Anime Soufflé!
Featuring video games Too
(Simulcast in 511 Martian Dialects)

Note: This is a long and somewhat boring chapter. If you wanna skip it go ahead, just make sure to read the updates at the end. Oh, and there's probably more typos than ever.

The sun rises out over the tranquility of Island Island.

Lizard on top of a rock: *crows like a rooster*

Hey, give 'im a break he's just filling in.

***

The girls walk into the mess hall right on time.

Leena: Uh. where's everyone else.?

Phoenix: Probably still asleep. where's Boton?

Rain: Oh! Um. she had an accident and met a tragic end.

Phoenix: Right. Okay, everyone else is running really late. One minute. *makes giant airhorn appear* Might wanna cover your ears.

***

Dorm A:

All are knocked out cold. Suddenly:

*AIRHORN NOISE*!!!!!!

Link: WAHHH!

***

All guys walk into messhall.

Fox: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?!?!

Phoenix: Usually yes, but not in this instance. have a seat, since I didn't get to distribute points yesterday, I'm doin that now. In first place for yesterdays event are all the girls. I've decided to award them with a hundred points each. In second is Argo's crew. Since 150 can't be divided amongst seven it looks like this: Argo gets 25 for thinking up the idea, Chibodee gets 25 for stealin the show, and the rest of you get 20. Then Hiei's crew each get 20. So, final rankings.

1st: Puu.370

2nd: Zelda. 300

3rd: Kuabara and Krystal. 200

4th: Hiei. 155

5th: Rob. 150

6th: Fiona. 115

7th: Leena, Kaiko, Rain, Allenby. 100

8th: Sci. 55

9th: Fox. 50

10th: Argo. 26

11th: Chibodee. 25

12th: Link, Yusuke, Falco, Slippy, George, Dommon, Van.20

13th: Kurama, Irvine, Bit.0

Phoenix: I think that's right (if any one who's reading this spots a mistake lemme know) Now, today can make a huge difference in all of this, but it will take nerve and bravery. After breakfast, follow me.

***

Phoenix: Behind me is a room. It's divided into two halves, one is a square room with a large glass window. The other is a section of chairs facing the glass window. Everyone come and take a seat.

All sit down

Phoenix: *in mysterious voice* Today you will al be facing your greatest fears. It's not Fear Factor, it's simply being face to face with whatever makes your stomach all jelly-ish and stuff. It's simple, I'll select you by random (uh, I really did make a bunch of pieces of paper and really did put 'em in a hat), whoever is called, you'll go in unarmed to face your greatest fear. I've used my psychic powers to find out what they are. If you can't even go in, you forfeit. If you do go in, I put your fear in front of you and start the clock. Whoever can stay there the longest wins. Clear?

Kaiko: Umm. is this life-threatening?

Phoenix: For some it will be. If you die, I'll bring you back to life. Not that I'm feeling generous, it's just this is only day four, and I can't have you all dying. Right now, first to go is.

All hold breath.

Phoenix: *draws piece of paper from hat* Allenby!

Allenby: *looking pale* Oh. damn.

Phoenix: Just step through the door. *Allenby walks through* Okay then. I'll count to three then pull this lever. Once I do your fear will appear. Once you've had enough, just yell. One. Two. Three.

Allenby's hair turns green.

Allenby: AHHHHHH! MY HAIR! NO NO! I CAN'T TAKE IT!

Phoenix: You want me to stop it?

Allenby: *tears flying* Yes! YES! *Allenby's hair turns blue again*

Phoenix: 0:00:04.56. not too much. *A few people help the shaking Allenby out* You'll never conquer your fear like this.

Allenby: . i-it was h-orrible.

Phoenix: Well *draws name* I'm hoping that :Leena does a little better.

Leena: OH YEAH! I'm ready! Yeah!

Phoenix: One. two. THREE!

Leena's half of the room goes dark and a zombie appears.

Leena: AHHH! Get away!

Phoenix: Uh.

Leena: *running away from zombie* No, no, I'll keep going.

Zombie: UUUUU

Leena: AHHH! Quit! Get away!

Zombie: *reares head* UUU!

Leena: *breaks down and cries* MAKE IT STOP I GIVE UP!

Phoenix: 00:00:15.52 Now: Kaiko.

Kaiko: No, no, not me.

Phoenix: You forfeit?

Kaiko: Uh. no. I guess I'll go through with it.

Phoenix: Right. One. Two. THREE!

Yusuke appear dying in a mess of blood on the floor.

Kaiko: NO!

All else: *starts sniggering, someone chuckles, then everyone laughs out incredibly hard*

Kaiko: Shut up! Damn you!

Dommon: Who'd of thought she was so sensitive? *in mocking voice* Oh, boo- hoo, boo hoo hoo.

Kaiko: Fine, then I don't care! *crosses arms and turns away*

***

Phoenix: Uh, it's kinda been a little while. ready to quit?

Kaiko: Nope! It doesn't scare me anymore.

Phoenix: Well, that's good. Congratulations, you've conquered your fear, your secured for 200 points automatically.

Kaiko: Ha-ha!

Phoenix: Yusuke, you can get up now.

Yusuke: Thanks.

Kaiko: You weren't dead?!?!

Yusuke: Well obviously.

Kaiko: WELL LEMME FINISH THE JOB!! *dives onto Yusuke*

Phoenix: Right then, next is Kurama.

Kurama: Hmm.

Phoenix: Okay. In ya go, one, two, three.

Jane appears.

Jane: OH SWEEEETIEEEE!

Kurama: NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!

***

Phoenix: Okay then, 01:25:36.72, but that's only because Kurama couldn't open his mouth for that long. Now honestly, that was scary, that was very scary. That'll be lodged in my mind for a long time. Chibodee, your next.

Chibodee: Okay.

After the counting, a boombox appears in the middle of the room. A floating CD titled The Ultimate 70's Collection goes in and starts playing.

Chibodee: *starts breathing heavily* Okay, deep breath.

Lynard Skynard's voice: SWEET HOME ALABAMA!

Chibodee: Augh! Damn it! Please, not Blondie!

Blondie: -a heart of glass.

Chibodee: Shut up demons of the seventies! Just shut up!!!!!!

Jackson 5: ABC! As easy as 123!

Chibodee: *grits teeth* Shut up, shut up, shut up!

The Doobie Brothers: What a fool belieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevesssssss!

Chibodee: Okay, that's enough, I've had it.

Phoenix: Well, you survived for 00:37:03.01

Chibodee: Good 'nough for me!

Phoenix: Fiona's up.

After the counting and all nothing appears, but the walls of the place start getting closer.

Fiona: Huh? *walls press closer* Oh no, *starts to sweat* Big, open, spaces, big, open, spaces.

Walls come at a stop forcing Fiona to squat down and giving her no room to move in any direction.

Fiona: Oh no! Oh no! AHH! Help! Big, open, spaces.

Phoenix yawns

Phoenix: *to self* should've gotten a little sleep last night *leans over on lever without knowing it*

Suddenly the walls move in closer.

Fiona: AHH! WHAT'S GOIN ON?!?!

Phoenix is still leaning on the lever that makes the walls close in further.

Link: HEY! Wake up!

Phoenix: Night! *falls asleep*

Fiona: Gah! Can't breathe! *walls move in closer pushing Fiona into a little ball* MY BACK! *starts sobbing* I don't wanna die*

Irvine starts slapping Phoenix.

Irvine: Get off the lever! You're killing her!

Phoenix: No thanks, I couldn't eat another bite. Oh quit tempting me, you know I can't resist a helping of ear.

The walls push steadily in.

Phoenix wakes up

Phoenix: Sorry, did I miss anything? *looks down at still pressed lever* Oh shit.

CRUNCH!!!!!

Phoenix: Whoops! *pulls lever the other way*

Everyone looks away and make revolting noises.

Phoenix: Hmm. that looks good served maybe on a sesame seed bun. a few pickles.

Irvine: No! Bad Phoenix!

Phoenix: I can't help it, fine I'll fix the pile o blood. *the pile of blood, crushed bones and organs turns into Fiona.

Fiona: *opens mouth and closes it, repeats pattern for a little while, starts shaking violently*

Phoenix: My bad. Tell ya what, how about 60 free points?

Fiona: *nods head weakly*

***

Phoenix: *chooses piece of paper* next is. Falco.

Falco: Piece of cake.

Phoenix: Right then one, two, three.

Jack Nicholson appears.

Jack: Uh. hi.

Falco: *eye starts twitching* Hi.

Jack: .

Falco: I Can't take it!

Phoenix: That was awfully pointless. next is: Link.

Link: Say, can we just skip this.

Phoenix: Say, do ya like stayin in twelth?

Link: No.

Zelda: AH! I bet Link's scared of Ganon killing me!

Link: Um. maybe.

Phoenix: One, two, THREE!

All of a sudden a giant newspaper appears.

Newspaper:

"It was discovered today that local Hyrulian celebrity Link was actually cheating on his girlfriend Zelda. Earlier today, a suspicious Ingo of Lon Lon Ranch after hearing noises coming from Malon's room, decided to investigate."

"Yeah, well (Ingo, ranch-hand) I was a-walkin on up the stairs and I open the door and it's all dark, but Malon's bed was all movin and all, yeah? So I'm a sayin, I say, 'Malon, you okay' and she's says-a she says, and she's all nervous like, she says 'fine' so is says, I says to her, I says- do you understand that I'm speaking yet?"

"The interview was cut short, it was later that newsgroups discovered the horrible truth. The Hero of Time was cheating on his long-time girlfriend Zelda. In an interview the heartbroken Zelda says"

"I-I can't belie-v-ve it!!! This is-s j-just such a horrible shock, I don't think I can go on!!!"

Another newspaper appears.

"Zelda commits suicide! Citizens shocked, King infuriated. Though the method was uncertain it-"

Another Newspaper:

"Trial of Link set for-"

Yet another paper:

"Case lost, execution set for-"

Another paper:

"Angry citizens don't even protest unfairness of jury as all gather round the burning green-clad figure-"

Link: AHHHH! *sobbing uncontrollably* MAKE IT STOP!

Zelda: So if that's your greatest fear then........................ YOU BASTARD!

***

15 minutes later:

Zelda: Sorry everyone, I kinda lost it.

Link: *wearing body-cast* *taps finger*

Irvine: I think he's saying *checks Morse code sheet*. I think he's asking for another dose of morphine.

Hiei: No, no, he's says he wants a scorpion shoved down his pants.

Irvine: You sure.

Hiei: Trust me, I've been reading Morse code lately, ya know encoding messages to Tugoro-

Yusuke: Say what?

Hiei: Um. yeah. Ventura, that's what I said. ya know since. the making of Ace Ventura.

Yusuke: Oh, I thought you said something about Tugoro.

Hiei: *sweating* N-no course not.

Irvine: Okay, I got the scorpion.

Link: *taps finger like mainiac*

Hiei: Uh. he asked for two.

Irvine: Dear God, does your dick hurt to the point where you want it chopped off?

Link: *eyes pop out* *taps finger even more severely*

Scorpions: *snap pincers menacingly*

Irvine: Okay, little buddies, get on in there.

Link's eyes begin watering as several bloody spots begin showing through the body cast.

Phoenix: Anyway, after that interesting massacre. Rob's turn.

Rob: I don't think I'll go. Final answer

Phoenix: It can't be that scary.

Inside Rob's thoughts:

Fox: WHADDYA MEAN PEPPY'S DEAD?

Rob: Don't hurt me!

Fox: *turns red as flames erupt around him* *in deep menacing voice* Rob. Roooooooobbb.

Rob: No!

Fox turns into a Furby.

Furby-Fox: I'm going to spit acid in your eyes and blind you!

Rob: NO!

Fox turns into a large pile of red meat with wings sticking out and a turnip fused to the side.

Fox: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEDIEDIE!

Phoenix: Rob, you need help, if this is- no you just need therapy.

Rob: What are you doing here?

Phoenix: Hello? Author powers? I've been watching the whole thing.

Fox turns into a rabid hamster.

Fox: *makes possessed squeaking noises*

Back in reality:

Krystal is madly slapping Rob who is covered in sweat.

Krystal: It's okay, it was all a dream!

Rob: WHA-!

Fox: Hi Rob.

Rob: LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!

***

Phoenix: Looks like Rain's next.

Rain: Ummm. okay.

Phoenix: 123!

Rain is sitting in a cardboard box on a cold day in winter holding a jar and sign as city folks walk by.

Sign:

Will conduct scientific experiments for food or sex- consult about payment.

Rain: Please find it in your heart to help an old young woman.

Suddenly Dommon and Leena walk by dressed in fur coats. Each is pushing about eight double strollers.

Dommon: Oh look darling, it's my old partner, Rain!

Leena: Rain, how are you!

Rain: Cold, poor, hungry, sick, and heartbroken.

Dommon: Well I do hope that someone finds it in their heart to help you, so any luck finding a job.

Rain: *in annoyed voice* No one needs a partner in the Gundam competition now, and there's not many other positions for a scientist these days.

Leena is cradling a baby.

Dommon: You just keep popping them out dontcha? Ta-haa! Who is this man who keeps on- OH WAIT! It's me!

Both stroll off laughing merrily.

Rain sheds a single tear which dramatically shines.

Rain stands up to gaze at the moon that somehow came up in the last five seconds.

Rain: Tomorrow, tomorrow-

Phoenix: No!

Rain: What?

Phoenix: Na-ah, you can just forget it, if you're gonna sing Shirley Temple songs then your out!

Rain: But-

Phoenix: Nope! Case closed, leave, next person!

Dommon: Wow Rain, I didn't know our relationship meant so much to you.

Rain: Really Dommon?

Sappy music starts playing.

Dommon: Yeah, it makes me wanna- C'MERE LEENA! *record scratches as music stops*

Phoenix: Before this gets any cheaper let's bring out. Sci-scici!

Sci: Oh. I don't wanna go.

Phoenix: Okay next is-

Sci: No, no, I'll do it, but I sure won't enjoy it.

Phoenix: That's the point kid, now get on up there.

Suddenly, Sci's mouth is forced open and ten gallons of water are dumped in, then the room becomes a large pool with waterfall.

Sci: AH! MUST- USE- BATHROOM! GGGAAAHHHH!!!!

Majority of crowd: YOU CAN HOLD IT SCI!

Even more water starts gushing out of nowhere.

Sci: NO! NO!!!!!! I WON'T LET IT TAKE ME OVER!

Mitternacht by E Nomine starts playing (it's a German Song and I really wish I knew what they were saying, but it sounds cool)

Sci begins struggling.

Darth Vader: I AM YOUR FATHER!

Phoenix: I thought I told you to keep outta here!

D.V.: You cannot keep me outta here.

Phoenix grabs a machete.

Phoenix: *licking fangs* Watch me! *chases after him*

D.V.: MERCY!

***

Sci: URGH! NO!

***

Phoenix walks in eating a bloody sandwich.

Phoenix: I miss anything?

Luke runs in.

Luke: YOU BUTCHERED MY DAD!!!!

Phoenix: Ah, piss off.

Luke: *draws lightsaber* I won't let that go unpunished!

Phoenix simply puts a rifle over his shoulder and shoots Luke.

Sci: I can't take it any longer, make it stop!

All the water recedes.

Phoenix: You held out for a while. Anyway, about time for lunch. Today, honoring fear day, we're having something special. He-he-he.

Fiona: I don't even wanna know what you're gonna make us eat.

Macaroni and cheese appears in front of everyone.

Everoyne: YEAH! *all gulp it down*

Phoenix: O O Why the hell aren't you even flinching? I find this remarkably scary!
O

All: *blink twice then begin laughing terribly loud*

Phoenix: Well they say you lose many laughs by not laughing at oneself. but they also say BURN IN HELL YOU ASSHOLES!! *takes out flamethrower and torches everyone*

***

Falco: Was that completely necessary?

Phoenix: Shut up already. Now up is. Kuabara.

Yusuke: I'll bet someone everything this has something to do with kittens!

Irvine: You're on, I need the money.

Phoenix: 1, 2, 3!

Suddenly a large worm comes out of the ground and starts chasing Kuabara. Kuabara draws his sword and swings it at the worm. The little shiny beam of light doesn't do that much.

Yusuke: Hmm. I guess that means I lose.

Kuabara: That sucks. Oh well, one more option. WAAAHHHHH! *runs away, goes about two steps before the worm eats him*

***

Irvine: Okay, Yusuke, you bet everything. One more item.

Yusuke: Urgh. *starts taking off shirt* Why do you want this?

Irvine: I just want to piss you off.

Yuske: Bitch.

Irvine: Uh. yeah. sure.

Leena: Look, girls, we have our own stripper!

Yusuke: Damn, this is one hell of a predicament. Puu, gimme, a hand.

Puu flies right up in front of Yusuke, censoring him perfectly.

Puu: Puu!

Yusuke: Thanks.

Puu: Puu, puuppity, puu puu puuuuu! Puu-puu puu.

Yusuke: WHADDYA MEAN?! You'll fly away if each of them gives you 25 bucks?!? That's not nice.

Puu: Puu!

Yusuke: Profitable, yes, nice, no.

Phoenix: AHEM! If we can get on with this, next is, Fox!

Fox: Hi.

Phoenix: 1, 2-

Fox: Wait, I gotta think this through.

Later

Much later

Even more later

Incomprehensibly later

Sometime in the space age.

[Ya know when you look at the last few lines it looks like a hill, check this]

----------------------------------------------------------------------/----- ---\------------------/

[It's a rollercoaster! not the dashes, they don't count]--|---------|------- ----------/

----------------------------------------------------------------------- \_____/__________/

[Then They hit a pie and everyone died]-----------[}__________/

[We like rollercoasters.] [To best view the rollercoaster, imagine that the dashes and the spaces between lines aren't there. It's only meant to be random humor, but it took forever to format]

Fox: I've made up my mind!

Phoenix: *restores us to the present age* Well goodie-goodie and what's your decision?

Fox: I'm backing out!

Phoenix: No your not, not after making us wait for an eternity

Fox: But I don't wanna!

Phoenix: 1 2 3!

Suddenly Fox's dad, James McCloud appears and Fox turns seven years old.

James: I said get your ass in that spaceship!

Fox: But daddy, you know I'm scared of heights, flying, space, and guns!

James: And do I look like I give a bloody damn!

Fox: I don't wanna get in!

James: Don't make me beat that ass with my belt!

Fox: Daddy, why? Why do you do this to me!

James: CAUSE I WANNA MAKE YOU A BAD-ASS BOY!

Fox: But I just wanna grow up and be a professional teddy-bear stuffer.

James: I SAID GIT YER ASS IN THAT SHIP!!!!

Fox: I wish my mom was alive.

James: I !!!!!!!!!CENCORED!!! NO ONE PARTICULARLY NEEDS TO SEE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then beat er until she was nothing but a bloody pulp on the ground, then I ate her alive just like that guy, uh, Hannibal Lecter!

Fox: Oh my god, that's just gross.

James: That's it! Now, I'm getting the belt- never mind, I'll use your pet dog, Fluffy!

Fox: NO! He's my best (and only) friend!

James: AH HA HA!

***

Krystal: Fox, you've got a cute ass.

Fox: Um.

***

Fox: BUT DADDY I HATE THAT!

James: You know this is the only way I can make money, and that's taking pictures of- !!!!CENCORED!!!! I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS JUST WAY TOO SICK! And posting them all over the internet, now pose! Just in the rare case that this is actually a reincarnation of your greatest fears being broadcast to a group of your best friends on a random fanfiction by some kind of nut, I'll give out the address. Look here, people, visit www.seefox*****************************.com enjoy yourselves!

Fox: NOOOOOO!!!! MAKE IT STOP!

Everything clears to see a full grown Fox lying on the ground.

Phoenix: Ummm. right then.

Krytal: Did you girls get that website?

Leena: Right here.

Fox: NO! Don't! AAAHHHHH! *runs away*

Kaiko: I don't get it, we were only going to fanfiction.net to read Bloody Phoenix's awesome new fanfic!

Phoenix: *to self* MUAH-HA-HA! The fools completely unaware of the hypnotical (why is my word processor saying that's not a word, it's a word right?) properties of that webpage!

***

Fiona: OOOOO. pretty colors.

Phoenix's face appears on the computer.

Phoenix: Listen to the sound of my voice, you will immediately type in your credit card number!

***

Kaiko: I mean we're not even perverted enough to see THAT.

***

Bit: Someone should give him counseling, how about me-

All else: NO!

Phoenix: I can kill him if he wants to commit suicide.

Sci: You wish bro.

Phoenix: If I wanted to you couldn't stop me, but I don't exactly care much. Let's just move on, next up is. Zelda.

Zelda: Oh, my, I don't know what to say.

Phoenix: *in droll voice* How about "let's get this over with, the chapter is getting a bit long."

Zelda: Not completely what I had in mind, but, sure let's go!

Phoenix: 123.

The Ferret from those old Budweiser commercials appears (anyone remember those)

Ferret: *talks in ferret squeaks*

Zelda: Oh! Ferret, what are you doing here?

Ferret: *squeaks some more*

Zelda: A date? Well, you could've called but- oh, the hell! Let's go!

"Hey Ma" by Cameron starts playing in the background is several photo-type- things flash across the room.

Zelda and the Ferret are walking in the park, then at the movies, restaurant, etc. in each pictures. Then in later pictures they appear in the ferrets mansion in the Jacuzzi, at his bar, and in the bedroom.

***

Link's eyes pop out.

Zelda: Well, well, well.

***

The music fades as Zelda starts speaking.

Zelda: Oh, ferret, I wish tonight wouldn't end.

Ferret: *squeaks some more*

Zelda: I know you have to leave tomorrow, but it's not fair, why do you have to go to London?

Ferret: *squeaks*

Zelda: It's just not fair, what if we don't see each other again? It's so dangerous. Jack the Ripper II is roaming the streets.

Ferret: *squeaks*

Zelda: I know.

***

The next day, a train is leaving as Zelda sadly waves to The Ferret.

Days pass.

Days become weeks

Weeks become months

(It looks like another rollercoaster)

Finally several years after The Ferret's departure.

Zeda is standing on the train station.

Zelda: He isn't coming back.

Spitz at the station: Yeah, well, my master ain't been back in years too, sweetcakes, hell, I'm just pissed off, though, I can't wait to beat the little jackass's face in once he gets his ass back here.

Zelda: Aren't you that famous dog from Japan, the one who waited for his dead master every day and eventually died?

Spitz: Whaddya say bitch?

***

Finally a train arrives.

Zelda: Ferret, you're back!

An official steps off.

Official: Madam, I am sorry, to tell you, you're lover is dead. It has taken years for me to get here to inform you. I am sorry. Later.

Zelda: No. It can't be! NOOOO! Make it stop!

Phoenix: *makes everything vanish as the crowd claps wildly*

Kaiko: It's just so sad!

Van: I can't believe it, it's just so beautiful, I can't take it! *bashes head into wall until it starts bleeding violently*

Phoenix: Congratulations, a little strange, but a nice plot, you also lasted pretty damn long in there!

Zelda: Thank you! Thank you!

Link: *mumble mumble* *translation= fuckin drama queen slut*

Phoenix: Um. sometimes I think I oughtta get paid for this job. Now, we have. Argo.

Argo: The Russians have no fears!

Phoenix: Oh please, quit Stallin, and get up there.

Argo: Yeah, well, I'm kinda busy Lenin on this table.

Irvine: Phoenix, Argo, that was the stupidest joke I've ever heard.

Phoenix: Yeah, yeah, it really was.

All is silent for a few minutes.

Phoenix: Hey, wait a minute.

Irvine: *sniggers*

Phoenix: Takes out 10 gauge and blows off Irvine's arms and legs.

Irvine: AHHH!

Zelda: Irvine, quit bleeding all over me!

Irvine: WILL YOU SHUT UP, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN INCREDIBLE PAIN AND SUFFERING!?!?!?!?!?

Phoenix: Well, you can't call that pain, not until I shove these white-hot coals down your shirt, rip off your skin, impale you with long poles and have you slowly lowered inch-by-inch into acid, all the while dumping salt over your exposed body until you scream for death. We'll call this your greatest fear, take away any points you might've gained and then you'll be done. That's for pointing out how stale my jokes are.

Irvine: .

Phoenix: Okay, 123.

The room fills with smoke and Argo plunges down. Then suddenly he lands in a TV studio.

Live TV audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Jerry: Welcome to the Jerry Springer show! I'm Jerry Springer! Today we have Russian woman: Natalya Gulski.

Natalya: Jerry, I am very upset vith my hoosband Argo. It vas yesterday when I discovered that he vas cheating on me for a seventy-six-year-old vrinkly bitch!

Jerry: I see, and how did you find this out?

Natalya: Vell, as I vas walking from my job at the Communist renewal society (hail Stallin!) I saw at the park my Argo tongue-kissing the bitch.

Jerry: Let's bring him out, Argo Gulski!

Crowd starts chanting again, as Argo comes out and flicks everyone off.

Jerry: Argo! What's this all about.

Suddenly Natalya rushes at Argo.

Natalya: You two-timing bastard!

The big security guard grabs her and tosses her back into her chair.

Argo: Well, what can I say? We both like the same things, and we love each other.

Jerry: Let's bring her out, 76-year-old American Samantha Rodgers.

Samantha: All I can say is *******************, bitch!

Natalya: AH! *rushes at Samantha, once again is stopped by guard.

Jerry: All I can say is that, Arog, we all think you're sick and *face turns into screwed-up demon thing* We're going to kill you!

Argo: No I've had enough!

Phoenix: Why'd you turn it off, it was just getting good. Oh well, now: Van.

Van: *whimpers*

Phoenix: Well, you don't have to go.

Van: But I wanna win. I'll give it a shot.

After the count-off Bit suddenly appears in the room.

Van: Help.

Bit: Oh Van won't you please-

Van: No! You leave me alone! I won't stand for this, my body belongs to no one!

Bit: *in gay seductive voice* But Van, you know you want it.

Van: Oh no, I don't, burn in hell! Liger!

Suddenly the blade Liger appears out of nowhere and Zeek immediately fuses with it.

Bit: Um.

Van: *presses button, and Liger draws blades*

Bit: Hey, you know I was just kidding right?

Van: Too late sucka! *impales Bit on blades*

Bit: *makes choking sounds as blood flies everywhere*

Phoenix: Ah, how sweet.

All else: *give blank stare*

The Liger tosses Bit off its blades then fires at his corpse repeatedly with the laser cannon as body parts fly all over the place and hit the glass separating the two rooms.

Van emerges form the blade liger having transformed from kid-Van to adult- Van.

Phoenix: Congratulations, you've conquered your fear and even more importantly, cooked my dinner.

Van: Say what?

Phoenix: That was the REAL Bit.

Van: So, now I'm a cold-blooded murderer.

Phoenix: Uh, yeah, you could say that.

Van: ALRIGHT!

Phoenix: George is next.

George: I have no fear.

Phoenix: *sniggers* Whatever. Get on in there. 123.

Mary-Louise (anyone remember her) appears by George.

George: Miss Mary-Louise, what are you doing here.

Mary-Louise: George, haven't you heard, our parents have agreed to our marriage!

George: What?! Wait a minute! No, no, no, this can't happen to me. Wait, you don't understand, I hate you. I means your just a kid and then- it just wouldn't work, but. Well, I mean, um-

Mary-Louise: Oh, I just can't wait for the honeymoon! It'll be so romantic. What should we name our first child? Oh, my life has now officially begun!

George: Please, Miss, you have to understand, we're just not right for eachother!

Mary-Louise: Romantic nights under the stars.

George: WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?! Listen to me for a moment. I do NOT want to marry you. I would rather spend the remainder of my life just doing it the un-honorable way with a bunch of street prostitutes.

Mary-Louise: OH! Fine then. If I can't have you, no one can, either off with your head, or come to my bed!

George: You just had to do that. You just had to make it rhyme? Well, let me see. I pick- no, no, wait, that's even worse, well I suppose, hmmm, what to do. AUGH! I can't take it!

Phoenix: Then I'll make it stop, this is already the longest chapter yet. We're down to the final five. And. it's Yusuke.

Yusuke: Hooray. I have no fears, for I am Yusuke, spirit detective extraordinaire!

Phoenix: And I am bored, extraordinarily. Let's go already, hurry up, 123.

Yusuke appears on American Idol.

Simon: Well, are you gonna sing?

Yusuke: Um. I'd like to do my rendition of Beautiful by Christina Aguilera.

A few terrorizing minutes later.

Simon: Okay, I'll skip the sarcasm and just say, YOU SUCK! Do you know that yet, you suck! I mean, I've seen people who suck! But you, you just suck! I'm not sure of I've ever seen anyone who sucks more than you do. On a scale of one to ten, you suck ten! You suck so much that trees just fly in your mouth.

About an hour later.

Simon: And if there were ever anyone to suck more than you do, than God, kill me now.

Even later.

Yusuke is in tears.

Simon: Suck, suck suck suck-suck, suck suck! SUCK! SUCK SUCK SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Yuuske: Well, your just mean! WAHHH! *runs away*

Phoenix: I take that as a "I can't stand it". My, what a revealing day, I'd never have thought that my favorite anime and video game characters had such random boring, and retarded fears. You all just need therapy. Badly. Alright Slippy, get up there. As you all can plainly see, I've lost interest in this chapter.

Slippy: Bring it on!

Phoenix: What? I'm sorry, I can't understand, your voice, it's too gay, I don't know what you're saying!

Slippy: *frowns* Let up on the sarcasm and just bring out my fear.

After the counting a giant fly appears in the middle of the room.

Falco: Whoah. That's really ironic.

Slippy: . AHHHHHHHH! *runs away and is immediately eaten by fly*

***

Phoenix: That was pretty funny. Oh, this'll be interesting. Puu's up.

Puu: Puu?

Phoenix: You're really gonna back out. Be a spirit beast, face your fear.

Puu: Puu.

Phoenix: How unexpected, Puu wants to back out. Is that your final answer?

Puu: Puu.

Phoenix: *thought* I'll just sneak into his brain and find out what it is.

***

Phoenix is lying in a heap on the floor.

Rob: The hell?

Phoenix: The horror.

Rob: Get over it, what are you talking about, you didn't even go anywhere.

Phoenix: YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND, ANY OF YOU! YOU'LL NEVER SEE WHAT PUU AND I HAVE SEEN!!!!!

This horrible secret fear will continue to torment an innocent spirit beast's mind unknown to anyone but two individuals. Two individuals who are just part of the sequence, the sequence whose formula will only equal: The Twilight Zone.

Phoenix: You guys used to do that sequence a lot better, that one was just really lame.

Writer for The Twilight Zone: Oh, yeah, you try this job buddy, you just try this job for one day. HUH? HUH? *starts foaming at the mouth* YOU THINK YOU GOT IT ROUGH, YOU THINK YOU GOT IT ROUGH?

Phoenix: You're just on shrooms, aren't you?

Writer for The Twilight Zone: . *breaks down* Yes, yes, I admit it, we're all high, we just want to quit, but it won't let us!

***

Phoenix: Hi, okay, we're down to two people, first: Hiei.

Hiei: HA HA HA! You people just watch!

After the count, Eukena appears.

Hiei: Hi.

Eukena: *suddenly rips apart to reveal a alien slightly resembling the first boss from Zelda: Wind Waker* This is my true form, now prepare to fight!

Hiei: *unleashes dragon which simply bounces off of alien thing*

Eukena: *eats Hiei*

Phoenix: What is that, the third time some giant worm-alien-scorpion-giant fly thing has eaten one of you?

Kurama: Hiei, why don't you just tell Eukena that you're her brother?

Hiei: Because, I know what she is, she's an alien here to kill us all, kill us I say, kill us good! *starts foaming at the mouth* BU I KNOW WHAT SHE IS, AND I WON'T LET ER, YA HEAR?!?! I'LL BE PREPARED, UNLIKE YOU ALL, AND THEN SHE'LL KILL YOU HA-HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kurama: You definitely need a chill pill.

Phoenix: Okay, it's almost done. Krystal's up.

Krystal: And I'm gonna kick butt!

To make a long story short, she went in and got eaten by yet another worm- alien-scorpion-giant fly thing.

Phoenix: WHAT IN THE HELL IS YOU'RE ALL'S OBSESSION WITH WORM-ALIEN- SCORPION-GIANT FLY THINGS?!?!? Okay, sorry, well, it's over. I would write what happens to you people now that you're free until dinner, but we don't have the time, and we barely have the disk space. Well, I guess we still have the disk space, but we don't have the time, so I'll award points and be done with it. 1st goes to Kaiko and Van for each conquering their fears. Zelda gets 2nd for her dramatic (and long) soap opera/fear. And 3rd goes to Sci, for holding out his fear a long time. Here's the final listings and Good-Night!

1st: Zelda. 450

2nd: Puu. 370

3rd: Kaiko. 300

4th: Van. 220

5th: Sci. 205

6th: Kuabara and Krystal. 200

7th: Fiona. 175

8th: Hiei. 155

9th: Rob. 150

10th: Leena, Rain, Allenby. 100

11th: Fox. 50

12th: Argo. 26

13th: Chibodee. 25

14th: Link, Yusuke, Falco, Slippy, George, Dommon. 20

15th: Kurama, Irvine, Bit. 0

I think that's right. If anyone sees a mistake, review and tell me about it.

Okay, sorry, this chapter was so long, and sorry that some of my jokes and puns were stale and sorry that school is about to start. Which reminds me, everyone knows that's the worst time for writing and since I'm starting back in the next few days, that means that my updates will be few and rare. I'll try to get out chap 7 sometime during the 22 or 23 or before then. If I can't, then it's not my fault. After then I'll try to update about once a month or more. I don't know if too many people are reading this, but if you actually like it, then bear with me and understand that it's gonna be pretty tough.

[keeping the faith], Bloody Phoenix.

Later update:

Okay, this is several hours after I typed this out. As it turns out every time I type in a [dot] [dot] [dot] my word processor performs an auto- correct function and though it still looks like a [dot] [dot] [dot] it appears on fanfcition.net as one dot. This plus a few other problems has made this fanfiction hard to read right now and I'm trying to correct it as I type this. (does anyone else use Microsoft Word and have these same problems?) If there were any times when it didn't make sense why I put one dot in a random place, make a note to yourselves that it was meant as a [dot] [dot] [dot].

Later update:

Okay, I've finally corrected the problem, but I'm really pissed off, about it, once again, all times when a dot was out of place it was meant to be a ... (did it work just then, it should have)

Later update: Okay, I've sorted out the updates and let's just say it took awhile. It doesn't look good at some parts, but you'll have to make do. This took me forever, so at least enjoy it.