Disclaimer: I did not invent the Holy Grail or Monty Python (I wish…)

THE HOLY GRAIL: WAS IT ALL WORTH IT? PART 4

Note: thank you to my 2 reviewers – Audrey Miercoles and Sheep the Adventurer – love you guys!!!

If you don't know the plot to the film, you shouldn't be reading this. OK?

"All rise for the honourable Judge Booth…"

            The court case had begun. Tim delivered an excellent performance as a lawyer, having no legal training… however; he was aided slightly by his fire staff, which apparently was very persuasive. He challenged the prosecution to its limit, and intimidated several people with his strong Scottish accent. Patsy looked very smug sitting next to Arthur, with Lancelot as their witness. Lancelot broke down in tears (Patsy's idea – get the sympathy vote!) and had to 'calm down' before proceeding. The jury looked adamant at their decision as they walked out of the room. Patsy then pretended to choke on some water, and whilst that was going on, Tim followed the jury through to the room. After several minutes, some loud voices arose from the jury room, followed by a bang and some silence. This continued for twenty minutes or so, and then the jury filed back in.

            "Your honour, we find the defendant, King Arthur of the Britons, GUILTY of attempting to steal the sacred Holy Grail."

            "In that case, I, by the British legal system, sentence you to five years in jail and a five hundred pound fine."

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"For… HE'S a banged up good fellow, for HE'S a banged up good fellow, for HE'S a banged up good fellow, which no one can deny!"

            Patsy, Tim and Boris were happy – more than happy – ecstatic – elated, no words could describe. Arthur had left Camelot in their care for the next five years. They had it all to themselves – and effectively ruled Briton now. You see, Patsy had actually written a note to Tim saying, "My darling Tim, we can have our freedom – if you intimidate the jury but deliver an excellent case, then, he will be guilty and Camelot is ours for the taking. Patsy."

Thus, the Knights of Ekky Ekky Ekky Pwatwang Zoom Bom and the Knights of the Round Table had combined to create The Knights of the Ekky Ekky Ekky Table.

            The three traitors had got drunk on bottles of medieval ale. Piles of sick littered the floor and bottles rolled around in it. All night and through the next day, they nursed their hangovers before deciding to return to Camelot.

            Progress was slow – Patsy had given his only coconuts to Arthur ("Wasted on the man – how can he use them in the nick?") and no one had a horse, despite all being Knights. After a week they had reached Camelot.

            When all of the were listening, Patsy and Tim climbed onto a big rock and addressed the Knights.

            "Knights of The Ekky Ekky Ekky Table," Tim began. "Patsy and I are the guardians of Camelot – and we say it is for Patsy, Boris and I only."

            The Knights were indignant at this announcement, but a small speech from Tim's fire staff soon sorted them out.

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Four months after their 'victory', Tim, Patsy, and Boris had settled down in Camelot. Swallows, mainly European, frequented Camelot and Tim had an excellent talent for flame grilled swallow burgers. This was their main income – McDonalds gave them fifty pounds per order and sold them off as cheeseburgers. They lived peacefully, just running round, jumping on the beds, and generally doing what they wanted.

            One day, Tim decided to go looking for the Holy Grail again. He spoke to Patsy about it.

            "No! You can't! It's under close surveillance now! You'll be arrested! No more Swallow Burgers!"

            "Ah don't care anymore! I'll do what ah want!"

            "But Tim! Please – for Boris and I – stay. Don't dig up this business again."

            "Well…"

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