(A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! Now here are some incredibly annoying
Author's Notes for you all to read. Don't worry; they're short.
Yeah, I got the idea for the format from Clam Chowder. I thought it would be easier to write everything out in script format. It's much less confusing, and I think it's easier to read. So um, kudos to Clam Chowder for her ideas that she had first!
As for the capitalizing of random words, I actually have a reason for that. See, I can't do HTML, so I just capitalize words that I want stressed.
Oh, and also, I found it hard to make fun of R/Hr, because that's how I generally ship. But I did it anyway! So:
And due to popular request, I now present.)
Chapter Two: Ron and Hermione
[The Setting is THE BURROW. As usual, RON and HERMIONE have managed to find themselves mysteriously ALONE.]
RON: Normally, I would be too timid to say this, but Hermione-
HERMIONE: Sorry, what were you saying, Ron?
[HERMIONE gives a large letter to PIG who flies off comically with it. The READERS laugh hysterically.]
HERMIONE: Oh, by the way, I just broke up with Krum, because I really do hate him.
RON: I love you.
[HERMIONE blushes. RON looks at his feet, which are LARGE. And you know what they say about men with big feet.]
HERMIONE: Look at my developed figure.
[Another ANNOYING AUTHOR falls in from the ceiling to describe every nook and cranny of HERMIONE'S body, which has turned beautiful.]
RON: And your hair isn't busy any longer!
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS cue the song "BUMP AND GRIND."]
HERMIONE: Where did that song come from?
RON: Who cares? We're obviously supposed to get it on to this song.
[They do. The READERS goggle at the wonderful display of vivid descriptions that the AUTHORS have written.]
HERMIONE: This is odd, Ron.
RON: What is?
HERMIONE: It's been at least five lines, and no one has walked in on us yet!
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS suddenly REALIZE what they have forgotten.]
ANNOYING AUTHOR #1: Oh, shit. Let me fix that.
[The ANNOYING AUTHOR does so. WINKY suddenly appears.]
WINKY: Eeep! Sir and Miss! Winky is sorry that Winky walked in on Sir and Miss!
RON: Damn straight you'd better be, house elf.
[WINKY feels LOVED by this.]
HERMIONE: I have given up S.P.E.W. because the readers think it is annoying.
WINKY: Hooray.
RON: Okay, can you leave now? We need to get back to our business.
WINKY: Oh yes. I must leave now since the Weasleys own me now, because they are suddenly rich.
[HERMIONE and RON look happy.]
WINKY: Oh, and Winky wishes sir good luck with his own Winky.
[WINKY DISSAPPEARS before RON can beat the CRAP out of her.]
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS go back to writing their stuff, and the setting is now the GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM.]
HERMIONE: Since this is a romance, there is no plot required.
RON: Or no character development.
[HARRY walks in.]
HARRY: Hello. Are you two at it again?
HERMIONE: Yeah, Harry. You're interrupting.
HARRY: Oh, I'll just go chill out with Neville in the Dorms.
RON: Mmm hmm . . .
HARRY: Be safe, you two!
[HARRY leaves, after a lecture on SAFE SEX.]
RON: Boy, I sure am glad that you decided I'm way cooler than the International Quidditch player, and Triwizard participant. Why did you pick me over Krum?
HERMIONE: Because, of course, Krum is an abusive, controlling prat.
[At the mention of KRUM, the READERS all get angry.]
RON: Hey, remember what Winky said back at the Burrow?
HERMIONE: Which part?
RON: Well, do you think that whole Winky thing is. . .
HERMIONE: Maybe.
[RON and HERMIONE again engage in the SNOGGING, while people around them go about their usual business.]
[HARRY comes back.]
HARRY: Hey guys, I'm going to save the day again. Wanna come with?
[RON and HERMIONE consider.]
HERMIONE: Well, we obviously don't want to, but since you asked so nicely . . .
[CUE: MAJOR PLOT CONFLICT.]
[RON suddenly seems JEALOUS.]
RON: Do you like Harry more than you like me, now?
HERMIONE: What?
HARRY: The Dark Lord is killing innocent people . . .
RON: Oh, Harry is just our friend, and is trying to be the Hero.
[Everyone rejoices at this MAJOR PLOT CONFLICT being resolved.]
HARRY: Okay guys; let's go save the day.
[HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE all go off to find VOLDEMORT who is cunningly plotting to kill RON and HERMIONE instead of HARRY, for some unknown reason. The READERS wonder why.]
VOLDEMORT: Because the author said so, that's why.
READERS: Oh, I see now.
[HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE kick some VOLDIE butt, and return to Hogwarts after the dramatic battle, where HARRY, the hero, seems to be ignored.]
VOLDEMORT: I am dead.
HERMIONE: Oh, I'm hurt.
[We suddenly notice that HERMIONE is gushing unrealistic amounts of blood.]
HARRY: How did this happen? Wizards use WANDS, not guns and knives!
RON: Shut up, Harry! Hermione, my one true love, is dying!
[CUE: Moment of silence.]
HERMIONE: I am dying. See me bleed. See the descriptions of how beautiful I am? Ron, I love you. Kiss me one last time.
[Tragically, HERMIONE DIES before RON can kiss her. Notice the descriptions that the ANNOYING AUTHORS have left for us to read about all the blood, and how Hermione is beautiful. And her hair isn't bushy.]
[The READERS aren't convinced.]
RON: Whatever will I do without Hermione?
HARRY: I hear you can microwave fruit and poke holes in them . . .
[At this moment the ANNOYING AUTHORS decide as part of their "brilliant plot that never was," that they should RESURRECT HERMIONE.]
HERMIONE: Dudes, I'm alive again.
HARRY: Oh, wow. I have had no character development whatsoever.
RON: I'm so glad you're back, Hermione. Didn't you sense my angst, depression, and suicidal thoughts while you were dead?
READERS: Oh, yes. Totally, Ron.
HERMIONE: Now that everything has ended happily, let's get married, Ron.
RON: And have twelve kids?
HERMIONE: Yes, and we'll be rich, because we don't want to be poor.
RON: And we will live happily ever after.
[RON and HERMIONE spend prolonged periods of times KISSING. HARRY looks ready to gag, but is really happy that his friends have each other, but he is totally ALONE.]
HARRY: Don't I even get a little romance?
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS decide perhaps HARRY should get someone.]
MOANING MYRTLE: Hello, Harry.
HARRY: Hi, Myrtle. Will you be my girlfriend?
MOANING MYRTLE: Yes, of course, even though I'm dead.
[HARRY and MOANING MYRTLE try snogging, but it doesn't seem to work.]
RON: Isn't this the happiest ending ever?
HERMIONE: Yes, yes it is.
READERS: Awwww . . .
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS give each other HIGH FIVES.]
ANNOYING AUTHORS: THE END!
(A/N: Well what did you all think of that chapter? I hope you liked it. So now review, and make my day, since I have no life.
Still to come: Next chapter will be Hagrid/Dobby, since that makes my laugh hysterically when I think of that one! Kudos to Lady Laughing Owl for that idea. And sometime later on of course I will get the D/Hr and all the slashes mentioned. And of course, I was going to do a Lockhart/Lockhart, but a good reviewer said there has been a Peter/Peter. I'll have to nab that one!
Ahem, Signing Off:
Clearly Clayr.)
Yeah, I got the idea for the format from Clam Chowder. I thought it would be easier to write everything out in script format. It's much less confusing, and I think it's easier to read. So um, kudos to Clam Chowder for her ideas that she had first!
As for the capitalizing of random words, I actually have a reason for that. See, I can't do HTML, so I just capitalize words that I want stressed.
Oh, and also, I found it hard to make fun of R/Hr, because that's how I generally ship. But I did it anyway! So:
And due to popular request, I now present.)
Chapter Two: Ron and Hermione
[The Setting is THE BURROW. As usual, RON and HERMIONE have managed to find themselves mysteriously ALONE.]
RON: Normally, I would be too timid to say this, but Hermione-
HERMIONE: Sorry, what were you saying, Ron?
[HERMIONE gives a large letter to PIG who flies off comically with it. The READERS laugh hysterically.]
HERMIONE: Oh, by the way, I just broke up with Krum, because I really do hate him.
RON: I love you.
[HERMIONE blushes. RON looks at his feet, which are LARGE. And you know what they say about men with big feet.]
HERMIONE: Look at my developed figure.
[Another ANNOYING AUTHOR falls in from the ceiling to describe every nook and cranny of HERMIONE'S body, which has turned beautiful.]
RON: And your hair isn't busy any longer!
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS cue the song "BUMP AND GRIND."]
HERMIONE: Where did that song come from?
RON: Who cares? We're obviously supposed to get it on to this song.
[They do. The READERS goggle at the wonderful display of vivid descriptions that the AUTHORS have written.]
HERMIONE: This is odd, Ron.
RON: What is?
HERMIONE: It's been at least five lines, and no one has walked in on us yet!
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS suddenly REALIZE what they have forgotten.]
ANNOYING AUTHOR #1: Oh, shit. Let me fix that.
[The ANNOYING AUTHOR does so. WINKY suddenly appears.]
WINKY: Eeep! Sir and Miss! Winky is sorry that Winky walked in on Sir and Miss!
RON: Damn straight you'd better be, house elf.
[WINKY feels LOVED by this.]
HERMIONE: I have given up S.P.E.W. because the readers think it is annoying.
WINKY: Hooray.
RON: Okay, can you leave now? We need to get back to our business.
WINKY: Oh yes. I must leave now since the Weasleys own me now, because they are suddenly rich.
[HERMIONE and RON look happy.]
WINKY: Oh, and Winky wishes sir good luck with his own Winky.
[WINKY DISSAPPEARS before RON can beat the CRAP out of her.]
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS go back to writing their stuff, and the setting is now the GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM.]
HERMIONE: Since this is a romance, there is no plot required.
RON: Or no character development.
[HARRY walks in.]
HARRY: Hello. Are you two at it again?
HERMIONE: Yeah, Harry. You're interrupting.
HARRY: Oh, I'll just go chill out with Neville in the Dorms.
RON: Mmm hmm . . .
HARRY: Be safe, you two!
[HARRY leaves, after a lecture on SAFE SEX.]
RON: Boy, I sure am glad that you decided I'm way cooler than the International Quidditch player, and Triwizard participant. Why did you pick me over Krum?
HERMIONE: Because, of course, Krum is an abusive, controlling prat.
[At the mention of KRUM, the READERS all get angry.]
RON: Hey, remember what Winky said back at the Burrow?
HERMIONE: Which part?
RON: Well, do you think that whole Winky thing is. . .
HERMIONE: Maybe.
[RON and HERMIONE again engage in the SNOGGING, while people around them go about their usual business.]
[HARRY comes back.]
HARRY: Hey guys, I'm going to save the day again. Wanna come with?
[RON and HERMIONE consider.]
HERMIONE: Well, we obviously don't want to, but since you asked so nicely . . .
[CUE: MAJOR PLOT CONFLICT.]
[RON suddenly seems JEALOUS.]
RON: Do you like Harry more than you like me, now?
HERMIONE: What?
HARRY: The Dark Lord is killing innocent people . . .
RON: Oh, Harry is just our friend, and is trying to be the Hero.
[Everyone rejoices at this MAJOR PLOT CONFLICT being resolved.]
HARRY: Okay guys; let's go save the day.
[HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE all go off to find VOLDEMORT who is cunningly plotting to kill RON and HERMIONE instead of HARRY, for some unknown reason. The READERS wonder why.]
VOLDEMORT: Because the author said so, that's why.
READERS: Oh, I see now.
[HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE kick some VOLDIE butt, and return to Hogwarts after the dramatic battle, where HARRY, the hero, seems to be ignored.]
VOLDEMORT: I am dead.
HERMIONE: Oh, I'm hurt.
[We suddenly notice that HERMIONE is gushing unrealistic amounts of blood.]
HARRY: How did this happen? Wizards use WANDS, not guns and knives!
RON: Shut up, Harry! Hermione, my one true love, is dying!
[CUE: Moment of silence.]
HERMIONE: I am dying. See me bleed. See the descriptions of how beautiful I am? Ron, I love you. Kiss me one last time.
[Tragically, HERMIONE DIES before RON can kiss her. Notice the descriptions that the ANNOYING AUTHORS have left for us to read about all the blood, and how Hermione is beautiful. And her hair isn't bushy.]
[The READERS aren't convinced.]
RON: Whatever will I do without Hermione?
HARRY: I hear you can microwave fruit and poke holes in them . . .
[At this moment the ANNOYING AUTHORS decide as part of their "brilliant plot that never was," that they should RESURRECT HERMIONE.]
HERMIONE: Dudes, I'm alive again.
HARRY: Oh, wow. I have had no character development whatsoever.
RON: I'm so glad you're back, Hermione. Didn't you sense my angst, depression, and suicidal thoughts while you were dead?
READERS: Oh, yes. Totally, Ron.
HERMIONE: Now that everything has ended happily, let's get married, Ron.
RON: And have twelve kids?
HERMIONE: Yes, and we'll be rich, because we don't want to be poor.
RON: And we will live happily ever after.
[RON and HERMIONE spend prolonged periods of times KISSING. HARRY looks ready to gag, but is really happy that his friends have each other, but he is totally ALONE.]
HARRY: Don't I even get a little romance?
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS decide perhaps HARRY should get someone.]
MOANING MYRTLE: Hello, Harry.
HARRY: Hi, Myrtle. Will you be my girlfriend?
MOANING MYRTLE: Yes, of course, even though I'm dead.
[HARRY and MOANING MYRTLE try snogging, but it doesn't seem to work.]
RON: Isn't this the happiest ending ever?
HERMIONE: Yes, yes it is.
READERS: Awwww . . .
[The ANNOYING AUTHORS give each other HIGH FIVES.]
ANNOYING AUTHORS: THE END!
(A/N: Well what did you all think of that chapter? I hope you liked it. So now review, and make my day, since I have no life.
Still to come: Next chapter will be Hagrid/Dobby, since that makes my laugh hysterically when I think of that one! Kudos to Lady Laughing Owl for that idea. And sometime later on of course I will get the D/Hr and all the slashes mentioned. And of course, I was going to do a Lockhart/Lockhart, but a good reviewer said there has been a Peter/Peter. I'll have to nab that one!
Ahem, Signing Off:
Clearly Clayr.)
