This is the typical Ryou's going to commit suicide story, I know, I know, you've read and you've read them all, but at least please read this story. Its the common scenario in everyway possible.
disclaimer: don't own yugioh, its a no go for me, i dont have that much money to be that important.
Ryou is Bakura Ryou
Bakura is Yami Bakura
song lyrics
thoughts
/hikari to yami/
//yami to hikari/
No yaoi in this fic. There is suicide with lots of guilt though...
The song is 'Hold On' by Good Charlotte. The first chapter is all just Ryou thinking to himself. Roll fic!
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(Ryou's Point of View)
This world-this world is cold
but you don't-you don't have to go
I'm seriously thinking about suicide. Just to get away from.. everything. Its hard to lie so you don't get killed to friends who stay friends because they trust each other. If I lie, they wonder, if they wonder, Bakura will only hurt me, and then I have to lie some more to them so they don't wonder about that as well. I don't like this never-ending circle. I just want the quickest road out before any more happens.
I know it isn't a good idea to commit suicide. But I really am desperate. But where are these thoughts coming from? Years of morality that hasn't gotten me as far as I hoped it would.
your feeling sad-your feeling lonely
and no one seems to care
And because I lie to my friends, they aren't exactly my definition of friends. I can't talk to them, they can't comfort me in my time of need. I seriously feel like no one cares about me anymore. I don't want to put up with these feelings of hopeless-ness. I want someone I can talk to.
People would care if I told them, but I can't tell them. It's a real bad fix that I'm in. All I've ever wanted is someone to care for me, to hold me in they're arms and tell me that it'll all be ok in the end.
your mothers' gone and your father hits you
this pain you cannot bear
It is a rather bad predicament that I've gotten my self into. When I was little and before I could remember much, my mother died. I can only remember smiles and photos of my family... when it was a family. It was my father who gave me the Millennium Ring to begin with. I shudder to think of the first time I met the spirit dwelling within it. My father is never home now, always off at some archaeological dig someplace for some reason.
Is there no one who would miss me if I left? Just one person would make a big difference in this situation. I must think positive. I don't want to do anything drastic. This is hopeless.
but we all bleed the same way as you do
and we all have the same things to go through
I don't see anyone else having some kind of mental break down because of a split personality who just so happens to be able to maintain a physical form whenever it wants. Maybe I should begin to consider how I should go about killing myself. I wonder what would happen to Bakura if I did. Would he disparate back to the Millennium Ring? An interesting thought.
But there ARE people who commit suicide. It isn't always pretty. I...I don't really want to... but I can't keep living in this reality. Perhaps the best way to get this over with is by slitting my wrists.
hold on if you feel like letting go
hold on it gets better than you know
This situation couldn't get worse. Few, few people could relate to the way I've been treated for the past five years. Shadow Realm. Knifes. Fists. Lies. Lessons. I...I want t...to get away. Is that too much that I'm asking for? To never have to wake up to more pain. No more. Natta.
No! I can't kill myself! Let's try and be reasonable, here1 The situation CAN get better, Ryou! Don't give up on yourself so quickly. Please, please, hold on. Life is precious.
your days-you say they're way too long
and your nights you can't sleep at all
hold on
I go to bed hungry sometimes, I never forget. For a kid who used to get sick at the sight of blood, I've learned to tend to my cuts myself. I'm not even allowed to cry. I have no real 'bed room,' nothing I can really call my own except maybe the big basement. Its big, so Bakura loves to keep me there so he has more room to throw me around. And its cold, with hard floors and walls...a concrete cell. Dark, the only light switch is at the top of the stairs to the kitchen... he'd turn it off when he's done, and lock the door. Sometimes I simply leave it off... and sleep where I was left, not really caring anymore.
Suicide is like running from my problems.. now that I think about it, life really is like a game. In a game you can cheat, that's what Bakura does, and in a game, you can also forfeit and run. And that's what I feel like doing. But I can't give into this urge. I must hold on to my sanity long enough to pull through the night!
your aren't sure what you're waiting for-
but you don't want to no more
I've been waiting for Bakura to stop with the tormenting, and to love me for once. Not anything special. Just, like a brother. A friend, a father even. Someone who would actually care weather I value my life below escape from helpless-ness.
Its not a very good cause to look forward to, because it seems impossible to happen. But don't give up on it. Don't give up on your own life, Ryou! I'm your conscious, why aren't you listening?
your not sure what you're looking for
but you don't want to no more
I'm looking for a chance to be normal. I'll do anything. He's driven me to the point of madness, he isn't going to change his ways, he hasn't for the past five thousand years, why should he now? If he doesn't care about me, why should I care about me?
Are you hearing yourself think, Ryou? You MATTER. Hello?! Your supposed to care about yourself, it comes naturally. And you can change him, its possible to change, he's just never had the chance. Neither of us may understand why he does what he does, but he can change. Please, Ryou, its possible! Don't do anything to hurt yourself!!
but we all bleed the same way as you do
and we all have the same things to go through
hold on if you feel like letting go
hold on it gets better than you know
I want to let go. Why does life deny this? Why can't I? Its not that hard. Why am I holding myself back? Could it really be that he could change? He wouldn't live a day walking in my shoes.
I can't stop you, but I'm supposed to make sure you know what your getting yourself into. I don't agree. You aren't thinking through what even your own thought patterns are saying. Having a one tone attitude about life and death is not funny. Can't we be serious here? What will your friends think?
don't stop looking your one step closer
don't stop searching its not over
hold on
My friends? They'll find out the truth, perhaps. They'll feel sorry for me a little. They may even wish they could have done something to stop me. But they would move on with they're perfect lives. They don't have problems like I do. They wouldn't understand.
Don't give up. Don't stop looking for a reason to live. Don't stop searching for the heart inside Bakura. Something inside him must feel something when he hurts you. He just keeps it bottled up. He has a reason for what he does, but he hides why he must keep doing it. Don't you suppose he, too, sometimes feels his own guilt weighing down his heart? What did this to him?
what are you looking for?
You're trying to tell me I have a purpose? Nonsense.
what are you waiting for?
Yes, I am, Ryou. I am the little voice that fate put here.
do you know what you're doing to me?
How do I know that you aren't just Bakura playing with my head again with another mind game of his? Does he even know how I feel? Does he know the pain? I'm don't care anymore, don't you get it?! Your a little voice in my head, I can ignore you!
Most people do anyways. I'm not Bakura, but Bakura has a conscious as well. Its what makes him feel guilt, but he ignores it. I'm not your enemy, I'm trying to save you from being irrational!
go ahead... what are you waiting for?
I...I'm going to do it anyways. I don't care what my conscious says. I'll do it tomorrow morning, maybe I'll even be dead before noon if I'm lucky. I wonder what it'll be like to die. I can ignore the pain. Yes, that's what I always do anyways.
But...NO! Ryou, please. Don't commit suicide!
hold on if you feel like letting go
hold on it gets better than you know
But why? Bakura won't ever hurt me again. No one can hurt me then. I'll finally be happy. I'll finally be free, forever.
don't stop looking your one step closer
don't stop searching its not over
hold on if you feel like letting go
hold on it gets better than you know
hold on
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Sad, isn't it? Flamers will die. And Ryou is one of my fav characters, too, so don't complain please. Well, review, and tell me what you think. Should I continue? If not I'll just delete this fic, it is my first ever and I've worked really hard on it. Ja ne, Review.
