Spoiler Notes: This is after book five so expect spoilers from it.

Relationship notes: There are no relationships in this fic. PALEAZE. I'm not doing that this time around, this is humor. Bad humor, but humor.

Disclaimer: The most important part. I do not own any of the characters/settings written in the fic and I do not profit from it in anyway. The joy of writing is my payment. ^^

Author's notes: Wow. I got a review. That's about my third review here ever. I'm so happy. ^^ No really, I am, this isn't the sarcasm speaking. It's the happy. Thank you. So now that I have this new burst of motivation I've decided to continue this fic. A) because I got a review B) because the other fic I'm working on has it's fifth chapter at home on my computer, instead of here. Where I am. Anyhow, enjoy.

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What it Fears 2

One whole week of cleaning and scouting for half-bread psychologists later Lupin sat in his old classroom again, accompanied by a mixture of dread and immense boredom. He was happy to see that the old and beautiful dragon skeleton had been fixed back into it's proper place, and an empty tank was sitting on one of the shelves. It was a small improvement, but it was big enough to take away the feeling of a study hall.

After about ten minutes of waiting he started an attempt at thinking up better names for half-breads, since he failed so miserably at it at his last little go at psychology. Let's see... he already covered half-human/beast, and halfling was just far to ridiculous to say anymore. There was the idea of just referring to half-breads as 'them' but that was a last resort idea thus far...

Footsteps, whistling, and that clopping sound again, who was doing that? Most likely Peeves, what an annoyance. Lupin was about ready to get up when he noticed the scent of the air had changed. It was sweet, sickeningly sweet, and he because of his strong sense of smell it nearly blew him off his feet.

After he caught his breath again he decided breathing through his mouth was the only option, that and hoping it wasn't the frog wearing that terribly strong perfume.

McGonagall came in first. Lupin could tell she was amused again, she was suppressing it well though.

"Remus. Today you are getting paid by the hour so take up as much time as you like. Though Dumbledore has requested you visit Hagrid before sunset, he says he needs help with the centaur negotiations."

Lupin nodded knowingly. He'd rather be in the forest being hunted down by angry centaurs then sitting there of course, but at least now he was getting something out of it besides the need to drink fire whiskey. "Alright Dolores, you can come in now." McGonagall called, walking out of the room as Umbridge walked in.

Lupin choked. It was now quite obvious where the dreaded perfume was coming from. Umbridge had obviously tried to look like some sort of poisonous pink toad today. Everything she wore was pink, including her crusty make-up and pink bow. She also had a glazed look in her eyes, like she had been shot with a muggle tranquilizer; something which had happened quite often during Lupin's full moon run ins with the non-magic sort.

"Hello again." Lupin said, his voice sounding off and congested because he was holding his nose. "Sorry, I have a bit of a runny nose today. Please, sit down."

The frog assumed a seat at the front of the classroom. Lupin thought it odd how she seemed to be staring at him. Very odd indeed. "So...Dolores. Where did we leave off last time?"

"My experience with centaurs." she answered blankly.

"Ah. That's right." That little bit with you picking posies, I remember now. "So! Do you believe sharing this traumatizing moment has helped any with you fear of halflings?" Lupin covered his mouth and faked a sneeze as he tried to hide his grin.

"In a way." When he looked up again she was still staring at him.

Lupin sat down on the desk and nodded. "Good, good..." Inside he wanted to puke, he could still smell the perfume even with his nose held, though only faintly. "Do you suppose it would help if we discussed further halfing encounters?" Lupin untentionally snorted, but was happy to find because of his nose it sounded like a sneeze.

Umbridge to a break from ogling at him and blinked. Lupin was beginning to become very uncomfortable sitting on the desk so he got up and traveled over by the tank to click the glass with his fingernail.

"Yes, yes I think it would." Umbridge said quickly. Great, more memories from the half-bread hater.

Lupin smiled and nodded. "Alright then... We've already spoke about Werewolf's, and Centaurs, is there any other halfling classification you'd like to cover?"

"Mermaids." Didn't you want to tag them at one time? Like pigeons?

"Alright, go on ahead." And so it began, the frog's long drawn out little story on the mermaids that attacked her, or what sounded like saved her, at the ocean. Lupin completely blocked off her actual words after five minutes, coming back to reality every two minutes or so to nod or ask about 'how she felt' at the moment in the story. After a half hour of talking Umbridge stopped and stared at him once more with a look of expectancy. Lupin, who was in his own world now, was staring off at in a dreamy sort of state, only to be tugged out by a small 'hem hem' from Umbridge's direction. Lupin jumped a bit and then smiled as kindly as he could.

"Ah. Yes... I think that you need to look over the situation again sometimes, try to look at the merman in a slightly different light, or try to see the story from his point of view." Lupin wondered how he knew what she was talking about in the first place, but was happy that she seemed to take in the information without any suspicion.

"Yes, yes... I understand." Umbridge said, nodding quickly, her many chins jiggling. Lupin suddenly had the most immense feeling of foreboding lurking at the back of his mind, but he couldn't figure out why.

"I think to cure yourself from this phobia you need to better understand your fears." What was he talking about? Those radio station psychiatrists must have drilled something into his mind; either that or the perfume was making him act like a real shrink would. "Let's see...we should discuss on particular species for the rest of our time. How's that? That way we can cover all the reasons you fear it."

Umbridge nodded. Lupin felt the urge to swing forward and stop the hypnotizing jangle of her chins. Too late, they had already completely captured his attention. Hypnotizing chins... what a pleasant idea. What next? Predictions made from hair? Or did they already have that? He'd have to ask Sibyl later... However long this chin hypnotism was going to take. Well, there was one use from being obese; you can hypnotize people with your chins. And Molly had said eating too much chocolate and fatty cakes wasn't good for you, lot she knows.

"Hem hem." Lupin jolted out of his hypnotized state and drew a quick breath. The smell was overwhelming. The sickeningly sweet perfume hit his mind a second after he breath in. Everything was turning pink, so horribly pink... Wretched wretched pink.

Lupin felt like he was loosing his mind, or loosing it to the other him. Yes, the one that would have gladly killed the frog on the spot, and then rush off to kill whom ever else might be occupying the castle... Sounds like fun.

No wait, no that doesn't sound like fun. Not after you get sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban. That would be two Marauders that went to that place for more then just a visit, three if you counted the Marauder that needed to go to Azkaban.

Why was he thinking about Azkaban? Wasn't he doing something? Something to do with Pink Frog Sweets. Perhaps it was a new form of Chocolate Frogs, Merlin, he could use one of those right now, cure that headache that was pounding in his head at least.

Quite suddenly Lupin felt the cold classroom floor slam against his forehead, but when he looked up he wasn't in the classroom at all. He paused and stared as he watched his two dead best-friends dance around a spit half naked, and he was so happy it was the upper half that was naked, not the lower. What was on the spit...? A huge rat. Where did they get that from? Mutated from the muggle sewers perhaps? Or enlarged by a misguided, or intended, enlargement spell?

Lupin got up and began walked towards them. They were chanting, how stupid, yet very like them. if only he could chant with them...

"You! Again!" Lupin stopped and turned around to look at cloud that very closely resembled Madam Pomfrey.

"What're you doing up there?" Lupin called. As much sense as it was to go strip off his shirt and dance with his dead friends around a gigantic roasting rat Madam Pomfrey's head in the sky just didn't belong at all.

"Oh my, the poor man's delusional... Well Minerva, let me tell you, this wouldn't be the first time this has happened..." The cloud tutted.

Lupin felt something cold slap his head but nothing was there. "What are you doing in the sky?" Lupin's voice sounded slightly slurred, but that wasn't what he was concerned with at the moment. That sounded like the stupidest question in the world right now. He could answer that, easily. Madam Pomfrey was in the sky because she evaporated. Yes, that was it. That made sense, time to go join Padfoot and Prongs now...

"-and then Mr. Black comes skipping in dragging him by the ear and saying he's talking about monkey's in his dorm!" The cloud exclaimed.

Lupin kept walking, but he couldn't get away from her nagging voice. He wanted her to shut up, so he could get over there and eat the rat.

"Poppy, there were monkey's in their dorm. That was Mr. Potter's work."

Lupin paused and scratched his head. "Who's Mr. Potter?" he asked with a raised brow. Something went into his arm, it was sharp, it hurt. "Ouch! Who did that?" Another cold thing lashed across his cheek and the happy little dream world started to fade away.

Madam Pomfrey had slapped him.

"That's what you get for acting completely mental." Madam Pomfrey chimed as she slammed a drink down on the floating tray by his bed. "Now drink it! And got to sleep!"

"It's dark here, where's the roasting rat?" Lupin asked quizzically. Something stopped him from asking any further questions, and suddenly it hit him that there were no roasting rats at all, no dancing dead best friends, and Madam Pomfrey evaporating no longer had anything to do with her becoming a cloud.

McGonagall was at his bed, and it looked like she had either been shrieking at the top of her lungs, or laughing her tight little bun off. Madam Pomfrey was bustling around him, taking his temperature, looking in his ears, and inspecting his tongue. "Roasted Rat? You have quite the imagination Remus."

Lupin slowly started to recall where he was before he went off to visit the land of the pink. He was in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, being a nice little shrink for Dolores Umbridge, who had phobia of half-breads. Just thinking about it made him burst out into laughter, and earned him two worried glances from the professor and the nurse. Everything was funny now, the so called halflings, the flower picking girl that was chased out of the woods by a centaur, the lifesaver mermaids, the half eaten werewolves, and the odd black curtain waving in his face...

Lupin stopped abruptly. No, that wasn't funny at all.

"Remus, would you like me to explain to you what we believe happened in that classroom a few hours ago?" McGonagall asked with a concerned tone. "Or should I send you to headquarters so you can have a rest?" No, not headquarters, not now. Molly would be all over him fussing over everything, possibly even concerned for his life. He didn't need that.

"I'll have you explain it to me." Lupin said rather quickly.

McGonagall nodded slowly, a bit speechless for a moment, but that faded quickly. "You are aware that your senses are a bit stronger then...human's are." Lupin nodded. Of course he knew that! That's why he was so useful. James and Sirius used to brag about how he could here a leaf crunch a mile away. That was a long time ago though... "Well... Umbridge was wearing an unusually strong perfume and Madam Pomfrey thinks that the smell quite literally knocked you out."

Lupin would have been laughing if it wasn't him who was knocked out. How unbearably sad.

End Note: Okay, I definitely do not like this chapter as much as I did the first. It seems a bit random and pointless. I'll fix this sooner or later.