What can I say? I always wanted to be part of this, and yet… I don't know.
He's a million different people, each with their own personality trait that you don't see in the one being. All with the same face, and the same empty, dark eyes. It's saddening really. Like, he's not really a complete whole. I'd like to think that I could help fit the pieces together, but it's ridiculous really. As if he would ever let me get that close.
And I'm not perfect myself. Maybe not yet complete. I doubt I could save him even if I wanted to. I don't know if I could save myself. But that won't stop me trying.
Every time I think this, I can't help but sigh. So I sigh a lot. He tells me it annoys him when I do it. He thinks I'm being melodramatic. He doesn't know that I'm thinking of saving him. Of… loving him.
Love. The single most sought after thing in the world. Hard to obtain. Harder to keep. Unless there is trust. That's what gets me. I know what he has done before, what he is still capable of doing. Yet… I could trust him with my life. After all of the fights and all of the death threats, you'd think that I would be terrified of the man. Any normal person would. But I think that it may be a way of keeping me at a distance. Does he fear for me? Or just fear me?
Thinking about this is my latest past time. Sometimes I need to be distracted from my own thoughts. That's when I indulge in some of my other passions. But sometimes, just sometimes, I can't help myself. One time, when he was asleep (or should that be unconscious?) I sat for hours just watching him. Memorising every little detail so that I'd remember what he looked like when he was at peace.
I wanted to remember him that way, if something should happen.
And while I was sitting there, that very thought struck me. That he could die. That he could leave. Could leave me. It made something within me twist. The idea still does. That's how I know I love him.
It's weird how sad things can make you realise something good.
My heart is not really mine anymore. It is a little broken, but hey, if I wrap some tape around it and say it was like that when I got it, maybe he won't notice. I just sigh again. He probably wouldn't notice. He's most likely to not accept it in the first place.
So that's all I have. Beautiful memories of a dreaming man, and the reality of unrequited love.
You'll have to forgive the crinkled spots and the smudges. This is one of the rare moments I'll actually allow myself.
What can I say?
There's nothing left to say.
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More teardrops joined those left on the paper, now yellowed with time. Falling from warm ebony eyes, they served as a testament to her fulfilled dream.
There had been much more to say.
An inspiration… "Like tears on white paperThey change the page.
Breathing emotion into the empty.
Leaving memories of presence
Long departed.
Though not forgotten."
Christel a.k.a Indigoblak
Thanks for the great reviews and I hope you check out my other stories.
Thanks for reading!
Indigoblak
