Disclaimer: No own LoK or LoK characters. Nuff said
_________________________________________________________
Special Guests: Wise Man Domingo, Z-F Kat, Light in the Dark Places, Concept of a Demon, Venris, Sarryn, and Silveriss
[The scene is, yet again, the Pillars. Things are getting set for the new movie, but things aren't going well. There aren't near enough people to help make the movie. Dumah is walking around at the entrance of the Pillars spraying himself with something]
Kain: (sees Dumah spraying himself then walks over to Dumah) What are you doing?
Dumah: Why do you care? I'm your least favorite while Razzyboy is your favorite!
Kain: That was just a little joke, I didn't think Razzyboy would fall for it!
Dumah: (cheers up) Oh! Well, I'm spraying this Axe Body Deodorant on me. It's
supposed to make me irresistible to the opposite sex.
Kain: (sighs) Don't be stupid Dumah, that's Zephon's department.
(then Zephon came wobbling up with a bunny biting his foot)
Zephon: (in pain) Before you ask, I was gonna play Kick The Bunny, but the bunny
didn't want to take any crap from me, so he bit me and now the little bastard won't let
go. I'm gonna look for some pepper spray.
Kain: (to Dumah) You see?
(then, as Zephon's leaving, he smells something sensual and really good)
Zephon: (smelling) Yum, where's that awesome smell coming from?
Dumah: !!
Kain: (evil grin)
Zephon: (smelling) What is that sexy yummy fragrant? What angel could that be
coming from?
Dumah: (whispering to Kain) He doesn't know it's me, does he?
Kain: Nope.
Zephon: That great smell makes me forget all about this bunny that's biting me.
Dumah: (gulp)
Zephon: (turning to Dumah) You don't happen to know where that great smell is
coming from, do you?
Dumah: Um...hehehe, no.
Zephon: (walking toward Dumah) The smell is becoming stronger.
Kain: (does his neat evil laugh)
Zephon: (smells Dumah's shoulder) !!
Dumah: !!
Zephon: (totally disillusioned) I'm going now.
(then Zephon left)
Kain: Hahahahahahahaha!
Dumah: If that worked on him, it's gotta work on the women.
[So Dumah went out in the freezing cold and saw 6 vampire women walk by. He sprayed the spray on but they just walked on because they didn't even notice him. He got pissed and said that the Axe Deodorant was worthless. Meanwhile, Raziel was having a little heated chat with his agent]
Raziel: (talking on a cell phone with his agent) Okay, listen to me, we need help! We
need people like make-up artists, props people, illustrators, anyone! We need help!
MortalK55 (Razzyboy's agent): (on the other line, of course) Okay, sure.
Raziel: We need them now!
MortalK55: Ok ok ok! Calm down!
Raziel: Calm down! Calm down! I desperately need help here David!
MortalK55: Ok, let me think here!
Raziel: Hurry, we don't have a lot of time here! So hu-
MortalK55: Hey, sit down, shut up. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. I'll get online and
get some people to help. That is, if AOL 8.0 won't freakin' freeze about 10 minutes after
I get online! AOL 8.0 sucks! It has SO MANY BUGS!
Raziel: Okay, just get me something! Someone!
MortalK55: Okay! I'll try my best! Just forgive me if they're not...well...
Raziel: Well what!?
MortalK55: Totally sane.
Raziel: (sighs) Fine! Just get them here as fast as possible!
MortalK55: Alrighty then!
[Raziel hangs up and gathers the lieutenants around and Kain]
Raziel: Okay, I've spoken with my agent and he'll be sending people over here to help
us as fast as possible!
Melchiah: Where's Vorador and Janos and Umah?
Raziel: Don't know!
Turel: Will this one be a musical?
Kain: No okay!? NO FREAKIN' MUSICALS!!
Turel: We seriously need a musical.
Kain: I hope they get here soon.
Zephon: Good news guys! I pepper sprayed the bunny and he's gone away! I used all
of my pepper spray too!
(they just stare at him)
Zephon: (to Dumah) Can I have some of that Axe stuff?
Dumah: No! It's mine! I'm hoping it will work!
(they all here a noise coming out of a closet)
Turel: I heard a noise coming out of a closet.
Melchiah: Since when do we have a closet!?
Turel: Since when did we have cell phones in Nosgoth; who cares!
Kain: Zephon, check it out.
Zephon: Why me?
Kain: Cause if it's something dangerous, it'll attack you instead of us.
Zephon: (thinks about this) Weeeeeell...ok, sounds fair.
(then Zephon walked to their closet, opened it up, and a hyperactive fangirl by the
name of Z-F Kat tumbled out and immediately latched onto Zephon's leg and wouldn't
let go. Zepon just starred)
Zephon: (stares at Z-F Kat then Kain, then Z-F Kat, then Kain) Um, Kain, I've got a
human latched to me.
Kain: Then shake it off!
(Zephon shaked his leg a lot but the fan girl just increased her grip)
Zephon: Um, it's not working. I knew I shouldn't have use all of the pepper spray.
Dumah: Well, let's just kill her.
Raziel: No wait, she could be one of the people sent here to help us by my agent!
Z-F Kat: (while still latched to Zephon's leg) Yep! I'm Z-F Kat!
Zephon: I still can't get her off my leg. She's hugging me.
Turel: Come on Zephon, why should this bother you!? You'll dress like a woman without
complaining!
Zephon: Um, how's she gonna help?
(Z-F Kat let go of his leg and sprung up and hugged him)
Z-F Kat: I get to apply your make-up!!
Zephon: This could get bad.
Z-F Kat: I own you, remember! Don't forget that fic by DHA!
Zephon: Um...(thinking of an excuse to escape)...I was outbid on e-Bay.
(then Zephon ran away with Z-F Kat running after him waving her hands around)
Kain: I can tell this is gonna be one long ass day.
Raziel: I'll call my agent...
(then Raziel walked away)
Melchiah: Are crazy people gonna come after us too?
Turel: I hope not.
Dumah: I'll just woo them with my Axe Deodorant.
Kain: Yeah, well-
(then was a knocking on their gate. Kain was gonna open the gate but when the person
on the other side saw Kain, the person kicked the gate open, hitting Kain)
Kain: Ow! Who did that?
(one of Kain's worst enemies who he really feared walked up)
Kain: Oh no, not you!
Kain's worst enemy: Yes, it's me. Wise Man Domingo. I'm here to apply your make-up.
Kain: OH NOOOOOOOO!!!
(so Kain ran away with Wise Man Domingo chasing him down while holding a hammer.
Meanwhile, Razzyboy was phoning his agent again)
Raziel: Hello, David?
MortalK55: Yes?
Raziel: We have a madwoman chasing down Zephon and a hammer-wielder chasing
down Kain. What the hell is going on?
MortalK55: These are your helpers. Don't worry, I can assure you it'll get a lot worse.
Raziel: (PO'ed) Why'd I ever get you to be my agent?
MortalK55: Because I kick butt. And I'm handsome.
Raziel: (sighs) And an ego-maniac.
MortalK55: Yeah, but that's just recently. Bye!
(Razzyboy's client hung up)
Raziel: Damnit! What next?
Turel: Don't worry, I'll fend off any lunatics!
(just then, a lunatic crashed through the roof and the lunatic was riding a flying goat.
When the goat landed, the lunatic got off. This very weird lunatic is, of course, Venris)
Turel: I'll fight the lunatic off!
Venris: Hey TurelTurel! How do you like my flying goat!?
Turel: Razzyboy, run!
(so Raziel ran)
Turel: (to Venris) I know what you are!
Venris: You knew I was a goat worshipper!! You must read minds! Neat-o!!
Turel: I'm a professional at handling lunatics, so beware!
Venris: Are you saying I'm a lunatic because I rode a flying goat here?
Turel: Um...yes.
Venris: I'm not a lunatic! A lunatic praises inanimate objects and can't tell the difference
between inanimate objects and real objects!!
Turel: So I'm safe?
Venris: Of course! Hey, have you met Gilgagoh? Here's my pet zucchini!
Turel: Oh no.
(well, since there's chaos everywhere, Raziel seeks out Kain, who is standing on his
throne trying to get away from Wise Man Domingo)
Raziel: Kain, you must get order!
Kain: I can once you get Wise Man's hammer!
(so Raziel steals the hammer and Kain gets down)
Wise Man Domingo: Aw, I was gonna use that to perform an EKG on him!
Kain: EVERYONE FREEZE!!
(so everyone freeze, even Z-F Kat who claims she was just putting make-up around
Zephon's lips when she was really just trying to kiss him)
Kain: WE NEED ORDER! NOW, IS ANYONE ELSE COMING!?
Venris: Does ShooShoo count?
Kain: WHO'S SHOOSHOO?
Venris: My pet ceiling fan!
Kain: NO!
Wise Man Domingo: Well, about four more people are coming.
Kain: Okay, first we need order. Now, Z-F Kat will be Zephon's make-up artist!
Zephon: You can't be serious!!
Dumah: You mean make-out artist, hehehehe.
Zephon: Shut up Dumah!
Kain: Turel will go all the way to Dark Eden to get us a rock and Venris will accompany
him!
Turel: What!? You're just saying this so she'll drive me crazy, aren't you?
Kain: Yep. And Wise Man Domingo, you stay away from me! You scare the hell out of
me!
Wise Man Domingo: But you're gonna play Raziel. I've gotta get you a lip-o- suction and
remove you're bottom jaw!
Kain: Not a chance in hell!
(Silveriss, Light, Concept of a Demon, and Sarryn walk in now)
Kain: Good, you're all here! Now Silveriss, I've looked at all your hobbies and the kind
of stuff you do and you're quite impressive. That's why I'm gonna be mean to you and
make you do the lights work and the microphone work!
Silveriss: What!? You'll pay!
Kain: Sarryn, you're an otaku, so I'll let you do our artwork!
Sarryn: Just cause I love animes and manga, you think I'm a genius at drawing?
Kain: Yes, I know it's a stereotype, so that's why I'm doing this, hehehehe.
Sarryn: Well, I can't make you look handsome or anything because that'd be too hard
with your ugly, fat head!
Kain: Hey, my head is perfectly proportioned to my body!
Light in the Dark Places (aka Light): Yeah, if you're a Peanuts character.
Wise Man Domingo: Oh, good one.
Light: Thanks!
Kain: Aw, shut up Light! I don't know what I'll get you to do, Rahab, work with Light!
Rahab: Okay.
Concept of a Demon: Am I right in assuming that all of you are dead?
Kain: Yes...
Concept of a Demon: So I can do to you stuff that would normally kill a human?
Kain: Yes...
Concept of a Demon: Yes!! I'm a satanist in training, who would like to be my test
subject?
Everyone except Melchiah: ...
Melchiah: Me me me me me me me!
Concept of a Demon: Yes!!
Kain: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
Dumah: Can we just do this and get this over with?
Kain: Okay! Everyone, get to work!
(then everyone starts doing their jobs)
Kain: (to Raziel) Can I borrow your phone, Razzyboy?
Raziel: Whatever. (hands Kain his phone)
(Kain calls Razzyboy's agent)
MortalK55: Hello.
Kain: This is me, Kain.
MortalK55: What now?
Kain: You have sent some strange people here.
MortalK55: They may seem strange, but they've got a good heart. Well, except maybe
Concept of a Demon, he doesn't even want a good heart.
Kain: I warn you, if things get out of hand, you're dead!
MortalK55: Eh, I might need to move out of town then, bye!
(MortalK55 hangs up on Kain)
Kain: Son of a bitch!
(Meanwhile, Silveriss had climbed a 40 foot long ladder and turned on the lights. The
lights were crooked so Kain went up to the top step of the ladder)
Kain: Hey, the light is crooked, fix it!
Silveriss: (fixes the light) There!
Kain: Now, get down and do some more work.
(then Kain starts going back down the ladder, laughing about ordering her around.
Well, Silveriss doesn't like this, so when Kain is at the ladder and still 39 feet in the air,
she flashes the light on him)
Kain: (with light in eyes) HEY, I CAN'T SEE! GET THE DAMN LIGHT OUT OF MY EYES!
YOU'LL MAKE ME SLIP! WHOAA!!
(Kain fell 39 feet down)
Silveriss: Hehe, that'll teach ya.
Kain: Ow!!
(well, Zephon wasn't doing much better. At least Z-F Kat unlatched and she had gotten
him stylish clothes)
Zephon: Hey, those look smooth!
Z-F Kat: Get changed so you can try them on!
Zephon: Not with you watching!
(Zephon shoved her out of his dressing room, but Z-F Kat had drilled a hole in the wall
like in Psycho. Zephon took off his shirt when he noticed it)
Zephon: Hey, this isn't Psycho!
(so he plugged up the hole. Then another was drilled in. He plugged it up. Then
another)
Zephon: I'm not gonna get through this alive, am I?
(Zephon thinks about this predicament, then comes up with an idea)
Zephon: (shouting for her to hear) WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF
NOW! HOPE NO ONE'S WATCHING!!
(Zephon listens and hears Z-F Kat faint)
Zephon: Hehe, knew that would work.
(Zephon goes out of the changing room with his clothes on and looks at Z-F Kat)
Zephon: She looks so innocent when she's sleeping.
(then she sprung up and latched to him)
Z-F Kat: Fell for it!
(all around the Pillars there was chaos. Rahab was lifting sugar above his head to tease
Light and it was working till she climbed on him and got it. And Concept of a Demon
was trying to perform satanic rituals on Melchiah, without much success. Sarryn was
watching an anime for inspiration, and she was watching an anime called Sorcerer
Hunters. Dumah sneaked up behind her and sprayed some of the Axe Deodorant on
him, but Sarryn didn't notice at all. Her got pissed off and sat beside her)
Dumah: This Axe stuff is junk! What is this show?
Sarryn: Sorcerer Hunters!
Dumah: (throws the Axe Deodorant to her) That stuff doesn't work! Why do you like
anime's? They're stupid.
Sarryn: NO THEY'RE NOT!! Have you sat down and watched one before?
Dumah: No.
Sarryn: Then watch it!
Dumah: (thinking about the Axe Deodorant) Do you find me sexually appealing at all?
Sarryn: (stares at him) NO!!
Dumah: Stupid deodorant.
(he watches the anime. And he gets pissed off because he ends up liking it)
Sarryn: (after it was over) So, what do you think?
Dumah: THAT WAS NEAT-O!
Sarryn: Told you.
Dumah: You know who I think would make the perfect couple?
Sarryn: Who?
Dumah: Marron and Carrot. I know it's kinda sick, but I think it could work.
Sarryn: Me too!!
Dumah: Well, I've got to go be mean so more. See ya. That Axe Deodorant sucks!
(when Dumah is walking away Sarryn thinks since Dumah's stupid, she shouldn't listen
to him so she's tries the deodorant just to see what would happen. Dumah stops)
Dumah: Whoa, what's that yummy smell?
(so Dumah goes over and smells Sarryn's head)
Dumah: Sarryn, your head smells good.
Sarryn: (just rolls her eyes)
[Meanwhile, Turel was halfway to Dark Eden but he thought he would crack by the time he got there because of a hyperactive lunatic]
Venris: Hey, why do people have armpits? What do they do? Why are they there?
Turel: (very irritated) Don't know, don't care.
Venris: Or, why do men have nipples?
Turel: (PO'ed) Don't know, don't care.
Venris: Are we there yet?
Turel: No.
Venris: Are we there yet?
Turel: No.
Venris: Are we there yet?
Turel: (lost it) NO, WE ARE NOT THERE YET!! AND IF YOU SAY THAT ONCE MORE, I'LL
KILL YOU, UNDERSTAND!?
Venris: Yep.
Turel: Good.
Venris: There yet are we?
Turel: ARGHHHHH!!
[Well, later that day everything had come together and Kain and everyone else had done their job. Now Kain was about to test the microphone. Turel and Venris were still out]
Kain: (to Silveriss) Okay, get the microphone above me. (then, in a snarky and spiteful
tone) Can your handle that?
Silveriss: (noticing the insulting tone) Yes I can.
(so the microphone "accidentally" dropped and jabbed Kain in the eye. Kain fell down)
Kain: Oh damn it!
Wise Man Domingo: Hehehehhe.
Kain: (getting back up) OH COME ON PEOPLE, DAMNIT! FORGET IT, I'LL JUST GET MY
MAKE-UP! WISE MAN, DON'T SCREW ME UP!
Wise Man Domingo: Okay, first I've got to give you an EKG.
(so Wise Man smacks Kain's head with a hammer)
Kain: Ow! What was that?
Wise Man Domingo: I'll knock you out so you can stay still during the operation.
Kain: Knock me out?
Wise Man Domingo: Yep.
(then Wise Man splashed a bucket of water on Kain's face and hit Kain with a hammer
and knocked Kain out)
Wise Man Domingo: That was fun.
(well, Wise Man removed Kain's bottom jaw and put a lip-o-suction in him. Now,
imagine is Kain was a scrawny as Raziel. Hehehe, funny looking huh? Oh, and Kian had
no jaw. Then Kain awoke)
Wise Man Domingo: (to Rahab) Think I should put lipstick on him? (then he sees that
Kain's awake) Hey Kain.
Kain: (remembering the pain) THAT'S IT!! EVERYONE OUT!! EVERYONE!!
Zephon: (while getting hugged and kissed by Z-F Kat and pretending not to like it) Even
Z-F Kat?
Kain: YES!!
(and so all the special guests left, except Venris who was still with Turel)
Turel: (smelling Sarryn as she left) Wow, she smelt good.
Kain: Finally, everything's back to normal!
Raziel: How do you talk without a bottom jaw?
Kain: Hell if I know!
[The scene is now Dark Eden. Turel was carrying a huge boulder while Venris pranced around him while being weird]
Venris: Hey Turel, do you wanna be friends with my pet zucchini? Just think, we could
be here forever!
Turel: Oh dear lord no.
(then Turel purposely drops the boulder on himself)
Turel: Damn, I'm not dead.
(then Venris just continued talking on and on and Turel could only lay there hoping that
the boulder would eventually kill him)
_________________________________________________________________
Well, I hope I did a good job. And for those people that do leave reviews that wasn't in this, I've got nothing against you. Oh, and I hope I didn't insult any of the authors in this fic either. Don't forget to review!
_________________________________________________________
Special Guests: Wise Man Domingo, Z-F Kat, Light in the Dark Places, Concept of a Demon, Venris, Sarryn, and Silveriss
[The scene is, yet again, the Pillars. Things are getting set for the new movie, but things aren't going well. There aren't near enough people to help make the movie. Dumah is walking around at the entrance of the Pillars spraying himself with something]
Kain: (sees Dumah spraying himself then walks over to Dumah) What are you doing?
Dumah: Why do you care? I'm your least favorite while Razzyboy is your favorite!
Kain: That was just a little joke, I didn't think Razzyboy would fall for it!
Dumah: (cheers up) Oh! Well, I'm spraying this Axe Body Deodorant on me. It's
supposed to make me irresistible to the opposite sex.
Kain: (sighs) Don't be stupid Dumah, that's Zephon's department.
(then Zephon came wobbling up with a bunny biting his foot)
Zephon: (in pain) Before you ask, I was gonna play Kick The Bunny, but the bunny
didn't want to take any crap from me, so he bit me and now the little bastard won't let
go. I'm gonna look for some pepper spray.
Kain: (to Dumah) You see?
(then, as Zephon's leaving, he smells something sensual and really good)
Zephon: (smelling) Yum, where's that awesome smell coming from?
Dumah: !!
Kain: (evil grin)
Zephon: (smelling) What is that sexy yummy fragrant? What angel could that be
coming from?
Dumah: (whispering to Kain) He doesn't know it's me, does he?
Kain: Nope.
Zephon: That great smell makes me forget all about this bunny that's biting me.
Dumah: (gulp)
Zephon: (turning to Dumah) You don't happen to know where that great smell is
coming from, do you?
Dumah: Um...hehehe, no.
Zephon: (walking toward Dumah) The smell is becoming stronger.
Kain: (does his neat evil laugh)
Zephon: (smells Dumah's shoulder) !!
Dumah: !!
Zephon: (totally disillusioned) I'm going now.
(then Zephon left)
Kain: Hahahahahahahaha!
Dumah: If that worked on him, it's gotta work on the women.
[So Dumah went out in the freezing cold and saw 6 vampire women walk by. He sprayed the spray on but they just walked on because they didn't even notice him. He got pissed and said that the Axe Deodorant was worthless. Meanwhile, Raziel was having a little heated chat with his agent]
Raziel: (talking on a cell phone with his agent) Okay, listen to me, we need help! We
need people like make-up artists, props people, illustrators, anyone! We need help!
MortalK55 (Razzyboy's agent): (on the other line, of course) Okay, sure.
Raziel: We need them now!
MortalK55: Ok ok ok! Calm down!
Raziel: Calm down! Calm down! I desperately need help here David!
MortalK55: Ok, let me think here!
Raziel: Hurry, we don't have a lot of time here! So hu-
MortalK55: Hey, sit down, shut up. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. I'll get online and
get some people to help. That is, if AOL 8.0 won't freakin' freeze about 10 minutes after
I get online! AOL 8.0 sucks! It has SO MANY BUGS!
Raziel: Okay, just get me something! Someone!
MortalK55: Okay! I'll try my best! Just forgive me if they're not...well...
Raziel: Well what!?
MortalK55: Totally sane.
Raziel: (sighs) Fine! Just get them here as fast as possible!
MortalK55: Alrighty then!
[Raziel hangs up and gathers the lieutenants around and Kain]
Raziel: Okay, I've spoken with my agent and he'll be sending people over here to help
us as fast as possible!
Melchiah: Where's Vorador and Janos and Umah?
Raziel: Don't know!
Turel: Will this one be a musical?
Kain: No okay!? NO FREAKIN' MUSICALS!!
Turel: We seriously need a musical.
Kain: I hope they get here soon.
Zephon: Good news guys! I pepper sprayed the bunny and he's gone away! I used all
of my pepper spray too!
(they just stare at him)
Zephon: (to Dumah) Can I have some of that Axe stuff?
Dumah: No! It's mine! I'm hoping it will work!
(they all here a noise coming out of a closet)
Turel: I heard a noise coming out of a closet.
Melchiah: Since when do we have a closet!?
Turel: Since when did we have cell phones in Nosgoth; who cares!
Kain: Zephon, check it out.
Zephon: Why me?
Kain: Cause if it's something dangerous, it'll attack you instead of us.
Zephon: (thinks about this) Weeeeeell...ok, sounds fair.
(then Zephon walked to their closet, opened it up, and a hyperactive fangirl by the
name of Z-F Kat tumbled out and immediately latched onto Zephon's leg and wouldn't
let go. Zepon just starred)
Zephon: (stares at Z-F Kat then Kain, then Z-F Kat, then Kain) Um, Kain, I've got a
human latched to me.
Kain: Then shake it off!
(Zephon shaked his leg a lot but the fan girl just increased her grip)
Zephon: Um, it's not working. I knew I shouldn't have use all of the pepper spray.
Dumah: Well, let's just kill her.
Raziel: No wait, she could be one of the people sent here to help us by my agent!
Z-F Kat: (while still latched to Zephon's leg) Yep! I'm Z-F Kat!
Zephon: I still can't get her off my leg. She's hugging me.
Turel: Come on Zephon, why should this bother you!? You'll dress like a woman without
complaining!
Zephon: Um, how's she gonna help?
(Z-F Kat let go of his leg and sprung up and hugged him)
Z-F Kat: I get to apply your make-up!!
Zephon: This could get bad.
Z-F Kat: I own you, remember! Don't forget that fic by DHA!
Zephon: Um...(thinking of an excuse to escape)...I was outbid on e-Bay.
(then Zephon ran away with Z-F Kat running after him waving her hands around)
Kain: I can tell this is gonna be one long ass day.
Raziel: I'll call my agent...
(then Raziel walked away)
Melchiah: Are crazy people gonna come after us too?
Turel: I hope not.
Dumah: I'll just woo them with my Axe Deodorant.
Kain: Yeah, well-
(then was a knocking on their gate. Kain was gonna open the gate but when the person
on the other side saw Kain, the person kicked the gate open, hitting Kain)
Kain: Ow! Who did that?
(one of Kain's worst enemies who he really feared walked up)
Kain: Oh no, not you!
Kain's worst enemy: Yes, it's me. Wise Man Domingo. I'm here to apply your make-up.
Kain: OH NOOOOOOOO!!!
(so Kain ran away with Wise Man Domingo chasing him down while holding a hammer.
Meanwhile, Razzyboy was phoning his agent again)
Raziel: Hello, David?
MortalK55: Yes?
Raziel: We have a madwoman chasing down Zephon and a hammer-wielder chasing
down Kain. What the hell is going on?
MortalK55: These are your helpers. Don't worry, I can assure you it'll get a lot worse.
Raziel: (PO'ed) Why'd I ever get you to be my agent?
MortalK55: Because I kick butt. And I'm handsome.
Raziel: (sighs) And an ego-maniac.
MortalK55: Yeah, but that's just recently. Bye!
(Razzyboy's client hung up)
Raziel: Damnit! What next?
Turel: Don't worry, I'll fend off any lunatics!
(just then, a lunatic crashed through the roof and the lunatic was riding a flying goat.
When the goat landed, the lunatic got off. This very weird lunatic is, of course, Venris)
Turel: I'll fight the lunatic off!
Venris: Hey TurelTurel! How do you like my flying goat!?
Turel: Razzyboy, run!
(so Raziel ran)
Turel: (to Venris) I know what you are!
Venris: You knew I was a goat worshipper!! You must read minds! Neat-o!!
Turel: I'm a professional at handling lunatics, so beware!
Venris: Are you saying I'm a lunatic because I rode a flying goat here?
Turel: Um...yes.
Venris: I'm not a lunatic! A lunatic praises inanimate objects and can't tell the difference
between inanimate objects and real objects!!
Turel: So I'm safe?
Venris: Of course! Hey, have you met Gilgagoh? Here's my pet zucchini!
Turel: Oh no.
(well, since there's chaos everywhere, Raziel seeks out Kain, who is standing on his
throne trying to get away from Wise Man Domingo)
Raziel: Kain, you must get order!
Kain: I can once you get Wise Man's hammer!
(so Raziel steals the hammer and Kain gets down)
Wise Man Domingo: Aw, I was gonna use that to perform an EKG on him!
Kain: EVERYONE FREEZE!!
(so everyone freeze, even Z-F Kat who claims she was just putting make-up around
Zephon's lips when she was really just trying to kiss him)
Kain: WE NEED ORDER! NOW, IS ANYONE ELSE COMING!?
Venris: Does ShooShoo count?
Kain: WHO'S SHOOSHOO?
Venris: My pet ceiling fan!
Kain: NO!
Wise Man Domingo: Well, about four more people are coming.
Kain: Okay, first we need order. Now, Z-F Kat will be Zephon's make-up artist!
Zephon: You can't be serious!!
Dumah: You mean make-out artist, hehehehe.
Zephon: Shut up Dumah!
Kain: Turel will go all the way to Dark Eden to get us a rock and Venris will accompany
him!
Turel: What!? You're just saying this so she'll drive me crazy, aren't you?
Kain: Yep. And Wise Man Domingo, you stay away from me! You scare the hell out of
me!
Wise Man Domingo: But you're gonna play Raziel. I've gotta get you a lip-o- suction and
remove you're bottom jaw!
Kain: Not a chance in hell!
(Silveriss, Light, Concept of a Demon, and Sarryn walk in now)
Kain: Good, you're all here! Now Silveriss, I've looked at all your hobbies and the kind
of stuff you do and you're quite impressive. That's why I'm gonna be mean to you and
make you do the lights work and the microphone work!
Silveriss: What!? You'll pay!
Kain: Sarryn, you're an otaku, so I'll let you do our artwork!
Sarryn: Just cause I love animes and manga, you think I'm a genius at drawing?
Kain: Yes, I know it's a stereotype, so that's why I'm doing this, hehehehe.
Sarryn: Well, I can't make you look handsome or anything because that'd be too hard
with your ugly, fat head!
Kain: Hey, my head is perfectly proportioned to my body!
Light in the Dark Places (aka Light): Yeah, if you're a Peanuts character.
Wise Man Domingo: Oh, good one.
Light: Thanks!
Kain: Aw, shut up Light! I don't know what I'll get you to do, Rahab, work with Light!
Rahab: Okay.
Concept of a Demon: Am I right in assuming that all of you are dead?
Kain: Yes...
Concept of a Demon: So I can do to you stuff that would normally kill a human?
Kain: Yes...
Concept of a Demon: Yes!! I'm a satanist in training, who would like to be my test
subject?
Everyone except Melchiah: ...
Melchiah: Me me me me me me me!
Concept of a Demon: Yes!!
Kain: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
Dumah: Can we just do this and get this over with?
Kain: Okay! Everyone, get to work!
(then everyone starts doing their jobs)
Kain: (to Raziel) Can I borrow your phone, Razzyboy?
Raziel: Whatever. (hands Kain his phone)
(Kain calls Razzyboy's agent)
MortalK55: Hello.
Kain: This is me, Kain.
MortalK55: What now?
Kain: You have sent some strange people here.
MortalK55: They may seem strange, but they've got a good heart. Well, except maybe
Concept of a Demon, he doesn't even want a good heart.
Kain: I warn you, if things get out of hand, you're dead!
MortalK55: Eh, I might need to move out of town then, bye!
(MortalK55 hangs up on Kain)
Kain: Son of a bitch!
(Meanwhile, Silveriss had climbed a 40 foot long ladder and turned on the lights. The
lights were crooked so Kain went up to the top step of the ladder)
Kain: Hey, the light is crooked, fix it!
Silveriss: (fixes the light) There!
Kain: Now, get down and do some more work.
(then Kain starts going back down the ladder, laughing about ordering her around.
Well, Silveriss doesn't like this, so when Kain is at the ladder and still 39 feet in the air,
she flashes the light on him)
Kain: (with light in eyes) HEY, I CAN'T SEE! GET THE DAMN LIGHT OUT OF MY EYES!
YOU'LL MAKE ME SLIP! WHOAA!!
(Kain fell 39 feet down)
Silveriss: Hehe, that'll teach ya.
Kain: Ow!!
(well, Zephon wasn't doing much better. At least Z-F Kat unlatched and she had gotten
him stylish clothes)
Zephon: Hey, those look smooth!
Z-F Kat: Get changed so you can try them on!
Zephon: Not with you watching!
(Zephon shoved her out of his dressing room, but Z-F Kat had drilled a hole in the wall
like in Psycho. Zephon took off his shirt when he noticed it)
Zephon: Hey, this isn't Psycho!
(so he plugged up the hole. Then another was drilled in. He plugged it up. Then
another)
Zephon: I'm not gonna get through this alive, am I?
(Zephon thinks about this predicament, then comes up with an idea)
Zephon: (shouting for her to hear) WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF
NOW! HOPE NO ONE'S WATCHING!!
(Zephon listens and hears Z-F Kat faint)
Zephon: Hehe, knew that would work.
(Zephon goes out of the changing room with his clothes on and looks at Z-F Kat)
Zephon: She looks so innocent when she's sleeping.
(then she sprung up and latched to him)
Z-F Kat: Fell for it!
(all around the Pillars there was chaos. Rahab was lifting sugar above his head to tease
Light and it was working till she climbed on him and got it. And Concept of a Demon
was trying to perform satanic rituals on Melchiah, without much success. Sarryn was
watching an anime for inspiration, and she was watching an anime called Sorcerer
Hunters. Dumah sneaked up behind her and sprayed some of the Axe Deodorant on
him, but Sarryn didn't notice at all. Her got pissed off and sat beside her)
Dumah: This Axe stuff is junk! What is this show?
Sarryn: Sorcerer Hunters!
Dumah: (throws the Axe Deodorant to her) That stuff doesn't work! Why do you like
anime's? They're stupid.
Sarryn: NO THEY'RE NOT!! Have you sat down and watched one before?
Dumah: No.
Sarryn: Then watch it!
Dumah: (thinking about the Axe Deodorant) Do you find me sexually appealing at all?
Sarryn: (stares at him) NO!!
Dumah: Stupid deodorant.
(he watches the anime. And he gets pissed off because he ends up liking it)
Sarryn: (after it was over) So, what do you think?
Dumah: THAT WAS NEAT-O!
Sarryn: Told you.
Dumah: You know who I think would make the perfect couple?
Sarryn: Who?
Dumah: Marron and Carrot. I know it's kinda sick, but I think it could work.
Sarryn: Me too!!
Dumah: Well, I've got to go be mean so more. See ya. That Axe Deodorant sucks!
(when Dumah is walking away Sarryn thinks since Dumah's stupid, she shouldn't listen
to him so she's tries the deodorant just to see what would happen. Dumah stops)
Dumah: Whoa, what's that yummy smell?
(so Dumah goes over and smells Sarryn's head)
Dumah: Sarryn, your head smells good.
Sarryn: (just rolls her eyes)
[Meanwhile, Turel was halfway to Dark Eden but he thought he would crack by the time he got there because of a hyperactive lunatic]
Venris: Hey, why do people have armpits? What do they do? Why are they there?
Turel: (very irritated) Don't know, don't care.
Venris: Or, why do men have nipples?
Turel: (PO'ed) Don't know, don't care.
Venris: Are we there yet?
Turel: No.
Venris: Are we there yet?
Turel: No.
Venris: Are we there yet?
Turel: (lost it) NO, WE ARE NOT THERE YET!! AND IF YOU SAY THAT ONCE MORE, I'LL
KILL YOU, UNDERSTAND!?
Venris: Yep.
Turel: Good.
Venris: There yet are we?
Turel: ARGHHHHH!!
[Well, later that day everything had come together and Kain and everyone else had done their job. Now Kain was about to test the microphone. Turel and Venris were still out]
Kain: (to Silveriss) Okay, get the microphone above me. (then, in a snarky and spiteful
tone) Can your handle that?
Silveriss: (noticing the insulting tone) Yes I can.
(so the microphone "accidentally" dropped and jabbed Kain in the eye. Kain fell down)
Kain: Oh damn it!
Wise Man Domingo: Hehehehhe.
Kain: (getting back up) OH COME ON PEOPLE, DAMNIT! FORGET IT, I'LL JUST GET MY
MAKE-UP! WISE MAN, DON'T SCREW ME UP!
Wise Man Domingo: Okay, first I've got to give you an EKG.
(so Wise Man smacks Kain's head with a hammer)
Kain: Ow! What was that?
Wise Man Domingo: I'll knock you out so you can stay still during the operation.
Kain: Knock me out?
Wise Man Domingo: Yep.
(then Wise Man splashed a bucket of water on Kain's face and hit Kain with a hammer
and knocked Kain out)
Wise Man Domingo: That was fun.
(well, Wise Man removed Kain's bottom jaw and put a lip-o-suction in him. Now,
imagine is Kain was a scrawny as Raziel. Hehehe, funny looking huh? Oh, and Kian had
no jaw. Then Kain awoke)
Wise Man Domingo: (to Rahab) Think I should put lipstick on him? (then he sees that
Kain's awake) Hey Kain.
Kain: (remembering the pain) THAT'S IT!! EVERYONE OUT!! EVERYONE!!
Zephon: (while getting hugged and kissed by Z-F Kat and pretending not to like it) Even
Z-F Kat?
Kain: YES!!
(and so all the special guests left, except Venris who was still with Turel)
Turel: (smelling Sarryn as she left) Wow, she smelt good.
Kain: Finally, everything's back to normal!
Raziel: How do you talk without a bottom jaw?
Kain: Hell if I know!
[The scene is now Dark Eden. Turel was carrying a huge boulder while Venris pranced around him while being weird]
Venris: Hey Turel, do you wanna be friends with my pet zucchini? Just think, we could
be here forever!
Turel: Oh dear lord no.
(then Turel purposely drops the boulder on himself)
Turel: Damn, I'm not dead.
(then Venris just continued talking on and on and Turel could only lay there hoping that
the boulder would eventually kill him)
_________________________________________________________________
Well, I hope I did a good job. And for those people that do leave reviews that wasn't in this, I've got nothing against you. Oh, and I hope I didn't insult any of the authors in this fic either. Don't forget to review!
