Warnings: The people in this are real...they are me, my friends, and teachers at my high school, and people that exist in real life. No names have been changed but if you're in it and you don't want to be, let me know and I'll change your name. I claim no rights to the characters in the show so you can't sue me for that. Actually go ahead and try, I'm a college student, you'll never get anything out of me...bwahahahaha!!! This story was a spoof to try to spice up our deadbeat town by imagining the G-boys there. It was never supposed to leave my CD but a friend decided she wanted it posted for her viewing pleasure. So anyways, don't hurt me...this is probably one of the worse thing I've ever written and if I didn't love her so much, it would remain hidden away from the eyes of humanity forever.
Rating: R-mostly for language and other stuff...no lemons...I never got around to sticking those in..sorry
Spoilers: none, this is good old fashioned stupidity
Other Warnings: 5 completely straight pilots...you won't find any yaoi here. The songs should be labeled where they come into the story so I don't think I have to worry about that.
Move, Bessy, Move!
(The Grape Juice Revolution)
"Tell me again." Duo Maxwell said, looking around at the desolate area "Why are we here?"
Heero Yuy hopped down from the cockpit of the Wing Zero "OZ is hiding many of their main thinkers in a school. Our mission is to find them and destroy them. We have already been enrolled; Duo, Quatre, Wufei, and myself are sophomores. Trowa, you're a junior."
"Don't tell me this is another all boys school." Duo moaned, "Is there such a thing as being babe-deprived?"
Wufei Chang forced himself to stop glaring at a nearby cow "Maxwell, if you paid half the attention you gave to your girlfriends on our missions...." He sighed and went back to glaring at the small herd of cows that had begun to gather around the Gundams.
"Why isn't anyone answering my questions?" Duo whined
"It's a public school." Quatre Raberba Winner answered coming over, a stray dog at his heals "Kindergarten through twelfth. It's co-ed so that should make you happy."
"Just don't get too involved." Trowa Barton warned, "You'll just have to leave whoever you find behind and forget them."
"Give me a break." Duo protested "I haven't been around any girls for the past three months except for Relena." He shuddered
"Just remember, you're here on a mission, not on vacation." Heero reminded him
"Nobody said we couldn't have a little fun off to the side." Duo shot him a saucy grin
"Now how are we supposed to get to the house?" Wufei asked, "I don't see anything except these stupid cows."
Duo gave his best imitation of a Tarzan yell and hopped on the back of one "Giddiup Bessy!" He cried "Come on, move already. Don't you even know what Giddiup means? Move you stupid cow!"
The cow just stood there, ignoring the boy on her back and eyeing the other four curiously while swishing her tail and chewing her cud. Every so often she would give out an occasional moo when the boy on her back got a little too rough for her liking.
Trowa noticed a strange lump in a pile of hay. Uncovering it, he found a truck with a license in the front seat in his name. He climbed in the drivers seat and pulled it into drive. This wasn't as hard as some people made it out to be. It was just like piloting Heavyarms only with less buttons, no visible self detonation button and the steering wheel didn't budge, no matter on how hard he pushed it. He got it out of the hay and started hitting the buttons that he could see. The first made a stream of loud music blast out from the stereo system. He quickly hit that button again, wanting the noise to go away. He appreciated music but that was just noise. The next buttons sent a stream of cool air into the truck, that wasn't bad so he let that one go. The next button he hit happened to be the horn. It made a loud obnoxious noise that seemed to scare the shit out of the cow Duo was still sitting on because it sent him flying and ran away. Duo flew through the air and eventually landed on Quatre, taking them both to the ground. "I think I have this thing figured out." Trowa said out the window "It's very different from the one's they have back home."
"Well then, lets get going." Wufei said, climbing in the backseat of the truck with Quatre and Duo who were both still moaning and groaning as a result of their fall. Heero sat up front with Trowa, shivering because of the air conditioner but making himself deal with it. After all, he had managed to live in Antarctica with the same shorts and tank top on so a cool truck shouldn't be much different.
They drove in silence, Trowa not wanting to turn on that noisy button again, until they saw from the signs that they had entered the village they were supposed to live in. "It still looks like the middle of nowhere." Duo complained, "What kind of girls would want to live up here?"
At that moment, three girls, all brunettes ran across the road barely missing the truck laughing. "Answer your question?" Wufei grumbled "Stupid women."
"Omae o korosu." Heero muttered, glaring at them as they laughed and ran down the street.
"Where is the house now?" Trowa asked, "We've got to be getting close."
"It's at the corner of Cataract St. and Main St." Heero replied "The professors wrote that it's a big white house so we shouldn't be able to miss it."
Trowa read the street signs like the smart person he was and found the house easily. He pulled in the driveway and began to unload the suitcases and bags from the back end with the help of the other four.
"Are you sure this is it?" Duo asked, looking at the house "It seem kind of elaborate for a place that we're only going to be staying at for a few months."
"It won't attract suspicion, that's for sure." Wufei commented, "It's not too big or too small."
"That's what they planned on." Heero reminded him "We have to be normal students, just transferring in. Other then that, we can't give out any information on our backgrounds."
The house was probably as normal as the scientists could have found. It had two floors, not counting the basement or the attic. There were four normal bedrooms as well as a room in the basement. On the first floor, there was a porch equip with lawn chairs leading up to the front door, inside there was a large eat in kitchen, half a bathroom, several storage closets and a living room. The second floor had the four bedrooms and a full bathroom. The attic was full of the trash left behind by the various people that had inhabited the home before them. Heero smiled with the thought that they truly would be invisible in the house's past. They weren't going to be around long enough to place anything up in that attic.
After all the suitcases were brought inside and left in the entryway, they examined all of the bedrooms, discovering that they were all painted a solid color with basically the same furniture in every room, only different styles. After very little discussion, you couldn't expect much more then that with three out of the five being monotone and antisocial, it was decided that Heero would have the navy blue room, Trowa would take the forest green one, Quatre, the red, and Duo, oddly enough, found the last room was completely black and he fell in love with it. Since Wufei was by far the oddest out of the five of them and no one really liked hanging around a guy who's idea of entertainment was to place himself in a state of suspended animation, he took the basement room. Besides, the walls down there were hard enough to keep from breaking whenever he felt the need to punch the crap out of them.
Quatre put his clothes neatly away in the closet and in the dresser and placed his laptop on the top. There were school supplies sitting on top of the desk such as the notebooks, binders, pens, pencils, and calculator the school had notified them that they would need. There was only one thing missing "Trowa, where are the uniforms?" He called down the hall
"It's a public school, there aren't any. You have to wear the clothes you have with you." He called back
Quatre looked through his wardrobe again, eying the pink shirts, tan pants and purple vests, for some reason a thought began to register in his mind that those weren't the kind of clothes one would normally wear to a school like this. On the battlefield, they worked fine, when you were trying to destroy everything in sight, you weren't all that worried about what you were wearing. "Trowa, do you think you could drive me out to a store somewhere?" He asked again "I think I might need some different clothes to blend in a little bit better."
Duo popped his head in "You're going shopping? Can I go? I just have a feeling showing up in an outfit like this would intimidate people a little bit too much."
"Sure, let's get Trowa." Quatre grabbed his thick wallet that was crammed with several thousand in cash as well as numerous credit cards.
"One problem." Duo stopped him "Do you have any pocket money I could have, I'm a little short on cash right now."
"I'll get you whatever you need." Quatre promised and found Trowa lying on his bed "Can you take us?" Quatre asked again
"Sure, let's get going." He took the car keys from a hook on the wall and walked out into the hallway "Heero, do you need anything for tomorrow?" He was answered with the normal silence so he took it as a no.
Before they walked out the door, he paused at the top of the basement stairs "Wufei, do you want us to pick you up anything?"
"A new set of knives." He called up to them, "The ones here aren't the proper kind."
"I know what he means." Trowa responded, "Let's go."
The three boys piled into the truck and drove out of their driveway to drive around the almost microscopic village, only to discover that the only stores there were a gas station, two bars, a pizza place, and a hardware store. "What are we going to do now?" Quatre asked
Trowa spotted the same three girls from earlier and waved them over "We have a problem." He informed them
The tallest one raised her eyebrow "Welcome to the club."
"He means that we can't find a store here that sells any clothes." Quatre supplied
"You just realized that?"
The girl with the chestnut brown hair that went to her mid back spoke up "There aren't any clothing stores here." She told them
"If you really were desperate, I'm sure you could skin a cow or something." The shortest girl with the extremely long dark brown hair stated, "Just grab a knife, and there's a farm down every road you take."
"Donna, shut up." The other girl stated firmly "Be nice." And then proceeded to give them directions to the nearest store.
"Thank you very much." Quatre replied smiling "We really do appreciate it."
"You're not from around here at all are you?" The taller one asked, when the three shook their heads, the three girls smiled "Trust me, it's obvious." She replied and then the three of them walked away.
"What do you think she meant?" Duo asked, "We don't act that strangely do we?"
"It beats me." Quatre shrugged "I was just trying to be polite."
"They didn't seem to be too impressed with your manners." Trowa commented, "This is a whole new culture and by the way they act, it's bound to be a strange one." He started up the truck again and began to drive, following the directions that the one girl had given him.
"They were cute though." Duo piped up "If they're any indication of the rest of the girls up here, I'm going to be one happy guy."
"They weren't that bad looking and they seemed nice, outside of the sarcastic responses, maybe they were just trying to get us ready for what's going to come." Quatre looked out the window at the passing cows and trees.
After about ten minutes of driving, Trowa pulled into a parking lot around a very small plaza with an Ames, Kinney Drug, and several other stores that he didn't bother looking at. "I think the Ames would be your best bet." He said after studying the signs for a minute "It says there is a 30% sale on all men's apparel so you should be able to save some extra money for a rainy day." The three of them got out of the truck and walked into the store and immediately headed for the men's section where Duo disappeared into a maze of clothing shelves and bars. Trowa began to sift through a shelf of turtleneck shirts, sweaters, and sweatshirts. For some reason, he didn't like showing his lower arms.
Quatre starting picking up different t-shirts and button down shirts in every shade that caught his eye, making sure to avoid the color pink at all costs. As a last impulse, he added several pairs of khaki shorts to his already filled cart. After the clothes, he went over, picked up a new pair of sneakers and another pair of loafers. In the entertainment section, he stuck a small television set, stereo and stacks of movies and CD's to the new cart he had grabbed while leaving his full one with Trowa. The woman at the counter stared at him in disbelief for a moment and then began to ring up all of his purchases while muttering about how wasteful kids were that day. His total in that one section came to $776.58. He paid it from the wad of bills he carried around with him, figuring that with the look she was giving him, she wasn't going to go for credit. He tossed down eight one-hundred dollar bills and smiled at her "Don't bother trying to get the change, you can keep the extra." He pushed his cart out to where Trowa had finally decided to buy a new pair of jeans and a green sweatshirt. Duo came back with a cart full of his own clothes, he wasn't as picky as the other two, anything in the color black or anything with bat wings imprinted on it held fascination for him. Along with his multiple pairs of black jeans, t-shirts, and button up shirts, there was a pair of Batman slippers and black sneakers with streaks down the side in a shade of green that reminded him of Deathscythe's scythe. "Kawaii!" He exclaimed holding up his sneakers
"Are you two ready to go?" Quatre asked "Let's hurry up and get out of here, I thought the woman in the entertainment department was going to have a heart attack when I gave her the eight-hundred in cash." He chuckled a little bit "She looked like she was going to die when I told her to just keep the change."
"It really does help to have a multi-millionaire as a friend." Duo laughed and slung his arms around Quatre's shoulders "Q-man, you're the greatest, how would I ever go on without you?"
"You would probably keep on living the life of the God of Death and be very happy." Trowa commented, "Let's get out of here, I don't like the looks that these people are giving us."
The store had to open up another checkout lane just for the three carts the boys had with them. It took close to half an hour to ring everything up being that Duo couldn't resist the idea of chocolate and kept adding candy to the cart. Quatre paid the $397.45 and then they pushed the stuff out to the car, the other customers staring at them the whole time.
"Why was everyone looking at us like that?" Quatre asked once they had driven away "I thought people normally went places like that to buy clothes."
"Quatre, all the people in that store combined didn't buy as much as the three of us did." Trowa said softly, taking care not to hurt the younger boy's feelings "I guess they don't know that the richest man in the universe died and left his son everything. They aren't used to people our age having that kind of money."
"Do you think they're going to suspect us?" Quatre asked, his eyes wide with worry
"Not a chance." Duo reassured him "Now would you mind stopping at that McDonalds, I'm starving."
