A/N: OKies, something a lil' different here. Despite the rushed feeling, LSTF actually covered a bit of time. During that time, Leslie had some…adventures. While leaving Les-er, Anna on the bus to stew a bit, let's take a look at one in particular…Why? Cause this idea hit me in the middle of the night and won't leave me alone until I write it, stupid muse.
Cable (my muse): I told you I'd get you back for the Oedipus remark
Me: And I told YOU I'd right the damn fic if you kept it up!
*crickets chirp*
Me: Much better.
Disclaimer
Enter This Deserted House
By Shel Silverstein
But please walk softly as you do.
Frogs dwell here, and crickets too.
Ain't no ceiling, only blue
Jays dwell here and sunbeams too.
Floors are flowers—take a few.
Ferns grow here, and daisies too.
Woosh, swoosh—too-whit, too-woo,
Bats dwell here and hoot owls too.
Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee, hoo-hoooo,
Gnomes dwell here and goblins too.
And, my child, I thought you knew
I dwell here…and so do you.
Leslie grinned at Julia. "Ready?"
"We're going to get expelled!" her friend hissed.
"For what? A documentary? I don't think so. C'mon, all you have to do is hold the camera and not laugh too hard."
"I still wish you'd tell me what you were asking them…"
Leslie smiled sweetly at her. "Just trust me on this one."
Sighing, Julia hefted the camera, unscrewing the lens. "I wonder if my old school is accepting mutants…"
::black screen fizzes with snow before settling on picture of Leslie::
Leslie: Today we're going to get to the truth of various rumors here at the Xavier Institute for Mutant Menaces-
::Leslie is thwapped on the head by Julia's hand::
Leslie: Dammit, Jules, that hurt! ::mutters unintelligibly before smiling:: Moving right along, we come to our first victim-I mean, guest, Bobby Drake! Say hello, Bobby!
::Camera focuses on Bobby, who is holding a piece of toast halfway to his mouth, still in Batman pajamas, with tussled hair::
Bobby: …Leslie, what are you doing?
Leslie: Just dispelling some rumors, my good man! All you have to do is answer a few simple questions.
Bobby: ::cautiously:: Okay…
Leslie: Cool. Question One: are you, or are you not, gay?
::Bobby proceeds to spray toast on everyone present, including a VERY attentive Jean-Paul::
Bobby: WHAT?!
Leslie: Just a simple yes or no will do.
Bobby: NO, I'm not GAY!!
Leslie: Ok. Question two: are you bi?
Bobby, who is now thumping his head against the wall: NO!!!
Leslie, unperturbed: Question three: have you seriously not noticed Jean-Paul's crush on you?
::both Bobby and Jean-Paul turn interesting colors::
Leslie: ::nervously:: I'll take that as a no…quick, Julia, stop the tape!!
::tape blacks out. There is a pause before it focuses on again on a disheveled Leslie::
Leslie: Note to self: do not tell scary Popsicles scary elf-men have crushes on them. Anyway, moving right along, we now come to the ever elusive Wolverine!
::Julia is heard muttering frantic prayers in the background as Logan glares at them::
Logan: What the hell is this?
Leslie: …a documentary?
Logan: …
Leslie: Um, let's cut to the chase. 1: are you secretly in love with either Cyclops or Kurt?
Logan: …
Leslie, noticing the way his knuckles are flexing: So that's a no…2: have you ever considered a relationship with Jubilee?
::SNIKT::
::Leslie grabs the camera as she runs::
Leslie: due to unforeseen circumstances, this interview will be cut short. For God's sake, Logan, I'm SORRY!!
::the black is back, before fading to an even-further disheveled Leslie::
Julia: Why do we keep doing this?
Leslie: So we can sell the tape to the media and escape to the Caribbean.
Julia: Oh, right. I forgot.
Leslie: And now we've tracked down Prof. X, the big man himself! Mind if we ask you a few questions?
Xavier: Not at all. Yes, no, no, yes. ::walks off::
Leslie stares after him in horror: Oh, man…
Julia: What were the questions?
Leslie, reading from paper: 1: were you ever romantically involved with Magneto, 2: did you REALLY not know Proteus was your kid, 3: did you get a strange kick out of the spandex, and 4: is Magneto still alive?
Julia, after matching answers and questions in her head: Ewwwwwww!!!
Leslie, shaken: I think…we'll stop here for now. Oh, God, I need to scrub that image out of my brain…
