They speak some more

As Akane spoke, Ranma's guilt resurfaced.  He sympathized with her pain, had felt something akin to it himself.  He kept his apology at the ready, he prepared himself to beg and plead for his forgiveness, he primed himself to do anything possible to make all her hurts disappear.

"And then I met someone, someone who taught me to see, to listen, to feel.  And I realized that I didn't love you after all." 

Her words burrowed through him, tearing up his insides.  Unsure of what to do next, he jumped up, moved away from her, afraid that, in his bewilderment, he would do something, anything to make her take back those words.  Not love me?  Not love me?  If she doesn't love me, then what is this all for?  If she doesn't love me, then why am I here?  Unable to even look at Akane, he studied the ground intently instead.  He remained with her on the roof, partly because some part of him wanted to hear what else she had to stay, partly because he wanted to see just how much more anguish his heart could take.  If the ground seemed just a little bit wet beneath him, he could always say that the dampness was because it was starting to rain, not because of the tears falling from his eyes.

"You're lying," he croaked.  "You never said the words, but after everything we've been through, after everything you've been to me, I knew."

"How can you say that?" Akane demanded vehemently.  "After what you said to me, how could you say that?"  Her eyes grew ice cold.  "That's what brought you here, isn't it?  Honor and duty.  That's what made you stay tonight.  We're neighbors.  I'm back in your life so now you feel obligated to be with me.  I should have known."

Ranma cringed and seemed to shrink a little.  His body ached as he recalled the last fight he had with Akane.  Their relationship had been improving somewhat ploddingly up until that moment.  Their last battle was more verbal than physical, but the words exchanged did far more damage than any fatal blow. 

He had been so very angry at the turmoil that churned through him.  It seemed too much that she was issuing him an ultimatum, as if she were forcing him to make a decision he wasn't yet ready to make.  Everything that they had, the slowly developing love affair, the intimate friendship, the cherished bond, dissolved like dew in afternoon heat.  Despite his heart begging him to stop, pride chose his next words skillfully, words that were designed to pierce at the most crucial point.

His heart sank in defeat as his parting shot reverberated in his head.

"What does it matter, after all?  Our fathers engaged us.  Like it or not, you are my fiancée.  Anything I've ever done for you I did because I had to.  It wasn't love.  It was honor and duty."

***

"How can you say that?" Akane demanded vehemently.  "After what you said to me, how could you say that?"  Her eyes grew ice cold.  "That's what brought you here, isn't it?  Honor and duty.  That's what made you stay tonight.  We're neighbors.  I'm back in your life so now you feel obligated to be with me.  I should have known."

She squeezed her eyes tight in an attempt to hold back the sorrow that threatened to tear loose. 

"I'm sorry, Ranma."  Although her eyes remained closed, she could sense the way his head shot up, the way his body coiled with bewildered tension.

"Sorry?"

"Sorry.  I…didn't want to hurt you.  What I said before…I wanted to explain what I meant.  It's just….remembering is hard, you know?"

Akane sighed as memories of the elation that sang through her resurfaced.  A whole new world stretched out before, dwarfing her now seemingly tiny old one.  There was her future, bright, shiny and undefined.  All her hard work had finally paid off, this long attained dream was finally going to be actualized.  She couldn't wait to tell Ranma.

When she shared her news, his reaction puzzled her.  Instead of the congratulatory enthusiasm she had expected him to exhibit he seemed instead quite dazed. 

"What?  What's wrong?"

"It's just…college?  I didn't know you wanted to go to college."

"What do you mean you didn't know?  I took the entrance exam weeks ago!  I've been studying my ass off for months now!" Akane's eyes narrowed.  "Haven't you even noticed that I haven't been around as much?"

Ranma shrugged and laughed nervously.  "I guess I just took it for granted.  Things were so crazy around here what with that cabbage head guy running around town, Ryoga picking up that new technique, and all that other stuff, I just…well, I guess I was kinda' glad that you weren't around.  I mean," he added hastily, "because I didn't want you to get hurt or nothin'."

Akane tried to stamp down the dread that was working its way up from the bottom of her belly.  "Well, it doesn't matter anymore.  I got in!  So here's what Kasumi and I were thinking.  We can take a big family vacation, and then, on the way home, they can drop us off so that we can get settled before classes start."

"Hold on a second, Akane.  What do you mean by WE?"

"We…as in you and me.  You're going with me, aren't you?"

"If I am, this is the first I've heard about it.  What makes you think I want to go anywhere?"

Now her laugh was uneasy.  "Don't be ridiculous, Ranma.  Of course you're going."

"Who says?  I don't remember agreeing to it.  Come to think of it, I don't remember you ever mentioning it to me."

"Well of course I mentioned it to you," Akane replied confidently, despite the fact that now she wasn't quite sure if she had ever shared this information with her fiancé.  I have talked to him about it, haven't I?  I must have.  I've been wanting this for as long as I can remember.

Ranma continued talking over he thoughts.  "What makes you think that I didn't have plans of my own?"

Akane raised her eyebrows.  "And what plans are those exactly?  The ones where you laze around the house all day?  The ones where your let those hussies continue to hang off you?  The ones where you pick fights with Ryoga, Mousse, or whoever else happens to stroll by?"

Ranma fumed.  "If that's what you think of me, then you don't know anything about me!  Besides, what gives you the right to dictate my plans?  What gives you the right to assume that I'd follow you wherever you decide to go?"

"Well, I'm sorry for assuming that, since we happen to be in love with one another, you'd want to be with me!"

"When did I ever tell you that I love you?  And don't say Jusendo because we both agreed that didn't count.  Our fathers engaged us.  Like it or not, you are my fiancée.  Anything I've ever done for you I did because I had to.  It wasn't love.  It was honor and duty."

Akane opened her eyes and resurfaced in the present.  "I'm sorry," she said again.  "I guess I just wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt me."

She glanced over at Ranma, waited until his eyes met hers.  "I expected you to come here because I expected you to want to be with me.  I expected you to just pick up and leave everything behind."  Her voice grew softer.  "I expected you to always be there to walk beside me, to save me, to protect me.  My love was full of expectations.  What kind of love is that?  You deserve better. 

"That's what I meant, in a totally roundabout way, when I said I realized I didn't love you.  I didn't love you, not the way I should have.  You were my fiancé; I was going to have to marry you someday.  But I didn't want to marry a person I wasn't in love with.  So, somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that I loved you, because someday I would have to.  I loved you because I was expected to.  Now I expect better of myself."

Ranma nodded, reached carefully for his voice.  "So what happens now?"

She looked away.  "After all of these epiphanies, I stopped wallowing in self pity and took charge of my life, retooled my focus.  I wanted to start over with as clean a slate as I could get.  Things started to fall into place.  I chose my major, I got a part-time job that I think I'm really going to enjoy, I lucked into getting my own apartment. 

"I said earlier that fate is a funny thing.  Before I moved in, I was here a zillion times visiting Miki.  Don't you think it's interesting that we never ran into each other before?  Sana is one of my closest friends.  She's going out with someone who teaches at the same dojo you do.  Shouldn't we have bumped into one another before this morning?  The fact that we're here together right now is a good omen to me.  It tells me that we are meant to be in each other's lives somehow.  I like the thought of you being a part of my new life."

She turned to smile at him, her eyes filled with an earnest look.  "Ranma, you were right when you said our engagement was because of honor and duty, that caring for one another came from that.  But I like to think that our friendship came about on it's own.  I wasn't the fiancée I wanted to be, but I like to think that I was a better friend.  Can we start over, Ranma?  Would you be my friend?"

***

When Akane eyes met his, the all to familiar glimmer in them was enough to make Ranma agree to anything she asked.  "Ranma, you were right when you said our engagement was because of honor and duty.  But I like to think that our friendship came about on it's own.  I wasn't the fiancée I wanted to be, but I like to think that I was a better friend.  Can we start over, Ranma?  Would you be my friend?"

Extended moments of silence passed as Ranma considered his answer.  He already knew what his answer would be however, Akane had said so much to him, had opened herself up to him in a way she never had before, that he was moved to do the same.  He deliberated over his words carefully.  Beside him, Akane shifted, jittery with anticipation.

"I have to apologize too, Akane.  What I said that day, it was mean, and it hurt you and I'm sorry for that.

"I left partly because I was mad as all hell at you, and partly because I was mad as all hell at myself for saying those things to you.  I wish I could say that I didn't mean what I said, but that would be a lie. 

"I've learned a lot since we've been apart, I've done a lot of thinking about everything too.  I've gotten a lot better about talking and stuff, but I have to admit, that what you said just now, it was just about everything I wanted to say but twenty times better.  I really liked being with you, Akane.  All that running around, all those freaks showing up out of nowhere, hell, even our fights—all that was a lot of fun.  But it wasn't just that.  You stuck by me through a lot of stuff…I missed that.  So, I agree with you.  We were much better friends than fiancées so…friends it is."

***

Ranma shot Akane a shaky, hesitant smile.  Akane smiled back, just as shaky, just as hesitant.  Awkwardly, they moved toward each other, unsure of what to do next.  Though they were both martial artists, they stumbled toward each other clumsily.  Ranma caught Akane when she tripped.  His arms tightened around her briefly as he steadied her, then loosened, then tightened again in a shy hug.  To his delighted surprise, Akane did not flinch and, though her returning hug was just as cautious, it was also just as heartfelt.

It was the beginning of a friendship they had both been waiting for.

Author notes:  So…what do you think about the longer, revised version?  I'm hoping to someone that the flames of inspiration burn more brightly so that I can whip out the rest of the story.  I loved the idea of this so much I'd hate for it to die where it is.  Any comments?  Gentle suggestions?  Please let me know.

Thanks for reading!