Thanks to everyone that reviewed. I hope I can continue to entertain you
all.
Due to my non-deliberate insult to a certain reader and their opinion that I was "bitchy", I will refrain from using the nickname "Chubbs" for Xander. FYI: Not that anyone really cares but Xander is a favourite character of mine.
I own none of them, but that doesn't give me the right to screw up their little worlds. Also I suck at keeping a time frame so you'll have to forgive me.
***********
Quiet, bookworm, demure, Willow Rosenberg sat on the couch in the Summer's house, giggling insanely at absolutely nothing. To say the least she was drunk. Drunk, intoxicated, inebriated, smashed, befuddled, wasted, buzzed...you get the idea. Her sniggering quieted until she looked up at Dawn and Spike standing in the doorway, and burst into laughter once again.
"Buffy is so gonna kill you."
"What's new? She's always trying to kill me. You would think by now it would be a waste of her time."
Willow hunched over putting her head between her knees. She took two deep breaths before looking up at the two. "It's not all Spike's fault. He only bought the drinks."
"Thanks Red that really helps me out." Spike came into the front room and dropped onto the couch beside her. "Are you starting to feel sick yet?"
"Nope, just can't walk anymore. My legs fell asleep." Willow stood wobbled and sat right back down.
"So how did you end up like this?"
"It's really funny. You're going to love this Dawnie. We...I..." Willow's brow scrunched up. "I don't really remember."
Spike touched Willow's shoulder. "Should I tell her?"
"Do you remember?"
"Yeah."
Willow looked him over. "Are you sure, you drank just as mush as I did."
"Yes Red, I remember."
"Alright you tell her."
"Fine. It's like this. Me and Harris were having an argument..."
Willow poked Spike. "What were you arguing about?"
Dawn rolled her eyes. Buffy would be back before she found out what happened.
"What? I dunno. About me not being thankful about living in his basement, tied to a chair."
"Oh. Continue."
"Alright. Me and Harris were having an argument when Red turned up and Harris finally got off my back..."
Another poke.
"Was he really on your back?"
Another eye roll.
"No Red, he wasn't really. It's an expression."
"Right. Continue."
"So Red turns up and her and Harris are talking, about I don't know." Spike quickly added to stop Willow from interrupting. "Then Anya turns up and throws me and Red out."
Willow starts to giggle insanely again.
Dawn is confused. "Why'd she throw you guys out?"
Willow gasped for breath. "She said she was having a bad day and she couldn't wait to have multiple orgasms with Xander."
"So she kicked us out." Spike finished.
"That still doesn't explain why Willow is smashed out of her mind."
"I remember now. We left and Spike suggested bringing me back here, but I said I didn't want to and that I would tag along with him for a while. So we went to Willy's."
Willow sat back smugly, happy with herself for remembering that much.
"Spike what in your undead mind gave you the idea of taking Willow to a bar?"
"I needed a drink."
"So you got her drunk. What thought you would get lucky?"
"That wasn't my intention. Not to start off anyways..."
"Hey Dawnie, more's coming back to me."
"Alright Willow tell me."
"Ok." Willow threw her arms into the air. Cue the flashback."
Dawn and Spike looked at each other, the same thought going through their minds.
Willow was an insane drunk.
*FLASHBACK*
Willow timidly followed Spike into Willy's. She had been in here before, once, but that had been with Buffy. And it hadn't been full of demons at the time.
"Why are we here Spike?"
"Because I want a drink. You wanna go home?"
She shrugged. "No, I just didn't think you would come here."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"I dunno, alright. I don't know what vampires do in their free time." Willow huffed, dropping on a bar stool at the end closest to the door.
Spike sat beside her. "Don't worry Red. I'm not going to feed you to the demons in here. The Slayer would beat into next week if anything happened to one of her Scoobies." He looked up to the bartender. "Willy bring me the usual."
Willy shuffled over and set a bottle of Jack Daniels and a shot glass in front of Spike. When he moved away, Spike grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "Stick around friend. You haven't heard the lady's order." Spike dropped him back down and Willy hit the back wall, shaking the glasses on the shelves.
Willow hesitated under Willy's look. "Um, I don't really drink so I wouldn't know what to have."
"Just bring the lady a bottle of everything." Spike took the first shot of his drink.
Willy nodded and shuffled off to collect bottles.
"What's that like?" Willow pointed to the bottle in front of her drinking teacher.
"Try it." Spike swiped a shot glass from Willy and poured her some of the amber liquor.
Willow took the shot and studied it. Didn't seem too bad, so she tossed it back. It burned going down and she coughed at its strength. Spike smirked at her. Glaring she took the bottle from him and took a swig before putting the bottle back in front of him.
"What was that about Red?"
"Waste not, want not."
Spike laughed. "Good thought when it comes to drinking."
He poured both of them another shot, they toasted and tossed them back.
Repeat a few dozen times. End of bottle one.
2 HOURS LATER
Between the two of them, Willow and Spike had finished two bottles of Jack Daniels, a bottle of tequila and Willow had found a bottle of sake somewhere.
She was happily buzzed, spinning half way around in her stool before turning back to where she had started. Her head was bobbing to music only she could hear. Spike was hit pretty well by all that they had consumed and was trying to figure how Willow was still awake, let alone breathing.
"What you listen to there Red?"
She didn't answer. She got up from her stool, throwing back more sake, and then dropping the empty bottle on the floor. She stepped over the shattered mess and out to the middle of the floor.
The entire populaces of demons in the bar turned to watch the redhead human move her body the music in her head.
"I'M TOO SEXY FROM SUNNYDALE, NEW YORK AND JAPAN. I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHOES, TOO SEXY FOR MY SOCKS, AND EVEN MY JACKET!"
As she sang at the top of her lungs, she stripped off the item of clothing as she said them.
"I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, TOO SEXY FOR MY BRA..."
She got that far before Spike's mind had cleared enough to catch what was happening. Every male was on the edge of their seats before their drunken peep show was stopped.
Spike threw his duster over Willow and collected her clothing. This did nothing to stop Willow. She just started over, stripping off the duster then going for the bar once again.
Spike grabbed her before she could finish, throwing her over his shoulder. There was an uproar that quickly halted when met with a death glare from one of the scourges of Europe. Willow waved happily to everyone as they left.
He dropped her on her butt once they were out of the bar. "What the hell was going through your mind?"
Willow looked up at him, smiling dumbly but shivering. "Lots of alcohol."
Spike sighed, tossing her clothing in her lap and dropping to the curb beside her. "You made a total idiot of yourself you know that?"
She pulled on her clothes quickly. "Well at least Willy will never forget me. Or everyone else. Goddess that was bad."
"Yes it was."
She looked up at him with her best lost puppy look. "You think I'll ever live it down?"
"Might. You wanna go home now?"
"No. Buffy might be home and I don't want her to see me like this."
"Alright. We'll walk around for awhile."
Spike helped her up from the curb and slowly, they weaved down the street.
*END FLASHBACK *
Dawn looked at Willow in amazement. "Willow, how did you do that?"
Willow squinted her eyes, concentrating. "Do what?"
"The flashback whoosh thing."
"Oh..." Willow nodded her head.
Spike looked at Dawn. Dawn looked at Spike. "So?" she prompted.
"I dunno. Just said, 'cue flashback' and..."
"Alright forget it." Dawn was confused again. "You said you were only there two hours. You're telling me you walked around for another two?"
Willow shook her head. "Nope. At least I don't think so. Spike?"
"Willow found a kitten poker game to join."
"What! Now Willow is gambling? Kitten poker?"
"Poker where you bet kittens."
"Oh. Where weren't you playing?"
"Red wouldn't let me."
"Willow?"
Willow nodded carefully. Her buzz was wearing off and she felt woozy after the shaking earlier. "He would have just eaten it."
"I wouldn't."
"Then you would have traded it to someone to eat for more booze."
Spike tried to look insulted. But she was right.
Dawn was impressed. "So how did you do?"
"I won." Willow smiled smugly.
"How many?"
"One. They were really cheap demons." Willow stopped and looked around her. She looked at Dawn then at Spike. She took carefully and walked to the door. "Where's the kitten?"
Spike sighed. "You gave it to a lap post on the way here. Said you like your pink elephant better."
Willow was very shocked. "Damn. That stupid elephant made me give up a kitten."
"Don't worry Red I picked it up. Figured you want it after the alcohol wore off."
From a pocket of his duster, Spike pulled a little ball of white fur. He gave it to Willow when she sat back down on the couch.
The ball of white purred in her lap. Willow giggled then groaned. "Alcohol bbbbaaaadddd. Bed good. Spike Dawn bathroom kitten bed good night." She got up and shuffled to and up the stairs.
"Did that last sentence make any sense?"
"Hell no."
"Alright just checking." Dawn stood and followed Willow recent path. "I better make sure she makes it to her room."
"I'll just go then."
"No wait. Willow will probably want to see you before you leave. One sec." Dawn sprinted up the stairs.
Spike dropped to the bottom stair and waited. He could hear the girls up stairs.
"Geez Willow. That's the tub, not your bed."
"I never said I was going to sleep in my bed."
"Well whatever. Come on get up, Spike's leaving. You wanna talk to him before he leaves?"
"He's a bad influence. Yeah, what the hell. Where's William?"
"Who?"
"William, my kitten."
"Why'd you name him that?"
"He reminds me of Spike. William is a spawn of hell."
William padded down the stairs, stopping to sit beside Spike. They looked at each other: one with a raised eyebrow, one with a smug look.
Spike moved to pet the cat and was met with a growl, a spitting hiss, and a swing of a paw. "You are a spawn of hell aren't you?"
William stopped his tirade, looking over Spike. He made a movement close to a shrug and allowed Spike to scratch his head.
Willow came down the stairs, Dawn following as far as the top. Willow sat a stair above William and Spike.
Willow rested her chin on her arms. "So you met the Hades feline."
"Not so bad if you respect him." Spike had William purring quietly, scratching behind his ear.
"He seemed so sweet when he was sleeping. Turned into a hissing ball of fur when he touched the tub." William looked up at Willow. "Yes I'm talking about you."
William's eyes narrowed as Spike picked him up by the scruff of the neck. "Listen William. You should be grateful to Red for saving you from being eaten. Don't be such a grouch, it won't get you anywhere."
Spike passed William to Willow, where he sat quietly in her lap. "Wow. I couldn't get my fish when I was five to listen to me. Thanks."
Spike shook his head. "Yeah those damn fish won't listen to anybody. Well I'm going to crawl back into the closet Harris was so kind to give me. Night Dawnie, Red, William."
Dawn lead Willow to her room. "I'll tell you one thing Will; you are going to suffer for trying to be adventurous."
***********
TBC - Soon to come, another short hopefully funny rambling. One more thing, if anyone has any suggestions, they would be greatly accepted because I am running out of ideas.
Due to my non-deliberate insult to a certain reader and their opinion that I was "bitchy", I will refrain from using the nickname "Chubbs" for Xander. FYI: Not that anyone really cares but Xander is a favourite character of mine.
I own none of them, but that doesn't give me the right to screw up their little worlds. Also I suck at keeping a time frame so you'll have to forgive me.
***********
Quiet, bookworm, demure, Willow Rosenberg sat on the couch in the Summer's house, giggling insanely at absolutely nothing. To say the least she was drunk. Drunk, intoxicated, inebriated, smashed, befuddled, wasted, buzzed...you get the idea. Her sniggering quieted until she looked up at Dawn and Spike standing in the doorway, and burst into laughter once again.
"Buffy is so gonna kill you."
"What's new? She's always trying to kill me. You would think by now it would be a waste of her time."
Willow hunched over putting her head between her knees. She took two deep breaths before looking up at the two. "It's not all Spike's fault. He only bought the drinks."
"Thanks Red that really helps me out." Spike came into the front room and dropped onto the couch beside her. "Are you starting to feel sick yet?"
"Nope, just can't walk anymore. My legs fell asleep." Willow stood wobbled and sat right back down.
"So how did you end up like this?"
"It's really funny. You're going to love this Dawnie. We...I..." Willow's brow scrunched up. "I don't really remember."
Spike touched Willow's shoulder. "Should I tell her?"
"Do you remember?"
"Yeah."
Willow looked him over. "Are you sure, you drank just as mush as I did."
"Yes Red, I remember."
"Alright you tell her."
"Fine. It's like this. Me and Harris were having an argument..."
Willow poked Spike. "What were you arguing about?"
Dawn rolled her eyes. Buffy would be back before she found out what happened.
"What? I dunno. About me not being thankful about living in his basement, tied to a chair."
"Oh. Continue."
"Alright. Me and Harris were having an argument when Red turned up and Harris finally got off my back..."
Another poke.
"Was he really on your back?"
Another eye roll.
"No Red, he wasn't really. It's an expression."
"Right. Continue."
"So Red turns up and her and Harris are talking, about I don't know." Spike quickly added to stop Willow from interrupting. "Then Anya turns up and throws me and Red out."
Willow starts to giggle insanely again.
Dawn is confused. "Why'd she throw you guys out?"
Willow gasped for breath. "She said she was having a bad day and she couldn't wait to have multiple orgasms with Xander."
"So she kicked us out." Spike finished.
"That still doesn't explain why Willow is smashed out of her mind."
"I remember now. We left and Spike suggested bringing me back here, but I said I didn't want to and that I would tag along with him for a while. So we went to Willy's."
Willow sat back smugly, happy with herself for remembering that much.
"Spike what in your undead mind gave you the idea of taking Willow to a bar?"
"I needed a drink."
"So you got her drunk. What thought you would get lucky?"
"That wasn't my intention. Not to start off anyways..."
"Hey Dawnie, more's coming back to me."
"Alright Willow tell me."
"Ok." Willow threw her arms into the air. Cue the flashback."
Dawn and Spike looked at each other, the same thought going through their minds.
Willow was an insane drunk.
*FLASHBACK*
Willow timidly followed Spike into Willy's. She had been in here before, once, but that had been with Buffy. And it hadn't been full of demons at the time.
"Why are we here Spike?"
"Because I want a drink. You wanna go home?"
She shrugged. "No, I just didn't think you would come here."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"I dunno, alright. I don't know what vampires do in their free time." Willow huffed, dropping on a bar stool at the end closest to the door.
Spike sat beside her. "Don't worry Red. I'm not going to feed you to the demons in here. The Slayer would beat into next week if anything happened to one of her Scoobies." He looked up to the bartender. "Willy bring me the usual."
Willy shuffled over and set a bottle of Jack Daniels and a shot glass in front of Spike. When he moved away, Spike grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "Stick around friend. You haven't heard the lady's order." Spike dropped him back down and Willy hit the back wall, shaking the glasses on the shelves.
Willow hesitated under Willy's look. "Um, I don't really drink so I wouldn't know what to have."
"Just bring the lady a bottle of everything." Spike took the first shot of his drink.
Willy nodded and shuffled off to collect bottles.
"What's that like?" Willow pointed to the bottle in front of her drinking teacher.
"Try it." Spike swiped a shot glass from Willy and poured her some of the amber liquor.
Willow took the shot and studied it. Didn't seem too bad, so she tossed it back. It burned going down and she coughed at its strength. Spike smirked at her. Glaring she took the bottle from him and took a swig before putting the bottle back in front of him.
"What was that about Red?"
"Waste not, want not."
Spike laughed. "Good thought when it comes to drinking."
He poured both of them another shot, they toasted and tossed them back.
Repeat a few dozen times. End of bottle one.
2 HOURS LATER
Between the two of them, Willow and Spike had finished two bottles of Jack Daniels, a bottle of tequila and Willow had found a bottle of sake somewhere.
She was happily buzzed, spinning half way around in her stool before turning back to where she had started. Her head was bobbing to music only she could hear. Spike was hit pretty well by all that they had consumed and was trying to figure how Willow was still awake, let alone breathing.
"What you listen to there Red?"
She didn't answer. She got up from her stool, throwing back more sake, and then dropping the empty bottle on the floor. She stepped over the shattered mess and out to the middle of the floor.
The entire populaces of demons in the bar turned to watch the redhead human move her body the music in her head.
"I'M TOO SEXY FROM SUNNYDALE, NEW YORK AND JAPAN. I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHOES, TOO SEXY FOR MY SOCKS, AND EVEN MY JACKET!"
As she sang at the top of her lungs, she stripped off the item of clothing as she said them.
"I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, TOO SEXY FOR MY BRA..."
She got that far before Spike's mind had cleared enough to catch what was happening. Every male was on the edge of their seats before their drunken peep show was stopped.
Spike threw his duster over Willow and collected her clothing. This did nothing to stop Willow. She just started over, stripping off the duster then going for the bar once again.
Spike grabbed her before she could finish, throwing her over his shoulder. There was an uproar that quickly halted when met with a death glare from one of the scourges of Europe. Willow waved happily to everyone as they left.
He dropped her on her butt once they were out of the bar. "What the hell was going through your mind?"
Willow looked up at him, smiling dumbly but shivering. "Lots of alcohol."
Spike sighed, tossing her clothing in her lap and dropping to the curb beside her. "You made a total idiot of yourself you know that?"
She pulled on her clothes quickly. "Well at least Willy will never forget me. Or everyone else. Goddess that was bad."
"Yes it was."
She looked up at him with her best lost puppy look. "You think I'll ever live it down?"
"Might. You wanna go home now?"
"No. Buffy might be home and I don't want her to see me like this."
"Alright. We'll walk around for awhile."
Spike helped her up from the curb and slowly, they weaved down the street.
*END FLASHBACK *
Dawn looked at Willow in amazement. "Willow, how did you do that?"
Willow squinted her eyes, concentrating. "Do what?"
"The flashback whoosh thing."
"Oh..." Willow nodded her head.
Spike looked at Dawn. Dawn looked at Spike. "So?" she prompted.
"I dunno. Just said, 'cue flashback' and..."
"Alright forget it." Dawn was confused again. "You said you were only there two hours. You're telling me you walked around for another two?"
Willow shook her head. "Nope. At least I don't think so. Spike?"
"Willow found a kitten poker game to join."
"What! Now Willow is gambling? Kitten poker?"
"Poker where you bet kittens."
"Oh. Where weren't you playing?"
"Red wouldn't let me."
"Willow?"
Willow nodded carefully. Her buzz was wearing off and she felt woozy after the shaking earlier. "He would have just eaten it."
"I wouldn't."
"Then you would have traded it to someone to eat for more booze."
Spike tried to look insulted. But she was right.
Dawn was impressed. "So how did you do?"
"I won." Willow smiled smugly.
"How many?"
"One. They were really cheap demons." Willow stopped and looked around her. She looked at Dawn then at Spike. She took carefully and walked to the door. "Where's the kitten?"
Spike sighed. "You gave it to a lap post on the way here. Said you like your pink elephant better."
Willow was very shocked. "Damn. That stupid elephant made me give up a kitten."
"Don't worry Red I picked it up. Figured you want it after the alcohol wore off."
From a pocket of his duster, Spike pulled a little ball of white fur. He gave it to Willow when she sat back down on the couch.
The ball of white purred in her lap. Willow giggled then groaned. "Alcohol bbbbaaaadddd. Bed good. Spike Dawn bathroom kitten bed good night." She got up and shuffled to and up the stairs.
"Did that last sentence make any sense?"
"Hell no."
"Alright just checking." Dawn stood and followed Willow recent path. "I better make sure she makes it to her room."
"I'll just go then."
"No wait. Willow will probably want to see you before you leave. One sec." Dawn sprinted up the stairs.
Spike dropped to the bottom stair and waited. He could hear the girls up stairs.
"Geez Willow. That's the tub, not your bed."
"I never said I was going to sleep in my bed."
"Well whatever. Come on get up, Spike's leaving. You wanna talk to him before he leaves?"
"He's a bad influence. Yeah, what the hell. Where's William?"
"Who?"
"William, my kitten."
"Why'd you name him that?"
"He reminds me of Spike. William is a spawn of hell."
William padded down the stairs, stopping to sit beside Spike. They looked at each other: one with a raised eyebrow, one with a smug look.
Spike moved to pet the cat and was met with a growl, a spitting hiss, and a swing of a paw. "You are a spawn of hell aren't you?"
William stopped his tirade, looking over Spike. He made a movement close to a shrug and allowed Spike to scratch his head.
Willow came down the stairs, Dawn following as far as the top. Willow sat a stair above William and Spike.
Willow rested her chin on her arms. "So you met the Hades feline."
"Not so bad if you respect him." Spike had William purring quietly, scratching behind his ear.
"He seemed so sweet when he was sleeping. Turned into a hissing ball of fur when he touched the tub." William looked up at Willow. "Yes I'm talking about you."
William's eyes narrowed as Spike picked him up by the scruff of the neck. "Listen William. You should be grateful to Red for saving you from being eaten. Don't be such a grouch, it won't get you anywhere."
Spike passed William to Willow, where he sat quietly in her lap. "Wow. I couldn't get my fish when I was five to listen to me. Thanks."
Spike shook his head. "Yeah those damn fish won't listen to anybody. Well I'm going to crawl back into the closet Harris was so kind to give me. Night Dawnie, Red, William."
Dawn lead Willow to her room. "I'll tell you one thing Will; you are going to suffer for trying to be adventurous."
***********
TBC - Soon to come, another short hopefully funny rambling. One more thing, if anyone has any suggestions, they would be greatly accepted because I am running out of ideas.
