45. "We didn't have a fight. We just had 'a talk'."

Sara's apartment       

Sara didn't sleep that day. She spent most of it pacing, replaying all her time with Grissom from the past day. Had she said the wrong thing? Was he worried about her? Scared of her? Could she have phrased it differently?

            She lay on the couch for five minutes, couldn't stand the inactivity, and paced the length of her apartment for an hour. She sat with her head in her hands, trying to re-write the script from today. Lay in her bed, hugging the pillow Grissom had slept on.

            In short, she realized, she spent the hours acting like a lovesick heroine in one of those romance novels she'd ranted about. Upon that realization, she switched to banging her forehead into the wall for a few minutes at a time.

            Finally it was almost 5:30. She had held off on showering and dressing because she knew that once she was dressed for work, the real impatience would set in. Finally, at 5:45, she climbed into the shower and, though perfectly steady on her feet, almost fell down again as she was struck by a reverie of being in the same shower only a few hours earlier with Grissom.

Grissom's townhouse

            Grissom hardly slept that afternoon. Sara had reassured him, but he was still afraid that she would get into his car and tell him that she couldn't take it. She wouldn't do that to him, would she? No, no, she had said she just needed time.

He paced the house. He took a shower. He cleaned his bedroom in the hopes that Sara might see it again soon. He scrubbed the bathroom, thinking of her clean shower. He even scoured his already-sparkling kitchen with a twisting smile on his face as he remembered all their kitchen moments. He took another shower, forgetting until he was under the spray that he had already taken one. He started cleaning again.

When the entire house was gleaming, he was left standing in the middle of his living room staring at Fluffy. "Now what?" he asked her six calm eyes. "I'm not a worrier, dammit. Except when it comes to Sara, apparently. God this is embarrassing, Fluffy!" The spider only twitched a leg.

He gathered her from her terrarium and flopped down – gently, so as not to startle her - on his leather sofa. "What the hell am I going to do if she tells me it's over? I don't think I can . . ." He was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.

Fairly bounding out of his chair, which caused Fluffy's hair to stand on end, he flung open the door in excitement before it dawned on him that it couldn't be Sara; she was without a car today. A surprised-looking Catherine raised her eyebrows. "Well that was a more enthusiastic welcome than I was expecting."

"Oh, it's you." He sighed. "I thought it was Sara for a second." He stepped aside so Catherine could come in.

She carefully sidestepped past the spider. "And good evening to you, Fluffy. You just stay there, and I'll stay here, and we'll be ok." When they reached his kitchen, where Grissom and Catherine always seemed to end up doing their talking, she leaned against a counter. "So why aren't you two lovebirds together? Have another fight?" She was surprised when Grissom flinched. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh . . ."

"No, Cath, we didn't have a fight. We just had 'a talk'."

"Ohhhh, The Talk, huh? Wait, was it the "where are we going with this relationship?" talk, or the "I need time" talk?" She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled slightly at his surprised look. "You're not the first two people to ever have a strained romance, Gil."

He sighed, slumping against the wall. "The second one. She started panicking after you guys left, saying that she wasn't in control of her life anymore."

"And? Did you guys reach a conclusion?"

"Sort of. We – well, I, really – decided that we needed to allow space from each other if we're going to do this. Working together and spending all our free time together is going to get real old real fast if we don't."

"And that's supposed to make her feel more in control?" Catherine shook her head. "That'll make her feel better, but if she feels out of control, it's only a stopgap measure."

He sighed. "Yeah, I know. That's why . . . this." He indicated the clean house with a sweep of his non-spider hand.

"So you clean when stressed, huh? Figures. Cleaning and a bug, yeah you're the Grissom I know and love. So what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know, Cath, that's the problem. She told me that I had all the control in the relationship, so I feel like doing anything would be a bad idea. I don't want to make her feel like I'm taking even more control away from her."

"So you're gonna sit back and wait?" she asked in a voice which clearly said that she didn't approve.

"Well what else can I do? I'm so damn nervous about this, Cath. If she leaves I don't know what the hell I'm going to do."

Catherine shook her head and took his arm. "Let's put the spider away and sit down. You need romance lessons, and I can't give them while staring at, um, her." She watched as Grissom put his tarantula away. "Ok, so here's what you're telling me: Sara feels caught up in the events of the past few days. She feels like you have all the power in the relationship, and she feels that you control all her emotions. How'm I doing?"

"You seem to have a better grip on it than I do."

"Not good." She sighed disappointedly. "Well here's my advice: she feels like she's not in control, so let her have control. Have you told her that she can control you too?" He nodded uncertainly. "Let me guess. You said it in the context of emotions, right? You told her she can control your emotions too?"

"How the hell do you know this stuff, Catherine? Why can't I borrow some of your brain?"

She grinned. "You know facts, I know people. And I happen to be female, if you hadn't taken note. It's obvious that I'd have more insight into Sara than you." She stopped, looking thoughtful. "No, I take that back. You know her a hell of a lot better than I do. But I do know how women think in relationships, at least, and Sara's definitely female.

"So anyway. Sara feels out of control, so put her in control. Don't make the choices for a while. Don't make her feel like you're not interested," she clarified, " but let her know that you're going to take a backseat to what she wants for the time being. Just, whatever you do, don't go apathetic. Nothing will piss her off more."

Grissom sighed. "Can you put that into man-ese, Catherine? How am I supposed to let her make all the decisions without making it seem like I'm apathetic?"

Catherine smacked the heel of her hand into her forehead. "THINK, Gil. Use your imagination. I'm not just talking 'what do you want to do tonight,' I mean give her control in other ways too. Make her kiss you first. Make her be the one to throw you up against the wall." As an afterthought, she added, "Yeah, that's one I can picture. Skinny little Sara throwing you up against a wall, with you grinning like an idiot." She couldn't help a laugh escaping at the thought of that.

She consulted her watch. "Uh, Grissom, it's 6 o'clock. Shouldn't you be picking Sara up or something?" She laughed harder as Grissom looked at his watch, horrified. Still laughing, she flipped a hand in his direction and headed for the front door. "I can see myself out, don't you worry. Oh man, Sara throwing you against a wall . . . yeah I'd pay to see that!"

Grissom could only stare after her, openmouthed. And Catherine asked HIM where he got the deep thoughts??