Forbidden Lover

Part 9

***

Hi again everyone! *sighs happily* Glad to know that you still like this awful fics! *hugs all of the readers* Thank you so much for the reviews you gave me, they meant a lot to me! =)

I made up all of the stories, including Fuji's double personality; yeah we do know that he has weird personality sometimes, just like SIB-sama and I think ^^. I'm sorry if the story is confusing, and maybe my phrases are upside down, I know you'll all hate me because I made this story more un- interesting!

I don't know what to say, except that this is still Tezuka/Fuji, and... hmm, yeah, blah blah blah, all the warning for shounen-ai! I hope you still like this one!

***

"Did Father contact you last night?", Fuji sipped his coffee as they sit on their chairs. They were just about to have breakfast and go to school.

"Yeah", Yuuta yawned and bite his toast.

Sighing, Fuji put his cup down. "What did he say?"

"Something about telling you to go back to Hokkaido."

"I knew it...", his Aniki frowned. "At least I'm good in here. I didn't do anything bad, did I? I live happily, with you, with Tezuka..."

"Uh-huh, don't ever forget about Tezuka", Yuuta said as he hid his face behind the newspaper.

"Yuuta, come on, what else?"

"Nothing, he just said that he wants you to go back there. I don't know about me, he only said about you," Yuuta appeared from behind the newspaper and stared at his brother. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm not going back."

"I know."

Fuji stared helplessly at Yuuta. "That's obvious. End of story. You know exactly what will happen to me if I go back there. I'm scared," he whispered the last sentence and his mind drifted to one person. "And I will not be scared as long as Tezuka stay by my side."

"He also wants Oneechan to go back."

Fuji frowned. "What?"

"You know, after what happened, and after everyone knows about it, Mother divorced with him, and Oneechan and her husband moved to Osaka. Come to think of it, why does he want everyone to go back? Is it because he missed us? He misses us, his children, to be by his side."

"I don't care!", Fuji said coldly. "I'm going to school!"

"Aniki," Yuuta said and Fuji opened his eyes abruptly. "I just want to say that if you go back to Hokkaido, I'll come with you. I'll stay by your side, I'll protect as hard as I can. Maybe I can't be like Tezuka-senpai, but I will definitely prevent it to happen again."

Fuji shook his head. "I don't know. I'm not sure."

Yuuta sighed and stared at the calendar. "He wants us to be there... next Wednesday. So make up your mind as soon as possible."

***

The school went like usual, but for Fuji it seemed like forever. He felt dizzy, very dizzy, and he almost couldn't stand. He could feel that all of his body is covered with sweats. He felt hot, and most of all, he's confused.

//What am I gonna do?//, he thought miserably. //I thought I forgot that past already... but now, why does he want us to go back...//

"Hey," someone patted his shoulder.

Fuji gasped softly and jumped. He opened his eyes abruptly on Tezuka. "Te- Tezuka..."

"What's wrong? Did I surprise you? I'm sorry," Tezuka stared at him solemnly and at the same time, worriedly.

Fuji let himself to breathe normally and smiled. "No... I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

Tezuka held the urge to ask what he was thinking, and nodded instead. "I saw you from the window and I was wondering what were you doing. And here I am."

Fuji smiled and sat on the bench. He patted the empty spot beside him. "Come, sit beside me."

Tezuka obeyed and fell silent. "..."

"You came here all the way just to sit beside me and went *...* like that?", Fuji laughed and stared innocently at Tezuka.

"Yes," Tezuka nodded. "Because I thought you have a problem. And if I can't help you, at least I hope I can be your pillar of support just to be by beside you."

Fuji gasped and covered his mouth. //He can tell... Am I acting that badly? I wanted to keep it as a secret but... I can't. He can see right through me, even though I keep it deep down inside...//

"Anyway, don't let it bother you," Tezuka playfully hit Fuji's head.

But Fuji can't. He felt guilty because he lied to Tezuka. He even lied to himself. He took a deep breath and shook his head softly.

"Fuji?"

Fuji smiled and stared at Tezuka like nothing happened. "Yes?"

"Next Friday... I want you to be with me all day."

"Next Friday? What will happen?", Fuji frowned. "Hmm, wait! Let me see! Next Friday will be... 7th October! So, is there anything special?"

"My birthday."

Fuji fell silent and gawked. "Oh..."

"I want to be with you all day, from day to night, because you're my special person," Tezuka smiled sadly. "My parents are dead, I don't have any other families left... Only you. If... that's all right with you, of course. I'm not forcing."

Fuji felt a knife stabbed his heart and torn it to pieces. Next Friday... he'll be gone next Wednesday. What's he gonna do? Will he be able to say no? What will he do?

Fuji forced to smile happily. "That's great! Your birthday is next Friday... So, you're gonna be 17. I think you're 17 already, because you looked so grown-ups!", and he forced to laugh.

Tezuka stared at Fuji sadly. "You don't want to be with me."

Fuji stopped his act. "Tezuka..."

"It's okay, you don't have to pretend, Fuji. You don't have to lie with me. If there's anything that you want to say, just say it. I will not be mad," Tezuka grabbed Fuji's shoulders.

Fuji felt warm and sad at the same time as Tezuka grabbed his shoulders. He felt the world trembling and his feelings were mixed up. Fuji quickly covered his mouth as the tears fell to his cheeks.

Tezuka blinked and tightened his grip on Fuji. "Fuji?"

"Tezuka, I... I...," he hissed histerically.

"Fuji, calm down!", Tezuka frowned. "Calm down!"

But Fuji can't. He released himself from Tezuka's grip and stood up. "I'm sorry, Tezuka!", he said in tears and ran away.

"Fuji!"

Tezuka was left behind in confusion.

***

At night...

Yuuta opened Fuji's room and walked in. He saw his brother covered himself with the very large and thick bedcover and with the 12 degrees AC. "Aniki? What's wrong with you?"

"Go away," Fuji mumbled but it's not very clearly.

"What? Join in?", Yuuta teased. "Come on out. It's freezing in here! Geez, no wonder! It's 12 degrees! You have to get out from this place! Come on!", he tried to pull to blanket.

"Just go away!", his brother snapped. "I really need to be alone in here."

"Ooh, too bad, Tezuka-senpai is here to see you! Fine, if I can't get you out, I'll get him in!", Yuuta laughed maniacally and ran out from the room.

Fuji ignored it. //He must be joking like usual. Why do I have a brother like him? Sheesh...//

Suddenly, someone knocked softly on his head. "Are you gonna show me your beautiful face or not?"

//It's Tezuka!//, Fuji stormed up. //He's not joking!//, he appeared and froze as he stared at Tezuka's eyes.

"Ah, there you are," Tezuka smirked.

"AAHHH!! NOO!!", Fuji screamed and tried to hide again, but Tezuka grabbed his hands first. "AAHHH!! YOU GOT ME!!"

"Fuji," Tezuka said seriously and Fuji fell silent. "I know I'm forcing you, but... will you tell me what's wrong? What's been on your mind that made you sad? So confused? I wanted to help you but I couldn't, because you don't want to tell me."

Fuji gave up struggling and stared at Tezuka. "My father wants me-us, to go back to Hokkaido."

Tezuka blinked. "And? Why are you so confused?"

"Because... I don't want to see him again."

Tezuka frowned, but Fuji avoided Tezuka's eyes. "Go on."

"It's about my past. I don't want to think about it anymore," Fuji cried like a child and brought his knees to his chest. "It was painful."

Tezuka stroke Fuji's hair softly. "I know. Don't you know about my past? It's not that painful to you, and you can think clearly of my feelings. But for me, it was very painful and I couldn't think of anything, I couldn't even feel what I feel. But thank God you're there for me. If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay, but I'll be here for you, even if you're scared of your past. Even if you're scared of me to know. I don't care. I just want to be here for you."

Fuji kept silent and buried his head on his knees. Tezuka sighed and kept holding him.

The silence kept on falling between them, and it seemed like forever.

Fuji stubbornly buried his head and Tezuka stubbornly kept staring at him. The 12 degrees meant nothing, compared to Fuji's safety.

Fifteen minutes has passed and Fuji still silent.

//Maybe he's asleep?//, Tezuka thought and slowly let go of Fuji.

But suddenly Fuji looked up at Tezuka. "Please don't leave me," he whispered.

"I'm not, I thought you were asleep."

"I'm scared..."

Tezuka pulled Fuji into a hug. "It's okay, really, it's alright... I'm here...", he soothed Fuji fondly.

"..."

Tezuka was very patient, he stroke Fuji's hair fondly to give him strength.

"I don't know how to say it...", Fuji sighed softly. "I don't know if I can call him my father... because he's not acting like a father."

The prodigy stopped and pondered for a moment. "He was always like hitting us... He always bullied us, except for Yuuta. Because at that time, Yuuta was very small and I was always protecting him, covering him whenever my father started to bully us.

"He liked to hit mother, calling her a bitch, whore, call girl, a whole lot more. Mother worked hard for us, because father had no job and was a drunker. But one night, mother left Yuuta and me alone with father, and he went to God knows where with Oneechan-Yumiko-neechan. We were left alone, and we were still small, I was 9 or something.

"We were very miserable. Father was mad at us everyday, hitting us...", Fuji trembled and covered his eyes. "Once, father broke my arm, because I tried to protect Yuuta from him. I've always protected Yuuta because he didn't deserve it. Everytime father was trying to bully me, I've always keep Yuuta in the closet, told him to quiet so that father won't find him.

"That was alright. Yuuta was okay. But when I was seventeen..."

"Aniki!", Yuuta screamed and Tezuka turned his head to look at him. Yuuta was standing in front of the room. Tezuka forgot to close the door. "Aniki! Stop it!"

Yuuta ran to Fuji and pulled him from Tezuka. "Why did you force him to tell you about his past?", he screamed to Tezuka. "He's not supposed to remember it anymore! Aniki, Aniki, please! Forget about it! Don't remember it! Don't torture yourself!"

Tezuka stood up and stared at them both. Confused. "What's wrong with Fuji? He's the one who wanted to tell me! I don't know!"

"Stop!", Fuji yelled and Yuuta fell silent. "It's alright, Yuuta, I believe in Tezuka...", he smiled in tears. "Please don't hate your Aniki, because I really did protect you, right?"

"That's why..."

"Don't feel guilty, Yuuta," Fuji shook his head. "It's alright..."

"Aniki..."

He stared at Tezuka. "Do you still want to listen?"

Tezuka stared back, seriously. "Yes. I will not leave you, even though your past was horrible."

"Thank you. Yuuta? Do you want to listen too?"

Yuuta laid his back on the wall. "Aniki, please, don't... I thought we forgot about that already... all this time, I've seen you smiling, talking so cheerfully whenever it's about Tezuka-senpai... be loved by everyone... I..."

He sighed and fell to the floor. "I don't want you to be tortured by our past anymore..."

"It's okay...", Fuji took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm strong if I'm with Tezuka."

Yuuta winced in pain, but he chose to be silent and covered his face with his hands on the floor.

Fuji smiled and turned to Tezuka. "So, where were we?"

Tezuka couldn't bear Fuji's face. He still could smile even though he's sad. He's tough. Just like he was before. But Fuji is different. He was able to hide his pain by smiling, and overcome his fears by keep on living. Tezuka is proud and yet embarrassed that he couldn't be like Fuji.

But still,

"How come you keep on smiling?", Tezuka blurted out.

That smile didn't disappear a little bit. "What's wrong with it?"

Tezuka bit his lip, unable to say anything. Even if he was in a depress state, he wasn't able to smile. But Fuji... It's different. He forced to smile, Tezuka knew, but still, his acting would convince everyone. "It looked annoying."

Fuji's lips twitched. "Is it a sin?"

"Stop smiling."

"So what do you want me to do? Cry?"

"At least that's better and that suits your condition right now."

Fuji opened his eyes abruptly, his smile gone. A cold face is staring at Tezuka right now. "I've had enough of crying."

Tezuka shook his head slowly. //What's wrong with you, Fuji? Why are you suddenly... it looked like you got double personality or something...//

"You said you believed in me."

Fuji looked up. "So?"

"Please tell me how you feel."

Fuji smiled, but this time he smiled sadly. "I don't know what I feel right now. I don't know how to feel anymore."

Tezuka suddenly hugged him, and kissed Fuji's hair. "Can you feel this?"

Tezuka could feel that Fuji became tense, but he nodded anyway. "Good. What do you feel?"

Fuji leaned into Tezuka's touch slowly. "I feel... sad. But safe at the same time."

Tezuka nodded. "Go on, Fuji... It's alright..."

"I'm... scared, very scared... But, I don't know why I feel secure right now...", he whispered and sobbed quietly. "Tezuka, I'm scared..."

Tezuka closed his eyes, as if he's feeling Fuji's pain and kissed Fuji's hair again and again. "I know it's hard for you, but it's alright... It's over."

"No, it's not," Yuuta cut sarcastically. "If it's over, it wouldn't have to end like this."

Tezuka stared at him, confused.

"When he was seventeen...", Yuuta shook his head hard and stood up. "That's when we all knew that Aniki has been raped for the last two years."

***

Tezuka was stunned, unable to say anything. He almost loosened his grip on Fuji, but he quickly regained conscious over himself and breathe. He heard the thunder rolled outside, as a sign that a hard rain will fall. He stared at the figure in his arms, looking so weak and fragile, but still acting so tough.

The room fell silent; all of them didn't say anything.

Tezuka could barely breathe as he heard the rain started to fall outside. //Fuji...//

Fuji still cried in his arms. He covered his eyes and brought his knees to his chest. Just like a child would do. Tezuka wanted to shout, he wanted to protect Fuji from harm and live only to protect the prodigy. The beautiful prodigy. His prodigy. His.

//Fuji, Fuji, Fuji...//, Tezuka chanted the name in his head. //Fuji... I love you...//

Yuuta stared at them sadly across the room. //What are you going to do, Tezuka-senpai? Even for us, it's very hard to face... Mother was so mad and she divorced Father right away, and she sent us here, or maybe it was me who begged to be sent here, because I knew that I'm the one who should take care of Aniki right now... hoping that we could live normally alone, like those things never happened... and she took Yumiko-neechan along with her, maybe because Yumiko-neechan almost gone crazy because he loves Aniki very much...

//Mother... how is she right now? She almost got a heart attack when she knew about it... of course she didn't know about it, Yumiko-neechan was always busy with school and else, and Mother was the one who work, so she barely knew our condition... This is nobody's fault... Aniki, even though Father did that to you, you never cried, you kept on smiling... why? You didn't like it, did you? Or maybe... because you pity Father? Aniki...

//I'm very happy that you met Tezuka-senpai, Aniki... because he's the first person that can make you cry, and smile, and laugh, nervous as your first date, everything, the expressions that I've never seen before... I'm such a bad person, right, Aniki? I'm happy upon your sadness... I'm sorry, Aniki...//

"I love you, Fuji."

Yuuta's eyes widened and blinked at Tezuka.

"I love you more than anything."

Yuuta saw his Aniki looked at Tezuka.

"I don't care about your past. We're not living in the past, are we? Just like you said, Fuji, you wanted to know me more. It's just the same as me; I wanted to know you more. Even if it hurts, but we'll face the happiness and sadness together. I want to share everything with you. So, please..."

Tezuka closed his eyes and laid his head on Fuji's left shoulder.

"Please, don't lie to me anymore... Don't keep any secrets from me anymore. Please... stay by my side... I love you more than anything. Please..."

Yuuta closed his eyes in relief and sighed.

The room fell silent again. Yuuta heard the sound of rain on the roof and the thunder outside. The only sound he heard was Fuji's sob, this time getting louder. He sighed and slowly walked out from the room, and closed the door softly.

He smiled a little and closed his eyes. //We've made it through the rain...//

~To Be Continued~

Author's Note: Oh my God, that sucks! OMG, I'm so sorry... it's very angsty! Why do I write angst lately? Please don't be mad, there's still gonna be lots of angst in the next chapter... I know you're bored with this story! Anyway, thanks for reading, everyone!