A/N: Well, I'm a bit unhappy with this chapter, because, let's face it, none of the characters in Inuyasha are going to be Christian. With the exception of Kagome, they don't even know what Christianity is, and given her grandfather, I suspect she's been raised Shinto/Buddhist. Oh well. We'll pretend.
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially dumdeedum, whose review was just what I needed to cause me to get off my butt and finish this chapter.
Tourniquet
She could sense him watching her as she waited for her servants to return through the night with the souls she needed to fuel the body she now inhabited. Her miko senses were as acute in death as they had been in life, and they fairly screamed at the presence of her hanyou ex-lover.
Should she call him out of the shadows? she wondered. Before she could decide, she was distracted by a pale glow drifting through the trees. It was once of her soul gatherers returning from it's nightly hunt with a freshly dead soul.
Inuyasha was forgotten as she raised her arms, greeting the winged beast. It flew directly into her chest, penetrating the dirt and ash form before releasing it's captured treasure. Kikyou seized the spirit before it could begin to drift, shredding it and integrating it into the complicated matrix of the spell sustaining the golem. Her eyes closed on a rush of relief as the energy reinforced the complicated magic, lessening the constant strain that maintaining her last link to this world placed on her power.
Once, she would have sought out and destroyed any creature guilty of the destruction of innocent souls. That was before she had sacrificed nobility in her quest for vengeance.
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
(So much more)
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
More soul gatherers returned, laden with the spirits of the dead, and Kikyou relaxed into the feeding, feeling herself grow stronger with every new soul she absorbed. Flickers of thoughts not her own washed through her, the dying gasps of spirits that would never be reborn.
As she fed, she could see the deaths of her victims. Could feel the emotions of the souls rush through her as she consumed them. And briefly, she was filled with something other than the hatred and anger that had been her constant companions since her resurrection.
And their memories roused her own.
I'm dying
Praying
Bleeding
Screaming
She had died once. Had bled to death not a hundred feet from the place where she had pinned the lover she believed had betrayed her to a tree. And she had felt relief that she would not be forced to live with the pain of his betrayal and the shattering of her dreams.
She had never imagined that she would be resurrected to walk the world she had left behind, much less that she would do so stripped of any emotion but the hatred she had felt for Inuyasha as she died of blood loss and a broken spirit.
Misplaced hatred. She knew that now, that her hatred had been misplaced. It didn't change anything. She was a mere memory of what she had been, and that memory was of the pain and hatred she felt at the hanyou who had betrayed her.
Fortunately, it seemed that she had enough hate to expend some on Naraku too.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
The part of her that had once been a miko, the protecter of her small village and of the Shikon no Tama was appalled by what she had become.
How was it that she had become what she so hated in life? How was it that she didn't seem to care? Had she lost her way that badly?
The answer to that was simple as well. The other one. Her reincarnation.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Kagome.
Kagome, who had all the good that had been a part of she who was Kikyou: the gentleness, the compassion, the love.
Kagome, who had everything Kikyou had lost.
Would things have been different if the future girl had not managed to reclaim the major part of her soul? Would she be able to feel the emotions she could still remember? Would Inuyasha still be with her?
"Kikyou."
The familiar voice pulled her out of her bitter thoughts, and she turned to face the hanyou as he emerged from the shadows of the trees.
Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forget me?
"Inuyasha." Her voice was level. It always was now. My love. My hate.
What do you see when you look at me Inuyasha? She wondered bitterly. Do you see the woman you once loved? Or have you forgotten me as you trail after my reincarnation?
I'm dying
Praying
Bleeding
Screaming
"Have you come to fulfill your promise to me, Inuyasha?" she asked coolly. "Or do you wish to wait a while longer."
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
A small part of her, the part that was still being affected by the emotions feeding had roused in her wondered what she was doing.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
"Kagome told me you tried to kill her today." His voice was flat, but she could see the pain in his face as he watched for her reaction.
"Oh?"
"Did you?" It was phrased as a question, but she could tell that he already knew the truth. He wouldn't be here if he didn't.
"What do you think, Inuyasha?" She wouldn't make this meeting any easier for him. It was too much fun to watch him suffer.
"She's your reincarnation, Kikyou. Why would you want to kill yourself?" He answered her question with his own.
"Perhaps that would be why." Bitterness filled her not-answer. She saw him wince at her words.
"Gods, I wish..." he trailed off, leaving the wish unspoken. For several seconds he was silent.
"She's so much like you were." There was immense longing in his voice. Longing for what once and might have been.
(Return to me salvation)
(I want to DIE)
For a split second, she thought of simply letting go her efforts to remain in this world. It would be possible, she knew. All she had to do was release the constant vigilance that kept the spiritual energy animating her form contained. One lapse of willpower and she would be free. Returned to a form that Inuyasha loved.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
She pulled herself away from the momentary temptation, and smiled coldly at Inuyasha's back, sure that he would once again succumb to the guilt she knew he felt.
"But she isn't me, is she."
The vengeful, hateful part of her was pleased by the pain that had his shoulders stiffening under the lash of her words. The part that remembered being in love wanted to run away from the first.
Both were surprised by what happened next.
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance.
Will I be denied?
Christ tourniquet my suicide.
In one swift motion, Inuyasha turned to face her, and she saw that the pain had been replaced by determination. Before she could react, his left hand was coming up, lashing out towards her.
"Claws of Blood" The words were ground out in a voice that cracked. Dark liquid flew across the space between them.
"NO! Inuyasha!" Shocked, she tried to step back, to dodge, but it was too late. The spelled blood tore into her, shredding the spell that maintained her body, and she collapsed to the ground.
"I'm sorry Kikyou," she heard Inuyasha say, and suddenly his warm arms were lifting her, holding her even as she felt herself disintegrating. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you kill Kagome." She was losing the battle to keep her body intact now. Her soul stealers broke free of her weakening mental grasp and flew rapidly away.
"Inuyasha..." her voice faded with her strength and her thoughts. What was it she had been trying to say?
"I love you Kikyou." She could hear his tears in the whispered vow. "And when this is over, when Naraku is dead, I'll come join you in hell. I promise."
Her vision began to fade, and she could feel her body dissolving around her, freeing her soul to return to it's new home in Inuyasha's new love.
Thank you Inuyasha, my love.
It was her last thought.
***
A/N: Be honest now. How many of you saw that coming?
