Don't ask me where this came from, I'm still confused myself. I didn't
really want to throw Trinity into guilt mode, but you know an English
Major. We can't help it when it comes to dramatic irony.
Xixie
Neo moved to jack Morpheus in, while Trinity plugged in Pusher. Once the two had moved from the construct to the Matrix, there was little to do but wait. Neo took one last look at Morpheus' vital signs before adjusting Pusher's armrest.
Staring down at him, Neo spoke quietly to Trinity. "He doesn't like me."
Not looking up from the computer screen on the left, "Doesn't matter."
"Doesn't it?"
Trinity closed the program and sighed. Getting up to look Neo directly in the eyes, she paused. "No, it doesn't. He doesn't have to like you. You don't have to like him. I don't have to like him. He just has to save your life."
"But you do like him."
Warily, Trinity turned. She had only been with Neo for four months. She had only been with Neo for three and a half months. It wasn't like she had had too much relationship experience. Being unplugged at 16, living with a father figure, two people in a relationship, and a pair of brothers you had adopted as your own didn't lend themselves to an active social life. So she not only lived with the fear of Neo's death, she lived with the fear of fucking up their relationship beyond repair. She had no barometer for interpreting Neo's last statement. Was he jealous? Annoyed? Simply pensive?
Fortunately, Trinity wasn't the type to beat herself up emotionally. "Yeah. I guess I do. . . . I was glad when he got transferred off the ship, I. . . ."
Tank entered from the back of the ship. "You guys can go get some rest. I'll keep watch."
Trin nodded briskly and left the room.
Neo found her in their cabin. She looked like she was organizing engine parts in a box. "Is there a reason your doing that?" he smiled.
"I just figured I didn't have anything else to do."
Taking a small metal ring from her hands, Neo led her over to their bunk. "Just sit down and tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"Whatever it is that you've wanted to tell me for the last couple of days, but haven't. Tell me about you and Pusher."
So he'd finally asked. "Yes. I've finally asked. But not because I don't trust you. You just want to tell me."
Sometimes it really annoyed the hell out of her when he just started reading her mind like that.
Sitting beside her, Neo looked straight ahead. She wanted questions. She'd been waiting for questions. Fine. "When did you meet him?"
"He was unplugged about a year after me. He was twenty."
"You were seventeen."
"Usually, a recruit attaches himself to one person. They help him get adjusted. You didn't really have time for the traditional, get-to-know-the- real-world thing. I guess you would have latched onto Morpheus."
"I would have latched onto you. Assuming you would have let me."
Trinity smiled. "I might have. Anyway. Pusher and I were expected to bond. We were around the same age; we had roughly the same talents. I was in charge of training him."
"So he latched onto you."
"Yes. It wasn't like there was a lot of choice in friends. We started a relationship because there wasn't anything else to do."
She paused again. "I'd never even had sex in the Matrix. So after about five months, we did."
"That's kinda what happens in these situations, Trin. Why did he have to leave the Neb?"
"He fell in love, and I didn't."
Neo waited for more.
"I rebelled against the idea of love. Why should I have to pick from a group of five, just because I was on this ship instead of in the Matrix, or even in Zion? Besides, the Oracle had told me about you. I didn't really believe her, but I did enough to know Pusher wasn't what I wanted. But we were young. I still liked the sex."
Neo had to smile at that.
"Don't smirk. I used him for sex. I was the bad guy. But I told him up front, and he didn't want to believe it. So, after awhile it was easier to forego the sex altogether. It really wasn't worth the trouble."
"Did you ask to have him transferred?" "No. Morpheus just came and said he could. But he left it up to me. I told him to do it."
"Okay. So why do you feel bad about it?"
"I don't."
Neo was silent.
"That's just stupid."
Neo nodded.
"Why should I? I mean . . . ."
Neo looked over at her wordlessly.
"Damn you. I feel guilty because I had him transferred and this was his family. We unplugged him, trained him, lived with him, and I got tired of the hassle of sex and sent him off."
"Yeah. But I really think that Morpheus would have done it anyway. If Pusher had been such an integral part of the crew, I'm fairly sure Morpheus would have found a way to make you two deal with it. Hell, he tried to separate us that one time, remember? If he thought for a second that that would work on us, he must have figured he could have fixed you two right up."
Trinity laughed at the memory. Morpheus still believed they'd slept in separate rooms for those two weeks. For a strategic genius and world renowned hacker (hell, world renowned in two worlds), he certainly had no clue what happened around him sometimes.
"We had to replace him, unplug someone else."
"Mouse?"
Trinity looked at him incredulously. "He would have been, what, four?"
"Good point."
"Cypher."
Neo inhaled. Cypher. Judas. Young Anakin Skywalker. Hulk Hogan that time he turned bad and everyone threw trash in the ring. So Trinity blamed herself for Cypher's unplugging and ultimate betrayal.
Trinity was staring at her hands, she figured she was the only person who had put all this together. She knew no one else blamed her; logically she knew she wasn't culpable. Logically. Neo reached over to take her hand in his. They sat in silence for a long time. Finally, Neo raised her hand to his lips pressing a kiss on the back of it. "It's not your fault."
Trinity released a breath she had no idea she was holding. Closing her eyes, she felt tears pricking up. Pushing them back, she smiled. She'd just wanted someone to say it.
Xixie
Neo moved to jack Morpheus in, while Trinity plugged in Pusher. Once the two had moved from the construct to the Matrix, there was little to do but wait. Neo took one last look at Morpheus' vital signs before adjusting Pusher's armrest.
Staring down at him, Neo spoke quietly to Trinity. "He doesn't like me."
Not looking up from the computer screen on the left, "Doesn't matter."
"Doesn't it?"
Trinity closed the program and sighed. Getting up to look Neo directly in the eyes, she paused. "No, it doesn't. He doesn't have to like you. You don't have to like him. I don't have to like him. He just has to save your life."
"But you do like him."
Warily, Trinity turned. She had only been with Neo for four months. She had only been with Neo for three and a half months. It wasn't like she had had too much relationship experience. Being unplugged at 16, living with a father figure, two people in a relationship, and a pair of brothers you had adopted as your own didn't lend themselves to an active social life. So she not only lived with the fear of Neo's death, she lived with the fear of fucking up their relationship beyond repair. She had no barometer for interpreting Neo's last statement. Was he jealous? Annoyed? Simply pensive?
Fortunately, Trinity wasn't the type to beat herself up emotionally. "Yeah. I guess I do. . . . I was glad when he got transferred off the ship, I. . . ."
Tank entered from the back of the ship. "You guys can go get some rest. I'll keep watch."
Trin nodded briskly and left the room.
Neo found her in their cabin. She looked like she was organizing engine parts in a box. "Is there a reason your doing that?" he smiled.
"I just figured I didn't have anything else to do."
Taking a small metal ring from her hands, Neo led her over to their bunk. "Just sit down and tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"Whatever it is that you've wanted to tell me for the last couple of days, but haven't. Tell me about you and Pusher."
So he'd finally asked. "Yes. I've finally asked. But not because I don't trust you. You just want to tell me."
Sometimes it really annoyed the hell out of her when he just started reading her mind like that.
Sitting beside her, Neo looked straight ahead. She wanted questions. She'd been waiting for questions. Fine. "When did you meet him?"
"He was unplugged about a year after me. He was twenty."
"You were seventeen."
"Usually, a recruit attaches himself to one person. They help him get adjusted. You didn't really have time for the traditional, get-to-know-the- real-world thing. I guess you would have latched onto Morpheus."
"I would have latched onto you. Assuming you would have let me."
Trinity smiled. "I might have. Anyway. Pusher and I were expected to bond. We were around the same age; we had roughly the same talents. I was in charge of training him."
"So he latched onto you."
"Yes. It wasn't like there was a lot of choice in friends. We started a relationship because there wasn't anything else to do."
She paused again. "I'd never even had sex in the Matrix. So after about five months, we did."
"That's kinda what happens in these situations, Trin. Why did he have to leave the Neb?"
"He fell in love, and I didn't."
Neo waited for more.
"I rebelled against the idea of love. Why should I have to pick from a group of five, just because I was on this ship instead of in the Matrix, or even in Zion? Besides, the Oracle had told me about you. I didn't really believe her, but I did enough to know Pusher wasn't what I wanted. But we were young. I still liked the sex."
Neo had to smile at that.
"Don't smirk. I used him for sex. I was the bad guy. But I told him up front, and he didn't want to believe it. So, after awhile it was easier to forego the sex altogether. It really wasn't worth the trouble."
"Did you ask to have him transferred?" "No. Morpheus just came and said he could. But he left it up to me. I told him to do it."
"Okay. So why do you feel bad about it?"
"I don't."
Neo was silent.
"That's just stupid."
Neo nodded.
"Why should I? I mean . . . ."
Neo looked over at her wordlessly.
"Damn you. I feel guilty because I had him transferred and this was his family. We unplugged him, trained him, lived with him, and I got tired of the hassle of sex and sent him off."
"Yeah. But I really think that Morpheus would have done it anyway. If Pusher had been such an integral part of the crew, I'm fairly sure Morpheus would have found a way to make you two deal with it. Hell, he tried to separate us that one time, remember? If he thought for a second that that would work on us, he must have figured he could have fixed you two right up."
Trinity laughed at the memory. Morpheus still believed they'd slept in separate rooms for those two weeks. For a strategic genius and world renowned hacker (hell, world renowned in two worlds), he certainly had no clue what happened around him sometimes.
"We had to replace him, unplug someone else."
"Mouse?"
Trinity looked at him incredulously. "He would have been, what, four?"
"Good point."
"Cypher."
Neo inhaled. Cypher. Judas. Young Anakin Skywalker. Hulk Hogan that time he turned bad and everyone threw trash in the ring. So Trinity blamed herself for Cypher's unplugging and ultimate betrayal.
Trinity was staring at her hands, she figured she was the only person who had put all this together. She knew no one else blamed her; logically she knew she wasn't culpable. Logically. Neo reached over to take her hand in his. They sat in silence for a long time. Finally, Neo raised her hand to his lips pressing a kiss on the back of it. "It's not your fault."
Trinity released a breath she had no idea she was holding. Closing her eyes, she felt tears pricking up. Pushing them back, she smiled. She'd just wanted someone to say it.
