A/N: Thanks to my beta readers Dragon Girl Revlis and FlamingKnight101 without them this chapter wouldn't exist.
Chapter Thirteen
Delegations and Answers
The glaive moved in a glittering whirl of silver.
She tried to concentrate on the pattern, but it had been drilled so thoroughly concentration was unnecessary. This let her thoughts wander to places she didn't want them straying to. Neal, mostly, Neal and what he meant to her. Neal and what he'd done for her, Neal and the strange way he'd been acting. Then she thought about Coriolis and his words. As she thought, her glaive swung faster and faster until it was only a silver blur.
"If you don't slow down you're going to put someone's eye out with that thing," someone told her from nearby, and the pattern faltered and died. She let the glaive fall to her side and turned to see Raoul and Lord Wyldon, of course Raoul was the one who had spoken. Everyone knew Lord Wyldon had no sense of humor at all.
She bowed to the two and looked at them with curious eyes, wanting to know why they were there but not having the audacity to ask.
"Cleon told us you'd be here," Raoul responded. He knew her too well; he could even read her eyes now. That's what happens when you spend all your time with the man for four solid years, her mind told her.
"And I'm here," she answered plainly.
He nodded and grinned, "So you are. Do you wanna tell us what's on your mind?"
"I bet I know," another voice answered as it jogged down to them. She soon saw the voice belonged to George, Baron of Pirate's Swoop.
"And how, may I ask, would a thief know?" Lord Wyldon spat, still the conservative. He felt that thieves would never have a place among nobles, whether they were now nobles or not.
"Oh thieves know more than you think," Raoul winked at George who grinned. Kel watched them all curiously; somewhere she was relieved for the distraction.
"Of course you would know what's wrong!" Kel shouted, suddenly angry at the intrusion. "He's up there right now! Dying in a bed, his father, the best healer in the country, unable to do anything. And Master Numair, one of the strongest Mages that ever lived, just as useless by his side!"
"It's true," George looked down. "Numair's gift exceeds maybe even Thom's, but, there are some things that men cannot do."
Kel realized that Raoul was shuddering and making the sign against evil, "Don't bring up such things," he mumbled to George, who shook his head.
"It has been a long time, and I'd prefer it not mentioned around my Lioness. Still, I don't believe even Thom could save Neal from this sickness. It is solely in the gods' hands."
Kel clenched her fists, not used to leaving everything up to the gods.
"You look more and more like Alanna everyday," Raoul commented. "But no Kel, I think there is something more on your mind that you're not bothering to tell anyone about. That Yamani training is instilled in your head, but you're not in the Yamani's, you do have a right to speak your mind. I'd rather that than see you kill yourself from within."
Kel sighed, letting out half-truths, "Do you know the reason Neal left the Yamani's was to come and defend me? To battle by my side again?"
Raoul and George nodded, "It took her days to find him in the flames, spent most of her magic."
"Alanna was sick for days on end after that spell. Numair scolded her to no end, said he could have done it with half as much effect," Raoul's eyes twinkled slightly, and Kel smiled weakly at her former Knight master.
"Well, what if he hadn't come? What if he had agreed to stay with Yuki in the Yamani's? What if I had forced him to leave the twenty-some times I had the chance? What if-" Kel's voice was stopped by another newcomer. Their party was slowly growing bigger.
"What ifs will get you nowhere. I of all people know that best," Alanna put in as she went to stand by her husband. "When I killed Jon's cousin, Duke Roger, I ran the battle over and over in my head. What if I had done this? What if I had done that? What if there was a way to make him un-evil?" she closed her eyes, and George gripped her shoulder reassuringly. "I thought my questions would go unanswered but-my brother raised him from the grave."
Kel calmed her expressions and put on a grave face. She had heard the story of a powerful sorcerer who had raised a noble assassin from the grave. She had even heard the telling where he was related to the King's Champion, but she thought it was just that, a story.
"All my what ifs were answered at the cost of three of those I loved dearly and the lives of many others, including most of George's court," her purple eyes were filled with tears. "He was still evil."
"We lost great warriors that day, all of Tortall mourned. It wasn't Alanna's fault, but Kel…the point is this, having your questions unanswered can sometimes spare pain," Raoul explained solemnly.
"I learned a lot from Liam, the Shang Dragon, and one of those who died that day. One of the things he taught me didn't make sense until his death though. He taught me, sometimes, it's not when you die, but how you die. Neal fought nobly, for things he believed in; his death is a good one. His death has brought life to countless others," Alanna's face was streaked with tears she didn't know she could cry.
Kel's stomach churned, but she kept her grave expression. They were talking about Neal like he was already dead!
"Kel, would you want Neal to cry for you?" Raoul inquired gently.
Kel slowly shook her head. She wouldn't, she would want him to know she had fought brave and strong for a country and code she believed in. She would want him to smile at her memory, not cry.
"Come on, let's give the lass some time to chew on all this new information you've given her," George ushered them all back toward the palace, but stayed behind himself. Alanna turned to question, but he simply winked. She laughed weakly and jogged to catch up with Raoul and Wyldon.
"Come on lass, I've dealt with women enough in my life to tell me you're lying, or at least not telling the full truth. I could do that even without the Sight," George informed her.
She gasped and stared at him; she hadn't known he had the Sight.
"Don't look so shocked. I didn't stay the King of Thieves for so long without a bit of intuition," his wily grin lit up his face, and Kel had to grin back. "Now I swear to you, if you wish it, I'll let none of this out to anyone, not even to my Lioness, and a thief keeps his word even where nobles will not."
"You are a noble," Kel interjected.
"But I was a thief first, and a thief at heart I'll always be. Now, you start," he ordered more than suggested.
Kel looked down but refused to make a sound.
"No? Okay, then I'll go, you're scared for Neal because you love him, not as a friend, but as a man," George's bluntness almost made her jaw drop.
"Again with the surprise." He shook his head and grinned. "You have the same look Alanna did when Jon was sick with the Sweatin' Sickness. She was scared for her Prince yes, but it was deeper. She was scared for the man she was secretly in love with."
Kel shook her head fiercely, "Neal and I are best friends, but it can be nothing more," she responded promptly.
"Is that so?" he raised a brow in a very…crooked way. "Does that mean that you want it to be more but it can't be, or you won't let it be more?"
"Neither!" Kel shouted fiercely, quickly regaining her composure before she went on again, slowly this time, "I had a crush on Neal once, but then I met Cleon and it faded…"
"And now Cleon is married to a pretty little noble that's got him whipped. I've seen you both; you don't love Cleon any longer. I've seen you with Neal though, you love that lad, it's as plain as day," he wouldn't drop it, and it was making Kel angrier.
"Neal was my sponsor, he was my friend. He helped me learn the tricks of surviving in the palace when no one else would dare. He was there with me when I had to defeat my worst enemies. He fell in love with one of my dearest friends. He went away, and I was heartbroken, but he came back to fight with me. He was Lady Alanna's squire, you of all people should know what we…" she stopped, and George nodded as realization poured into her. He should know shouldn't he? He had spent long hours with Neal when they were at Alanna's home. Neal had probably mentioned him at least once in his time…She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't even notice it when a rearing stallion nearly mowed her down as the man struggled to gain control of the animal.
"What are you doing ridin' a beast like that?" George demanded viciously. "You nearly killed Lady Keladry here."
"I apologize," he looked around him nervously. "It was unhitched when I was spying in the harbor, so good to pass up…"
George glared and shook his head. Somehow Kel knew he was disappointed at the sloppiness of the theft more than the actual event.
"There's a noble ship just arrived," the man forged on. "Bunches of people went to watch."
"A noble ship?" George's eyes narrowed. "At a time like this?"
"You know Roald was in the Islands. Well, he left in such a hurry at his father's illness that those Yamani's didn't even know what hit them until a few days later. The ship with his wife and her ladies and servants is just arriving now," the man on the somewhat settled stallion explained.
"I see," George nodded. "Well, someone should probably go and tell Jon and Thayet, they'll want to know right away, along with Roald..."
"I'll go," Kel interrupted, and George looked at her curiously. "I need the work."
He knew that she only wanted to escape his knowing looks and questioning answers, but he nodded and let her go, "As you wish."
She bowed and they parted ways. She jogged up to the palace, but as she did she could hear snatches of George's reprimand.
"In plain daylight! A full stallion! I never…if I were still King I'd have had one of your ears. Was that theft even cleared?"
She had to grin as she slowed and bowed to a group of passing nobles.
*
"That didn't take her long," Roald complimented his wife's quick strategy. "I can't believe she could organize that many people in three days."
Kel nodded and grinned, "Well…she always was resourceful, to say the least."
He smiled and bowed to his mother and father, then went to meet with his wife.
"I swear, those two," Thayet smiled warmly at Kel, and Kel tried not to envy the woman's natural beauty. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, and every woman in Tortall knew it. Thayet didn't rub it in anyone's face though, and it made Kel respect her all the more. "They're so in love with one another. I don't think we could have found a better match."
"That is partly Lady Keladry's doing," Jonathan had to admit, and Kel bowed and hid a blush.
"Your Highness is too kind," she responded formally.
"It is good to see them back though," he looked down again. "These aren't the best of times for Tortall, he needs enlightening."
"I only wish we could give you the same Lady Keladry," Thayet's smile was worn and weary, and Kel returned the same one. "You've done so much for us."
"I wish no reward but to serve the country and codes I love. It is my duty as a Knight," her formal words stung. Was Neal's duty to die for the country and its codes?
Thayet frowned slightly and Jonathan shook his head but dismissed her Kel the same.
*
"What can we do for her Jon?" Thayet asked when she had gone.
"Nothing," he mumbled unhappily. "Unless we can give her Sir Nealan back which seems almost impossible."
"Is the Black God really hanging by his bedside?" Thayet made the sign against evil and shuddered.
"I believe he is my dear," Jon's face was paler than it should be. It was obvious he had been sick, but this was something more. He knew that if Kel lost Neal she would never be the same again. She would lose will and ambition. He needed a fighter like her, there were few commanders in the world; he needed this one.
"You're worried," Thayet told him abruptly, and he nodded.
"I need her Thayet, if she loses the man she loves this early in life…she'll give up hope. I need her around for many years. I need her to be able to give everything she has to Tortall. I want those words she just said to be true. I want her to believe them, but if she loses him…I know she won't ever fight for Tortall again. She will blame herself, but she'll blame the country too- possibly even me. It won't be easy to replace her. No other female has stepped forward since her, and I don't know if her accomplishments will be able to be repeated if another does step forward," he shook his head wearily, and Thayet took his hand in her own delicate one.
"Then we should pray for Sir Nealan to recover, and swiftly," she suggested.
He nodded grimly and both looked toward the heavens for help.
*
Kel wandered the palace and soon found herself standing in front of Neal's door once more. How could she do it? How could she go in there and look at him as the other's looked at him-already dead? She couldn't do it; she couldn't make herself go in there. She put a hand on each side of the doorway and sighed heavily. She felt weak and vulnerable. She couldn't walk through a simple door. It was like walking into the holds of death.
"Lady Keladry?" a soft voice asked as a gentle hand pulled her from the door.
She smiled down at the young girl and nodded, "You're requested in the Princess Shinkokami's chambers."
Of course, Kel thought to herself, she will have heard about Neal by now. She'll be wanting to know for Yuki's sake. She tried not to grumble and looked behind her only once more as the servant led her away from his door and toward the girl's chambers.
*
Shinkokami, known to Kel as Cricket, was the newest member of the royal family, but her chambers suggested she had lived there for years. Well, Kel thought to herself, it didn't take long for her to get herself moved in.
The walls were decorated with large, colorful tapestries of both Tortall and the Yamani Islands. She smiled at the familiar sights of temples and lapping waves. The furniture was all toward the ground; pillows scattered the brightly colored rugs on the floor. She bowed in Yamani fashion at the door as Shinkokami did the same. When the formalities were through, Shinkokami hid a squeal and ran to embrace her friend. Kel hugged her back, tight, then let go.
"How've you been Cricket?" she asked, trying to put strength into her voice.
"Less adventurous than you it seems," she hid a smile and continued. "With you fighting evil wizards and saving the realm, not to mention the King and Queen, for which Roald and I are very grateful."
"I didn't save them, Duke Baird did, but I accept your thanks," Kel couldn't wipe the formality from her voice; it was what kept her from crying.
Shinkokami noticed this and looked at Kel, distressed, "What's wrong?"
"Oh Cricket, it's terrible," Kel whispered and tried not to show weakness in front of her Yamani friend.
"What can be so terrible about saving the country?" she asked, perplexed.
"I..."
"First let me show you who I've brought," Shinkokami stopped her, and Kel wondered just what it was that would make the Yamani act so rudely. She ran to a connecting room and when she returned another girl was following her, her head bowed.
Kel gasped and tried not to act jealous or frustrated, "Yuki!"
Yuki looked up and smiled warmly at her friend as they ran to embrace, though Kel's excitement was mildly less for Yuki than it was for Shinkokami.
"It's been so long how are you?" Kel inquired, trying not to glare at the beautiful girl. She knew she didn't possess the beauty or the grace that Yuki did. That fact made her believe that thieves did lie, either that or she was being fickle and jumping to conclusions again.
"I am well," Yuki didn't hide her grimace very well. "Though I fear that you may know more about why you should hate me than I'd wish."
"Oh Yuki," Kel sighed and shook her head. "I don't hate you," her throat welled with tears as she hugged the girl again, more warmly this time. She didn't have a reason to hate Yuki, just because she had loved Neal and had received his love in return. That didn't make her any different; she was still the friend she remembered. They had grown up together; she wouldn't turn her back on her now. "But-you haven't heard?"
The way she said it caught both of the Yamani's attentions.
"Heard what?" Shinkokami inquired.
"It's Neal," Kel sighed, and tears began to fall against her will. She pushed them back and away and continued despite. The Yamani's watched with mild fear and let her continue without harassment. "He's fallen ill, very ill. Duke Baird can't do anything about it. It was a spell the Mage used on him, Coriolis; he made him see things. It gave him a terrible fever. Master Numair broke the spell, but the fever won't let go of him. He may only have another day or so to live."
Kel hinted a flicker of sadness on their faces and then it disappeared behind their Yamani masks.
"We must go to him," Yuki said firmly, and Shinkokami nodded in agreement.
"Take us to him," she instructed in her most royal voice, and Kel agreed and led them to Neal's chambers.
*
She shut the door behind the two Yamani's, letting them have their word in private. She wasn't surprised to turn and find that Dom's eyes were on her.
"Surprised?" he asked softly, and Kel nodded.
"It's good to see them," she was telling the truth…sort of. It was good to see her old friends, but the tears in Yuki's eyes made her jealous though she knew she had no right or no claim. She hid it all and pushed it behind her mask. She didn't want to intrude; Neal deserved the best. If Yuki's being there saved him she would let Yuki have him for all eternity.
"Disappointed?" George asked, seeming uninterested as he looked casually down at his fingernails and pretended to maintain them.
"To see two of my dearest friends?" Kel answered calmly. He wouldn't get the better of her again.
"To see Neal's old lover," he responded bluntly and again Kel had to manage to keep her jaw in one place. It was enough that he did it in private, but here! In front of all these eyes!
"Why would I care about that? She hurt him yes, but he'll live and get over it," with her eyes she gave him a 'If you say what you're thinking I'll kill you,' look, and he respected it and didn't push the subject.
Dom gave a weary sigh and looked toward the room.
*
"Kel," Neal whispered, and Yuki's eyes suddenly filled with anger.
"Not even she can save you now," she whispered, and her eyes stung with repressed tears. "You've gotten yourself into a hopeless situation. I don't think even your love for her is strong enough to keep you from the Black God's icy hands," she fell to her knees near his bed and began to sob. Her chest heaved, and Shinkokami knelt by her and rubbed her back.
"He'll get better Yuki, you'll see," she tried, but Yuki shook her head.
"It's all my fault. I got angry with him. I knew he loved Kel, and my own attention was straying. I knew we wouldn't be together forever, his loyalty to Tortall was too strong. Still, I should have come with him, if only for awhile. There should have been someone there with him," she whispered.
"There was," Shinkokami smiled gravely, "there was Keladry of Mindelan, the Lady Knight, one of the most talented people in all of Tortall. There was a captain in the army, Domitan. They were there Yuki, what more do you think you could have done?"
Shinkokami's words made sense to Yuki; still, she couldn't help but feel partly responsible. What if she was wrong about Neal's feelings? What if she had driven him away for no reason? Still, she forced herself to keep her composure and dry her tears. Slowly, she rose and nodded. "You're right Shinko."
*
Kel looked up and adjusted her eyes to the darkness. How long had she been here?
I remember falling asleep and… she looked down and found that she had just risen from sleeping on Neal's hand. Her muscles were cramped and tight from sleeping awkwardly in a chair by Neal's side. She must have only slept for a few hours, but something had woken her. What…but there it was again, a slight…twitching.
Her heart leapt into her throat when she looked down and saw Neal's fingers slightly began to bend. A small groan escaped his throat, it was hoarse, but it was a conscious sound.
I'm dreaming, I'll wake up and- but his hand whipped up and went to his forehead as he groaned again and tried to sit up.
Not a dream, breathe- she tried to assure herself, but it did no use. She didn't know whether to call for the others or speak or stay silent, hidden in the dark.
His hand fell through his sweaty and matted hair, pulling it from his emerald eyes that began to open. He looked around him and saw the fire nearly burned out. Emerald caught hazel, and he didn't even have to see her completely to know whom it was, "Kel?" the word was like a croak, but it was there all the same.
"Neal," she sighed and fell against the chair. "Thank you," she mumbled to the gods and looked back at him.
"Water," he whispered, and she gladly jumped up and ran to a nearby table with a pitcher and glasses for his guests. She poured him some water and ran back to him, handing the glass to him eagerly. He downed it all quickly and cleared his throat. "What happened?"
"You were…" she started.
"No, don't tell me," his eyes were suddenly clouded. "I don't want to know," his fingers opened and emerald sparks flew from his hand, causing the fire in the fireplace to rise and glow. "Better." He grinned, but Kel could tell that the use of magic wasn't wise in his state. His face was pale and sweat lined his eyebrows.
"Neal," she mumbled sternly, but couldn't yell at him. She was just glad to see him alive.
"Kel," he responded in the same stone, and she laughed. Soon, her laughter turned to tears, and Neal looked at her distressed. "Come on, don't cry," he begged. He had never seen the Lady Knight cry, and seeing it at his side was distressing to him.
"I'm sorry Neal," she whispered and shook her head, "It's just…you're alive!"
"Yes I'm alive," he muttered dryly. "Though I feel as if I've been pummeled by Raoul's lance and run over by Peachblossom."
She laughed and dried her tears to look at him again.
"Kel," he took her hand gently, and she looked down at it, trying not to let her heart pound. "Tell me it wasn't true."
"What?" she whispered, and it was her turn for her voice to be hoarse.
"The things, the things I saw…" he closed his eyes. "Tell me they weren't true."
"Neal, I don't even know what they were," she told him softly.
"I don't care, just tell me, they couldn't have been real," his voice was so serious that Kel had to answer him.
"They weren't Neal, they couldn't have been."
He fell back against the pillows and nodded, "I didn't think they could have been."
"What…?" Kel started, but he raised a finger to her lips and shushed her.
"That isn't for now."
She nodded, and in an impulse, jumped up and threw her arms around him. He held her close and stroked her hair as a few warm drops hit his back. "I never thought I'd be able to talk to you again," she confessed in a choked voice.
"Sh…" he rubbed her back and held her against him. "I'm sorry I gave you such a scare. It's even pulled off your Yamani mask," he laughed weakly, and she shook her head.
"You have no idea what you put me though," she told him harshly, and he shook his head.
"Nothing less than what you put me through going off to war every other minute and trying to deal with things alone."
"They all said you were going to die. They told me about a Shang Dragon and how he died nobly. They told me you were the same," Kel spilled out everything, and Neal grimaced.
"Not the same at all," he said crisply. "Liam Ironarm was shot through the chest by eight arrows and never flinched until the last."
Kel shuddered.
There was a long silence where nothing was said, both reflecting on things in their lives.
Finally, Kel could stand it no longer, "Yuki's here."
Neal's face seemed to drain of what little color it held, "She is?" he managed to whisper softly, and Kel nodded.
"She is."
"Oh," his voice was quiet.
"Is that all you have to say?" Kel demanded.
"What more should I say?" Neal wanted to know.
"Something!"
"Kel, I don't know why you're so angry all of a sudden," he never saw her in a temper, it was rare. Still, when she was mad she was mad. He didn't want to upset her now.
"Because shouldn't you show a little more emotion that she's back? Excitement, anger, fear, betrayal, longing, passion? What's going through your head?" she questioned fiercely. She wanted to know what he thought of Yuki, once and for all.
"To be honest I feel…" Kel's heart was on the line as she waited for his next word, "Nothing," he shrugged, and she tried not to let out a cry of joy.
"Nothing?" she wanted to be sure she heard right.
He shrugged again, "Nothing, I know it's over and she knows it's over. I feel nothing toward her anymore except maybe friendship. But for you…"
She tried not to blink too furiously. Was she hearing right tonight or…?
"Kel, I've lied a lot to you, here, sit," he offered a seat next to him on the bed, and Kel nodded and took it. She sat next to his waist and turned to look into his blazing green eyes. "I've lied to you mainly because I've been lying to myself. I thought what I had with Yuki was true, but I should have known better. You can't fall in love with someone when your heart is still with another. I wanted to make myself love Yuki because well, because- because I thought you'd never love me."
She opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her.
"Please," he begged. "Please don't say anything, not yet. Let me just finish."
She nodded and let him go on.
"What Coriolis said was true, I do care for you, incredibly deeply. I knew that you wanted an answer to that, I don't know what you think about it, but…when I dreamt, I dreamt of you. I promised myself if I ever awoke I would tell you once and for all," he finished, and Kel didn't know what to say. He was silent, "I'll understand if we're no longer friends."
She seized him in a tight embrace and shook her head, "Neal I've loved you since I met you," she whispered into his neck, and he grinned and pulled her away.
"Truly?"
She nodded again, and he smiled mischievously and pulled her next to him, so that one arm fell just above her chest. By this time she could barely breathe with anticipation. He reached in and kissed her gently, and her mind sighed as it grew more passionate, and he pushed her into the folds of the mattress. When they pulled away, she grabbed his neck and kissed him again, demanding more of him. It was what she truly craved for, and she needed him. She had been cold a moment ago, and now she was tingling with excitement and warmth was spreading rapidly through her body.
His hand wandered down her neck and fell upon the charm she wore around it. He felt it blazing with magic and guessed immediately what it was. "Have you-does it work?" he asked softly.
"I don't know," her voice was very quiet.
That was all the persuasion he needed.
"Neal I don't know, are you…okay?" she didn't want him to stop as his hands fell to her shirt, but she didn't know if his health was recovered.
"I'm fine," he answered and kissed her quickly, reassuring her.
She nodded and kissed him again as his hands ran down her arms and across her body.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, and she smiled.
"So are you."
"Dear Jonathan,
I liked you too much
I used to be attracted to boys
Who would lie to me
And think solely about themselves
And you were
Plenty self destructive for my taste at the time
I used to say
'The more tragic the better'
The truth is
Whenever I think of the early nineties
Your face comes up with a vengeance
Like it was yesterday"
~Alanis Morisette
