**

a.k.a.: Les CrazyforMiserablesYou

A/N: Not ONE DAY MORE to the next Act!!!...ahem..

Act III

Scene 1

//scene: Great Hall, students sitting around. Banners hanging saying "Welcome Back Hermione!" and "Back at Hogwarts, Hermione!" Doors open gracefully and a sparkly dressed Hermione glamorously stands on the threshold. Ron scurries out of the way and grabs a seat.//

(Song: "Hello, Dolly" from Hello Dolly)

HERMIONE: (waving to HARRY) Hello, Harry.

(winking at NEVILLE) and, Hello, Neville.

It's so nice, to be back home, where I belong.

You're lookin' swell, Snapey, //SNAPE wrinkles nose in disgust//

I can tell, Henry,

You're still glowin', you're still crowin'

You're still, mmmmm..goin' strong.

I feel the room swayin' for the band's playin'

One of my old favorite songs from way back when..

STUDENTS AND STAFF: You hear the ice tinkle

HERMIONE: Can you hear the ice tinkle...

STUDENTS AND STAFF: And the lights twinkle,

HERMIONE: Can you see the lights twinkle?

BOYS: And you still get glances from us handsome men. So..

HERMIONE: Bridge this gap, fella's.

Find me an empty lap, fella's

EVERYONE: Hermione'll never go away again.

HERMIONE: I went away, from the lights of Hogsmeade town,

And into a weird mental house.

But now, that I'm back, in the lights of Hogwarts school,

Tomorrow'll be better than the good old days.

STUDENTS: Those good old days..

Hello, well hello, Hermione

Well, Hello-hey look- Hermione.

HERMIONE: Glad to see ya' Draco //sarcastically//, thank my lucky stars.

DRACO: //gaping after glamorous HERMIONE// Your lucky stars.

HERMIONE: You're lookin' great, Hagrid.

Lose some weight, Hagrid? //spoken// yes, I think you did, Hagrid

//singing// 'Mione's overjoyed and overwhelmed and over par.

Gee, gee gee, fella's

//flirtatiously sitting on DRACO's knee// find me an vacant knee, fella's //DRACO gawks at her, then HERMIONE mock-slaps him and walks away//

EVERYONE: Hermione'll never go away again!

HENRY RETTOP: Well, Hello, 'Mione. This is Henry, 'Mione.

HERMIONE: //spoken// Hey again Henry

HENRY RETTOP: I'm so glad that you're back here where you belong.

HERMIONE: //spoken// I'm glad too, Henry

HENRY: So, take her bag, fella's,

She's no ugly hag, fella's

Hermione'll never go away again!

HERMIONE: Wow, wow wow, Henry,

STUDENTS: Hey, yeh!

HERMIONE: Look at the old girl now, gentry!

STUDENTS: Wow!

EVERYONE: Hermione'll never go away again!!

(end song)

//everyone claps, HERMIONE goes to Slytherin table where DRACO is sitting with his cronies.//

HERMIONE: //to DRACO// Hey, Draco, baby..Missed me? //DRACO looks up desperately//

DRACO: Looking good Hermione-I-I mean Granger. You uh..//starts winking at HERMIONE rapidly// Well uh-Get away from me you stinkin' Mudbl-Mud bl-- ..uh! Just go away.

HERMIONE: Ta-ta, Dracy..

//HERMIONE drops hair ribbon in DRACO's lap and walks back to Gryffindor table and giggles among HARRY and RON//

PANSY PARKINSON: //very emotionally to DRACO// YOU STINKY DIRTY MUDBLOOD LOVER!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU FLIRTING WITH GIRLS WHO AREN'T ME! WE ARE OVER!!!

//slams her napkin on her plate and walks away with a "HMPH!" Sits down a far way from DRACO and as she sits down, she shouts "POOPYHEAD!" across the table at DRACO. SLYTHERIN STUDENTS all laugh at DRACO//

DRACO: Oh, shut up you. //gets up and walks to vacant corner of great hall. CRABBE and GOYLE follow///

(Song: "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Disney's Hercules)

DRACO: If there's a prize for rotten judgment

I guess I've already won that

No girl is worth the aggravation

That's ancient history, been there, done that!

CRABBE AND GOYLE: Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'

She's the Earth and heaven to you

Try to keep it hidden

Draco, we can see right through you

Boy, ya can't conceal it

We know how ya feel and

Who you're thinking of

DRACO: Aaaaoooh, No chance, no way

I won't say it, no, no

CRABBE AND GOYLE: You glance, you sigh

why deny it, uh-oh

DRACO: It's too cliché

I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson

It feels so good when you start out

My head is screaming get a grip, man

Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

Oooooh-oh-oh

CRABBE AND GOYLE: You keep on denying

Who you are and how you're feeling

Draco, we're not buying

Hey, we saw ya hit the ceiling

Face it like a grown-up

When ya gonna own up

That ya got, ya got it bad

DRACO: No chance, no way

I won't say it, no, no

CRABBE AND GOYLE: Give up, give in

Check the grin you're in love

DRACO: //was walking/wandering the great hall, has his hand in a statue of HERMIONE's hand, then quickly drops it// This scene won't play,

I won't say I'm in love

CRABBE AND GOYLE: You're doin flips,

read our lips

You're in love

DRACO: You're way off base

I won't say it

Get off my case

I won't say it

CRABBE AND GOYLE: Boy, don't be proud

It's okay, you're in love

DRACO: OOoOoOoOoOOOh

At least out loud,

I won't say I'm in love

CRABBE AND GOYLE: Shalalalalalalaaaa haaaaaaaaa..

(end song)

//DRACO looks at HERMIONE again and gives himself the love-struck, trademark "self-hug" all girls do when they're in love.//

Act III

Scene 2a

//scene, Gryffindor Common Room, HERMIONE and RON are getting back from the feast, VARIOUS GRYFFINDORS around//

HERMIONE: Why are you all so grumpy, Ron? Get with the flow!

RON: I didn't necessarily enjoy you flirting with all those other boys back there.

HERMIONE: Oh, Ron, you know I don't mean it. A little bit of harmless, meaningless flirting can't harm us.

RON: Well, to me, it can!

(song: "Shall we Dance?" from Crazy for You)

HERMIONE: Drop that long face c'mon have your fling!

Why keep nursing the blues?

If you want this ol' world on a string,

Put on your dancing shoes, stop wasting time..

Put on your dancing shoes,

Watch your spirits climb..

//HERMIONE grabs RON and starts dancing//

Shall we dance,

Or keep on moping,

Shall we dance,

Or walk on air?

Shall we give in to despair?

Or shall we dance with never a care..

Life is short, we're growin' older,

Don't you be an also ran!

//turns to various couple; happens to be COLIN CREEVEY and PADMA PATIL (she happened to be..erm..delivering girl scout cookies..shut up)// You'd better dance little lady, dance little man, //turns PADMA and COLIN towards each other, they smile and hug//

//HERMIONE falls into RON's arms// Dance whenever you can..

(song ends)

HERMIONE: Well, Ron, if you want to be that way-I'm, I'm sorry, Ron! //hugs RON// I was just so excited from getting back and everything that. I just-I just-I guess I just got too overjoyed and overwhelmed and over par. //RON and HERMIONE laugh and share a passionate kiss//

//in another part of Gryffindor Common Room, GINNY catches HARRY walking in//

GINNY: There's been one more thing that I've been wanting to say all year, Harry.

HARRY: If it's for me to marry you, Ginny Weasley, the answer is NO!

//GINNY sings the following for a last, desperate attempt to get HARRY back.//

(song: "So Long Dearie" from Hello Dolly)

GINNY: //speaking//Well, Harry, it wasn't that at all. It was--

//Singing at different pitches// Goodbye,

HARRY: What?

GINNY: Goodbye, Goodbye. Goodbye.

HARRY: //speaking//What are you talking about, Ginny? Get away from me!

GINNY: //speaking// Don't try to stop me, Harry //singing// please...

//song's tempo rises greatly and all through the song, GINNY rushes around HARRY seductively to get his attention//

Wave your little hand and whisper

So long dearie

You ain't gonna see me anymore

But when you discover that your life is dreary,

Don't you come a knockin' at my door

For I'll be all dolled up

And singin' that song

That says you dog, I told you so

So wave your little hand and whisper So long dearie

Dearie, should have said so long

So long ago

Because you've treated me so rotten and rough

I've had enough of feelin' low

So wave your little hand and whisper

So long dearie

Dearie would have said so long

So long ago

For I can hear that choo choo callin' me on

To a fancy new address

Yes, I can hear that choo choo callin' me on

On board that red Hogwarts Express.

I'm gonna learn to dance and drink and smoke a cigarette

I'm go'n as far away from Hogwarts as a girl can get

//jazzy music plays and GINNY fiddles with HARRY's ear. He pulls away quickly//

GINNY: //spoken// And on those cold winter nights, Harry....

You can snuggle up to your dear professors.

//takes off her red cloak drapes it around HARRY// They're a bit old, but they tango!

GINNY: //back to singing and dancing, grabs HARRY's wand and glasses and puts them on, mocking HARRY// Don't come a knockin'

I'll be all dolled up

And singin' that song

That says you dog, I told you so

So Harry, you will find your life a sad old story

When you see your Ginny shuffle off to glory.

I should have said so long!

How could I have been wrong?

Oh I should //breath// have //breath// said //breath// so long...//runs to top of Girl's Dormitory stairs//

So Long //throws glasses to HARRY// agoooooooo

(end song)

//HARRY looks at audience exasperatedly and holds GINNY's cloak up to his face affectionately//

Act III

Scene 2b

//scene, around the lake, various couples of lovers walk around the lake, GOYLE is alone walking.//

//PAVARTI runs onto stage, quite flustered, and being chased by VARIOUS BULLIES, zipping up pants//

VARIOUS BULLY 1: Come back you [censored]!!!

VARIOUS BULLY 2: Yeah we're not done [censored]ing you!!

VARIOUS BULLY 3: Taste some of this!! //throws a barrel of rotten tomatoes at PAVARTI//

GOYLE: //guards PAVARTI// Stop it, fiends!

VARIOUS BULLY 2: Oh yea? What're you gonna do? Grunt at us? //laughs//

GOYLE: What did she do to you?

VARIOUS BULLY 1: C'mon, we're just havin' a little fun with her..

GOYLE: Go screw a peach, if you're that hungry! //pulls out wand// CRUCIO! //VARIOUS BULLIES squirm and after curse is lifted, they run off//

PAVARTI: Gee thanks..

GOYLE: No problem.. How'd you get mixed up with that crowd anyways?

PAVARTI: I don't know..they seemed so nice at first and then they invited me to their common room and then-and then--//turns away, ashamed//

GOYLE: //hugs PAVARTI// It's okay..everyone makes mistakes once in a while.

LAVENDER's voice //calling from offstage//: C'mon Pavarti! We gotta go have a makeover!

PAVARTI: Oh yea..well thank you-Gregory. That's your name, right?

GOYLE: //snaps out of staring at her// What? Oh yea, that's right.

PAVARTI: Well..bye..//hastily gives GOYLE a kiss on the cheek and runs off//

Act III

Scene 3

//scene, Slytherin Dungeons. DRACO and his CRONIES and VARIOUS SLYTHERINS lounging around//

(song: "Heaven's Light/Hell's Fire" from Disney's the Hunchback of Notre- Dame)

GOYLE: //looking out window (there are windows in the Slytherin Dungeon?)

So many times out there

I've watched a happy pair

Of lovers walking in the night

They had a kind of glow around them

It almost looked like heaven's light

I knew I'd never know

That warm and loving glow

Though I might wish with all my might

No face as hideous as my face

Was ever meant for heaven's light

But suddenly an angel has smiled at me

And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright

I dare to dream that she

Might even care for me

And as I sit here, tonight

This cold dark dungeon seems so bright.

I swear it must be heaven's light

DRACO: //standing in front of the fireplace, an illusion of HERMIONE is dancing among the flames//

Father, oh father,

You know I am a righteous son

Of my pureness I am justly proud

VARIOUS SLYTHERINS WHO SUDDENLY ARE HOLDING CANDLES AND SPEAKING IN LATIN NOW CALLED "CHORUS": Et tibi Pater

DRACO: Father, oh father ,

You know that I'm so much purer

Than the common, vulgar, weak, muggle crowd

CHORUS: Quia peccavi nimis

DRACO: Then tell me, father,

Why I see her dancing there

Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul

CHORUS: Cogitatione

DRACO: I feel her, I see her

The sun caught in her bushy hair

Is blazing in me out of all control

CHORUS: Verbo et opere

DRACO: Like fire, hellfire

This fire in my skin

//rubs HERMIONE's hair ribbon at cheek// This burning desire

Is turning me to sin

//DRACO starts illusioning the CHORUS as DEATH EATERS, cloaked in black, creeping up on him//

It's not my fault, I'm not to blame

It is the muggle girl, the witch who sent this flame

It's not my fault if in his plan

He made the muggle so much stronger than a wizard

Protect me, oh Dark Lord, don't let this siren cast her spell

Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone

Destroy Hermione

And let her taste the fires of hell

Or else let her be mine and mine alone

//fire turns green and LUCIUS MALFOY's face turns up in it//

LUCIUS MALFOY: Son, my butt itches

DRACO: I don't care.

LUCIUS: Well you should

DRACO: Whatever, begone!

//fire returns to illusion of HERMIONE dancing//

DRACO: Hellfire, dark fire

Now muggle, it's your turn

Choose me or your pyre

Be mine or you will burn

CHORUS:

Kyrie Eleison

DRACO: Please have mercy on her

CHORUS: Kyrie Eleison

DRACO: Please have mercy on me

CHORUS: Kyrie Eleison

DRACO: But she will be mine or she will burn!! //throws hair ribbon into fire//

//DRACO cackles madly and collapses in a heap, common room goes back to normal//

(end song)

SNAPE: //bursts into common room// What's this racket? //gasps// Put out those candles at once! //CHORUS puts out candles// Why are you looking at me like that?

CHORUS MEMBER 1: //says something in Latin//

SNAPE: What was that?

CHORUS MEMBER 1: //repeats what he said//

SNAPE: Don't toy with me, little boy!

FULL CHORUS: //says what CHORUS MEMBER 1 said//

SNAPE: What?

FULL CHORUS: //chant what CHORUS MEMBER 1 said and chase SNAPE from common room//

Act III

Scene 4a

//scene, corridor, HARRY walking along, VARIOUS OTHER STUDENTS walking along//

DRACO: //rushes onstage, grabs HARRY'S collar// Potter, Potter! You gotta' help me!

HARRY: Well Draco, you look flustered today.

DRACO: Never mind that, had a little problem with the fireplace last night. So can you help me?

HARRY: What? I mean //evil gleam in his eye// sure, Draco!

DRACO: Thanks, thank you! Okay listen. You know that Granger friend of yours? Well-Ineedtomakeherlikemeandpleasetellmehow!

HARRY: //eviler gleam in eye// Oh really? Well //suppressing laughter// You need to-erm-show her that your differences mean-erm-nothing..so you //whispers in DRACO's ear//

DRACO: //after whispering is over// Gee thanks! //runs off//

HARRY: //bursts into cackling madly//

Act III

Scene 4b

//scene, Great Hall, HERMIONE walks in skeptically, no one else there//

HERMIONE: Well, the note said "Meet me in the Great Hall at 1:00" It's 1:05 already...hmm..

DRACO: //bursts out from behind a tapestry, dressed awkwardly in the costume of a Native American girl. He has a huge turquoise necklace on and on his shoulder is pasted a hummingbird doll. A strange raccoon hops throughout the Great Hall// Hermione!

HERMIONE: Draco? What are you doing here?

(song: "Colors of the Wind" from Disney's Pocahontas)

DRACO: You think I'm an ignorant savage.

And you've read so many pages, I guess it must be so.

But still I cannot see.

If the savage one is me.

(HERMIONE: (deliberately) ahem..)

DRACO: How can there be so much that you don't know?

You don't know.. //strange wind starts blowing//

You think you own whatever school you go to.

Your brain is just a dead thing you can waste.

But I know every chair and pen and pencil.

Has a life, has a spirit, has a name. //butterflies soar from one end of the great hall to another//

I used to think the only people who are people,

Are the people who look and think like me!

But now I walked the footsteps of a stranger.

And I learned things I never knew I never knew..

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?

Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? (HERMIONE: Bobcats?)

Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain?

Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Can you paint with all the colors of the wiiiiiind..

//great hall suddenly turns into cheesy meadow and sunlight is pouring over it. DRACO grabs HERMIONE and starts running throughout the great hall//

DRACO: Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest.

Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth //sloshy berries shower down on them//

//they start rolling//

DRACO: Come roll in all the riches all around you

And for once, never wonder what they're worth.

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers //suddenly turn into a lakeside and it starts raining furiously//

The heron and the otter are my friends //HERMIONE produces patronus accidentally while trying to find a hex to defend herself//

And we are all connected to each other //HERMIONE barfs//

In a circle, in a hoop that never ends..

How high does a sycamore grow? //HERMIONE barfs again//

If you cut it down, //HERMIONE barfs yet again//

Then you'll never know..

Aand you'll NEVER hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon,

For whether we are white or copper skinned //confused look on HERMIONE//

Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain,

Can you paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the school and still,

All you'll own is school until,

You can PAINT with all the colors of the wiiiiiiiiiiind.. //HERMIONE and DRACO end up in a Titanic-esque pose on the edge of a cliff//

(end song)

//HERMIONE escapes from DRACO's grasp and runs away//

DRACO: //Reaching after Hermione// burn girl, BUUUUURN!!!!

DISCLAIMER: NOTHING HERE BELONGS TO ME EXCEPT FOR THE VERY DISTURBED PLOTLINE.

Songs:

"Hello, Dolly"-Hello Dolly, by whomever wrote that spectacular show.

"I Won't Say (I'm in Love)"-Disney's Hercules, by whomever wrote the songs for Hercules

"Shall We Dance"-Crazy for You, by George and Ira Gershwin

"So Long, Dearie"-Hello Dolly, by whomever wrote that awesome show.

"Heaven's Light/Hell's Fire"-Disney's Hunchback of Notre-Dame, by Alan Menken

"The Colors of the Wind"-Disney's Pocahontas, by Alan Menken..I think..

A/A: Well that was..erm..refreshing..and don't ask me what happened to Colette 'cause I'll..er..talk about her in the next chapter! How'd you like Draco's..feminine songs? Tell me in a review. I simply couldn't help myself in putting in Colors of the Wind. So..was it good? Bad? Gorgeous? This is probably gonna be the last act so enjoy it..Tell me.. REVIEW REVIEW!!

Advertisement: Okay I've made up my mind..no more advertisements for the last chapter-this is the last advertisement (sob sob):

The Muses: these guys have an awesome fic about Hermione going back in time. Check it out..I think it's called "Messing with History" or something of that sort.