Disclaimer: I didn't create The Holy Grail or Monty Python (I wish… those guys are geniuses.)

THE HOLY GRAIL: WAS IT WORTH IT? PART 2

Note: Thank you to my only reviewer, dear loyal Audrey Miercoles. If the rest of you think it is rubbish, tough. And MAJOR TYPO FROM CH 1: The Knights Of Ekky Pwatwang Zoom Bom are ACTUALLY The Knights Of Ekky Ekky Ekky Pwatwang Zoom Bom. Sorry – my PC hates me, and repeated words.

Tim was on top of a mountain. Setting fire to things. And the occasional swallow, as it was the migrating season. Almost certainly a European swallow, as African swallows are non-migratory.

            Tim was having fun. Tim was laughing loudly, Tim was burning things, Tim was manically high. His laughter roared through the endless mountain range in the North of England. Then, overhead, a couple of swallows (European) were struggling to carry a coconut on a bamboo line between them. Tim saw, swore, and struck them down. The first two European swallows to carry a coconut between them were dead.

            Just then, Patsy climbed wearily over the horizon. He was still in his Bermuda shirt and shorts. "Tim – isn't it?" Tim nodded slowly. "Lancelot said you'd be here. Arthur – King of the Britons – is in jail. Oh, I'm Patsy by the way," he gabbled, and thrust his hand forward. Tim shook it, and absent mindedly set fire to a nearby shrubbery. Patsy withdrew his hand rather quickly. "Anyway, Lancelot and Arthur had a run in with the filth, but Lancelot managed to escape. We're forming a legal team for him – and if needs be, a rescue team. Will – will you join us?"

            Tim studied him for a moment. "Let me think…" he said quietly. Without looking away from Patsy, he aimed his staff at random bits of landscape, thus setting them alight. Patsy had gone a slight greenish colour.

            "I'll help you, wee laddie," he said in his thick Scots accent. "So long as it involves me fire staff."

            "Deal," Patsy said shakily. "Follow me."

            With that, they strode off the way Patsy had come.

ARTHUR: 2nd March

God the cell is awful. I prefer my Persian export rug and my French bed set.

            Keep thinking about Patsy in a longing way. Hopefully, for dignity's sake, just in a Wish You Were Here way. No, if I'm wishing, I'd wish to rewind. Back from this, past the arrest, past the deaths of the brave Camelot gang, past the Bridge of Doom, past Tim, past the Knights of Ekky Ekky Ekky Pwatwang Zoom Bom and their glorious shrubbery garden, past the Quest. Just back the way things were. Before all this beastly Quest gobbledygook. And then I'd avoid meeting God. Wayhey. Just ruling over my fellow Britons, and collecting Knights Of Camelot. That is what I like to do. Not SIT HERE IN THIS STUPID CELL EATING PURTID 'PIZZA'! An Italian delicacy, apparently.

"We are the Knights who say… EKKY EKKY EKKY PWATWANG ZOOM BOM!" the Knights cried.

            From somewhere at the back, a small 'Nih' arose.

            The Leader sighed. "Boris, how many times?! No Nih. Just the Ekky bit. Now let us try again. We are the Knights who say…?"

            Boris looked angry, then said dutifully, "Ekky ekky ekky pwatwang zoom bom." Whilst the Leader turned away, he muttered, "Nih." He slumped down on the grass and began thinking, which was excessively difficult for him. * Why did we change our name? Was it just to annoy King Arthur after his return of the Shrubbery Quest? *

            "The Knights Formerly Known As Nih?" a voice rang out. A Scottish voice.

            The Leader looked doubtful. "Ye-e-e-e-es…"

            "I am… Tim. And this is Patsy." Patsy waved and said, "Yo." Tim continued, "We were wondering – King Arthur of the Britons has landed himself in jail. Would you join us in our quest to settle his court case?"

            "If he gets a fine he pays for it his bloody self," the Leader said snootily.

            "Deal. So… come! Join us in our mission to bring the Monarchy back to power!" Tim strode off, and the Leader cried, "Ekke-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!" and the Knights of Ekky followed him, Patsy bringing up the rear.

Well… waddya think? Review please… pleeease… pleeeeease… merci beaucoup.