(A/N: Yes, this is my pathetic stab at a humor fic. I thought of the idea last night before I was ready to fall asleep. I thought you might enjoy reading this.

Why did I think of this? I was getting a little tired of hearing all about romances and stuff. So here it is: the parody of every ship that has ever sailed (and some that haven't) will be made fun of here!)

The Ships are Sailing

Episode One: Harry and Hermione

[The setting is the Gryffindor common room. HARRY and HERMIONE are mysteriously ALONE.]

HERMIONE: Hello, Harry. Have you noticed my new figure, complete with curves?

[HARRY notices.]

HARRY: Hermione, I am suddenly in love with you.

HERMIONE: Wow, Harry.

HARRY: Do you remember fourth year, when we were always alone together.

[HERMIONE thinks about this.]

HERMIONE: Yes.

HARRY: I hated it.

HERMIONE: Really?

HARRY: Yes, we spent all our time in the library.

[HERMIONE looks downtrodden.]

HERMIONE: I thought books were a real turn-on.

HARRY: And I was so sick of you, I just wanted Ron back as a friend.

HERMIONE: I love you.

[HARRY smiles.]

HARRY: I love you.

HERMIONE: It was nice to think about our past romantic moments. Let's do it again.

[HARRY and HERMIONE can't seem to recall anything.]

HARRY: Come to think of it, there aren't any.

HERMIONE: There was the time you ditched Cho to come see me.

HARRY: Cho ditched me. Then I had to see you and Skeeter.

[HERMIONE SMILES.]

HARRY: But that just gave all the authors reason to write more Harry and Hermione romances.

[AUTHORS of various romance fics look dejected. RANDOM AUTHOR #1 arrives.]

RANDOM AUTHOR #1: There are many more reasons!

[HARRY and HERMIONE are too busy SNOGGING to notice that there are now TWO RANDOM AUTHORS that have FALLEN from the CEILING.]

RANDOM AUTHOR #2: See?

RANDOM AUTHOR #1: I concur. See my use of vocabulary?

[The READERS don't seem to understand, but keep reading, anyway.]

RON: Hey!

[The READERS are too absorbed in HARRY and HERMIONE to notice RON.]

RON: Harry, I'm your best friend!

[HARRY pays no attention to the fact that RON even exists.]

RANDOM AUTHOR #3: Ron, you are a problem. You are ruining the part where Harry and Hermione fall in love and are better friends than you.

RON: What? Have I mentioned that I still love Hermione?

[The READERS are UPSET. RANDOM AUTHOR #4 FALLS from the CEILING.]

RANDOM AUTHOR #4: Ron, you need to die.

[RON DIES. HARRY and HERMIONE make a show of PRETENDING to CARE.]

HERMIONE: Harry, your best friend died.

HARRY: Best friend? I don't have a best friend. I only love you.

HERMIONE: Than who is that kid with red hair?

[The RANDOM AUTHORS decide that RON DYING has created too much tragedy, because HARRY and HERMIONE have taken one second to remember that they actually liked RON, who liked HERMIONE.]

[ANOTHER RANDOME AUTHOR suddenly APPEARS out of NOWHERE.]

RANDOM AUTHOR #5: Ron, you have to come back to life so Harry and Hermione can live together peacefully.

[RON is MYSTERIOUSLY RESURRECTED.]

RON: Hey guys, remember me?

HARRY: No, I hate you.

HERMIONE: I hate you more.

[The RANDOM AUTHORS decide that there should probably be a reason that HARRY and HERMIONE hate RON.]

HARRY: You killed my family!

READERS: . . . . . . . . .

HERMIONE: You're a Death Eater, Ron! We hate you!

[RON suddenly turns into a DEATH EATER and leaves in jealousy, so HARRY and HERMIONE can snog each other in peace, without a guilty thought on their PURE minds.]

SNAPE: Ten points from Gryffindor.

[The READERS are suddenly confused.]

SNAPE: What? It just wouldn't be a fan fic without me, would it?

[The READERS pretend to care. Meanwhile, HARRY and HERMIONE have decided to get MARRIED.]

HARRY: Will you marry me?

HERMIONE: Yes, of course. I love the way you have forgotten that you are supposed to fight the Dark Lord.

[HARRY and HERMIONE get MARRIED, and a wide assortment of GUESTS arrive.]

RITA SKEETER: I knew it!

HARRY: Yes, you were always my favorite reporter.

CHO: Harry, Harry, I still like you!

[The READERS all suddenly HATE CHO, and think she is a SLUT.]

HERMIONE: You're just a slut. Back off, Harry's mine.

CHO: Since I am mindless and do not care, I will leave, turn into an ugly, overweight pig, be ugly, and never marry.

[CHO DOES. The READERS and RANDOM AUTHORS are PLEASED.]

HARRY: Now that everyone is okay with us, we can live happily ever after.

[VOLDEMORT DIES, RON DIES, MALFOY DIES, SNAPE DIES, CHO DIES, GINNY DIES, and EVERYONE ELSE OPPOSED TO HARRY/HERMIONE ALSO DIES.]

HERMIONE: The end.

[The RANDOM AUTHORS all give each other HIGH FIVES for the great work they have created.]

(A/N: Well, I don't think it was very funny. It was just my clichéd views on how some very bad authors choose to construct fics. I hope you enjoyed it! I have some VERY odd ships next!

Would anyone like to make a request? I'll make fun of anything, to the best of my ability!

--Clayr)