I'll Never Tell…
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall
darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.
NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing.
Chapter Five: Love and lies
PANSY POV:
Lately, my life seems to be going in ups and downs. I've been feeling so unusually happy since the beginning of this year, and Blaise and Mili say that I rarely stop talking or coming up with ideas. On the downside, my creative mind has been keeping me awake most nights, writing in my journal and thinking deeply about my life. It's now a Saturday night, and in the past thirty-six hours, I have spent roughly four of them asleep.
Fortunately, I am not alone in my near-insomniac state. Draco has it too, though it is not as strong as mine. Sometimes, when I can't sleep at night, I find him sitting in the common room, his silver eyes locked on the fireplace. Like now.
"Good evening, Draco." I say, stepping into the light. His gaze remains unbroken.
"Good evening, Pansy." I sigh, plopping down next to him on the lounge. He seems…different nowadays. He's colder and the closeness we once shared seems to be slowly coming apart at the seams. He no longer makes any comments when I leave my dinner untouched, and his complaints about my public displays of affection with Blaise have considerably lessened.
"Draco?" I am met with silence, and to my surprise, it hurts. It really hurts, because I feel like I am losing my best friend. I'm too sentimental, really. I can even feel the forbidden tears pricking at the back of my face, and I blink them away irritably.
"Draco…what ever happened to us?"
DRACO POV:
"Draco…what ever happened to us?" It's a perfectly innocent question, but I feel like a trapped rabbit. If I want to tell her the truth about what is happening and what has already happened, it would mean allowing the ugly head of my conscience to rear itself, not to mention completely losing her friendship and ending up in MAJOR trouble with Lord Voldemort.
"I don't know what you mean." My voice is devoid of emotion, and quite suddenly, there is a jolt as she near-jumps from the lounge to face me, irritability evident in her eyes.
"Cut the bullshit, Draco! You know perfectly well what I mean!" Her voice has taken on a serpentine quality, an obvious danger sign. "Ever since you became involved with Adrienne, you've been drifting away from me. We used to be able to communicate so well, now I have to persevere just to make small talk with you. What's wrong with you? Last year you were the best friend I ever had, now it's like you can't spend enough time distancing yourself from me!" Once again, the guilt twinges start. Oh god, my dear Pansy. There's so much I can say, but at the same time, there's so much I must keep secret. But you seem so worried and persistent that I have to give you an answer, a clue to your upcoming fate, maybe…
"Do you know what happened to me in the summer holidays?" My mouth has gone dry in the knowledge that what I am about to reveal could very well destroy our friendship. I don't give her any time to answer but instead draw up the long sleeve of my pyjama top. Located on my forearm, just below the elbow, is a symbol of my destiny.
Silence fills the air as Pansy stares at the mark on my forearm. Her blue eyes widen in a mixture of disbelief and sadness. Then she looks into my eyes, a small, sad smile on her face.
"You joined Voldemort this summer, I see." She sighs, shaking her head. "Well that explains a lot, Draco." There is obvious disappointment in her soft voice now, and the guilt twinges are starting again. GODDAMNIT! How is it that Pansy Parkinson is the ONE and ONLY person who knows how to make my conscience rear its ugly head?
"Pansy, please don't hate me for what I've done." Of course, I'm not just referring to my mark, but she doesn't need to know that. Sighing again, Pansy holds her arms out to me for a hug, and I respond.
"I could never hate you, dragon-boy." She responds teasingly, ruffling my hair. "I know how your family works, so you would've had to join him eventually…but why so early?" I laugh humourlessly.
"I got in on pure talent." I respond and she laughs in the same humourless manner, sitting back down next to me and resting her head on my shoulder.
"So tell me, Draco. How are things going with Adrienne?" She asks after a moment, her voice dreamy as she gazes into the emerald flames in the fireplace.
"Swimmingly." I respond, running a hand through her long, straight hair. Anyone who saw us now would think we were a couple. "But she doesn't put out, which can be annoying when I want to get off." She chuckles, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see a smirk on her lips.
"Don't you wish you were in Blaise's place right now?" She croons teasingly. "Does he ever tell you what we get up to?" I can feel a smirk forming on my lips.
"Only that you both fuck at least four times a week." I reply smoothly.
"Actually, its five times a week and in positions learnt from the Wizard's Karma Sutra." She responds without missing a beat. She turns to me, smiling contentedly.
"But there's not just the sex, Draco. I love him so much. He was my first, you know, and most likely, my only…" Her voice trails off, and a pang of jealousy hits me.
I know it would destroy our friendship, but there are times when I would really like to be more than friends with her. This is one of them. Sitting by the fire with her, sharing secrets and talking easily. She'd be the perfect wife for me. Beauty, brains, and a sharp wit to rival my own. Instead, she is taken by her betrothed and I am engaged to a girl I have never even spoken to.
FUCK! I'm so sentimental sometimes…I'm Draco Malfoy, Slytherin, Death Eater and Malfoy heir, but I'm starting to sound so…out of character. But then again, this is Pansy, and she just has a way of bringing out my softer side as well as my conscience.
PANSY POV:
Maybe it's just something in the atmosphere, but I'm suddenly feeling very sleepy. I yawn, stretching my arms over my head.
"I think I'll leave you here, Draco." I say sleepily. "It seems my insomnia is wearing off for the night."
//Come to me, darling…Let me take over your soul…Let me rape you…let me destroy you…let me make you mine…//
I stop dead in my tracks, the eerie voice sending shivers down my spine.
"Did you hear that?" I ask Draco. He looks at me.
"What? I didn't hear anything." He mutters, laying down on the lounge. That's weird, I *know* I heard that voice!
"You didn't hear the voice?" I ask, feeling just a touch nervous. He raises an eyebrow, confusion written all over his face.
"Draco, I heard a voice." I state plainly. "Someone was whispering loud. It was a man's voice. Can you honestly tell me you didn't hear what it was saying?"
"The only voices I've heard are yours and mine." He answers, sounding confused. "What was the voice saying anyway?"
"It was horrible! It was saying things to me like 'Let me take over your soul, let me rape you, let me destroy you.' Sis you *really* not hear it?" He's turned away from me now to stare at the flames, but I can see him shaking his head.
"It's probably just your mind playing tricks on you, Pansy. Go to bed." His eyes close, and I think that he might be right. It *is* nearly 4am, so maybe my imagination is just working overtime.
"Good night, Draco."
