ranma ½ Anime! Brooke!"
Faith pokes her head out of Xander's bedroom door.
"Hey Wiz! What's all the commotion?"
"Oh nothing much I think Brooke just splashed and gloomped Xander in record time."
"What?"
"How about I explain this after we go rescue Xander."
"Ok." Faith said as she opened the door butt naked.
"Um . . . Faith."
"Yeah"
"Aren't you a little underdressed?"
"Oh . . . Hehe. Sorry I'll go get some clothes."
"You do that."
Reed finally reaches the bathroom. He starts tapping his foot on the floor while looking at the two people on the bathroom floor.
"Brooke, How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that? I created that subspace pocket so you could store your weapons and luggage not freezing cold buckets of water like Happosai. I swear the way you gloomping him would you are trying to compete with Shampoo in that department."
Just then Faith shows up fully dressed. She gets a good look at the scene before her.
"Woah, Xand, I see your third leg hasn't changed much." She said when she got a better look of Brooke's PJ's. "That's what you sleep with at night Reed. Are you sure you two aren't doing the deed?"
"Yes I am sure, Faith. I guess you two want an explanation as to why Brooke is doing that and why I am refer her to an Anime. I will wait until these two are dressed then I will explain."
Thirty minutes later everyone was sitting at Xander's dinning room table.
"I will start now that everyone is situated. First off I will tell you about Ranma ½. It's a Japanese cartoon about a Martial Artist who is cursed to become a girl when he is splashed with cold water and turns back to a guy with hot water. Happosai and Shampoo are both characters of this show. Happosai is a 300-year-old lecherous, swivelled little stump of Martial Artist who was quite fond of Ranma's girl side and would splash cold water on him every chance he got. Shampoo is a Chinese Amazon and she is one of Ranma's fiancees. A gloomp is Amazon technique that Shampoo used to hug Ranma while pressing her *Ahem* assets in the boy's face. It looked much like what Brooke used on you Xander. Anyway this is one my favorite anime. So as I watching Akane, Ranma's other fiancee, pull a mallet out of thin air to hit him with it. I got the idea to actually create a subspace pocket for Brooke and myself. So while I was doing that I let Brooke watch at a couple of episodes to keep her busy while I tried to create dimension pocket that wouldn't make the Galaxy implode." Faith and Xander gave him a weird look. " Trust me. You don't want to know. Anyway a week and a massive headache later I finally got it. The headache got worse after I found Brooke adapting their 'techniques' to her *Ahem* man watching hobby. So every time she sees a naked or semi-naked guy she pulls a bucket of cold water from her SubS-pocket and proceeds to splash and gloomp the poor victim."
"Sweet! I finally have someone to share my hobby with." Faith said excitedly.
"Why am I not surprised? I always seem to find the crazy ones." Reed shook his head.
"You too, huh?" Xander said to him.
It finally donned on the two girls what the boys were saying. "HEY!"
"We are not crazy. We just have a healthy interest in watching men. Beside I don't complain when I catch you ogling another girl. Do I?" Brooke shot back.
"I'll give you that Brooke but I do it subtly. You on the other hand turn into a sport."
Just as two were going to get into an argument on the subject the phone started to ring.
"Hey, you have reached Casa de Harris. How may I be of service? ... Oh hey, Cordy how's it going? . . . Yeah . . . Uh huh . . . WHAT?! Cordy since when did you get visions! Ok, Ok . . . I'll be over there as soon as I can. Bye."
"Hey, X. What did Queen C want?" Faith asked.
"Oh nothing much. She just called to say that she had vision about you, me, Reed, and Brooke fighting an elf in LA. Faith, did Deadboy ever mention Cordy having these visions when he came to visit you?"
"Yeah sure. He said she got from his friend Doyle before the guy sacrificed himself to save the world."
"Oh ok . . . well anyway I told her I would be there so if you guys are in her little futurama. That means we all go. So start packing Amigos we're off to LA!"
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Authors: Ok I know. I know I took too long to write this chapter and it too short for the amount of time that it took to update the story. But I thought I would be semi-nice and give you something to read. =Þ I also want apologize for any misspellings or Grammatik errors. I didn't run this chapter by my favorite betareader. I also am going to try and work on my other fic: If the Shoe Fits today. And I have another one buzzing around inside my head. Again Sorry for the delay.
