OR DIE TRYING: THE STORY OF CHO CHANG
By monkeymouse
NB: JKRowling built the Potterverse; I'm just redecorating one of the rooms. And one of the great things about JKR telling the story from Harry's point of view is that stuff could be happening all over Hogwarts that Harry isn't aware of.
Rated: PG
Spoilers: Everything
xxx
60. How Close is Too Close
Harry Potter stayed in Cho's mind, but dimly, like a memory one comes to doubt. She thought of Harry when she went to Hogsmeade with Cedric, half- remembering the promise she'd made to herself. She thought of trying to find some other way to make things up to Harry if she saw him in the halls of Hogwarts-which happened less and less frequently. As studiously as Harry tried to avoid seeing Cho with Cedric, Cho seemed not to notice Harry the few times they did pass-not notice him, that is, until they had passed each other, and the chance to speak was lost. In the end, she vaguely resolved that they should become friends after the Tournament was over. There was no reason why the three of them shouldn't be friends . . .
Harry briefly crossed her mind when she read in Witch Weekly that Hermione Granger, who Rita Skeeter had claimed was Harry Potter's secret love, had abandoned him in favor of Viktor Krum. As dubious as Skeeter's reputation was, Krum had indeed chosen to rescue Hermione during the Second Task.
"Pay it no mind," Jan said offhandedly at dinner when Cho mentioned the article. "Ain't no Glow between those two either. She's jes' lookin' fer summat to write."
Nonetheless, she couldn't keep down the thought that, when the article hoped that Harry would "bestow his heart on a worthier candidate", that such a candidate might have been herself-
--before Cedric came along, of course.
xxx
Two important thoughts occupied Cho's mind almost constantly between the Second and Third Task. For one, the Ordinary Wizarding Level exams would be held in the two weeks just before the end of the Tournament. She was studying for those important milestones, alone and with groups of other Fifth Year Ravenclaws-when she wasn't with Cedric. And she was with Cedric as often as she could be. And when he wasn't beside her, he was usually on her mind.
They were very obviously together when they went into Hogsmeade the day after the Witch Weekly article appeared. They'd walked to town hand in hand, and as soon as they arrived on the main road, Cedric led Cho off to a small side street.
"Is this another secret garden?" she joked.
Cedric merely said, "You'll see."
They came to a building whose sign read Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. It seemed completely out of place in Hogsmeade, a wizarding community which didn't bother to disguise its magic, and so had some highly eccentric architecture. This shop, however, looked like any of a hundred Muggle teashops, especially built to impress foreign visitors. It was the embodiment of "quaint".
It was even moreso on the inside. The main room was crowded with small circular tables, each just big enough for two. Each table had a pair of wrought-iron chairs, and about half of the tables and chairs were occupied. Couples were talking in low voices, holding hands, kissing, or simply gazing happily at each other.
Mrs. Puddifoot bustled up to them at once. Cedric ordered two coffees. Once she had gone, Cho asked, "Why didn't you ask?"
"Ask what?"
"What I wanted."
"Oh." Cedric blushed. "Sorry; no offense. It's just what they do here."
"I can see what they do here," Cho said as she glanced around at the amorous couples. "I don't think I recognize anyone."
"You could say this place is for a slightly older crowd." Cedric started to say something else, when the door opened and another couple walked in: Roger Davies and Fleur Delacour. Cho quickly turned away.
"You needn't bother," Cedric chuckled. "I don't think he knows you're here, or if he does he doesn't care. He can't see anything but the veela."
"Cedric, how do you know about this place? Have you been here before?"
"Well, yes," he said, his face colouring again, "in a manner of speaking."
"What does that mean?"
"When I was Fourth-Year I first saw this place on a Valentine's Day weekend visit. I wasn't with anyone, but I looked through the glass, and saw all the couples. To tell the truth, I despaired of ever being in here, of ever finding someone to love me this much. And now that I know how you feel about me, I wanted to finally walk through that door." He paused for a moment, studying Cho's face. "You don't like it, do you?"
"It's not that," she smiled at Cedric, taking his hand across the table. "You certainly don't need all this to prove anything to me. All these romantic trappings; I think they're for people who don't already have romance in their lives. I don't like flowery speeches or a new little gift every day of the week or any of that. You never have to do any of that. Being yourself is more than enough."
"I feel the same, you know. I really do. It's just something about this place."
Mrs. Puddifoot arrived just then with the coffee. As soon as she left, Cho leaned toward Cedric, giving him a soft, lingering kiss. When they broke the kiss a minute later, Cho took a sip of the coffee from its delicate china cup.
"I could get used to this," she smiled.
"What, the coffee?" Cedric asked, "or the place or . . ."
Cho simply kept smiling.
xxx
In the evenings and on the weekends of the spring of that year, as the days grew longer and the weather grew warmer, they didn't merely spend time in the secret garden. They actually worked it, digging the soil and plantings starts and cuttings from the greenhouse. Of course, it took longer than it should have, for they would leave off pressing the plants and flowers into the earth so that they could twine their fingers around each other's.
In the end, the garden was bordered with red-and-green leafed coleus and blue and yellow impatiens flowers. The other plants would come later, but these border plants would symbolize Hogwarts for the two of them.
They met in the garden on the last Saturday in May just after dinner. Cho was ten minutes early, but by now the garden wall recognized her wand as well as Cedric's and opened for her too. Cedric was five minutes late. Without a word of apology, he gathered Cho in his arms and lowered his mouth to hers.
This kiss was just as intoxicating as their first, and all the others in between. It felt to Cho as if a fog was gathering in her brain, a fog that was somehow seeping out to surround them from prying, jealous eyes, from those who had never known such love . . .
But Cho's mind wasn't so fogged that she didn't notice that Cedric's hands had drifted from her shoulders to her back; after lingering there, to her hips; after lingering there, slowly passing around to the top of her buttocks.
Cho pulled away from him with a start. She couldn't even find the words at first to ask him what he was doing. She didn't have to; her accusing look was enough.
"Cho Li, I'm, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything rude by that. I just got sort of, well, caught up, I guess."
"Are you telling me that this hasn't happened before? Perhaps with some other girl?"
"What? Cho Li, first of all, you are not some other girl. Even before this happened, I knew you were special. I just didn't realize that I would be . . ."
"Cedric, please, answer me plainly. Have you ever touched another girl like that?"
"Honestly, no."
This answer did not reassure Cho at all. "Am I supposed to feel flattered, then?"
"I . . . You . . . Damn it, this is awful. Can't we just start tonight over again?"
"No, not until we've dealt with this. Does touching me like that mean that you want to have sex with me?"
Cedric blushed a dozen shades of pink; but before he could say anything, Cho turned away from Cedric and spoke again, in a soft, scared voice, with all the harshness and accusation gone: "I only ask because . . . because, sometimes, I think I want to have sex with you."
This seemed to make Cedric even more nervous. "Are you . . . are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, and no, I'm not sure at all, and it scares me. It's as if I can't control my own thoughts or feelings; that they're controlling me. I lie awake in bed for hours, and my thoughts go-places I didn't even know I knew." She kicked at a clod of dirt. "I hate losing control like this! And I hate wanting to lose control." She looked up at Cedric with a sad smile. "Can't help being a Ravenclaw, I guess."
Cedric simply nodded.
"And I'm supposed to be so smart, being in Ravenclaw and all, except that when it comes to this, I know so little, and I have to guess at so much, and I just know my information's all wrong and-and-I don't even know which one of us is supposed to get undressed first!" At this, Cho burst into tears, covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry; I just-you probably hate me now."
Cedric sat on the bench and motioned for Cho to sit next to him. He waited a minute while she dried her eyes with her robes. "Cho Li, I have never loved you more than I do at this moment. What have you heard about me?"
She had to stop and think. "Just the usual, I suppose. A good Seeker; maybe a bit thick. Nothing really bad."
"Good. I've tried to keep it that way, because of something my dad once told me. Yes, I'm going to talk about him again, but this time he gave me some good advice. He said, 'Never make a promise that you don't intend to keep.' He was speaking generally, but I especially apply that to any girl I've ever gone out with. I've never pretended to be someone I'm not, and I've never talked up a load of rubbish just in order to get close to someone."
Cho nodded. "You're very . . . honourable, then. You should be proud."
"Yes, and I'm not going to change my ways anytime soon. You deserve the truth. And the truth is, yes, I've thought about you and me and, you know, sex. Thought about it a lot since the Yule Ball. I suppose I could try to figure out something to say that would sweep you off your broom, but you said you hate that sort of thing, and I can respect that. Can we maybe stop talking about this until summer, when the Tournament's all finished and I'm out of Hogwarts?"
"Why would that make a difference?"
"Because then I could . . ."
"Cedric, what is it?"
"ask you to marry me."
I'm ill, Cho thought. Something's gone wrong with my hearing. He spoke just now, and he said something that sounded like, but he couldn't have said . . . but I'm only sixteen! . . . I'm a Fifth-Year Ravenclaw . . . I'm . . .
I'm lost.
Help me, Cedric; I'm lost. Say something, something to help me find my way, because I'm lost . . .
It was only three seconds of silence between Cedric's last words and his next: "Are you all right?"
"I . . . No, Cedric, I'm not right at all. I want to just leap into your arms and say yes, I will, but I . . . I can't. There's still two more years here for me, and my parents, and . . . Cedric, I . . . I truly love you, but even that has taken some getting used to. You just asked if we could be together for the rest of our lives, and that's just too big a thing to think about right now. I'm sorry."
"I'm not," Cedric smiled as he stood up. "I told myself I'd ask, and I did. If it bothers you, then that's the end of it. But . . . is there any chance that things would look a bit different to you with time?"
Cho had to smile too. "Almost certainly."
Cedric wrapped his long arms around Cho in the hug she'd grown to depend on, almost like a narcotic, in recent weeks. It made her feel so warm, so safe . . . so loved.
"I'll ask again, you know," Cedric said, barely loud enough for her to hear. "Maybe on the day you pass all your NEWTs, or the day you get chosen to play for Tutshill or Holyhead or some such team. Or maybe I'll be by this time next year, doing whatever it is dad has planned for me. But I'd be a fool to walk away from you without ever asking again."
"So would I, if I were to tell you no. I just need time; time to get to where I can say yes and not be frightened of it all."
"Then time you shall have, Cho Li. It's the only gift I can give you, anyway." They slowly walked back to the castle, their arms around each other.
xxx
to be continued in part 61, wherein Cho and Lotus have a difference of opinion.
By monkeymouse
NB: JKRowling built the Potterverse; I'm just redecorating one of the rooms. And one of the great things about JKR telling the story from Harry's point of view is that stuff could be happening all over Hogwarts that Harry isn't aware of.
Rated: PG
Spoilers: Everything
xxx
60. How Close is Too Close
Harry Potter stayed in Cho's mind, but dimly, like a memory one comes to doubt. She thought of Harry when she went to Hogsmeade with Cedric, half- remembering the promise she'd made to herself. She thought of trying to find some other way to make things up to Harry if she saw him in the halls of Hogwarts-which happened less and less frequently. As studiously as Harry tried to avoid seeing Cho with Cedric, Cho seemed not to notice Harry the few times they did pass-not notice him, that is, until they had passed each other, and the chance to speak was lost. In the end, she vaguely resolved that they should become friends after the Tournament was over. There was no reason why the three of them shouldn't be friends . . .
Harry briefly crossed her mind when she read in Witch Weekly that Hermione Granger, who Rita Skeeter had claimed was Harry Potter's secret love, had abandoned him in favor of Viktor Krum. As dubious as Skeeter's reputation was, Krum had indeed chosen to rescue Hermione during the Second Task.
"Pay it no mind," Jan said offhandedly at dinner when Cho mentioned the article. "Ain't no Glow between those two either. She's jes' lookin' fer summat to write."
Nonetheless, she couldn't keep down the thought that, when the article hoped that Harry would "bestow his heart on a worthier candidate", that such a candidate might have been herself-
--before Cedric came along, of course.
xxx
Two important thoughts occupied Cho's mind almost constantly between the Second and Third Task. For one, the Ordinary Wizarding Level exams would be held in the two weeks just before the end of the Tournament. She was studying for those important milestones, alone and with groups of other Fifth Year Ravenclaws-when she wasn't with Cedric. And she was with Cedric as often as she could be. And when he wasn't beside her, he was usually on her mind.
They were very obviously together when they went into Hogsmeade the day after the Witch Weekly article appeared. They'd walked to town hand in hand, and as soon as they arrived on the main road, Cedric led Cho off to a small side street.
"Is this another secret garden?" she joked.
Cedric merely said, "You'll see."
They came to a building whose sign read Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. It seemed completely out of place in Hogsmeade, a wizarding community which didn't bother to disguise its magic, and so had some highly eccentric architecture. This shop, however, looked like any of a hundred Muggle teashops, especially built to impress foreign visitors. It was the embodiment of "quaint".
It was even moreso on the inside. The main room was crowded with small circular tables, each just big enough for two. Each table had a pair of wrought-iron chairs, and about half of the tables and chairs were occupied. Couples were talking in low voices, holding hands, kissing, or simply gazing happily at each other.
Mrs. Puddifoot bustled up to them at once. Cedric ordered two coffees. Once she had gone, Cho asked, "Why didn't you ask?"
"Ask what?"
"What I wanted."
"Oh." Cedric blushed. "Sorry; no offense. It's just what they do here."
"I can see what they do here," Cho said as she glanced around at the amorous couples. "I don't think I recognize anyone."
"You could say this place is for a slightly older crowd." Cedric started to say something else, when the door opened and another couple walked in: Roger Davies and Fleur Delacour. Cho quickly turned away.
"You needn't bother," Cedric chuckled. "I don't think he knows you're here, or if he does he doesn't care. He can't see anything but the veela."
"Cedric, how do you know about this place? Have you been here before?"
"Well, yes," he said, his face colouring again, "in a manner of speaking."
"What does that mean?"
"When I was Fourth-Year I first saw this place on a Valentine's Day weekend visit. I wasn't with anyone, but I looked through the glass, and saw all the couples. To tell the truth, I despaired of ever being in here, of ever finding someone to love me this much. And now that I know how you feel about me, I wanted to finally walk through that door." He paused for a moment, studying Cho's face. "You don't like it, do you?"
"It's not that," she smiled at Cedric, taking his hand across the table. "You certainly don't need all this to prove anything to me. All these romantic trappings; I think they're for people who don't already have romance in their lives. I don't like flowery speeches or a new little gift every day of the week or any of that. You never have to do any of that. Being yourself is more than enough."
"I feel the same, you know. I really do. It's just something about this place."
Mrs. Puddifoot arrived just then with the coffee. As soon as she left, Cho leaned toward Cedric, giving him a soft, lingering kiss. When they broke the kiss a minute later, Cho took a sip of the coffee from its delicate china cup.
"I could get used to this," she smiled.
"What, the coffee?" Cedric asked, "or the place or . . ."
Cho simply kept smiling.
xxx
In the evenings and on the weekends of the spring of that year, as the days grew longer and the weather grew warmer, they didn't merely spend time in the secret garden. They actually worked it, digging the soil and plantings starts and cuttings from the greenhouse. Of course, it took longer than it should have, for they would leave off pressing the plants and flowers into the earth so that they could twine their fingers around each other's.
In the end, the garden was bordered with red-and-green leafed coleus and blue and yellow impatiens flowers. The other plants would come later, but these border plants would symbolize Hogwarts for the two of them.
They met in the garden on the last Saturday in May just after dinner. Cho was ten minutes early, but by now the garden wall recognized her wand as well as Cedric's and opened for her too. Cedric was five minutes late. Without a word of apology, he gathered Cho in his arms and lowered his mouth to hers.
This kiss was just as intoxicating as their first, and all the others in between. It felt to Cho as if a fog was gathering in her brain, a fog that was somehow seeping out to surround them from prying, jealous eyes, from those who had never known such love . . .
But Cho's mind wasn't so fogged that she didn't notice that Cedric's hands had drifted from her shoulders to her back; after lingering there, to her hips; after lingering there, slowly passing around to the top of her buttocks.
Cho pulled away from him with a start. She couldn't even find the words at first to ask him what he was doing. She didn't have to; her accusing look was enough.
"Cho Li, I'm, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything rude by that. I just got sort of, well, caught up, I guess."
"Are you telling me that this hasn't happened before? Perhaps with some other girl?"
"What? Cho Li, first of all, you are not some other girl. Even before this happened, I knew you were special. I just didn't realize that I would be . . ."
"Cedric, please, answer me plainly. Have you ever touched another girl like that?"
"Honestly, no."
This answer did not reassure Cho at all. "Am I supposed to feel flattered, then?"
"I . . . You . . . Damn it, this is awful. Can't we just start tonight over again?"
"No, not until we've dealt with this. Does touching me like that mean that you want to have sex with me?"
Cedric blushed a dozen shades of pink; but before he could say anything, Cho turned away from Cedric and spoke again, in a soft, scared voice, with all the harshness and accusation gone: "I only ask because . . . because, sometimes, I think I want to have sex with you."
This seemed to make Cedric even more nervous. "Are you . . . are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, and no, I'm not sure at all, and it scares me. It's as if I can't control my own thoughts or feelings; that they're controlling me. I lie awake in bed for hours, and my thoughts go-places I didn't even know I knew." She kicked at a clod of dirt. "I hate losing control like this! And I hate wanting to lose control." She looked up at Cedric with a sad smile. "Can't help being a Ravenclaw, I guess."
Cedric simply nodded.
"And I'm supposed to be so smart, being in Ravenclaw and all, except that when it comes to this, I know so little, and I have to guess at so much, and I just know my information's all wrong and-and-I don't even know which one of us is supposed to get undressed first!" At this, Cho burst into tears, covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry; I just-you probably hate me now."
Cedric sat on the bench and motioned for Cho to sit next to him. He waited a minute while she dried her eyes with her robes. "Cho Li, I have never loved you more than I do at this moment. What have you heard about me?"
She had to stop and think. "Just the usual, I suppose. A good Seeker; maybe a bit thick. Nothing really bad."
"Good. I've tried to keep it that way, because of something my dad once told me. Yes, I'm going to talk about him again, but this time he gave me some good advice. He said, 'Never make a promise that you don't intend to keep.' He was speaking generally, but I especially apply that to any girl I've ever gone out with. I've never pretended to be someone I'm not, and I've never talked up a load of rubbish just in order to get close to someone."
Cho nodded. "You're very . . . honourable, then. You should be proud."
"Yes, and I'm not going to change my ways anytime soon. You deserve the truth. And the truth is, yes, I've thought about you and me and, you know, sex. Thought about it a lot since the Yule Ball. I suppose I could try to figure out something to say that would sweep you off your broom, but you said you hate that sort of thing, and I can respect that. Can we maybe stop talking about this until summer, when the Tournament's all finished and I'm out of Hogwarts?"
"Why would that make a difference?"
"Because then I could . . ."
"Cedric, what is it?"
"ask you to marry me."
I'm ill, Cho thought. Something's gone wrong with my hearing. He spoke just now, and he said something that sounded like, but he couldn't have said . . . but I'm only sixteen! . . . I'm a Fifth-Year Ravenclaw . . . I'm . . .
I'm lost.
Help me, Cedric; I'm lost. Say something, something to help me find my way, because I'm lost . . .
It was only three seconds of silence between Cedric's last words and his next: "Are you all right?"
"I . . . No, Cedric, I'm not right at all. I want to just leap into your arms and say yes, I will, but I . . . I can't. There's still two more years here for me, and my parents, and . . . Cedric, I . . . I truly love you, but even that has taken some getting used to. You just asked if we could be together for the rest of our lives, and that's just too big a thing to think about right now. I'm sorry."
"I'm not," Cedric smiled as he stood up. "I told myself I'd ask, and I did. If it bothers you, then that's the end of it. But . . . is there any chance that things would look a bit different to you with time?"
Cho had to smile too. "Almost certainly."
Cedric wrapped his long arms around Cho in the hug she'd grown to depend on, almost like a narcotic, in recent weeks. It made her feel so warm, so safe . . . so loved.
"I'll ask again, you know," Cedric said, barely loud enough for her to hear. "Maybe on the day you pass all your NEWTs, or the day you get chosen to play for Tutshill or Holyhead or some such team. Or maybe I'll be by this time next year, doing whatever it is dad has planned for me. But I'd be a fool to walk away from you without ever asking again."
"So would I, if I were to tell you no. I just need time; time to get to where I can say yes and not be frightened of it all."
"Then time you shall have, Cho Li. It's the only gift I can give you, anyway." They slowly walked back to the castle, their arms around each other.
xxx
to be continued in part 61, wherein Cho and Lotus have a difference of opinion.
