Disclaimer: i don't own anything *deep sigh* but the story is mine and so is Robyn Colley.

A/N - okay. here's the thing. there's a reason for everything in my stories. there's a reason Derevko threw a fit in the last chapter, just to let you know. and we all know how much Sydney loved Vaughn and ... okay. i'm done. enjoy

PART TWO: PROGRAMMED

"Will!" He was smiling and I hugged him tight. One look and I knew he was the only thing that hadn't changed at all. His hair still had those cheep highlights and his glasses were perched on his nose.

I don't think he could let go of me because he held on for life and said, "I never thought I'd see you again." This made me smile. Someone else missed me sincerely. "You missed two birthdays," he continued. "I'm taking you out, and don't you dare say no."

I hugged him again and then let him go because my father was giving me a weird look and Kendall had cleared his throat. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Will blush.

Kendall cleared his throat again. "I've taken the liberty of setting up an appointment for testing tomorrow at 8 am." I nodded. "I also made reservations at the LA Holiday Inn until you find someplace to stay."

Will looked from Kendall, to my father, to me. "She can stay at my place. I have an extra room that needs renting out." I smiled.

Later that night I found myself in Will's car, headed to his apartment. My father had leant me some money in order to buy some clothes and other necessities so I wouldn't have to parasite off of Will. He had taken me to the mall and I bought a dress, a business suit, a jogging suit, a pair of jeans and some shirts. I also bought some bathroom necessities.

His apartment was small but just fine for two people to live in. It had somewhat of a view of LA. The fridge was stocked with food and ice cream, something I was fond of. The extra bedroom was quaint but needed some personality.

He was drinking something that appeared to be wine when I came back from the bathroom. I remembered that night some years ago when we were both drunk. We had been drinking tequila and eating ice cream. And he kissed me. It was a nice kiss. I mean, I can't stand here and say that it was horrible and meant nothing, but it was nothing compared to Vaughn's.

Vaughn. My mind stopped racing and the image of him filled my head. He would never kiss me again, would he? I mentally shook my head and smiled as I entered the kitchen.

"Want some?" he said, waving the glass in my direction.

I shook my head, still smiling. "No," I said softly. "No."

He looked at me with a look I could not read, odd for someone trained to be able to read others. "Are you sure? You always had a taste for wine."

I nodded. "I'm sure."

He took a sip and continued studying me. "Syd, what's wrong?" Oh, God, how I had hoped he wouldn't ask me that. I didn't think I could hold it in anymore. The tears had been stinging the back of my eyes since the moment I found myself face first in the street in China. They had threatened to escape when Vaughn had come to get me and it was all I could do to hold them back. They had filled my eyes to the point I could no longer see when… when Derevko told my what Sloane had done. But now, with the only friend I had left asking me what was wrong, I could no longer suck it up.

I felt the tears slide down my cheeks. They both burned and froze my skin. I blinked several times but they would not go away. Through the wet haze, I saw him set down his glass and take me in his arms. As I soaked through his shirt, I remembered the last time I had cried to him, after a counter mission had gone wrong.

"Sydney," he said softly after a moment. "Syd, you're scarring me." He pulled back an inch and then kissed my forehead. "Try to clam down. Everything will be okay now. You're home. You're safe again."

My head began to spin when I shook it furiously. "I don't think I will ever be safe again," I whispered. He led me to the worn out couch and sat me down. I leaned into him. I was calmer, though the tears would not relent. I took a deep breath. "My best friend was replaced before my eyes. I didn't even notice. Then I killed the person that looked just like her. Will, I was taken from my own home! I don't even what the hell he did to me! I can't remember a single thing! And now, I come back to find the man I love engaged and the only two people who care that I'm back are a father who never cared before and a friend who was there all along."

He didn't say anything.

"Thank you," I whispered.

* * *

I put on the dress and followed Will out the door. I had no idea where he was taking me. I had eventually calmed down and was stable enough to take a shower and get dressed. All he said was that he was taking me somewhere "special". I admit, I was curious.

It was an empty restaurant. Candles filled the whole place and their sent filled my nose. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Once I opened them, I took in that all the electricity had been turned off, all the tables aside from one were set to the side. The one stood in the very middle and a waiter stood next to it, a bottle of wine in hand. I blinked.

"Will?" It had all taken my breath away.

"Come on," he said and urged me towards the table. He held the chair for me and I sat. He took a seat across from me. "Order anything you want," he said.

"There's no menu," I stated.

He rolled his eyes slightly. "Order whatever comes to mind. Whatever you like."

I smiled. Interesting game. I'll play along just to see where this will lead. "Chicken Alfredo, please," I told the waiter. "Not blackened, please." He nodded and took Will's order then poured the wine and headed towards the kitchen. I glanced that the bottle that was left in the ice bucket on the table. 1968. This was an old expensive wine.

"Will?" He glanced up at me. "What's going on?"

"Happy Birthday Sydney," he replied.

I blinked again. "I don't understand."

His smile faded and he took a deep breath. "I wanted to wait until after we ate, but I can tell that won't happen."

"What won't happen?" My mind raced. What the hell was he talking about? What did he have planned in his crazy little mind for tonight? I couldn't even begin to guess.

Another deep breath. "When you went missing, when you disappeared, I honestly thought that I would never see you again. I thought you were gone forever. Out of my reach, like you had been since I met you. You were always with someone else, Syd. And when you were gone, I thought I had blown my chance forever. But then, that call you made from Hong Kong changed everything. I figured I was given a second chance and no matter what your reaction is going to be, I know that I have to tell you this."

"You're rambling," I stated, a little unkindly. I knew what he was going to say.

He looked in my eyes and said, "Syd, I love you."

Yup, I was right. I knew that was coming. I have known his feelings for me for sometime. I could just tell by the way he acted around me. Also, I knew that kiss had meant more to him then it meant to me.

I didn't respond for a long time, because, truth was, I had no idea what to say. I knew I didn't love him. I knew I could learn to love him, but… in a way, I didn't want to. I still had feelings for Vaughn, I still missed Danny, and, judging by my luck with men, something horrible would happen to Will, or to me, and it would end horribly. I didn't want to hurt him. He was the only friend I had left.

He cleared his throat and I realized I had been clenching my now empty wine glass. "I…" I paused. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"No," he shook his head to emphasize it. "No. Don't be. I had to tell you. I'd kill myself if I lost this chance again. I knew it wouldn't get anywhere between us, yet I had some hope." Great. I had just crushed his hope. What a horrible person I am. He turned around and looked towards the kitchen door. "Where is that damn food?"

* * *

"Agent Bristow." It was Vaughn. I was headed towards that scary little room where they attached wires to your head and kept you unconscious for who knows how long when Vaughn came up next to me with a cheery greeting.

"Vaughn," I replied coldly.

He opened his mouth the closed it. He turned a corner while I kept going straight. Okay, so it seemed we wouldn't have a conversation about our past or his present. Fine with me, I think.

The wires were placed on my head with little suction cups and lead up to a machine that read my brain waves. I rolled my eyes as the woman with blond hair who I couldn't remember the name of grabbed her clipboard and a clicky pen.

Suddenly, I was back in my apartment, Francie's outraged face staring at me. I grabbed the gun and shot her. One. Two. Three. She was down and my mind seeped into blackness.

I opened my eyes and noted the haze around the edges of everything. I was laying in a dark gray van and could feel it moving. My mother's face loomed over me.

"Sark," she called to the driver. "She's awake."

"Then bloody knock her out again." He was nervous, I could tell through all the confusion swimming through my head. I just couldn't figure out why he was so scared.

"It'll be easier if she's awake. She'll walk on her own," Irina said.

"My ass," Sark replied. "She'll just beat the hell out of us."

"Calm down and keep quiet. We're not going to get caught." She brushed her hair behind her ear with two fingers.

"You know the CIA will be all over her flat in minutes," he said, still very nervous.

"What are you worried about? We got away clean. As long as you didn't touch anything."

He scoffed as if insulted. "Why would I touch anything in that place? I'm not stupid, you know."

Everything went black again. What felt like a minute later, but could have been days, my eyes flew open and I noticed that I was lying on a bed, my arms and legs strapped down.

"Hello Sydney," said a cool, calm voice. Sloan's head looked down at me and I resisted the urge to spit in one of his beady little eyes. "Don't struggle," he said almost sweetly when I wasn't even moving.

I tried to speak but I came to realize that my mouth was taped. I tasted duct tape and nearly gagged. Hearing a sound, I turned my attention back to Sloan and found that he was laughing at me. That enraged me. I began struggling.

Before I fell back into blackness, I heard him say softly, "I told you not to struggle."

When my eyes opened again I was in a small metal cage. My hair was soaking with sweat and my clothes stuck to me. I had barely enough room to breathe let alone move. A single light hung from the ceiling that seemed to be dozens of feet above me. Pulling my knees close, I took account of my current standing, or sitting giving the situation.

Not only was Sloan a psychotic murderer with the lethal dream of world domination, but also he was well known for torture while holding his enemies captive. In the current case, I was his enemy and his way of torture was by putting me in a cage that was better fit for a small dog. I sighed. At least I wasn't naked. Everything aside from my shirt and pants had been cleared off of me. Not even a bobby pin still lay in my hair. Picking the lock was out of the question. The bars were too thick and too close together, so any escape plan there was automatically eliminated. Worst of all, I had no idea where I was, how long I'd been there, or even if I was alone.

I tried to look around and was not comforted by the dim light and oddly peaceful quiet. After a few minutes, a door on the other side of the room, though I'm not sure it could have been called that, opened and blinding light seeped in. Irena Derevko walked up to me and threw a dish in front of cage.

'Shit,' I thought. Not only was I caged like an animal, but also I was being fed like a prisoner. But what did I expect? I didn't even glance at the food and instead stared up at the woman that had called herself my mother for so many years.

"What is going on?" I demanded.

She tilted her head a little and studied me. "My poor little girl. I hate to see you like that, but if I let you go, Sloan would have my head. And we don't want that, now do we? Just be good and cooperate." She turned to leave.

"WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ME?" I screamed after her.

Her head spun around and I could see the mischievous grin on her face. "Mr. Sloan thinks you would make a wonderful assassin, dear daughter," she said smoothly and then stepped out and slammed the door.

"NO!!" I screamed and sat up, the wires falling from my face and I slowly realized that I was in the dark, small little office. The blond woman was staring at me, completely perplexed.

"Are you alright, Agent Bristow?" she asked, concern filling her eyes.

"No," I said softly, shaking my head. "No. I'm not. I need to go." I stood up but my knees gave way and I fell back on the seat.

The woman went to the door and called something out but I wasn't paying attention. By the time Vaughn, Kendall and my father walked in, I was shaking violently. This was impossible. It has to be some wild mission that the CIA sent me on. I've never been missing. It's all a joke. I couldn't have been programmed to be an… to kill… that's just irrational.

His voice drew me back to somewhat of a reality. "Sydney." Vaughn had his hands on my shoulders and was shaking me gently.

"Bristow," this time it was Kendall, "what happened? Are you alright?"

I stared at him as if I had no idea who he was. After a moment, I pulled away from Vaughn and stared at the Director. "I… I was programmed… by Sloan," I said slowly.

"Yes, yes," said Jack Bristow. "That we know already."

I shook my head. "No. You don't understand. He programmed me to… to kill."