I own none of them, but that doesn't give me the right to screw up their
little worlds. Also, I suck at keeping a time frame so you'll have to
forgive me.
***********
A dark car lurched to a halt on the side of a dirt road in the middle of a forest. The trees covered them from the setting sun. The group of passengers climbed out of the vehicle to freedom.
"It's not snowing." Buffy pouted.
"I think that's bloody well obvious Slayer."
"You owe me fifty bucks Buffy." Willow smirked triumphantly.
Buffy began to whine. "Xander you said it was snowing here."
"Not all the time. It's not the North Pole or something."
"It's close enough." Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.
"It's still pretty." Dawn piped up.
"Get a good look Dawn; it's costing you twenty-five bucks."
"Why should I have to pay for half of your stupid bet Buffy?" Dawn grumbled pushing her sister.
"Cuz I said so." Buffy shoved Dawn back.
"You don't rule the world."
Shove.
"I rule yours until you turn eighteen."
Shove.
"Lucky me. I have an airhead for a guardian."
Shove.
"And I have a vapid hussy for a little sister."
Shove.
"Look who's talking, hoe."
Shove.
"Moron."
Shove.
"Coward."
Shove.
Xander moved himself between the Summer women. "Children, children, can't we get along?"
"Piss off Xander!" An unison answer.
Xander backed off in fear. "Who wants to try now?"
"Chubbs you're an idiot for trying to break up that fight." Spike lit his cigarette, watching the Slayer and Nibblet go at it.
"Hey where did Willow go?" Xander's comment was enough to end the sibling fight.
"Xander why weren't you watching her?" Buffy scolded, looking up and down the deserted dirt road.
"Buffy she's not a dog. I don't think she ran off to mark her territory on a tree."
"Um Xander actually that might be what she went to do."
"Dawnie didn't you hear me? She's not a... Oh! Right ok, I'll shut up now."
"She probably went to get directions from the Blair Witch." Spike commented from his new position on the hood of the car.
Buffy sighed. "Great. That's all I need. A murderous witch to kill."
"And the award for stupidity goes to..." Dawn muttered under her breath.
Xander thought it was the time for him to show off his leader skills. "Let's just sit here awhile and wait for her. She can't have gone far."
***********
15 minutes later...
"How long had it been now?"
"It's been five minutes since the last time you asked Slayer. Shut the bloody hell up. You're getting on my last nerves."
The sky was dark, stars were coming out and still no sign of Willow. But someone did come down the road.
"Is that a demon?"
"I think it's a guy riding a demon."
"He's wearing a red jacket and a stupid hat. Obviously no fashion sense."
"Thank you Buffy for that Cordelia comment."
"No problem Xander."
"But what's he riding?"
"It a really ugly horse."
"With horns."
"A really ugly horse with horns."
"You gits, it's a moose."
A collective 'Oh' from the living members of the group.
"How can you tell?"
"Night vision."
Another collective 'Oh'.
The guy in the red jacket and stupid hat riding the moose got closer. They could make out bottle in his hand.
"His drinking Jack Daniels." Spike grinned. Perfect to swipe.
"How...?"
Spike rolled his eyes. "Good sense of smell Slayer."
"Like an undead bloodhound?"
"Sod off Chubbs."
"Righteo peroxide head."
"Shut up both of you."
"Dawnie..."
"SHUT UP!"
The moose with its fashion deprived rider stopped beside the car. The mounted drunk squinted down at the persons standing around it.
"Excuse me sir," Dawn stepped forward, "but who are you?"
When the boozer leaned down to focus on Dawn, Spike swiped his bottle of alcohol with not so much as a glance in his direction. He slipped it into his duster and leaned back against the windshield to enjoy his smoke once more.
"Ium an moontie, eh." the wino's words were completely slurred and his accent didn't help much more.
"You're a Moontie? Oh, you mean a Mountie."
"Tha whut I said. An Moontie. What you foolks doing at heare, eh?"
Buffy decoded his sentence quicker then Dawn. "Waiting for our friend. She walked off somewhere and she hasn't come back."
A question popped into Xander's head. "Why are you riding a moose?"
"Xander!"
His question was followed by one in Spike's brain. "Hey bloke, what's with the 'eh'?"
"Spike!"
"You foolks must be froom across the bruder, eh? I can teel by the way you talk."
Dawn tried to move the conversation back to Willow. "Have you seen a girl out there anywhere?"
"Nah missy I haven't boot if I see her, I teel her." Suddenly Xander's earlier question struck the Mounties's alcohol induced brain. "What?! Ium riding an moose?"
"Yes."
"Alright then. Lead on moose." The drunken Mountie kicked the moose in the sides. The tried animal moved forward at a slow pace...straight into the forest.
The group looked at each other in disbelief. This was followed with them jumping when a branch snapped from the other side of the road.
Dawn squeaked. Xander paled. Buffy took a fighting stance. After picking himself off the ground where he had slid to, Spike went on smoking.
Willow emerged from the trees, carrying a paper bag. "Hey guys."
Buffy sighed with relief. "Willow where have you been?"
"At the store that's up that hill." she pointed behind herself from where she had just come.
Dawn cut in. "Why did you go there?"
"Figured we needed supplies." Willow crossed the street to the car, hefting the bag on the hood. "Let's see...gum and a magazine for Dawnie, chocolate for Xander, hair products for Buffy..."
"Bet there's nothing in that sack of yours for me." Spike blew out silvery smoke into the wind."
"Nice try at the wizard of oz reference. Actually I do. Smokes." She tossed the carton at him.
"Thanks Red."
"Oh yeah, this too." From her jacket, Willow pulled a bottle and carefully passed it to Spike.
"What is it?" He questioned as he opened it and took a pull. "Blood? You're telling me the sell blood up at that store?"
"Oh no. I got that from the Blair Witch. Fairly nice girl. She showed me where the store was."
Spike gave an evil grin to Xander. "You owe me twenty bucks Harris."
Shut up Spike." Xander muttered as he climbed into the car.
Buffy and Dawn climbed into the front with Xander, Willow seated in the back with Spike.
Willow dropped her bag of herbs and candles on the floor settling back into her seat. "Who ever would have thought the Blair Witch was Canadian."
The car moved pulled slowly around to drive back the way it had come. A few minutes later, it passed a sign:
YOU ARE NOW LEAVING BRITISH COLUMBIA.
WE'RE SORRY TO SEE YOU GO.
COME BACK SOON EH?
END
***********
TBC - Soon to come, another short hopefully funny rambling. FYI - I don't mean to offend anyone who is Canadian by what I wrote. Hell I'm Canadian, and believe me I could have done worse.
***********
A dark car lurched to a halt on the side of a dirt road in the middle of a forest. The trees covered them from the setting sun. The group of passengers climbed out of the vehicle to freedom.
"It's not snowing." Buffy pouted.
"I think that's bloody well obvious Slayer."
"You owe me fifty bucks Buffy." Willow smirked triumphantly.
Buffy began to whine. "Xander you said it was snowing here."
"Not all the time. It's not the North Pole or something."
"It's close enough." Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.
"It's still pretty." Dawn piped up.
"Get a good look Dawn; it's costing you twenty-five bucks."
"Why should I have to pay for half of your stupid bet Buffy?" Dawn grumbled pushing her sister.
"Cuz I said so." Buffy shoved Dawn back.
"You don't rule the world."
Shove.
"I rule yours until you turn eighteen."
Shove.
"Lucky me. I have an airhead for a guardian."
Shove.
"And I have a vapid hussy for a little sister."
Shove.
"Look who's talking, hoe."
Shove.
"Moron."
Shove.
"Coward."
Shove.
Xander moved himself between the Summer women. "Children, children, can't we get along?"
"Piss off Xander!" An unison answer.
Xander backed off in fear. "Who wants to try now?"
"Chubbs you're an idiot for trying to break up that fight." Spike lit his cigarette, watching the Slayer and Nibblet go at it.
"Hey where did Willow go?" Xander's comment was enough to end the sibling fight.
"Xander why weren't you watching her?" Buffy scolded, looking up and down the deserted dirt road.
"Buffy she's not a dog. I don't think she ran off to mark her territory on a tree."
"Um Xander actually that might be what she went to do."
"Dawnie didn't you hear me? She's not a... Oh! Right ok, I'll shut up now."
"She probably went to get directions from the Blair Witch." Spike commented from his new position on the hood of the car.
Buffy sighed. "Great. That's all I need. A murderous witch to kill."
"And the award for stupidity goes to..." Dawn muttered under her breath.
Xander thought it was the time for him to show off his leader skills. "Let's just sit here awhile and wait for her. She can't have gone far."
***********
15 minutes later...
"How long had it been now?"
"It's been five minutes since the last time you asked Slayer. Shut the bloody hell up. You're getting on my last nerves."
The sky was dark, stars were coming out and still no sign of Willow. But someone did come down the road.
"Is that a demon?"
"I think it's a guy riding a demon."
"He's wearing a red jacket and a stupid hat. Obviously no fashion sense."
"Thank you Buffy for that Cordelia comment."
"No problem Xander."
"But what's he riding?"
"It a really ugly horse."
"With horns."
"A really ugly horse with horns."
"You gits, it's a moose."
A collective 'Oh' from the living members of the group.
"How can you tell?"
"Night vision."
Another collective 'Oh'.
The guy in the red jacket and stupid hat riding the moose got closer. They could make out bottle in his hand.
"His drinking Jack Daniels." Spike grinned. Perfect to swipe.
"How...?"
Spike rolled his eyes. "Good sense of smell Slayer."
"Like an undead bloodhound?"
"Sod off Chubbs."
"Righteo peroxide head."
"Shut up both of you."
"Dawnie..."
"SHUT UP!"
The moose with its fashion deprived rider stopped beside the car. The mounted drunk squinted down at the persons standing around it.
"Excuse me sir," Dawn stepped forward, "but who are you?"
When the boozer leaned down to focus on Dawn, Spike swiped his bottle of alcohol with not so much as a glance in his direction. He slipped it into his duster and leaned back against the windshield to enjoy his smoke once more.
"Ium an moontie, eh." the wino's words were completely slurred and his accent didn't help much more.
"You're a Moontie? Oh, you mean a Mountie."
"Tha whut I said. An Moontie. What you foolks doing at heare, eh?"
Buffy decoded his sentence quicker then Dawn. "Waiting for our friend. She walked off somewhere and she hasn't come back."
A question popped into Xander's head. "Why are you riding a moose?"
"Xander!"
His question was followed by one in Spike's brain. "Hey bloke, what's with the 'eh'?"
"Spike!"
"You foolks must be froom across the bruder, eh? I can teel by the way you talk."
Dawn tried to move the conversation back to Willow. "Have you seen a girl out there anywhere?"
"Nah missy I haven't boot if I see her, I teel her." Suddenly Xander's earlier question struck the Mounties's alcohol induced brain. "What?! Ium riding an moose?"
"Yes."
"Alright then. Lead on moose." The drunken Mountie kicked the moose in the sides. The tried animal moved forward at a slow pace...straight into the forest.
The group looked at each other in disbelief. This was followed with them jumping when a branch snapped from the other side of the road.
Dawn squeaked. Xander paled. Buffy took a fighting stance. After picking himself off the ground where he had slid to, Spike went on smoking.
Willow emerged from the trees, carrying a paper bag. "Hey guys."
Buffy sighed with relief. "Willow where have you been?"
"At the store that's up that hill." she pointed behind herself from where she had just come.
Dawn cut in. "Why did you go there?"
"Figured we needed supplies." Willow crossed the street to the car, hefting the bag on the hood. "Let's see...gum and a magazine for Dawnie, chocolate for Xander, hair products for Buffy..."
"Bet there's nothing in that sack of yours for me." Spike blew out silvery smoke into the wind."
"Nice try at the wizard of oz reference. Actually I do. Smokes." She tossed the carton at him.
"Thanks Red."
"Oh yeah, this too." From her jacket, Willow pulled a bottle and carefully passed it to Spike.
"What is it?" He questioned as he opened it and took a pull. "Blood? You're telling me the sell blood up at that store?"
"Oh no. I got that from the Blair Witch. Fairly nice girl. She showed me where the store was."
Spike gave an evil grin to Xander. "You owe me twenty bucks Harris."
Shut up Spike." Xander muttered as he climbed into the car.
Buffy and Dawn climbed into the front with Xander, Willow seated in the back with Spike.
Willow dropped her bag of herbs and candles on the floor settling back into her seat. "Who ever would have thought the Blair Witch was Canadian."
The car moved pulled slowly around to drive back the way it had come. A few minutes later, it passed a sign:
YOU ARE NOW LEAVING BRITISH COLUMBIA.
WE'RE SORRY TO SEE YOU GO.
COME BACK SOON EH?
END
***********
TBC - Soon to come, another short hopefully funny rambling. FYI - I don't mean to offend anyone who is Canadian by what I wrote. Hell I'm Canadian, and believe me I could have done worse.
