And so, may it be written in spider venom, I have found this dusty story and decided to update it! So by popular demand.....A VERY popular demand, we have...

Naraku...ah what the hell, Arachna. (Like the phoebia...Arachnaphoebia)

I will make no comment on the bishie thing.

Will this be funny? I don't know. Is Naraku a comedian? I'd think not. But, none-the-less here I am, updating this now.....today....20 seconds on the clock please........Antidote!... Thank you! Sorry about that now slunk off and enjoy. ^_^

Disclaimer: [Enter snazzy little remarks here on how I don't own anything but my day old bagel and half empty--make that empty can of Fanta]

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¿ Consider This ?

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The stupid piece of miserable crap finally turned on after a couple of kicks. That'll teach villans to buy Macs. It was dark.

Naraku sat in his own little room, in his own little chair, with his own little silence....

After getting the sorry apology of a piece of machinery to reach the desktop and on to the internet, Naraku soon became interested in the survey that was presented at a site called 'OMNIPRESENCE' (Disclaimer: I own Omnipresence!! Proving there is something worth living for!).

Thinking that he needed a break from sending out all those Shakira viruses that were all-the-rage (literally), he decided to also take part in the survey that nearly always leads our American generation to the edge of insanity.

x. name = Naraku Arachna

Kanna then waltzes over to look at the glowing screen. She stands back and sniggers.

x. birthday = October 31st, dawning of day

x. piercings = With what? That wench's arrow? 8.

x. tattoos = I refuse to ask what this means.

x. severe scars or bodily marks = So far in past meetings with those wretched action figures I have gone through 2 Golems, razor claws, and numerous enchanted arrows. Now run this question by me again?

x. height = Estimatingly, 5 foot 9.

x. shoe size = You are an example as to stoop so low and wear such tight contraptions over your...9

x. weight = Of what?

x. hair color = Pitch Ebony

x. length = Neverending

x. what style its in = Up and down

x. siblings = Kanna and Kagura

x. pets = Kikyo

last...

x. movie you rented = Something interesting...Very interesting, indeed. "8 Legged Freaks" is what it was called. Ku ku...

x. movie you bought = Ku ku ku.. well I bought two at a time at the time because Kanna was fighting over "The Ring" while Kagura was wanting to get "Twister", so I just bought them both. Kids these days.

x. song you listened to = "Drunken Spider", sung by Maggot

x. song that was stuck in your head = Just last Tuesday is was "Sugar" by S.O.D, but just the other day I was debating to get "Bodies" by Drowning Pool out of my pale head.

x. cd you listened to = There is no tendency for me to answer that

x. person you've called = Kikyou, for moonlight dinner

x. person that's called you = Does it matter?

Kagura walks by at that moment with the daily mail, and rolls her eyes. "Fathers." A letter with a rose thorn and a muddy kiss emparched on it is placed near Naraku's mouse. "Your mail, Mr. Confidential!" Making sure no eyes were on him (think 007) he shoves the mail in his outer hakama.

x. tv show you've watched = Punk'd. Why Kanna wanted to see it I may never know.

x. person you were thinking of = ARGH! Again, there is no need for this!

Kanna walks by and reads that last sentence. Turning her look into a glare she walked away but not before she muttered a, "That's right, you tell 'em Spiderman."

x. you have a gf = gf? More of your native tounge I see. Ask me this again when you know proper english.

x. you have a crush on someone = ...*cough*..No one.

x. you wish you could live somewhere else =

Naraku thinks of this, then hears a clattering of dishes followed by a nervous "My Bad!" and a small slap after you hear "You stupid wind youkai just don't know the art of making exquisit danish! I spit on your spieces!" and the argument and more pan-clattering noises going on from there.

Naraku practially threw his head into his hands murmuring crap about babysitters, but it's not like we care, right? Looking back to the computer he typed his measly little answer of,

...Hell yes.

x. you think about suicide = And let my enemies win?! Are you bloody mad?!!

x. you believe in online dating = Depends on who is talking to me on the other side of the convo

x. driving drunk = It's the only way to drive

x. soap operas = I find "As the World Turns" captivating! Don't you agree?

x. gum = Bazooka, chew it till it's black

x. tv show = Jackass, it brings a new meaning to insecurity, doesn't it?

x. thing in the world = The Shikon no Tama........and pets.

x. thing to collect = Shikon no Tama, psshduh!

x. colors of all time = Black, black, black, and green

x. thing to do on a rainy day = Make it stop

x. feeling in the world = Utter cries of death and imparallel screeching of dying folks on a dark and cold day with a---GODDAMMIT! Where is my Valiums?!! KAGURA!! Did you take my valiums?!

"NO DADDY! But I think Kanna did!!"

"Screw you! STOP PULLING ON MY HAIR! Argh, stop you tree sucking bitch!!"

"OW! Any more tugging on my earrings then my ears will rip off!! STOP!! MATTE! GINGTA!! UNCLE! UNCLEEEEE!!!"

"Christ! Stop your screeching!"

"Hey Don't push me like that, small fry!"

"You can't just talk to your elders like that!"

"Shut up you miscreant little barbaric dolts, you're waking the dead with your rucuss!"

"Pop shove it Kikyou, No one ASKED you!"

"You tell 'em Kagura!"

*twitch*

favorite...

x. food = A nice prune puff pastry will do me good right about now....

x. song = Did I not answer this?

x. thing to do = Kill the living, help the dead, of course

x. thing to talk about = Oh, you know. The usual. Jewelry, weapons, how-to- kill-your-spouse-affectively, How to self breed. I hear it's all the rage! (well, isn't it these days?)

x. sports = Tittleywinks (or whatnot)

x. drinks = Pepsi Blue

x. clothes = What I'm wearing, geez, that was stupid

x. picture = Favorite picture? Would you care? (He has a point there)

x. holiday = Halloween..then that building day. What was that again?

"Number one, it was September 11th. And number two, it wasn't a holiday. It was a day of reconciliation, rememberance, and destruction. It was also the day that I--"

"I don't care Kagura. I just asked a single freggin question."

"Ha ha! You deserved that you hussy! Bwahaha!"

"Do you want to keep those souls, whore?!"

"Bring it!" [insert the Rock hand gesture here]

Then Kagura proceeded to brutally beat the living (or non-living, I dunno) Hell out of Kikyou like she should. Serves the bitch right. Now back to Naraku.

x. cars = Land Rovers

you...

x. ever cried over a girl = That's obsurd, disgraceful, untollerable! ...My mother 800 years ago

x. ever lied to someone = To everyone I meet. But if anyone asks you, you'll have the decency to lie about it

x. ever been in a fist fight = Who needs fists when you have poisionous tentacles, venomous hair, an intollerable scent and a golem to do all that!

x. ever been arrested = Only pansys get arrested! (which probably means that, yes folks, he has been arrested)

what...

x. shampoo do you use = Shampoo is...?

x. shoes do you wear = Whichever ones look good

x. are you scared of = ...pink.

number...

x. of times I have been in love?: Only once, OKAY?!

x. of times I have had my heart broken?: I break thiers, right after thier necks have been finnished off properly

x. of hearts I have broken?: How the hell should I know?! In the nine million zone?

x. of boys I have kissed?: Who the hell are you to judge me

x. of girls I have kissed?: I dont kiss drooling beasts I'll have you know (I take offense to this, he will be punished)

x. of men I've slept with?: 1, Myself

x. of girls I've slept with?: 1

x. of continents I have lived in?: I've earned my own continent

x. of drugs taken illegally?: Hypathetical question, how many bundles of crack can fit into an attic?

"Hey dad! Our roof is leaking powder! What gives?!"

"Pipe it, Kanna! Daddys' busy at the moment."

"But Kikyou has a matc--!"

"Shut up you feeble little--!"

"Why dont you come over here and make me, you wind chime!!"

"Grr..."

"Grr..."

x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: Not a damn person

x. of people I consider my enemies?: The world is against me, do you want me to count them all?

x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?: I do not attend such national groups of knowledge just to prove it. Humans know nothing, nothing I say!!

x. of cd's that I own?: Near the 50,000 Limit, but I haven't robbed any stores as of late because they're re-stocking and breaking down on security. And to think that Americans can trust one another with such nonsence?!

x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: They named the goddamn thing after me

x. of scars on my body?: There is that one spider on my back...if I said a navy buddy gave it to me, would you belive me?

x. of things in my past that I regret?:

"FOR CHRIST SAKE, DAD! MAKE KIKYOU STOP LIGHTING THE MARIJUANA ON FIRE!! SHE'S GONNA BURN DOWN THIS PLACE MORE THEN IT ALREADY IS!!"

*CRASH!*

"Dammit, she fainted on my good China."

"Quick Kanna, we must stash her body onto a conveyer belt to ship to Histonia and be fed to the dirt-thirsty cave-men!"

"Wouldn't burning her at the stake with this stuff as our fuel be more fun?"

"I haven't thought of that. Good thinking, nee-chan! Let's burn the bitch to her own personal domain."

"TO HELL!" They chorused and started the ritual with a handshake.

.......Missing out on this fun is what I *would* regret! Ku ku ku ku ku kuuu......

So SpiderMan shut off his computer by giving it a few good kicks, not realizing this must be the problem of the lagging, and went to seek his daughter's approval for some illegal family fun.

And off into the night they went singing a deadly chant and stashing crack from the none-loved one in the process.

So us people must think of it this way........

Atleast Kagome will be happy from now on!

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Hey, I thought it was funny..

Flame me all I care, for they will be used in that pot-party burning of Kikyou. And then I will publically flame you back, so I wouldn't go there.

Suggestions? Comments? Praise? Slaps? SEND THEM ON DOWN in a review for that will make my day!

I could surely use suggestions. I'm thinking of doing...uhhh... how about........uhh..no... um, Ayame? Nobunaga? Yura? Jakotsu? Bankotsu? Earthboy? no, not Earthboy. Kanna? Kagura? Kouga? Ginta? Jaken? Rin? Manten? Urasuei? Who? WHO DAMMIT, WHO?!!

So I need help in more ways then one, so sue me.

No wait, don't it was a joke! PUT THE PAPERS AWAY!! *whimpers*

AND REMEMBER KIDDIES! Don't put toasters in the bathtub, it'll make your toast soggy!

Have a GREAT day!

Your Lord and Master,

-Hirari the 9th GOMS