A/N: I really did think you guys weren't reading this anymore, but the last chapter brought me new encouragement, so much that I decided to actually get around to writing the next chapter in a fashionable manner. So thanks a lot, and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Twelve

Old Friends

Her hands trembled upon the door.

She glared at her treacherous hands, betraying her emotions so easily and swung the door open. She stepped into the brightly lit room, and it didn't look as dismal now that the sudden had risen. It didn't look as dismal until she looked down at Neal's pale face, accented by the bright colors the sun shone on in the room. She wiped tears with her sleeve and walked forward to where Alanna sat, waiting for Neal to emerge from that deep sleep that could consume his life.

"Kel," she smiled absently as Kel took a seat opposite Alanna, on Neal's other side. "You should have slept," but her scolding didn't hold any of her normal fire.

"I know," Kel mumbled. "But for some reason I couldn't."

"Lioness, may we come in now?" Dom asked from the doorway, almost hesitantly.

"Of course Domitan," she ushered them in with a hand and once Raoul and Dom were inside (Lalasa had chosen to wait outside), George shut the door behind them. Raoul took a seat next to Alanna, Dom next to Kel.

They all joined hands and said a prayer to the Goddess over Neal's silent body, the muttering had stopped an hour ago, when he fell so weak he couldn't even move.

When they were finished Kel and Raoul stood; both were too restless to stay sitting. Raoul began to pace the room, and Kel would walk around the bed once, then sit, never taking her eyes off of Neal.

"Kel, Raoul, sit," Alanna snapped, some of her old temper setting in. They did as she instructed and then fell into another long lapse of silence.

"I can't just sit here," Kel stood again and went to the window. The sun glittered brilliantly on the practice courts. She saw some Pages harnessing their skills with sword, using the practice courts as much as they could before the first snow fell and shut them in the castle for the winter. There were Squires walking around, some toying with swords, some just watching and talking with friends. Kel wondered how many of them faced the Ordeal in the next couple weeks.

She looked back to Neal and remembered what Numair had said, about his visions being worse than the Ordeal. How could he ever survive that? She remembered Neal stumbling out of his Ordeal the first night. He was pale and drawn; his green eyes were wide with fright but questioning. She remembered her Yamani friend handing him her obi, a token of her feelings for him. Jealousy flared in her heart. How could Yuki not have loved Neal? How could anyone stop herself from loving him?

Her thoughts engulfed her as she stared out the window, and no one disrupted her until Raoul stood once more and put a hand on her shoulder. She smiled up at the taller man and tried to speak but her lips were dry, her throat was parched. She couldn't utter a sound and the attempt was too hard. He nodded and kissed her forehead before he left the room without a word.

Dom gave her a tight hug as he too left, then Alanna stepped in front of her. She looked at the fiery haired Lioness and tried to apologize, but Alanna shook her head.

"Your worry for Neal excuses you from anything you say, whether or not it is correct. Kel, I know that I can't tell you this, that when I tell you this you won't listen to me, but…this isn't your fault. Neal acted on his own behalf; he wanted to be here for Tortall. When he was Knighted he swore to protect everyone in Tortall. His country needed him and he did his duty, as we all do. Sometimes, sacrifices must be made for the good of the country and the people within. That is not anyone's fault. That is simply the way of life. Think of how many people would have been lost if you and Neal had not fought that fight, if you had fought it alone. Think of that and understand why Neal did what he did. I know that's what he would want you to think of," she took her shoulders in her firm hands and looked into Kel's hazel-green eyes. "You are strong Lady Knight, and I'm glad that Neal has strength by his side."

Kel thanked her without words; her eyes said it all. Alanna nodded and stepped from the room. George wrapped his arm around her as they walked out.

Kel watched the door shut softly behind them and sighed. Her eyes drifted to Neal, and she went and occupied Alanna's seat, nearest the door and the fire. She picked up Neal's limp hand and kissed it gently, running her fingers along his soft, pale ones. His hand twitched, and Kel's eyes lit up like a roaring fire, but quickly it was doused when he made no further movements.

She settled back in the chair and began to speak, where she thought no words would come. She told him about their Page years, about how he had taken her under his wing when no one else would. She confessed the crush she'd had on him as a Page and as a first year Squire as well. She told him about his lovesick heart with Daine and about Joren of Stone Mountain, their greatest enemy. She re-accounted Neal's dryness and apology for being chosen by Alanna the Lioness. She laughed through tears and told him how not even she could break his spirit. "So…" her voice quavered with the solemn moment, "So if Alanna with her tongue that can sharpen swords can't break you, then Coriolis won't either, and you're going to prove that to the world."

She smiled, knowing that somewhere, even if it was only in his subconscious, he heard and would come out on top, if only to please her.

With that in mind, she plunged back into her story, reacquainting him with the splendor of the Great Progression. She teased about Alanna's only weakness, the sea. She laughed about Neal's intuition with she and Cleon, and how, even then, he had looked out for her.

She reminded him of bandits and Spidrens, of crazy one-eared dogs and intelligent sparrows. She told him about a demon that she had once raised- half eagle and half lion.

Then she told him of meeting Yuki, not because she wanted to, but because it was the right thing to do. She told him about the night she and Yuki waited for him while he held vigil in the Chapel, of her and Yuki's joy when he tumbled from the Chamber, pale, but alive.

She knew he got visitors from time to time, but she continued on, with them adding details of their own or simply listening. She was a constant. Somewhere behind her Alanna always lingered, only disappearing for short periods. Duke Baird left only for a few moments when he had to check on the King and once to chase Queen Thayet from the room and back to her bed.

Kel was almost finished her story of their past eight years when there was a knock at the door. She was surprised; everyone had just come in at their will. She guessed it must be someone new. Alanna nodded to her and half-opened the door to see who the visitor was. She gave a grim smile and admitted the guests. Kel turned and broke into a small genuine smile when she saw the faces of her old friends. Those present included Cleon of Kennan, Merric of Hollyrose, Owen of Jesslaw, Seaver of Tasride, and to her great surprise, Wyldon of Cavall. She only acknowledged them with a small nod and a weak hello before they came to stand around her.

Cleon put a hand on her shoulder, and she turned and looked at the ring on that hand with mild interest. "We were on our way back to Corus for midwinter. It seems that we couldn't have come at a more unhappy time," he said quietly. "How is he?"

"Not well," Kel answered as he removed his hand from her shoulder. "But we've been talking, well I've been talking, Neal's been listening. He's going to pull through to spite the world," she sniffed and wiped threatening tears.

"Thank you for being here," Alanna told them quietly.

"We wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Owen protested.

"Neal always was a good lad, a little fresh for my liking, but a good heart," Lord Wyldon acknowledged, something he would never do. Kel wished with all her heart that Neal could have been awake to hear that. She could just hear his dry response, 'About time you admitted it.' She laughed weakly at the thought as Raoul brought in chairs for the newcomers.

Kel finished up her story, and the others grinned a few times, it was grim, but it was a good attempt.

"Kel, I'm not sure that Neal's going to be up for now, and I want you to eat," Alanna instructed.

"I haven't seen you eat anything recently," Kel countered, but Alanna shook her head.

"I ate a few hours ago, when you were talking. I want you to go down with your friends and get food in your body. You will do Neal no good falling ill yourself," her patience was growing thin, and not even Kel had energy for that battle just now. She sighed and complied as the men followed her from the room.

"Do I need guard dogs?" she asked dryly, and Merric grinned.

"Yes, Lady Keladry of Mindelan, you do."

She groaned but smiled all the same; her heart was a little merrier seeing her friends again. "So where have you been?" she asked them. "And why headed to Corus for Midwinter, why not home?"

"Well," Cleon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. At one time Kel would have given anything to be by his side, to feel warmth and love that it seemed no one else would provide her. Now, he was simply another man, another friend of hers, no one out of the ordinary. She looked behind her, but Neal had never been just another friend of hers. He had always been something different, something more. "We were actually summoned back to Corus, most of the lone Knights in the realm were Kel."

"What? Why?" she questioned, she had heard nothing of orders such as these.

"It was actually near a month ago; we weren't aware of the message. It was so…plain," he shook his head. "Goddess, if I had known that-that it was something like this-this Coriolis fellow. Kel, I would've been here in a heartbeat."

"I know Cleon, I know," she smiled weakly, soothingly. So Alanna had known that Kel would get here, she had known that she would see the eyes of the messenger. But…she thought she would be able to bring some of Kel's other friends to come and keep an eye on her as well.

"My messenger was shot down," Lord Wyldon growled. "Owen was with me, we were getting rid of some bandits near my home. I got the second messanger only a few days ago; saying the enemy was defeated. I wanted to know what enemy, and the messenger told me I should go see the Lioness."

"Ours goes the same as Cleon," Seaver gestured toward Merric who nodded and lowered his head in shame.

"It wasn't your fault. The messenger's couldn't release anything; they were sealed with King Jonathan's magic. You couldn't have known," Kel tried to reassure them, but her words were dripping so greatly with disdain in herself that not even she could cheer them.

By this time, they had reached the kitchens where a cook was more than glad to feed six hungry Knights. They took their food out and into the empty Great Hall, settling at their old table from their Page years. They all smiled and talked about those years, the best memories, all trying to reassure themselves.

"Only one thing's missing," Kel muttered miserably. "The sarcasm," she looked toward Neal's rooms and tried to smile.

They grinned and nodded, "He always was a sarcastic little devil," Cleon's smile could once melt her heart, now she was just…empty. She wasn't even capable of a smile back. "Kel, may I speak to you…alone?"

The eyes at the table rose and looked at the two. It wasn't a very well kept secret that for a short period Cleon and Kel had been lovers. No one knew how close the two were to being married though. That was a secret they kept with themselves. If Cleon hadn't suffered losses on his own estate and needed the dowry money Kel would have been accepted into his family, grudgingly or no. Still, Cleon hadn't wanted to be alone with Kel for quite some time, and it rose eyes.

"Of course," Kel mumbled tiredly and rose, walking outside with him. Those at the table turned to her plate and muttered curses. She hadn't eaten even a bite.

"Damn her," Merric muttered, and Seaver growled. Owen looked at Lord Wyldon, distressed. His former Knight Master looked back at him and shook his head sadly, worried for not just Neal, but Kel as well.

*

"Kel, I'm worried about you," Cleon told her straight out, and she spun and tried to hide her glare.

"Me? While Neal is in bed and dying you're worried about me?" she spat, though her voice was merely a low grumble. She didn't have the energy nor need to scream.

Cleon withdrew, then came back just as calmly as he had started. He knew her nerves were thin, they had to be, she had almost just screamed at him. Keladry of Mindelan did not lose her temper over anything, "I can't do anything about Neal, I don't have a Gift. I can do something about you though Kel, I need you to start eating, and sleeping. Neal will be devastated if he wakes up and finds you sick in bed, or worse yet, dying yourself."

She glared and clenched her fingers together, but she saw his point. Something he said made her feel more confident too, 'Neal will be devastated,' Cleon had faith that Neal was going to wake, and she clung to that.

"You love him don't you?" he asked softly, and she spun around, her eyes wide in surprise at the question. It had appeared out of thin air, and it made her stomach turn. That was a word she had never heard Cleon use, and she never expected it coming from him like this.

"What?" she managed to choke.

"You love Neal," the fact that it was a statement unnerved her. How did he know this? She put on the best Yamani mask she could and stared with clueless eyes. "Don't give that Yamani 'I'm oblivious to the world but let me whip out my razor sharp fan on you if you give me a sideways glance,' look," he mocked, and Kel had to admit he had the Yamani's down pretty well. "I know you know what I'm talking about."

"I…" she didn't know what to say. To admit it would make it real; it must never be real. Yuki was one of her dearest friends, and Neal…she didn't even want to think about what he would say if Cleon told him.

"I've known it for as long as I've known you two. I mean, at least since the end of our Page years. Really Kel, you couldn't think Neal was the only one with an eye for hidden feelings. That's why I never…I never said anything to you," Cleon hesitated only a moment. "Because I knew you had always had feelings for Neal. I think for Dom too, but never the same, never as strong."

Kel caught Dom walking past them, on his way to the great hall, and he turned his head and kept walking. "Good going," she muttered, and he shook his head.

"You'll have to admit it to him too, eventually. But first, first I think it would be best to admit it to yourself, and maybe then to Neal," she couldn't believe he was sitting here giving her romantic advice!

"I…I…Neal and I-we're-we're just…friends…just friends," she stammered.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you? Think on it awhile," he turned and left her alone, standing in the middle of a deserted hall. His words were still crisp in her ears; 'You love Neal.'

She had thought she did, looking down on him, so helpless and lost…but…did she? Was she just caught in the emotion, the loss of a…friend? That was what she and Neal was, wasn't it? Or…she was confused.

She turned and walked toward the practice fields. As much as she wanted to go be with Neal she knew she had to vent this emotion somehow. She knew one thing for sure; she wasn't going to let it get to her head.