The light was a hazy light. The kind that is either at dusk or dawn.
Harry's eyes slowly began to flutter open. He was still in the corner of
the room, but had more, sprawled out when he had drifted into
unconsciousness. The clothes far too large for his small frame were stuck
to him by sweat. Hedwig was sitting in her cage with concern in her golden
eyes.
"It's all right girl," he said as he stood up. "It's all alright."
The glowing numbers on his alarm clock said it was 8:14 pm on July 30. The last time he had looked at it, it was 3:28 am of the same day. He rolled his eyes at the thought that the Dursley's hadn't even shown any concern. 'You would think they would at least miss yelling at me to cook breakfast and do a list of chores' he thought to himself.
He went over to the loose floorboard and got out a quill and some parchment to write a letter to Ron considering that the last letter was about 4 days ago.
'Ron How are things there? I'm fine, and no scar hurting or really bad dreams. Nothing much is happening. Keep me informed on any information you come across. I've got to go now, write back.
Harry'
The letter was basically just lies; he had been having dreams. His scar was constantly hurting, but Dumbledore knew that and he didn't want to worry his friends. Harry had also been thinking about the prophecy, and the basic kill or be killed point of it. And he obviously wasn't fine, what with the passing out and everything. But he just didn't care anymore. He was just numb to everything. He was trying to practice occlumency, but the attempts were futile, he would just dream about Sirius or he would get the normal Voldemort dreams, which were much worse now that Voldemort knew when he was able to see. The Dursley's weren't really doing anything, just making him cook breakfast and dinner. Other than that he was left alone. Moody had really freaked them out.
When he was unconscious, he kept having dreams about Sirius. About living with him, and playing Quidditch with him. Sirius's face when Harry said he wanted to live with him. All that. And Harry slowly started to realize that was all they were memories and dreams. That Sirius was truly gone, gone forever. He needed closure, he needed to say goodbye...
Sirius, You were one of the last links I had to my parents, to my past. Just you and Remus. How could you do that? How could you leave me here. You don't know how horrible it is! Did you know the prophecy? The one where I have to kill Voldemort, how it's written in time? How I have no choice, kill or be killed? Do you know how I needed you? How I still do? Why did you have to play the hero? Why did you have to leave? I was so mad, I am so mad, I refused to believe it. To believe that you are dead. But you are. And I don't know why, but I can't be sad. I'm just mad. That's not right. Why don't I feel sad? You know who I thought to ask? I thought of you, but you weren't there. And now I cant feel upset about you being gone, I'm just angry. And that's bad. It makes me feel bad. Horrible. I just want to go and run into the vail. So I can be with you. So I won't have to feel the pressure. I don't want it any more. You know Neville, Neville Longbottom could have been me, been the-boy-who-lived. Be the boy-who-must-kill- Voldemort. And I hate him for not being that. Because it too horrible. I hate it. I could have just been Harry Potter. And you would have never been sent to Azkaban and my parents would be alive, not dead. You know, that used to be my biggest wish after wanting my parents alive, to have you be free. Now you know what took that spot? Wishing Neville was me. Wishing I was free of this burden. Sometimes I just want to go and walk right in there and just kill Voldemort and leave. Just get it over with. But I'm still mad. Mad at you. I want to be sad. And it's all your fault. It's all I feel. MAD! And HATE! Nothing more, nothing less. But this is something I must do. Say... Good Bye.
Bye Sirius, my godfather. I'll see you again one day. So I guess, by for now.
Harry'
Harry took the letter and folded it and wrote 'Sirius' on it.
"Hedwig," he called, "Take this to Sirius." The snowy owl looked at him strangely before flying out the window with the letter.
Hours later, a piece of yellow parchment flew through the vail. And the snowy owl flew off into the night.
_____________________
Yup, that's all. I was going to go on longer, but I just was uninspired and chose to just end it now.
Thanks to all you guys who reviewed:
Elvish Fairy
InvisibleInk
Akamu
Faxton
Queen Amelie
PhoenixPadfoot89
.
You guys are great.
"It's all right girl," he said as he stood up. "It's all alright."
The glowing numbers on his alarm clock said it was 8:14 pm on July 30. The last time he had looked at it, it was 3:28 am of the same day. He rolled his eyes at the thought that the Dursley's hadn't even shown any concern. 'You would think they would at least miss yelling at me to cook breakfast and do a list of chores' he thought to himself.
He went over to the loose floorboard and got out a quill and some parchment to write a letter to Ron considering that the last letter was about 4 days ago.
'Ron How are things there? I'm fine, and no scar hurting or really bad dreams. Nothing much is happening. Keep me informed on any information you come across. I've got to go now, write back.
Harry'
The letter was basically just lies; he had been having dreams. His scar was constantly hurting, but Dumbledore knew that and he didn't want to worry his friends. Harry had also been thinking about the prophecy, and the basic kill or be killed point of it. And he obviously wasn't fine, what with the passing out and everything. But he just didn't care anymore. He was just numb to everything. He was trying to practice occlumency, but the attempts were futile, he would just dream about Sirius or he would get the normal Voldemort dreams, which were much worse now that Voldemort knew when he was able to see. The Dursley's weren't really doing anything, just making him cook breakfast and dinner. Other than that he was left alone. Moody had really freaked them out.
When he was unconscious, he kept having dreams about Sirius. About living with him, and playing Quidditch with him. Sirius's face when Harry said he wanted to live with him. All that. And Harry slowly started to realize that was all they were memories and dreams. That Sirius was truly gone, gone forever. He needed closure, he needed to say goodbye...
Sirius, You were one of the last links I had to my parents, to my past. Just you and Remus. How could you do that? How could you leave me here. You don't know how horrible it is! Did you know the prophecy? The one where I have to kill Voldemort, how it's written in time? How I have no choice, kill or be killed? Do you know how I needed you? How I still do? Why did you have to play the hero? Why did you have to leave? I was so mad, I am so mad, I refused to believe it. To believe that you are dead. But you are. And I don't know why, but I can't be sad. I'm just mad. That's not right. Why don't I feel sad? You know who I thought to ask? I thought of you, but you weren't there. And now I cant feel upset about you being gone, I'm just angry. And that's bad. It makes me feel bad. Horrible. I just want to go and run into the vail. So I can be with you. So I won't have to feel the pressure. I don't want it any more. You know Neville, Neville Longbottom could have been me, been the-boy-who-lived. Be the boy-who-must-kill- Voldemort. And I hate him for not being that. Because it too horrible. I hate it. I could have just been Harry Potter. And you would have never been sent to Azkaban and my parents would be alive, not dead. You know, that used to be my biggest wish after wanting my parents alive, to have you be free. Now you know what took that spot? Wishing Neville was me. Wishing I was free of this burden. Sometimes I just want to go and walk right in there and just kill Voldemort and leave. Just get it over with. But I'm still mad. Mad at you. I want to be sad. And it's all your fault. It's all I feel. MAD! And HATE! Nothing more, nothing less. But this is something I must do. Say... Good Bye.
Bye Sirius, my godfather. I'll see you again one day. So I guess, by for now.
Harry'
Harry took the letter and folded it and wrote 'Sirius' on it.
"Hedwig," he called, "Take this to Sirius." The snowy owl looked at him strangely before flying out the window with the letter.
Hours later, a piece of yellow parchment flew through the vail. And the snowy owl flew off into the night.
_____________________
Yup, that's all. I was going to go on longer, but I just was uninspired and chose to just end it now.
Thanks to all you guys who reviewed:
Elvish Fairy
InvisibleInk
Akamu
Faxton
Queen Amelie
PhoenixPadfoot89
.
You guys are great.
