Pain Of The Past
The story of xena's past
(Part 3)
Xena, Gabrielle, and any other characters that have appeared on the television show Xena: Warrior Princess, do not Belong to me but to the creators. * some Violence
Borias and I headed east to the land of Chin. On our way we recruited men for our army that would destroy all that got in our way. My short-term goal was to become powerful, my long term goal was to take revenge on Caesar. In Chin we planed to make an alliance with the Ming family then with their enemies, the Loa's make the same deal and eventually defeat both of them. Personally I would have killed then all from the start, but Borias and I always had our difference of opinions. I can't even count the number of fights we had over the dumbest things, but we had our good moments.
" Xena?" Gabrielle asked
" Hmm?"
" How exactly did you feel about Borias? I mean did you love him or."
" I didn't love him Gabrielle. I wasn't able to love. There were moments when I hated him and others when I didn't want to leave him. I suppose if I wasn't the way I was back then there could have been a loving healthy relationship but I wouldn't let that happen"
" Did he love you?" asked Gabrielle. Xena thought awhile.
" I think he did. he would tell me sometimes but I wouldn't believe it. In Chin I ruined his plans so he betrayed me and gave me to Ming who had me hunted like an animal. But Lao's wife, Lao Ma saved me. She treated me so kindly and I couldn't understand why, it was like she didn't even know who I was but she loved me so much. She tried to change my life, and she could have. I almost did change, but I wasn't strong enough yet. I regret it so much because I only got worse after that. Borias and I made up and got back together. We had heard word that a young girl with a wealthy father had been kidnapped. This had fortune written all over it and I wasn't about to pass it up. So Borias and I headed even farther east to the land of Japa and rescued her from her kidnappers to ransom her back to daddy. Something went wrong.I taught her. well she killed her father for some vengeful reason then asked me to kill her to honor her soul. I did it and after that I'm not sure what happened.
" Why?" Gabrielle asked confused
" Well I.ah.had a lot to drink after that"
" Oh, sorry I asked"
" We ( me and Borias) traveled back west setting our camp on the steppes, hoping to gain more land and power. Borias wanted to make his silly alliances again this time with the Northern Amazons. This is when I met Alti. She came to me and offered her help. She claimed she had shamanistic powers that could destroy the amazons. I took up on her offer with out hesitation; Borias of course didn't like that, but by then he was starting to lose control over me. Alti proved her powers to me when she reviled that I was pregnant. I hadn't gotten around to telling Borias, but she saved me the trouble of having to tell him,he took it better than I thought he would, actually after he got over the surprise I think he was happy, which was more than I can say for myself. I wasn't exactly thrilled about it. A baby would mean changing my life style, and Alti knew it. That's why she cursed my son, that he would never feel the love of either of his parents.
" It didn't work though" Gabrielle pointed out
" Of course it did, Solan grew up without me or Borias"
" But Solan knows you love him, now more than ever, and even before he died he knew you as a loving friend" Gabrielle said while smiling at Xena and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
" Thank you Gabrielle. well now that Alti had that taken care of she had to prevent me from befriending the Amazons. Cyan the queen had been teaching me Amazon signals and fighting techniques, she offered me the right of initiation into the tribe. I was doubtful of it. I mean they were to much a family and it wasn't for me, but I still considered it. Cyan told me to stay away from Alti, that she would only bring me death; she also warned me that if I stayed with Borias I'd end up getting him killed. Alti however, talked a better show. She told me she could make me the Destroyer of nations, the most powerful and feared warrior of the known world, I joined Alti and she requested that I slaughtered all the northern Amazon tribe, she said if I did that it would give her the power to make me the destroyer of nations. So I betrayed the amazons using the new fighting skills they had taught me, and killed almost all of then, Borias was outraged with me and what I had done. Not that I cared, I enjoyed making him mad. because we always made up. He forced me to leave the Steppes and Alti, and we traveled to Greece to conquer more land. Our first site to conquer was the great city of Corinth. When we arrived in Greece I was about five or six months pregnant and nearly twenty years old. The only ones who knew about my pregnancy were Borias, a few trusted servants and soldiers and of course myself. I tried to hide my pregnancy because I new if the enemy found out they would find me more vulnerable and if my men knew they would take advantage of me. The siege on Corinth was going very well and I was as ruthless as ever. I did whatever I had to and killed whomever it took to get what I wanted. Borias however got softer and weaker every day, but by then we had split the army and he had no command over me. I sent most of my men to search for the Ixion stone, which belonged to the Centaurs and would give me great power. This made me enemies with the centaurs and made difficulties for me while battling Corinth. During most of this time Borias and I fought, but now I realize his arguments had a point to them and if I had listened I might have had a different life. Solan might still be alive, I might have changed my ways sooner, and I could have a normal life and family, but I coldly blew him off every time he wanted to talk to me. I often thought of how my life would change by having a child. I was still sane enough to realize that my life wasn't the best to bring a child into. I honestly don't think I cared much for the child while he was in me, but Borias did and it made me sick how he always talked about a family. I only saw the child as an obstacle, a nuisance that would slow me down.
The siege on Corinth was near to success and I had captured some centaurs so they could reveal to me were the ixion stone was hidden. Borias had just about had it with me and my heartless techniques, so he realized my prisoners and he and his army left with the Centaurs. That night Borias's men and his new allies attacked my camp. Meanwhile I laid helpless in my tent about to go into labor. I was nearly passed out from the pain of the contractions and I fearfully prepared for the birth. I was barely aware of my surroundings, but at one point I can remember feeling Borias's presence with me. I felt him holding my hand and stroking the hair from my face. I remember him telling me that I was safe, that everything would be all right because he was going to take me away. I felt him kiss my forehead then leave. While I suffered through one of the longest and most painful experiences of my life, Borias was being murdered. While one part of me was brought into the world another was being taken away. I remember wanting him next to me during solans birth and screaming out for him. When the delivery was finished my tent caught fire from the battle that was happening just outside. Satrina my servant, who delivered Solan lead me out to a wagon that would take us to safety. I cradled Solan tightly in my arms. As I got into the wagon I turned to look at the battle. Something caught my attention.it was Borias laying face down in the dirt. He was barley recognizable, I thought he was dead.then he raised his head and reached out to his son and me. I couldn't believe that he would actually come back for me, that he cared. As the wagon began to pull away I watched him take his last breath. I would never have admitted it back then, but when I lost him I felt scared and alone.only a few miles away from the battle we set up camp. We as in, Satrina, another servant, two of my soldiers, and me. I didn't do much that night, and I don't think I said a word, but there were so many thoughts in my head, so much confusion. I was left alone with a baby.a human being whom I just met, that I knew nothing about, yet I loved him more than anything.I wasn't exactly mom material though. I had no clue as to how to take care of him, and the way my life was going was no place for a child to grow up in, he'd live a very short life. I knew I couldn't keep him with me, but I didn't have any friends or even allies to leave him with. My only options were to keep Solan and have him lead a life of sadness and suffering as I have or.give him to my enemies the Centaurs. They may have hated me but surly they would take care of the son of Borias.
Later that night when everyone was asleep, I slipped a warm cloak on over my shoulders and gently hid Solan beneath it. I headed back to the centaur camp to meet with one of their leaders, Kalliopes. About an hour later I spotted Kalliopes next to a tall tree surrounded by shrubs. As I approached him I slowed my pace, I developed a knot in my stomach and wanted so much to turn back, but he had already spotted me.
"stop right there.you won't get the Ixion stone. Borias told us everything, he will be known as the man who betrayed Xena and befriended the Centaurs.he my have died at your command but he will live on forever in our legends" He yelled and stared at me with an icy glare.
"I'm willing to withdraw my army" I offered him barely able to speak. My sincerity was insulted when he erupted in a sarcastic laughter.
"Xena, Destroyer of Nations isn't know to bargain"
I lifted my cloak up and reveled Solan. There was silence and he looked down at me in confusion.
"Take this child.he is my son and the son of Borias, if he stays with me he'll become a target for all who hate me, he'll learn things a child should never know.he'll become like me" I lifted Solan up to him. Kalliopes still only looked at me with anger, I could see the caution in his eyes. I wanted him to just take my child and get it over with. "Please" I choked, barely getting the words out. Luckily the simple and polite word convinced Kalliopes to take my son.
"the son of Borias, will be raised as my own" He said raising my child high. That was the first time Solan had left my side. My muscles were still and I could barely breath. I didn't notice I was beginning to cry and when the first tear feel I retreated before Kalliopes saw my emotions, it would make him think I was weeak. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I regretted it so much, I wondered if I would ever see Solan again.
I had no friends, and I couldn't stand telling Satrina and the rest of my soldiers what I had done with my child. As you know I later found out that Satrina was a trader.her and Dagnin killed Borias.it seemed like everyone I had ever trusted betrayed me, I had already given up love and didn't know who to trust so I didn't trust anyone.I chose to give home another try. My mother was the closest to me even if I hadn't seen her in five years. It was worth a try.
(END OF PART THREE)
The story of xena's past
(Part 3)
Xena, Gabrielle, and any other characters that have appeared on the television show Xena: Warrior Princess, do not Belong to me but to the creators. * some Violence
Borias and I headed east to the land of Chin. On our way we recruited men for our army that would destroy all that got in our way. My short-term goal was to become powerful, my long term goal was to take revenge on Caesar. In Chin we planed to make an alliance with the Ming family then with their enemies, the Loa's make the same deal and eventually defeat both of them. Personally I would have killed then all from the start, but Borias and I always had our difference of opinions. I can't even count the number of fights we had over the dumbest things, but we had our good moments.
" Xena?" Gabrielle asked
" Hmm?"
" How exactly did you feel about Borias? I mean did you love him or."
" I didn't love him Gabrielle. I wasn't able to love. There were moments when I hated him and others when I didn't want to leave him. I suppose if I wasn't the way I was back then there could have been a loving healthy relationship but I wouldn't let that happen"
" Did he love you?" asked Gabrielle. Xena thought awhile.
" I think he did. he would tell me sometimes but I wouldn't believe it. In Chin I ruined his plans so he betrayed me and gave me to Ming who had me hunted like an animal. But Lao's wife, Lao Ma saved me. She treated me so kindly and I couldn't understand why, it was like she didn't even know who I was but she loved me so much. She tried to change my life, and she could have. I almost did change, but I wasn't strong enough yet. I regret it so much because I only got worse after that. Borias and I made up and got back together. We had heard word that a young girl with a wealthy father had been kidnapped. This had fortune written all over it and I wasn't about to pass it up. So Borias and I headed even farther east to the land of Japa and rescued her from her kidnappers to ransom her back to daddy. Something went wrong.I taught her. well she killed her father for some vengeful reason then asked me to kill her to honor her soul. I did it and after that I'm not sure what happened.
" Why?" Gabrielle asked confused
" Well I.ah.had a lot to drink after that"
" Oh, sorry I asked"
" We ( me and Borias) traveled back west setting our camp on the steppes, hoping to gain more land and power. Borias wanted to make his silly alliances again this time with the Northern Amazons. This is when I met Alti. She came to me and offered her help. She claimed she had shamanistic powers that could destroy the amazons. I took up on her offer with out hesitation; Borias of course didn't like that, but by then he was starting to lose control over me. Alti proved her powers to me when she reviled that I was pregnant. I hadn't gotten around to telling Borias, but she saved me the trouble of having to tell him,he took it better than I thought he would, actually after he got over the surprise I think he was happy, which was more than I can say for myself. I wasn't exactly thrilled about it. A baby would mean changing my life style, and Alti knew it. That's why she cursed my son, that he would never feel the love of either of his parents.
" It didn't work though" Gabrielle pointed out
" Of course it did, Solan grew up without me or Borias"
" But Solan knows you love him, now more than ever, and even before he died he knew you as a loving friend" Gabrielle said while smiling at Xena and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
" Thank you Gabrielle. well now that Alti had that taken care of she had to prevent me from befriending the Amazons. Cyan the queen had been teaching me Amazon signals and fighting techniques, she offered me the right of initiation into the tribe. I was doubtful of it. I mean they were to much a family and it wasn't for me, but I still considered it. Cyan told me to stay away from Alti, that she would only bring me death; she also warned me that if I stayed with Borias I'd end up getting him killed. Alti however, talked a better show. She told me she could make me the Destroyer of nations, the most powerful and feared warrior of the known world, I joined Alti and she requested that I slaughtered all the northern Amazon tribe, she said if I did that it would give her the power to make me the destroyer of nations. So I betrayed the amazons using the new fighting skills they had taught me, and killed almost all of then, Borias was outraged with me and what I had done. Not that I cared, I enjoyed making him mad. because we always made up. He forced me to leave the Steppes and Alti, and we traveled to Greece to conquer more land. Our first site to conquer was the great city of Corinth. When we arrived in Greece I was about five or six months pregnant and nearly twenty years old. The only ones who knew about my pregnancy were Borias, a few trusted servants and soldiers and of course myself. I tried to hide my pregnancy because I new if the enemy found out they would find me more vulnerable and if my men knew they would take advantage of me. The siege on Corinth was going very well and I was as ruthless as ever. I did whatever I had to and killed whomever it took to get what I wanted. Borias however got softer and weaker every day, but by then we had split the army and he had no command over me. I sent most of my men to search for the Ixion stone, which belonged to the Centaurs and would give me great power. This made me enemies with the centaurs and made difficulties for me while battling Corinth. During most of this time Borias and I fought, but now I realize his arguments had a point to them and if I had listened I might have had a different life. Solan might still be alive, I might have changed my ways sooner, and I could have a normal life and family, but I coldly blew him off every time he wanted to talk to me. I often thought of how my life would change by having a child. I was still sane enough to realize that my life wasn't the best to bring a child into. I honestly don't think I cared much for the child while he was in me, but Borias did and it made me sick how he always talked about a family. I only saw the child as an obstacle, a nuisance that would slow me down.
The siege on Corinth was near to success and I had captured some centaurs so they could reveal to me were the ixion stone was hidden. Borias had just about had it with me and my heartless techniques, so he realized my prisoners and he and his army left with the Centaurs. That night Borias's men and his new allies attacked my camp. Meanwhile I laid helpless in my tent about to go into labor. I was nearly passed out from the pain of the contractions and I fearfully prepared for the birth. I was barely aware of my surroundings, but at one point I can remember feeling Borias's presence with me. I felt him holding my hand and stroking the hair from my face. I remember him telling me that I was safe, that everything would be all right because he was going to take me away. I felt him kiss my forehead then leave. While I suffered through one of the longest and most painful experiences of my life, Borias was being murdered. While one part of me was brought into the world another was being taken away. I remember wanting him next to me during solans birth and screaming out for him. When the delivery was finished my tent caught fire from the battle that was happening just outside. Satrina my servant, who delivered Solan lead me out to a wagon that would take us to safety. I cradled Solan tightly in my arms. As I got into the wagon I turned to look at the battle. Something caught my attention.it was Borias laying face down in the dirt. He was barley recognizable, I thought he was dead.then he raised his head and reached out to his son and me. I couldn't believe that he would actually come back for me, that he cared. As the wagon began to pull away I watched him take his last breath. I would never have admitted it back then, but when I lost him I felt scared and alone.only a few miles away from the battle we set up camp. We as in, Satrina, another servant, two of my soldiers, and me. I didn't do much that night, and I don't think I said a word, but there were so many thoughts in my head, so much confusion. I was left alone with a baby.a human being whom I just met, that I knew nothing about, yet I loved him more than anything.I wasn't exactly mom material though. I had no clue as to how to take care of him, and the way my life was going was no place for a child to grow up in, he'd live a very short life. I knew I couldn't keep him with me, but I didn't have any friends or even allies to leave him with. My only options were to keep Solan and have him lead a life of sadness and suffering as I have or.give him to my enemies the Centaurs. They may have hated me but surly they would take care of the son of Borias.
Later that night when everyone was asleep, I slipped a warm cloak on over my shoulders and gently hid Solan beneath it. I headed back to the centaur camp to meet with one of their leaders, Kalliopes. About an hour later I spotted Kalliopes next to a tall tree surrounded by shrubs. As I approached him I slowed my pace, I developed a knot in my stomach and wanted so much to turn back, but he had already spotted me.
"stop right there.you won't get the Ixion stone. Borias told us everything, he will be known as the man who betrayed Xena and befriended the Centaurs.he my have died at your command but he will live on forever in our legends" He yelled and stared at me with an icy glare.
"I'm willing to withdraw my army" I offered him barely able to speak. My sincerity was insulted when he erupted in a sarcastic laughter.
"Xena, Destroyer of Nations isn't know to bargain"
I lifted my cloak up and reveled Solan. There was silence and he looked down at me in confusion.
"Take this child.he is my son and the son of Borias, if he stays with me he'll become a target for all who hate me, he'll learn things a child should never know.he'll become like me" I lifted Solan up to him. Kalliopes still only looked at me with anger, I could see the caution in his eyes. I wanted him to just take my child and get it over with. "Please" I choked, barely getting the words out. Luckily the simple and polite word convinced Kalliopes to take my son.
"the son of Borias, will be raised as my own" He said raising my child high. That was the first time Solan had left my side. My muscles were still and I could barely breath. I didn't notice I was beginning to cry and when the first tear feel I retreated before Kalliopes saw my emotions, it would make him think I was weeak. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I regretted it so much, I wondered if I would ever see Solan again.
I had no friends, and I couldn't stand telling Satrina and the rest of my soldiers what I had done with my child. As you know I later found out that Satrina was a trader.her and Dagnin killed Borias.it seemed like everyone I had ever trusted betrayed me, I had already given up love and didn't know who to trust so I didn't trust anyone.I chose to give home another try. My mother was the closest to me even if I hadn't seen her in five years. It was worth a try.
(END OF PART THREE)
