Disclaimer: I didn't create The Holy Grail or Monty Python (I wish… those guys are geniuses.)

THE HOLY GRAIL: WAS IT WORTH IT? PART 3

Note: Thank you to my 2 reviewers, Audrey Miercoles and Sheep the Adventurer. Love you guys!! Sheepy: Your secret is safe… for now.

ARTHUR: 4th March

Still in cell. Word on underground grapevine – Patsy organizing a team of legal people to get self out. Tim, Knights Formerly Known As Nih – all of them are helping. I feel so happy. I'm finally going to be free-e-e-e! And back to Camelot, even though it is a silly place. Shame Kittikins got squashed when Bernie was dancing.

            They are preparing my defense – I was trying to get the Holy Grail by force because – and here's the truly genius part – I'm very proud of Patsy for coming up with this – because I am David Dickinson's son. Patsy (who seems v. in touch with modern world since holiday) informs me that this Dickinson is a 'presenter' on a 'TV show' – images shown to the viewer via a box. This show is an antiques show and the defense is I was ON 'Bargain Hunt' at the time. This is a truly great idea to be coming from Patsy, but I'm not sure it will work.

Patsy surveyed the room in a superior manor. They – the Knights, Tim and himself – were acting out the court case as if it were real. Tim was to be Arthur's lawyer, without any legal training (however, he did have a fire staff…), Boris was 'Arthur', and Patsy was playing the judge. The Knights of Ekky were playing the jury.

            The only person missing was Lancelot.

            Patsy had heard via carrier pigeon that he was in hiding, and would turn up for that rehearsal. However, Lancelot didn't mention where he was in case the mail was intercepted, but he said it was 10 minutes from Camelot. This would mean it would take him three days to get to the rehearsal, which was down the road from the Police station.

            Just when the Camelot Rescue Arthur Party* (chosen by Tim and seconded by his fire staff) were about to give up, Lancelot burst in, wet and cold. And dripping. He also smelled slightly.

            "You deign to join us," Tim said wryly. Lancelot gave him an evil look, and sat down next to Boris, who pinched his nostrils and backed away slightly. "Right, let's get started," Tim said.

            "All rise, court is now in session. We begin by –" Patsy was reading out from a legal book ("How To Get Away With Anything – Part 2, Rehearsing The Case" by Ira Snitcha, £10.99 from all good bookshops!) and was struggling with the longer words. "By – by," he stammered, "Dis – disfett – disfetting?" he looked puzzled.

            "It's DISSECTING you fool!" roared Tim, as he set fire to the cardboard box Patsy was sitting on. "Shall we continue?" he said as sweetly as he could, whilst Patsy rubbed his sore backside.

            "We will begin by dissecting the evidence…"

Three days later, on March 7th, the Arthur vs. The Filth case had begun. Arthur looked pale and shaky as he stepped into the courtroom, almost knowing his fate. Patsy looked confident – if he lost, Patsy received Camelot, and if he won, well that's always nice. Greed burned in Patsy's eyes… what if… what if he lost? On purpose? Surely no one would know… he could just 'lose' his notes. Camelot… a stately castle, and 60 acres of English countryside, could all be his by one simple word… GUILTY.

            Patsy got out his notes and began to rewrite them…

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*I know what Camelot Rescue Arthur Party stands for!!!