Disclaimer: I didn't create The Holy Grail or Monty Python (I wish… those guys are geniuses.)
THE HOLY GRAIL: WAS IT WORTH IT?
Note: This picks up from the end of the film (in story format) when they are arrested for trying to steal the Holy Grail. It also, if the reviews are nice, may explore the trail too… so Review please. It's a brave attempt.
"I say fellas, there's no need for all this," King Arthur exclaimed as PC Denwood-Jones dragged him out of the police car and into the station.
"I decide what I need to do, sonny,' PC Denwood-Jones said. He sniffed Arthur's breath. "Smells like you had one too many," he says suspiciously.
"I say, that's no way to treat a man! What in blazes are you on about?" King Arthur was mystified. A quest from God, a Holy Grail – surely nothing could go wrong?
"GIVE ME A SIGN!" The King shouted into the Heavens, whilst the officers gave him some funny looks. Suddenly, the door blew open and many leaves fluttered in in the autumn breeze, spelling out some words of wisdom… a sign from God? As he waited for the words to form, Arthur held his breath… and they read 'You're on your own.' Then some more blew in, saying 'Sod off.' Then the leaves were sucked out again.
Meanwhile, Patsy, who apparently was killed some months earlier, breezed into the police station wearing Bermuda shorts and a shirt. He had got, on his shoulder, a tattoo of two swallows carrying a coconut between them; African or European, it doesn't really matter. He smiled a near-toothless grin at Arthur and sat down on the bench beside him.
"Patsy! Where have you been?" Arthur cried. Then he saw what he was holding in his hand. "Coconuts! Oh, Patsy…" he nearly wept with sentiment as Patsy handed them over.
"Took a little holida-a-ay, didn't I Mon?" he said in a Jamaica accent. He suddenly leaned in close to Arthur and whispered in a normal voice, "Disguise, you see? Anyway, I really did go on holiday. Found some swallows as well."
"African or European?" Arthur enquired curiously.
"King Arthur – if that is your name – please follow me," PC Denwood-Jones ordered. Patsy hollered (very Jamaican-like) after him, "Solicitor, Mon! I'll get one!" And with that he sauntered out.
Sitting in his cell, Arthur removed his Armour and settled down to sleep. But he couldn't. He kept thinking of all the people he'd miss – Tim the Fire Magician, Patsy… and um… well. Oh yes, the wonderful Knights Of Nih – or the Knights of Ekky Pwatwang Zoom Bom, as they had previously renamed themselves. He laughed, dearly remembering when they had asked him to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring, and when he had to collect a shrubbery for them. Tears pricked at his eyes. He wanted to find the Grail. His purpose in life was to serve God, and all he had to do was FIND A MEASLY GRAIL. It was like a Math problem that had looked easy but turned out to make you collapse in tears on the floor. In other words, it was impossible.
The next morning, Arthur started a diary in a notebook he carried.
28th February
In a cell. Feds locked me up. Patsy is alive! Simply cannot believe it. He gave me some coconuts – v.emotional time. Must form plan – Patsy mentioned a solicitor, whatever that is. Seemed his holiday had really cheered him up. He got tattoo – swallow, have no idea what kind. Must say, never had swallow meat before. Mmm, meat… Missing everyone – Knights Formerly Known As Nih, and Patsy more than ever. My faithful servant.
Oh yes. Yesterday God told me to sod off. That's a first.
OK, then. Plan of action…
