Disclaimer: I don't own LoK or its characters
__________________________________________________
[The scene is the navy recruiting office where the last chapter left off. It is nighttime and Kain was asleep snoring loudly and Zephon was sleep- talking. He was having a weird dream]
{Zephon's dream begins}
[In his dream, Zephon was a Jamaican and he had Ariel, Umah, and Kain in his dream. They were all dressed as Hawaiian dancers. Even Kain. Kain walked up to Zephon, who was dancing the moonwalk]
Kain: Zephon, I love what you've done to this island!
Zephon: Yeah, well, what can you say? I'm a genius!
Kain: You sure are! Wanna dance with me?
Umah: No, dance with me!
Ariel: Dance with me!!
Zephon: Well damn an onyx, I sure am popular! Who am I gonna dance with?
(then something Zephon always wanted to dream about suddenly appeared in his dream. It was a large container of banana pudding dressed in Hawaiian clothes)
Zephon: (screams in joy) I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DANCE WITH A GIANT CONTAINER OF BANANA PUDDING!!
Umah: So, who's it gonna be? Me or the pudding?
(Zephon had his hand in his mouth, trying to decide)
Ariel: Yeah, what can that banana pudding do for you that I can't?
Zephon: This is such a hard decision!
Kain: Hey, I can boogy better than Elvis! Dance with me!
Zephon: (to the container of banana pudding) What's your argument?
(then the container of banana pudding had a spoon shaped like a diving board appear on the edge)
Zephon: DIVE INTO A LARGE CONTAINER OF BANANA PUDDING!? YOU WIN!
Umah: Can I join and skinny-dip into the pudding?
Ariel: Can I also?
Zephon: You'll skinny-dip into the pudding with me in it!?
Umah: Of course! Anything for you Zephon.
Zephon: Oh yippy!
Kain: Zephon, you are my hero!
(then Zephon dived into the pudding. Then Ariel and Umah skinny-dipped into the pudding. Zephon was shouting in joy and then he woke up, sat up, still thinking he's in his dream, which has now ended)
Zephon: YES!! YES!! MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE!! YES!! YE-(then he notices that
he's awake and not dreaming anymore)-OH, G'DAMMIT!!
(meanwhile, Kain is asleep and he's dreaming that he's killing a bunch of stuff. Each time he sees someone, he kills the person. His dreams aren't too far from reality, huh?)
Kain: (sees a person) Die!
(he kills the person)
Kain: Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha!
(then Dumah comes up)
Dumah: Kain, let's beat random people together!
Kain: Well, I'll be damned and put in the fetal position, that's a good idea!
(so Kain and Dumah kill people)
Dumah: Dad, you're just the most super-de-duperdy dad ever.
Kain: I know son, I love you!
Dumah: I love you too!
(then Zephon comes up. Zephon looks like Rambo)
Zephon: (tough voice) I have come to tell you that I have decided to NOT be a retard and I've decided to stop pertering the hell out of you.
Kain: Yes! My dream has come true!
Zephon's voice: YES!! YE-OH, G'DAMMIT!
Kain: What?
(then that scream woke up Kain. He wasn't sure if this was still the dream or not)
Zephon: Hey Kain, have you ever dreamed of being in a giant container of banana pudding with naked girls? I have, and those dream rule!!
Kain: Oh crap, this is real life! Zephon's a retarded idiot again!
(then they heard a sound coming from the front door of the office. A sarafan opened the door, and as soon as it was open, Kain and Zephon ran out like a bat out of hell. They eventually made it all the way to the Pillars and Kain kicked the gate open and him and Zephon walked in. Everyone was asleep)
Kain: We need to find Raziel.
Zephon: Why?
Kain: So I can beat the crap outta him for making me spend time with you!
Zephon: Don't beat him up. I think I've learned something through this whole experience. I've learned that a family needs to stick together and spend more time together because a family is special and should be treasured. That is why I am glad to have been locked in with you, because I was able to know you better and I think that has strengthened both of our relationships. Did you learn anything?
Kain: (suspiciously calm) Yes, I learned something too, of great importance even. I have learned that you are a gay fruit who has watched way too many after- school specials. You annoy the hell outta me, go away.
Zephon: FINE THEN!!
(so Zephon ran away crying. Kain then thought of something mean to do to Raziel. The next morning, Raziel woke up and there was a tentacle wrapped lovingly around Raziel's torso)
Raziel: ...AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
(then Raziel looked beside him and saw another tentacle lustfully laying on his forehead)
Raziel: ...DOULBE AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(by this time everyone else was awake and getting ready to start filming. Raziel's alarm didn't go off because Kain turned off the alarm and Kain had put the tentacles around Raziel. Raziel came running in)
Raziel: AHHHHHH!!!!!! I THINK THE ELDER GOD HAD SEX WITH ME!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!
(then Raziel fainted)
Janos: What the hell?
Kain: (evil grin) Hehehehehehhehe. Don't worry about it. Anyway, let's start filming.
[The scene is the same scene where chapter 1 left off. Kain as 'Raziel' is standing in a blue room with a blue dreidel at the top of the set acting as that blue weird thing at the abyss (what is the blue thing anyway?)]
Janos (as 'Elder God'): I know you Elizabeth. You are worthy.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Um, I'm Raziel.
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Oh. Well, I guess I don't know you THAT well. Anyway, you're worthy.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (looking at his claws) What crazy bastardness is this? What kind of pathetic, sad, horrible, terrible, worse-than-a-lawyer form do I inhabit? Death would be uber next to this stupidity!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You did not survive the abyss Raziel, you-
Kain (as 'Raziel'): I wasn't alive to begin with ya stupid hippy! And it I didn't survive the abyss, how am I here?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Let me finish you stupid son of a wafer. I saved you from total dissolution.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): I would choose something as degrading as being Michael Jackson over this existence!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): The choice isn't yours, so stop your bitching!
Kain (as 'Raziel'): I am a stupid!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You are reborn.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (pointing to the blue swirly thing above him) So that's what the blue thing is! That blue thing was a womb because that's where I came out of when I fell down here! I really am reborn!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): No you stupid idiot. Oh and you're an abomination of Kain, and now because of you, I can get no more souls and no more peace! Thanks a lot you bunghole Raziel!! That is why you need to do something for me. You need to become my Peace Weaver.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): PEACE WEAVER!!!? What are you, some kind of hippy!?
(he looks around this lair that he's in and he sees 'Peace' shirts, 'Save the Trees' foundation shirts, 'Save Woodstock' shirt and 'Cheech and Chong rules' shirts)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): May the power of peace be with you. And remember, when a troubling moment comes up, remember my motto.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Which is?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): "Make love not war."
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Oh great, I'm stuck with a greasy hippy.
(Kain as 'Raziel' wanders around a bit till he finally gets to a warp gate)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Raziel, I-
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (Elder God's sudden voice scares him) AHH!! How do you and Mortanius talk to me from anywhere?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): It's because of these all-natural cell phones that I made out of beads and coconuts.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Please someone rescue me from this hippy.
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Anyway, these gates are like, totally trippin'. Yeah, these gates are pretty cool man. Yeah, you can proceed now dude.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (sarcastically) Wow, that was very informative.
(so Kain walks on even further then trips and falls on his face)
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (to avoid feeling stupid he comes up with an excuse) Um...I'm weak, that's why I fell.
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You are weak. You must feed.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): No duh Einstein, where'd you get that idea? Because I just said it? But I'm not hungry for blood anymore. Hey, have you got any tacos?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Um...no. You are now a devourer of peace, so you get to eat rainbows. Rainbows are so peaceful.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Then why is this movie called Soul Reaver?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Cause it sounded better than "Peace Weaver 1."
Kain (as 'Raziel'): So now I get to eat rainbows? Man, this is just like one big, long, annoying acid trip. I'm not the hippy.
(Kain looks and instead of a soul, there is, in fact, a rainbow! This was NOT in the script, so Kain's kinda pissed off. He didn't want to look like a hippy)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You cannot pass till you absorb the rainbow. Aren't rainbows beautiful?
Kain: Janos, I will kill you over and over again.
(then Dumah switched the hologram of a rainbow into a hologram of a soul)
Kain: (quietly, to himself) Oh, thank you Dumah. (as 'Raziel') Stupid squid- hippy!
(so Kain walks on and on and on till he gets to a platform with another platform far away)
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Okay, now how the hell do I get across?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Your wings are very, very crappy. In fact, I dought you can use them to glide across this chasm! But try it anyway, cause if you fall and get hurt, I'll laugh my ass off.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Man, I didn't know squids were so sarcastic.
(so Kain jumped, spread out his wings, and he flew across and landed safely)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Well castrate me and twist my nipples, you made it!
(then Kain walked forward and got to a ledge. Some Slaugh, which were just Vorador and Zephon with green peanuts glued to them, as in peanuts you'd find in boxes you receive from mail, were wondering around)
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): Wow, this place sucks!!
Zephon (as 'Slaugh 2'): (sees a soul) Ooh, souls! They're my favorite food!
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): Of course they are, they're the only food you moron!
Kain (as 'Raziel'): What are these things!? They don't really look like anything!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): They're Slaughs. They eat souls. They're totally bogus.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (to Slaughs) Hey, those are MY souls that I'll damn to an eternity!
Zephon (as 'Slaugh 2'): (holding his tounge) Hey, I've got a tongue! I wander what it does?
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): (to Slaugh 2) I so totally hate you. I hope some savior of Nosgoth comes along and eats you.
(then Kain as 'Raziel' killed and ate Sluagh 2)
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): Thank you thank you!!
(then Kain killed Slaugh 1)
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1 spirit'): Hey, don't kill me you sonofabitch!
(then Kain ate him)
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Tastes just like ribs. With a side order of French fries.
(then, as Kain was gonna continue onward, the ceiling fell down and hit Kain on the head, knocking Kain out. This was not suppose to happen, so filming stopped. Turel went over to Kain and dragged Kain away)
______________________________________________________________________
Turel: Well everybody, we kinda screwed up. Oh well, we've always got bloopers to show, right?
Melchiah: Of course.
(then Raziel rose awake)
Raziel: AHHHHH!! ME NO WANT TENTACLE SEX DREAM!! AHHHH!!
(then Raziel passed out again)
Rahab: Oh boy. Well, let's play the bloopers, see where we went wrong.
BLOOPERS
-----------------------------------
Take 1
Janos (as 'Elder God'): I know you Kain, you are worthy.
Kain: Wrong! The name's Elizabeth.
Janos: Wow, now you're cross dressing? You're more a hippy than me.
Kain: Shut up you!!
-----------------------------------
----------------------------------
Take 5
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (looking at his claws) What crazy bastardness is this? What kind of pathetic, sad, horrible-
(then the blue dreidel fell on top of Kain)
Kain: Owies!!
Janos: Heh, you're a wuss.
Kain: Shut up hippy!
--------------------------------
--------------------------------
Take 9
Kain (as 'Raziel'): PEACE WEAVER!!!? What are you, some kind of hippy!?
(he looks around this lair that he's in and he sees 'Peace' shirts, 'Save the Trees' foundation shirts, 'Save Woodstock' shirt and 'Cheech and Chong rules' shirts and even a naked picture of Monica Lewensky)
Kain: WHAT!?
Janos: Ewww! What sick little monkey left that there!?
Vorador: Sorry.
-------------------------------
------------------------------
Take 13
Janos (as 'Elder God'): No you stupid idiot. Oh and you're an abomination of Kain, and now because of you, I can get no more souls and no more peace! Thanks a lot you bunghole Kain!! That is-
Kain: You said Kain.
Janos: Oh. Did I? Sh**.
-------------------------------
-----------------------------
Take 14
Janos (as 'Elder God'): No you stupid idiot. Oh and you're an abomination of Kain, and now because of you, I can get no more souls and no more peace! Thanks a lot you bunghole Kain!! That is-
Kain: Say it right!! My name is Raziel dammit!!
----------------------------
----------------------------
Take 26
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Man, I didn't know squids were so sarcastic.
(so Kain jumped, spread out his wings, and the air vent that's out of camera range wasn't turned on, so Kain just plummeted painfully)
Dumah: Well, at least we know the camera can't see the air vent so it looks like your flying.
Kain: You had something to do with this, didn't you?
Dumah: (innocent puppy-dog eyes) Now why would you say that?
----------------------------
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There, this chapter is done. I promise it'll get better. Next chapter Kain will meet Dumah's clan members! Don't know when the next chapter will end though. So, until the next chapter, see ya.
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[The scene is the navy recruiting office where the last chapter left off. It is nighttime and Kain was asleep snoring loudly and Zephon was sleep- talking. He was having a weird dream]
{Zephon's dream begins}
[In his dream, Zephon was a Jamaican and he had Ariel, Umah, and Kain in his dream. They were all dressed as Hawaiian dancers. Even Kain. Kain walked up to Zephon, who was dancing the moonwalk]
Kain: Zephon, I love what you've done to this island!
Zephon: Yeah, well, what can you say? I'm a genius!
Kain: You sure are! Wanna dance with me?
Umah: No, dance with me!
Ariel: Dance with me!!
Zephon: Well damn an onyx, I sure am popular! Who am I gonna dance with?
(then something Zephon always wanted to dream about suddenly appeared in his dream. It was a large container of banana pudding dressed in Hawaiian clothes)
Zephon: (screams in joy) I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DANCE WITH A GIANT CONTAINER OF BANANA PUDDING!!
Umah: So, who's it gonna be? Me or the pudding?
(Zephon had his hand in his mouth, trying to decide)
Ariel: Yeah, what can that banana pudding do for you that I can't?
Zephon: This is such a hard decision!
Kain: Hey, I can boogy better than Elvis! Dance with me!
Zephon: (to the container of banana pudding) What's your argument?
(then the container of banana pudding had a spoon shaped like a diving board appear on the edge)
Zephon: DIVE INTO A LARGE CONTAINER OF BANANA PUDDING!? YOU WIN!
Umah: Can I join and skinny-dip into the pudding?
Ariel: Can I also?
Zephon: You'll skinny-dip into the pudding with me in it!?
Umah: Of course! Anything for you Zephon.
Zephon: Oh yippy!
Kain: Zephon, you are my hero!
(then Zephon dived into the pudding. Then Ariel and Umah skinny-dipped into the pudding. Zephon was shouting in joy and then he woke up, sat up, still thinking he's in his dream, which has now ended)
Zephon: YES!! YES!! MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE!! YES!! YE-(then he notices that
he's awake and not dreaming anymore)-OH, G'DAMMIT!!
(meanwhile, Kain is asleep and he's dreaming that he's killing a bunch of stuff. Each time he sees someone, he kills the person. His dreams aren't too far from reality, huh?)
Kain: (sees a person) Die!
(he kills the person)
Kain: Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha!
(then Dumah comes up)
Dumah: Kain, let's beat random people together!
Kain: Well, I'll be damned and put in the fetal position, that's a good idea!
(so Kain and Dumah kill people)
Dumah: Dad, you're just the most super-de-duperdy dad ever.
Kain: I know son, I love you!
Dumah: I love you too!
(then Zephon comes up. Zephon looks like Rambo)
Zephon: (tough voice) I have come to tell you that I have decided to NOT be a retard and I've decided to stop pertering the hell out of you.
Kain: Yes! My dream has come true!
Zephon's voice: YES!! YE-OH, G'DAMMIT!
Kain: What?
(then that scream woke up Kain. He wasn't sure if this was still the dream or not)
Zephon: Hey Kain, have you ever dreamed of being in a giant container of banana pudding with naked girls? I have, and those dream rule!!
Kain: Oh crap, this is real life! Zephon's a retarded idiot again!
(then they heard a sound coming from the front door of the office. A sarafan opened the door, and as soon as it was open, Kain and Zephon ran out like a bat out of hell. They eventually made it all the way to the Pillars and Kain kicked the gate open and him and Zephon walked in. Everyone was asleep)
Kain: We need to find Raziel.
Zephon: Why?
Kain: So I can beat the crap outta him for making me spend time with you!
Zephon: Don't beat him up. I think I've learned something through this whole experience. I've learned that a family needs to stick together and spend more time together because a family is special and should be treasured. That is why I am glad to have been locked in with you, because I was able to know you better and I think that has strengthened both of our relationships. Did you learn anything?
Kain: (suspiciously calm) Yes, I learned something too, of great importance even. I have learned that you are a gay fruit who has watched way too many after- school specials. You annoy the hell outta me, go away.
Zephon: FINE THEN!!
(so Zephon ran away crying. Kain then thought of something mean to do to Raziel. The next morning, Raziel woke up and there was a tentacle wrapped lovingly around Raziel's torso)
Raziel: ...AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
(then Raziel looked beside him and saw another tentacle lustfully laying on his forehead)
Raziel: ...DOULBE AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(by this time everyone else was awake and getting ready to start filming. Raziel's alarm didn't go off because Kain turned off the alarm and Kain had put the tentacles around Raziel. Raziel came running in)
Raziel: AHHHHHH!!!!!! I THINK THE ELDER GOD HAD SEX WITH ME!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!
(then Raziel fainted)
Janos: What the hell?
Kain: (evil grin) Hehehehehehhehe. Don't worry about it. Anyway, let's start filming.
[The scene is the same scene where chapter 1 left off. Kain as 'Raziel' is standing in a blue room with a blue dreidel at the top of the set acting as that blue weird thing at the abyss (what is the blue thing anyway?)]
Janos (as 'Elder God'): I know you Elizabeth. You are worthy.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Um, I'm Raziel.
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Oh. Well, I guess I don't know you THAT well. Anyway, you're worthy.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (looking at his claws) What crazy bastardness is this? What kind of pathetic, sad, horrible, terrible, worse-than-a-lawyer form do I inhabit? Death would be uber next to this stupidity!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You did not survive the abyss Raziel, you-
Kain (as 'Raziel'): I wasn't alive to begin with ya stupid hippy! And it I didn't survive the abyss, how am I here?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Let me finish you stupid son of a wafer. I saved you from total dissolution.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): I would choose something as degrading as being Michael Jackson over this existence!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): The choice isn't yours, so stop your bitching!
Kain (as 'Raziel'): I am a stupid!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You are reborn.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (pointing to the blue swirly thing above him) So that's what the blue thing is! That blue thing was a womb because that's where I came out of when I fell down here! I really am reborn!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): No you stupid idiot. Oh and you're an abomination of Kain, and now because of you, I can get no more souls and no more peace! Thanks a lot you bunghole Raziel!! That is why you need to do something for me. You need to become my Peace Weaver.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): PEACE WEAVER!!!? What are you, some kind of hippy!?
(he looks around this lair that he's in and he sees 'Peace' shirts, 'Save the Trees' foundation shirts, 'Save Woodstock' shirt and 'Cheech and Chong rules' shirts)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): May the power of peace be with you. And remember, when a troubling moment comes up, remember my motto.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Which is?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): "Make love not war."
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Oh great, I'm stuck with a greasy hippy.
(Kain as 'Raziel' wanders around a bit till he finally gets to a warp gate)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Raziel, I-
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (Elder God's sudden voice scares him) AHH!! How do you and Mortanius talk to me from anywhere?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): It's because of these all-natural cell phones that I made out of beads and coconuts.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Please someone rescue me from this hippy.
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Anyway, these gates are like, totally trippin'. Yeah, these gates are pretty cool man. Yeah, you can proceed now dude.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (sarcastically) Wow, that was very informative.
(so Kain walks on even further then trips and falls on his face)
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (to avoid feeling stupid he comes up with an excuse) Um...I'm weak, that's why I fell.
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You are weak. You must feed.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): No duh Einstein, where'd you get that idea? Because I just said it? But I'm not hungry for blood anymore. Hey, have you got any tacos?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Um...no. You are now a devourer of peace, so you get to eat rainbows. Rainbows are so peaceful.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Then why is this movie called Soul Reaver?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Cause it sounded better than "Peace Weaver 1."
Kain (as 'Raziel'): So now I get to eat rainbows? Man, this is just like one big, long, annoying acid trip. I'm not the hippy.
(Kain looks and instead of a soul, there is, in fact, a rainbow! This was NOT in the script, so Kain's kinda pissed off. He didn't want to look like a hippy)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): You cannot pass till you absorb the rainbow. Aren't rainbows beautiful?
Kain: Janos, I will kill you over and over again.
(then Dumah switched the hologram of a rainbow into a hologram of a soul)
Kain: (quietly, to himself) Oh, thank you Dumah. (as 'Raziel') Stupid squid- hippy!
(so Kain walks on and on and on till he gets to a platform with another platform far away)
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Okay, now how the hell do I get across?
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Your wings are very, very crappy. In fact, I dought you can use them to glide across this chasm! But try it anyway, cause if you fall and get hurt, I'll laugh my ass off.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Man, I didn't know squids were so sarcastic.
(so Kain jumped, spread out his wings, and he flew across and landed safely)
Janos (as 'Elder God'): Well castrate me and twist my nipples, you made it!
(then Kain walked forward and got to a ledge. Some Slaugh, which were just Vorador and Zephon with green peanuts glued to them, as in peanuts you'd find in boxes you receive from mail, were wondering around)
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): Wow, this place sucks!!
Zephon (as 'Slaugh 2'): (sees a soul) Ooh, souls! They're my favorite food!
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): Of course they are, they're the only food you moron!
Kain (as 'Raziel'): What are these things!? They don't really look like anything!
Janos (as 'Elder God'): They're Slaughs. They eat souls. They're totally bogus.
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (to Slaughs) Hey, those are MY souls that I'll damn to an eternity!
Zephon (as 'Slaugh 2'): (holding his tounge) Hey, I've got a tongue! I wander what it does?
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): (to Slaugh 2) I so totally hate you. I hope some savior of Nosgoth comes along and eats you.
(then Kain as 'Raziel' killed and ate Sluagh 2)
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1'): Thank you thank you!!
(then Kain killed Slaugh 1)
Vorador (as 'Slaugh 1 spirit'): Hey, don't kill me you sonofabitch!
(then Kain ate him)
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Tastes just like ribs. With a side order of French fries.
(then, as Kain was gonna continue onward, the ceiling fell down and hit Kain on the head, knocking Kain out. This was not suppose to happen, so filming stopped. Turel went over to Kain and dragged Kain away)
______________________________________________________________________
Turel: Well everybody, we kinda screwed up. Oh well, we've always got bloopers to show, right?
Melchiah: Of course.
(then Raziel rose awake)
Raziel: AHHHHH!! ME NO WANT TENTACLE SEX DREAM!! AHHHH!!
(then Raziel passed out again)
Rahab: Oh boy. Well, let's play the bloopers, see where we went wrong.
BLOOPERS
-----------------------------------
Take 1
Janos (as 'Elder God'): I know you Kain, you are worthy.
Kain: Wrong! The name's Elizabeth.
Janos: Wow, now you're cross dressing? You're more a hippy than me.
Kain: Shut up you!!
-----------------------------------
----------------------------------
Take 5
Kain (as 'Raziel'): (looking at his claws) What crazy bastardness is this? What kind of pathetic, sad, horrible-
(then the blue dreidel fell on top of Kain)
Kain: Owies!!
Janos: Heh, you're a wuss.
Kain: Shut up hippy!
--------------------------------
--------------------------------
Take 9
Kain (as 'Raziel'): PEACE WEAVER!!!? What are you, some kind of hippy!?
(he looks around this lair that he's in and he sees 'Peace' shirts, 'Save the Trees' foundation shirts, 'Save Woodstock' shirt and 'Cheech and Chong rules' shirts and even a naked picture of Monica Lewensky)
Kain: WHAT!?
Janos: Ewww! What sick little monkey left that there!?
Vorador: Sorry.
-------------------------------
------------------------------
Take 13
Janos (as 'Elder God'): No you stupid idiot. Oh and you're an abomination of Kain, and now because of you, I can get no more souls and no more peace! Thanks a lot you bunghole Kain!! That is-
Kain: You said Kain.
Janos: Oh. Did I? Sh**.
-------------------------------
-----------------------------
Take 14
Janos (as 'Elder God'): No you stupid idiot. Oh and you're an abomination of Kain, and now because of you, I can get no more souls and no more peace! Thanks a lot you bunghole Kain!! That is-
Kain: Say it right!! My name is Raziel dammit!!
----------------------------
----------------------------
Take 26
Kain (as 'Raziel'): Man, I didn't know squids were so sarcastic.
(so Kain jumped, spread out his wings, and the air vent that's out of camera range wasn't turned on, so Kain just plummeted painfully)
Dumah: Well, at least we know the camera can't see the air vent so it looks like your flying.
Kain: You had something to do with this, didn't you?
Dumah: (innocent puppy-dog eyes) Now why would you say that?
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There, this chapter is done. I promise it'll get better. Next chapter Kain will meet Dumah's clan members! Don't know when the next chapter will end though. So, until the next chapter, see ya.
