The day after Yoshi got tetanus from watching too much TV, Fox stormed into Mario's office and demanded to know what the catch was.

"The catch?", Mario said innocently. "What catch?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." Fox replied, leaning menacingly over Mario's desk. "What is the catch."

"Catch-22."

"Catch-22?"

"You better believe it." Mario said. "That's the granddaddy of all catches. The big kahuna. The big Lebowsky. The full Monty. The--"

"What is Catch-22?"

Mario sighed. "Catch-22 states that we can all get out of here any time we want."

Fox's ears perked up. "Really? It says that?"

"Yup."

"How?"

Mario smiled humorlessly. "We die."

Fox gasped and tipped backwards. He slammed his back against the door to the office. Mario said something, but it was garbled, like he was underwater.

"Of course." he said at lunch in a hushed tone that made the people at his table think he was crazy. "It's so simple. We can leave at any time. All we have to do is die." he suddenly turned to Kirby. "Kill me."

Kirby looked up from his donut. "What?"

"Kill me."

"Now?"

"Yes. Now."

"Okay," Kirby said, picked up a metal chair and smacked Fox over the head with it.

"Son of a bitch." Fox said when he woke up four hours later.

"I know," said Donkey Kong, who didn't.

Donkey Kong, or DK as he like to be called, was a big monkey. This caused people with small minds like Cpatain Falcon, Yoshi or Roy great distress when he spoke to them. They couldn't treat him with scorn because he would pound them into oblivion with his massive fists. They couldn't treat him with fear because he really didn't instill a sense of fear in anyone.

"He gives me night terrors." said Pikachu to anyone who would care, which was no one.

"No one cares," reminded Doctor Mario as he walked by. He then paused and added "At least not about you."

Dr. Mario was big on medicine. If anyone had an ailment, the good doctor could fix it. He put ice on Fox's head and gave him aspirin in a Styrofoam cup that Falco later drank out of. He gave Yoshi anti-viral shots for tetanus and tried to sew Roy back together after Marth cut him in half. The only person he didn't try to help was Pichu, who lay dying in his office for no good reason.

"I'm dying," Pichu moaned.

"No you're not." said Dr. Mario as he walked by. Ten minutes later Pichu was dead and Dr. Mario looked like an idiot.

"Why do I never listen to my patients!" he lamented in his office. "They keep me in business, but I never listen."

"I have a headache." said Ness, who had been sitting in his office.

"I don't care." Dr. Mario said and kept ranting until Ness left to go watch a baseball game.

Ness loved baseball more than anything in the world. It was an unhealthy kind of love, though. He could recite every statistic for every player who ever played the game in his lifetime. He knew facts about the players that the players didn't even know. Ness was an incredible mind who could think of things that other people couldn't in ways that no one else could. In short, no one enjoyed having him around because he made them look dumb. He enjoyed baseball so much that if anyone started a conversation about football hockey, soccer, curling, or any other sport, he would change it to baseball. If anyone started a conversation about baseball, his powerful mind would withdraw all the information he knew and give him a painful headache and send him into Dr. Mario's office.

"I have a headache." Ness said, who had been sitting in Dr, Mario's office for ten minutes waiting for aspirin.

"I don't care." said Dr. Mario, and went on ranting until Ness left to watch a baseball game and found Yoshi lying on the floor screaming about tetanus.