I must have rewritten this five or six times before I came up with this chapter. It's getting harder as I work my way through the album to keep the story at least indirectly related to the songs without destroying any chance I have of a plot. I think I've got it worked out now though. I think. I hope.
Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still didn't own Inuyasha, or the rights to any of Evanescence's music. Somehow, I doubt they've decided to be generous since then.
Haunted
Sesshoumaru had always found the cool stillness of the night soothing. The more so now that both Rin's cheerfully energetic presence and Jaken's continual complaints about her had been silenced by the human child's need for sleep. It was the only time he had these days where he could relax in a way that the day's noise and travel never seemed allow.
He had always done his clearest thinking while he sat and watched the stars at night. For the first time ever, though, he found himself wishing that wasn't so.
Because the night was still young, and deep within him, Sesshoumaru could feel long-denied emotions struggling to break free of his iron control. And the Lord of Western Lands was deeply disturbed by where those feelings were leading him.
Long lost words, whisper slowly, to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
I've decided not to love Inuyasha anymore.
Though the human woman who had shared Rin's meal in his camp earlier was long gone, her sorrow-laden words still whispered through him.
She is HUMAN!
The desperate thought echoed mockingly in his mind, not nearly loud enough to drown out the memory of his immediate response to the miko's announcement. Once the mere thought of her humanity would have revolted him, but her words had brought something else to life inside him. Something new and nearly frightening that burned within him.
Why? the youkai lord raged inwardly. Why do I feel this ... this ... exhilaration? What spell has the witch cast on this Sesshoumaru that I should feel like this? Why can I not stop thinking of her?
But for all his impassioned denials, he couldn't drown out the voice that had been born in the echos of that softly spoken confession. A voice that filled the once silent vaults of his heart, repeating as though it were a mantra.
She is no longer HIS.
Watching me
Wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you
Loving you
I won't let you pull me down
The memory of her sad blue-gray eyes haunted him. Eyes that had been focused on him earlier, their touch nearly physical as she stared at him through the flickering flames of the fire.
Watching him.
No, he corrected himself. She was not seeing this Sesshoumaru. She was seeing HIM. Seeing Inuyasha.
Her eyes had been full of the need to love and to be loved that burned inside her. How could the idiot hanyou have turned away from the naked passion in those eyes?
How, when even he, Sesshoumaru could not resist their pull? When even he, Sesshoumaru wanted nothing more than to take away her sadness and replace it with joy? Wanted to see her watching him, those beautiful eyes filled with the love they had once held for his half-brother?
And now it seemed he had a chance at something he had never before admitted, even to himself, that he so desperately desired.
But twin to the burning exultation was another newborn emotion, one equally unpleasant for the youkai lord.
Fear.
Sesshoumaru's experiences of love had been few, far between, and never pleasant. His mother had claimed to love her mate, who had in turn deserted her for a human, his hated younger brother's mother. And the child Sesshoumaru had watched helplessly as his beloved mother wasted away, unable to help her no matter how hard he tried.
And then there was his father. The great lord Inutaisho, who had been lead by that traitorous emotion called love to desert his sworn mate, to cast off his youkai alliances in favor of a human wench. And who had died for his weakness, when his mate's brother came to avenge her dishonor and death.
Died, leaving his greatest treasure not to his eldest son, the one who would take up his legacy and defend his lands, but to the bastard son who hated him.
Love was not to be trusted. Especially love for a human.
Hunting you, I can smell you, alive
Your heart pounding in my head
He returned to awareness of his surroundings only to realize that he was staring off in the direction Kagome had taken when she departed. She was out there. He could sense her. Could still smell her her light floral scent rising from the branches she had brushed through.
Teasing him.
Taunting him.
Tempting him.
Previously unknown instincts railed at him, demanding that he rise and hunt her through the night. He would track her until he had run her to ground, they insisted, until he was so close he could feel her heart beat against his own.
No!
Wanting me
Fearing me
I can feel you pull me down
Saving me
Raping me
Watching me
Fear.
Desire.
He could feel the unfamiliar emotions pulling at him, taking him over. Remolding him into some new shape.
Haunted blue eyes lit by the flickering glow of a fire hovered at the edge of his mind.
No!
Watching me
Haunting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you
Loving you
I won't let you pull me down
With a furious snarl Sesshoumaru leapt to his feet, crossing the clearing in a single bound to cuff Jaken on the head and waken him.
He would not let this insanity continue, he swore to himself. He would not repeat his father's mistakes.
He would not love a human.
He would not.
"Jaken tend Rin."
The toad creature leapt to his feet, eager to please his master. "Of course, Lord Sesshoumaru!"
Sesshoumaru ignored the scurrying of his retainer as he strode off towards the camp he knew lay through the darkness. Soon this insanity would be over. He would rid himself of the images haunting him. He would find the human miko Kagome and he would destroy her. Her would rip out her heart and leave her corpse to feed the scavengers.
And with her death, he, Sesshoumaru, would be free.
***A/N: Poor puppy. So oblivious. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. *grins a very evil grin*
