Disclaimer: Do not own LoK but I do own...nothing you'll find in this fic
_____________________________________________________________
A/N: I always have one chapter in my parodies that's an original chapter, and although this was gonna be another parody chapter, I was having some trouble with the parody so I decided that I would do the original chapter now while I work on the parody chapter. Hope that made sense
[The scene is the rainforest from last chapter. They were lost]
Dumah: I'm hungry.
Zephon: I'm thirsty.
Raziel: I wanna eat a soul.
Melchiah: I need glue.
Turel: I need-
Kain: SHUT UP!!
Vorador: Great! We're lost!
Kain: No we're not.
Janos: At least we get to admire this lovely forest.
Kain: (to Janos) Shut up you stupid hippy!!
Melchiah: You know, this forest is really pretty.
Kain: Crap, Melchiah is just as much a hippy now as he was in high school!
Rahab: You know what we were like in high school?
Kain: Of course!
Raziel: What was I like?
Kain: Oh, I hated you!
Rahab: Tell us what we were like!
Kain: Do you want the cool version or the...true version?
Zephon: True version!!
Kain: Okay, you asked for it.
{[Flashback begins]}
[The scene is a high school hallway. Kain (everyone were human at this time) walked up to his locker. Kain wore triple-thick glasses, plaid shirt, polka-dotted trousers, and almost had bucked-teeth. In other words, Kain was a nerd in high school]
Kain: (opening the locker) I hope the frat boys didn't steal my binder again.
(Kain got out his "Steve Ercle" folder)
Kain: Man, Steve Ercle is my hero. I wanna be just like him.
(then Kain got out his "Bill Nye the Science Guy" thermos)
Kain: Bill Nye, you are the coolest science guy around.
(then Kain got out his "Wishbone" lunch box)
Kain: SO, what's the story Wishbone? Geeheeheeheeheehee!
(then Kain's best friend came up to him. This human was wearing white spandex with white leather shorts. This human was bald. So of course, it was Melchiah)
Melchiah: Hey Kain!
Kain: Hey Melchiah!
Melchiah: Hey, did you catch that 4-hour long report on the lifespan of quantum physics last night on TV?
Kain: I sure did! That was a blast! One of the most exciting programs I've ever watched! My favorite part was when the professor said that E=mc3! That was the funniest joke ever!
Melchiah: Yeah, saying that E=mc3! That was hilarious!
Kain and Melchiah: Geeheeheeheehee!
Kain: Hey, we need to get to class before our teacher gets mad at us!
Melchiah: Yeah. You got your Steve Ercle folder?
Kain: Yep. He's my hero!
Melchiah: And I've got my Ross Pero coloring book!
Kain: Awesome!
(so Kain and Melchiah rushed into the classroom and took there seats. They sat beside each other. Then a guy with black hair and a guy with a yellow afro came in. They both had on frat jackets that were green and white with the letter "R" on them. The guy with the black hair was Raziel and the guy with the yellow afro was Moebius)
Raziel: (to Moebius) ...and so I said "Hey guy, let me help you." Then I kicked him!
Moebius: Ahahahahahahahaha!!
Raziel: Yeah! "Raziel Omega Beta House" rules!!!
Moebius: Yeah, gimme skin, man!
Kain: Excuse me, I can't concentrate on quantum mechanics if you two are loud. Please tone down your voices.
Raziel: Tone down our voices?
(then Raziel stole Kain's Bill Nye thermos and threw it out the door)
Moebius: Ooh, snap!
Raziel: Hehehehehee!
Kain: Hey, that was mine. I'd much appreciate it if you would give it back.
Raziel: Oh yeah, I forgot to do this.
(then Raziel broke Melchiah's no.2 pencil)
Melchiah: No!! I had gotten that from the science fair!
Kain: Yeah, you big meany!
Raziel and Moebius: Ahahahahahahahaha!
(then Raziel and Moebius went to their seats, and Raziel was in the desk in front of Moebius. Then their teacher entered. He was a tall black guy with an afro and he wore black and red clothes, checkered pants, and he kind of had an attitude. This was Faustus)
Faustus: Alright, shut up now!
Melchiah: Hello Faustus.
Faustus: Yeah! Hi!
(then Kain walked up to Faustus' desk and set an apple on it)
Kain: There ya go teacher.
Faustus: Kain, always the teacher's favorite.
Raziel: Hey Moebius, I know who we're beating up after school.
Moebius: Yeah, Kain's ass is mine!
Raziel: Snap!!
(then Kain returned to his seat)
Faustus: Okay, time for role-call! Kain!
Kain: Here! (waves hand in the air)
Raziel: (cough)Teacher'spet!(cough)
Moebius: (cough)Analhead!(cough)
Raziel: Ooh, snap!
Faustus: Shut up you two before I have to he-bitch slap you! Melchiah!
Melchiah: Present, sir!
Faustus: I know those two fools Raziel and Moebius are here. Dumah!
Raziel: He's gonna be late!
Moebius: Yeah! Because we tied him on a bench and Raziel tried to pee on him!
Raziel and Moebius: Score!!!
Faustus: You two do anymore stupid stuff like that, then I'm sending you to Principal Magnus!
Raziel: Okay. We can't help it we're rebels!
Moebius: "Raziel Omega Beta House" rules!!
Faustus: That does it! Moebius, to the Principal's office!
(then Moebius left)
Faustus: Is Rahab here?
(at just that moment, Rahab came in. He didn't have a shirt on, had spiky hair, swimming trunks on, sandals on, sunglasses on and had a mini-CD player in a pocket. He was also carrying a surf board)
Rahab: Yo! Peace and Buddha be with us all. Turel's comin' too dudes!
Faustus: Just sit down!
(Rahab took his seat in front of Kain)
Rahab: Yo, Rahab not doin time, comin in time, makin a rhyme!
Faustus: Okay, just shut yo' stupid mouth boy!
Rahab: Man, I can't believe that Baywatch wouldn't except me. Oh well, it's all in a constant state of one-ness and keeping it Buddha-like!
Raziel: Yo', surfin' pretty boy, what the hell you talking bout!? Oooooh, snap! I gotcha!
Faustus: Shut up Raziel!
(then Turel entered. He was almost 7 feet tall, were stripped overalls, a red and yellow stripped shirt, black hair in a blue headband and a ruler resting on one of his ears)
Turel: People, it's me, Turel!
Kain: Hey Turel!
Turel: Hey, it's Kain and Melchiah! What's up guys!
Melchiah: Wow! With that fashion sense, you're gonna get all the girls!
Turel: Well well well, what can I say? They're gonna be all over me like catnip!
Faustus: Okay now people, shut up!
(Turel sat in the seat in front of Melchiah)
Faustus: Ok, for today's lesson-
Kain: Hey teacher, what about Zephon?
Faustus: He's not in this class.
Kain: Then what class is he in?
[The scene is now inside of the Nursery class, or whatever it is]
(Umah still looks a lot like she did in Blood Omen 2. In fact, she's wearing the same clothes, only now her hair's in a green mohawk and she has lots of piercings)
Umah: Hey woman teacher, now tell me again just why lots of girls come to this class? It gives the impression that girls are stereotypes! And I aren't! People say, just because I'm considered jail-bait, that I be bad!
(Ariel had on a dress and she had legs now! And a side of her face was completely covered because she messed up her make-up by setting her hair on fire. Ariel was also a smart-ass)
Ariel: Well, let's see? You're bad because you look like a slut, dress like a slut, and you are a slut!
Umah: Hey hey hey, don't make me whip you!
(Zephon was in this class as well. He was the only guy in the class and he was a bit more girlish than the girls)
Zephon: Please girls, stop this fighting! It's not very good!
(then another female, Hash'something'something was actually a human female before she became a demon)
Hash: Hey, this class is neat-o! I wanna nurse a baby!
Zephon: Me too, won't that be super!
Zephon and Hash: (giggles like little girls)
Ariel: (to Zephon) Hey girlyboy! Do you have a perm? Do you? Get outta here!
Hash: Leave him alone, he's very sensitive!
Zephon: Yeah, I'm not wanted anywhere!
(then Zephon runs out the room crying)
Umah: Yo, yo, you gotta lighter?
Ariel: Slut!
Umah: Why? Cause I dress diffrently? Cause I got mohawk? Cause I whip people?
Hash: Girls, please settle down!
Ariel: Wow, Hash wants peace! She's such a hippy!
(then Zephon came back with a box of tissues)
Zephon: Stop making fun of me!!
Umah: Yo!
Zephon: Let's discuss babies!
Hash: Yay! Let's have team spirit!
Zephon: (jumping in the air) Team spirit hooray!!
Ariel: Team spirit, boo!
Umah: Team spirit is a girl on a pole!
Hash and Zephon: (girlish giggling) Go team! Yay! We have spirit!
Ariel: (to Umah) Well, hello girlfriend, girls on poles are sluts!
Umah: Whatever!
Zephon: Girls, let's settle down! I hate it when we fight!
Hash: Yeah, it's scary! Let's talk about babies!
Zephon: They are so cute!
Zephon and Hash: (girlish giggling)
[The scene is now back at Kain's classroom. The girlish giggling can be heard because the two classrooms are next to each other]
Raziel: (irritated sigh) That Zephon is just one step away from being a girl...
Faustus: Shut up boy, I'm tryin' to teach you! And if you don't respect people, then I'LL tie you to a bench and pee on you!!
Raziel: Okay.
Kain: Hehehehee, Raziel is unsmart! I bet he doesn't even know 3 times 19,000 divided by 456 to the square root of 9!
Melchiah: Ooh, Snapple! Heeheehee!
Kain: Hahahahahaha!
Raziel: Dorks!
{[Flashback ends]}
Kain: Raziel, I hate you.
Raziel: We were like that in high school?
Rahab: I was one with one-ness?
Zephon: So that's why I have a girlish giggle.
Turel: Wow, I was cool.
Dumah: You SOB Raziel, you pee'd on me!
Raziel: Oh, I wish I could remember that.
Janos: Okay, let's get going.
[So they walked on out of the forest, Kain making Raziel carry all of the props and everything]
_______________________________________________________________________
Well, I usually update 'I Love Meat' really quickly when I get done with the Kain Presents chapters, but you won't hear from me for a week because I'm going snow skiing! Sounds fun! Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and if you liked it enough, I might even make this into its own fic! Well, hope you liked the fic and see ya until next chapter!
_____________________________________________________________
A/N: I always have one chapter in my parodies that's an original chapter, and although this was gonna be another parody chapter, I was having some trouble with the parody so I decided that I would do the original chapter now while I work on the parody chapter. Hope that made sense
[The scene is the rainforest from last chapter. They were lost]
Dumah: I'm hungry.
Zephon: I'm thirsty.
Raziel: I wanna eat a soul.
Melchiah: I need glue.
Turel: I need-
Kain: SHUT UP!!
Vorador: Great! We're lost!
Kain: No we're not.
Janos: At least we get to admire this lovely forest.
Kain: (to Janos) Shut up you stupid hippy!!
Melchiah: You know, this forest is really pretty.
Kain: Crap, Melchiah is just as much a hippy now as he was in high school!
Rahab: You know what we were like in high school?
Kain: Of course!
Raziel: What was I like?
Kain: Oh, I hated you!
Rahab: Tell us what we were like!
Kain: Do you want the cool version or the...true version?
Zephon: True version!!
Kain: Okay, you asked for it.
{[Flashback begins]}
[The scene is a high school hallway. Kain (everyone were human at this time) walked up to his locker. Kain wore triple-thick glasses, plaid shirt, polka-dotted trousers, and almost had bucked-teeth. In other words, Kain was a nerd in high school]
Kain: (opening the locker) I hope the frat boys didn't steal my binder again.
(Kain got out his "Steve Ercle" folder)
Kain: Man, Steve Ercle is my hero. I wanna be just like him.
(then Kain got out his "Bill Nye the Science Guy" thermos)
Kain: Bill Nye, you are the coolest science guy around.
(then Kain got out his "Wishbone" lunch box)
Kain: SO, what's the story Wishbone? Geeheeheeheeheehee!
(then Kain's best friend came up to him. This human was wearing white spandex with white leather shorts. This human was bald. So of course, it was Melchiah)
Melchiah: Hey Kain!
Kain: Hey Melchiah!
Melchiah: Hey, did you catch that 4-hour long report on the lifespan of quantum physics last night on TV?
Kain: I sure did! That was a blast! One of the most exciting programs I've ever watched! My favorite part was when the professor said that E=mc3! That was the funniest joke ever!
Melchiah: Yeah, saying that E=mc3! That was hilarious!
Kain and Melchiah: Geeheeheeheehee!
Kain: Hey, we need to get to class before our teacher gets mad at us!
Melchiah: Yeah. You got your Steve Ercle folder?
Kain: Yep. He's my hero!
Melchiah: And I've got my Ross Pero coloring book!
Kain: Awesome!
(so Kain and Melchiah rushed into the classroom and took there seats. They sat beside each other. Then a guy with black hair and a guy with a yellow afro came in. They both had on frat jackets that were green and white with the letter "R" on them. The guy with the black hair was Raziel and the guy with the yellow afro was Moebius)
Raziel: (to Moebius) ...and so I said "Hey guy, let me help you." Then I kicked him!
Moebius: Ahahahahahahahaha!!
Raziel: Yeah! "Raziel Omega Beta House" rules!!!
Moebius: Yeah, gimme skin, man!
Kain: Excuse me, I can't concentrate on quantum mechanics if you two are loud. Please tone down your voices.
Raziel: Tone down our voices?
(then Raziel stole Kain's Bill Nye thermos and threw it out the door)
Moebius: Ooh, snap!
Raziel: Hehehehehee!
Kain: Hey, that was mine. I'd much appreciate it if you would give it back.
Raziel: Oh yeah, I forgot to do this.
(then Raziel broke Melchiah's no.2 pencil)
Melchiah: No!! I had gotten that from the science fair!
Kain: Yeah, you big meany!
Raziel and Moebius: Ahahahahahahahaha!
(then Raziel and Moebius went to their seats, and Raziel was in the desk in front of Moebius. Then their teacher entered. He was a tall black guy with an afro and he wore black and red clothes, checkered pants, and he kind of had an attitude. This was Faustus)
Faustus: Alright, shut up now!
Melchiah: Hello Faustus.
Faustus: Yeah! Hi!
(then Kain walked up to Faustus' desk and set an apple on it)
Kain: There ya go teacher.
Faustus: Kain, always the teacher's favorite.
Raziel: Hey Moebius, I know who we're beating up after school.
Moebius: Yeah, Kain's ass is mine!
Raziel: Snap!!
(then Kain returned to his seat)
Faustus: Okay, time for role-call! Kain!
Kain: Here! (waves hand in the air)
Raziel: (cough)Teacher'spet!(cough)
Moebius: (cough)Analhead!(cough)
Raziel: Ooh, snap!
Faustus: Shut up you two before I have to he-bitch slap you! Melchiah!
Melchiah: Present, sir!
Faustus: I know those two fools Raziel and Moebius are here. Dumah!
Raziel: He's gonna be late!
Moebius: Yeah! Because we tied him on a bench and Raziel tried to pee on him!
Raziel and Moebius: Score!!!
Faustus: You two do anymore stupid stuff like that, then I'm sending you to Principal Magnus!
Raziel: Okay. We can't help it we're rebels!
Moebius: "Raziel Omega Beta House" rules!!
Faustus: That does it! Moebius, to the Principal's office!
(then Moebius left)
Faustus: Is Rahab here?
(at just that moment, Rahab came in. He didn't have a shirt on, had spiky hair, swimming trunks on, sandals on, sunglasses on and had a mini-CD player in a pocket. He was also carrying a surf board)
Rahab: Yo! Peace and Buddha be with us all. Turel's comin' too dudes!
Faustus: Just sit down!
(Rahab took his seat in front of Kain)
Rahab: Yo, Rahab not doin time, comin in time, makin a rhyme!
Faustus: Okay, just shut yo' stupid mouth boy!
Rahab: Man, I can't believe that Baywatch wouldn't except me. Oh well, it's all in a constant state of one-ness and keeping it Buddha-like!
Raziel: Yo', surfin' pretty boy, what the hell you talking bout!? Oooooh, snap! I gotcha!
Faustus: Shut up Raziel!
(then Turel entered. He was almost 7 feet tall, were stripped overalls, a red and yellow stripped shirt, black hair in a blue headband and a ruler resting on one of his ears)
Turel: People, it's me, Turel!
Kain: Hey Turel!
Turel: Hey, it's Kain and Melchiah! What's up guys!
Melchiah: Wow! With that fashion sense, you're gonna get all the girls!
Turel: Well well well, what can I say? They're gonna be all over me like catnip!
Faustus: Okay now people, shut up!
(Turel sat in the seat in front of Melchiah)
Faustus: Ok, for today's lesson-
Kain: Hey teacher, what about Zephon?
Faustus: He's not in this class.
Kain: Then what class is he in?
[The scene is now inside of the Nursery class, or whatever it is]
(Umah still looks a lot like she did in Blood Omen 2. In fact, she's wearing the same clothes, only now her hair's in a green mohawk and she has lots of piercings)
Umah: Hey woman teacher, now tell me again just why lots of girls come to this class? It gives the impression that girls are stereotypes! And I aren't! People say, just because I'm considered jail-bait, that I be bad!
(Ariel had on a dress and she had legs now! And a side of her face was completely covered because she messed up her make-up by setting her hair on fire. Ariel was also a smart-ass)
Ariel: Well, let's see? You're bad because you look like a slut, dress like a slut, and you are a slut!
Umah: Hey hey hey, don't make me whip you!
(Zephon was in this class as well. He was the only guy in the class and he was a bit more girlish than the girls)
Zephon: Please girls, stop this fighting! It's not very good!
(then another female, Hash'something'something was actually a human female before she became a demon)
Hash: Hey, this class is neat-o! I wanna nurse a baby!
Zephon: Me too, won't that be super!
Zephon and Hash: (giggles like little girls)
Ariel: (to Zephon) Hey girlyboy! Do you have a perm? Do you? Get outta here!
Hash: Leave him alone, he's very sensitive!
Zephon: Yeah, I'm not wanted anywhere!
(then Zephon runs out the room crying)
Umah: Yo, yo, you gotta lighter?
Ariel: Slut!
Umah: Why? Cause I dress diffrently? Cause I got mohawk? Cause I whip people?
Hash: Girls, please settle down!
Ariel: Wow, Hash wants peace! She's such a hippy!
(then Zephon came back with a box of tissues)
Zephon: Stop making fun of me!!
Umah: Yo!
Zephon: Let's discuss babies!
Hash: Yay! Let's have team spirit!
Zephon: (jumping in the air) Team spirit hooray!!
Ariel: Team spirit, boo!
Umah: Team spirit is a girl on a pole!
Hash and Zephon: (girlish giggling) Go team! Yay! We have spirit!
Ariel: (to Umah) Well, hello girlfriend, girls on poles are sluts!
Umah: Whatever!
Zephon: Girls, let's settle down! I hate it when we fight!
Hash: Yeah, it's scary! Let's talk about babies!
Zephon: They are so cute!
Zephon and Hash: (girlish giggling)
[The scene is now back at Kain's classroom. The girlish giggling can be heard because the two classrooms are next to each other]
Raziel: (irritated sigh) That Zephon is just one step away from being a girl...
Faustus: Shut up boy, I'm tryin' to teach you! And if you don't respect people, then I'LL tie you to a bench and pee on you!!
Raziel: Okay.
Kain: Hehehehee, Raziel is unsmart! I bet he doesn't even know 3 times 19,000 divided by 456 to the square root of 9!
Melchiah: Ooh, Snapple! Heeheehee!
Kain: Hahahahahaha!
Raziel: Dorks!
{[Flashback ends]}
Kain: Raziel, I hate you.
Raziel: We were like that in high school?
Rahab: I was one with one-ness?
Zephon: So that's why I have a girlish giggle.
Turel: Wow, I was cool.
Dumah: You SOB Raziel, you pee'd on me!
Raziel: Oh, I wish I could remember that.
Janos: Okay, let's get going.
[So they walked on out of the forest, Kain making Raziel carry all of the props and everything]
_______________________________________________________________________
Well, I usually update 'I Love Meat' really quickly when I get done with the Kain Presents chapters, but you won't hear from me for a week because I'm going snow skiing! Sounds fun! Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and if you liked it enough, I might even make this into its own fic! Well, hope you liked the fic and see ya until next chapter!
