I'll Never Tell…


WARNING:
Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing.

Chapter Seven: I love you and you must suffer

DRACO POV:

I hate myself so much right now. Pansy is suffering and while I hold the key to her release, I will not hand it over to her. I have my reasons, yes, but that doesn't ease the ugliness that is my rising conscience. I never wanted this to happen… …did I?

In a way, I *wanted* her to suffer, even if it meant experiencing similar things myself. I wanted her to suffer because she no longer has to conform to family values. I wanted her to suffer because she doesn't have to experience the burning pain in her arm every night, while I cast charm after charm to ease it. I wanted her to suffer for being able to choose her path in life.

But most of all I wanted her to suffer for choosing Blaise over me after our Fourth year. Yes, I know we went to the Yule Ball together, but that was only because she had been too shy to ask Blaise at the time and needed a friend to help her through the rough times. Everybody believes we had sex after the ball because we left together, but I can honestly say that *nothing* happened! Pansy was sick and I took her back to the common room so she could lie down for a while. We talked and nothing else.

No, I'm not saying that's what I wanted to do! It's just how the night went, and personally, even though I would've loved my first time to be with her (I lost it not long after, but I'll never tell who it was to), it was not to be. Pansy's heart is with Blaise, and even if it's not that way forever, she will still be his until the day she dies. It is rather ironic though, that up until the middle of our Fourth year, everybody assumed she was trying to get me. It never was that way. She flirted with me because she liked stirring me up, and 'Drakie' was what she had called me since we could talk, it wasn't a sign of a crush.

If she had been after me for real, we'd be together right now.

I might as well confess what has become so blindingly obvious to all except a select few. I don't just love Pansy; I am in love with her. I have been since our second year when we bonded over our fear of the Slytherin heir and the Chamber of Secrets. I was the first one to notice Pansy's sneaky (and very Slytherin!) acts at the dinner table. The way she played idly with her food, crumbled bread rolls and let them fall to the floor, and the slightly bloodshot appearance of her eyes and face after bathroom breaks.

So why did she choose Blaise, when it was I who stood by her side and helped her pick up the broken pieces on every occasion?

PANSY POV:

What came over me? I'm lying on my back on my dorm bed, having only just left the hospital wing an hour beforehand because they found nothing wrong with me.

I shudder. That blood, dripping and oozing… …The screams, pounding through my head… …That voice… …It was definitely the voice that made me decide I had to be going insane. I know I've heard that terrifying, velvety voice before, from such a long, long time ago… …so why can't I put a face or a name to it?

"Pansy, Blaise is here." Mili says softly, drawing back my curtains. "Do you want him to come in?" Her hazel eyes narrow in concern. "I hope you're feeling better."

I force a smile on my face. Personally, I'd rather be alone, but I guess Blaise could 'help' me get these images off my mind for a while.

"No, it's alright, Mili. Tell him to come in." She nods without a word and leaves, allowing my black velvet bed curtains to glide back into place.

"Pansy?" A few seconds later, Blaise pokes his head through the curtains. His handsome face is unusually pale and worried. I smile at him, masking my confusion and nausea.

"Hi, Blaise." I hold out my arms, and he crawls onto my bed, embracing me fiercely. There are tears pricking from his eyes, which surprise me. Did my fit really scare him that much?

"Oh Gods! Oh Gods!" His voice is muffled from his face being buried in my hair. "You scared me to death, Sweetheart! Please promise me you'll never scare me like that ever again!" I can't help but laugh, despite the fear churning in my belly from the memories.

"Blaise, don't worry sweetie. I was just a bit ill from… …personal problems." It's not really a lie. I just don't plan on letting him know exactly what those problems were. I pull away from him briefly, planting a kiss on his forehead. He leans in and kisses me back. It's a quick, chaste kiss on the mouth, but I know I can coax more out of him.

No, I'm not some kind of perverted moron who gets off on nightmares. I need Blaise to fuck me. Not make love with me, like we usually do, but pure, hard-core fucking so I can forget those screams and nightmarish images that were so visible to my eyes. I don't care about pleasure. I just need to forget, for now.

I kiss him back. Hard. My mouth pressing against his, tongue hungrily probing his mouth. Though initially shocked at my unusual display of dominance, he gives in and responds to me. I pull away briefly and point my wand at the curtains.

"Locktus." The curtains now can't be moved until I cast Alohamora. "Silencio." Now nobody will hear us.

For once, I skip the teasing, and simply yank his trousers down roughly, removing my underwear at the same time. I don't bother with removing anything else and quickly impale myself on his hard length, wincing slightly. I move hard and fast, not wanting to waste time with tenderness, just needing to forget…

We've only done this once. Pure, hard-core fucking, and I'm actually rather surprised to say that I've missed it. There's a thrill of getting caught because we're not the only ones in the dorm. Because we didn't bother with foreplay, my body isn't fully relaxed and makes the whole feeling more intense. Blaise is obviously enjoying it too, judging from the clouded, lustful expression in his eyes, and the way his nails rake across my lower back, adding to the intensity of the whole situation…

…My orgasm, like the sex, is fast and fierce. I collapse on top of Blaise, feeling peaceful for the moment, despite the stickiness between my legs. He strokes my hair tiredly, a smile on his face. We don't need to speak right now. Everything is all right for the moment.

//Sleep peacefully now, my darling… …but I'll not be gone for long… …I'll be back to claim you, beautiful one…I'll be back to destroy and claim you…//

My eyes snap open, scanning every inch of what I can see. Oh Gods, it didn't work! Why did the voice come back to me? I curl up in Blaise's arms, holding him tight as I close my eyes again. I suddenly feel incredibly afraid.