~Thoughts and Regrets~
Remus sat in a small office held in a shabby building where Diagon Alley met Knockturn Alley. He was supposed to be writing a report on something to send to the Ministry, though he highly doubted they'd take it into too much consideration. Umbridge still had the Decree up against half breeds. Remus Lupin's name was about where Albus Dumbeldore's had been three years ago. He sighed, forgetting what he was supposed to be doing. The alert was up that Harry was missing, and Fudge had stated, though shakily, that he would do what he could to find the boy. Remus believed otherwise, but it was better than nothing. A sudden thought occurred to him, and he began rummaging through a drawer in his desk. He finally came across what he'd been searching for. A twenty year old black and white photograph of James, Sirius, and himself, all of them standing before the Whomping Willow, though at a safe distance. Peter had been in the image as well, but had awkwardly enough disappeared. James had stepped between the remaining two and wrapped an arm around his and Sirius' neck, strangling them playfully. Remus smiled, James had always snuck behind them and done that. He remembered on one occasion Remus had been working on a paper, James had come up behind him and wrapped his arms around his neck, causing ink to spill down the both of their robes and the report.
He smiled, placing the picture back in its protective drawer. No one, not even Sirius, knew he had this picture. He cast one more look at the man in the middle, his likeness so similar to Harry it was mortifying. Remembering what Sirius had said, what Harry had told him the day they'd decided to induct him and the others into the Order, made him squirm uncomfortably in his chair. He remembered the day James came to become a member, and Lilly too. Sirius had begged him not to, but James was too much like him. He wasn't going to sit back and watch others die in his defense. He remembered exactly what James had told them. 'Everything turns out the way it is meant to in the end. I understand there are risks. Sacrifices even. But you can't expect me to sit around and watch the rest of you do something?'
Sighing, Remus stood. His work here was done for the night. He could think of nothing to say to the Ministry. At least nothing that correlated with what his report concerned. He could think of a few things to tell Fudge, like shoving his wand up his...Remus shook his head. He'd told himself long ago that he'd never let his emotions get the best of him. Like he had the other night with Sirius. He'd had his reasons, the both of them had. But he knew he was right. All of them losing their heads over Harry, they'd never get anything done. Rash decisions led to rash ends.
Like a ghost Remus trailed the hallway till he came out into the Alley. He journeyed through until a tap on his shoulder distracted him. He turned to see Kingsley smiling at him.
'I heard.' he said with a sympathetic smile. 'I'm sorry.'
Remus nodded. 'Thanks.'
They embraced quickly.
'We'll find him. I won't let Fudge drop the case.'
'I know.'
He headed back down the alley, coming through the Leaky Cauldron without so much as casting a glance either way. As he reached the Muggle infested streets, he smiled at himself. Then, finding the empty alley that was always at the Cauldron's left side, he stepped in and apparated.
* * *
Ron sat on his bed, staring scornfully at his shoes, though he wasn't sure why. A soft voice echoed from behind the door. He said nothing, knowing that they'd come in anyway. He was right. Hermione stepped in softly, followed by a disgruntled and upset Ginny.
'How are you doing?' Hermione asked, resting on Harry's bed.
'How do you think?' he shot back bitterly. There was a long period of silence in which all Ron could sense was Hermione and Ginny looking apprehensively back and forth at each other. 'What did you want to tell me?' he asked after a while, his voice no less bitter.
'I've...been given the opportunity by the Ministry to...err...assist the search for Harry.'
'What?' Ron looked up, for the first time something sparkled in his eyes.
'I've...been given the opportunity to assist in the search of Death Eaters...questioning as to where Voldemort is and...maybe in my spare time question them about Harry.'
'When is this starting?'
'This weekend.' she stated anxiously. 'And...they're sending me to Europe.'
'WHAT!?!' Ron bellowed.
'They've found loads of them, scurrying around in the nighttimes, in the streets. They want me to assist in capture and detaining them. They think my...work and experience and...overall...skill...it would be good for me... and Ron its a chance to find Harry!'
Ron was gripping the comforter on his bed with alarming strength and frustration. The color in his face was building so that Ginny moved to the edge of his bed.
'And what...am I doing?'
'They...haven't said anything Ron. I can ask but-'
'No.' he stated, sternly. His eyes did not come up to meet hers. 'Go. Find Harry.'
'Ron, please...you understand how important this is-'
'Go.' There was some more silence before Hermione finally stood to leave. Ginny, however, stayed. 'What do you want?' he snapped. She took a few sharp intakes of breath before starting.
'Ron. What do you think will happen to Harry?'
Ron sighed. He knew Ginny cared about Harry as much as he did, though in a different way.
'I don't know Ginny.'
'Do you think he'll make it?'
Ron shrugged. He had faith in Harry's skill and ability. He'd gotten straight tens on his Auror Understudy Scorecard, for God's sake. Harry could definitely handle himself. But there was still that fear that Voldemort might be able to do something to him that none of them had planned. He shook his head violently in a desperate attempt to rid it of these thoughts. As he did, Ginny rested her head in his shoulder, tears trickling silently down her pale cheeks. 'I'm worried.' she whispered. 'I don't want anything to happen to him. What if we never see him again?' Ron felt a slight pang of guilt. He wrapped his arms lovingly around his little sister.
'We will.' he whispered into her ear. 'Harry's strong, and smart, and brave. He'll make it through this. I bet you at the end he's going to appear on the porch with a stupid smile and a few scratches, asking if he can come in.' Ginny struggled not to laugh, but she needed it badly. A smile cracked across her pale features bringing some color to her face.
'I'd like that.'
'Yeah. And after the happy reunion I'll have to pummel him.'
She laughed again, though was slightly disconcerted, for he hadn't sounded very droll.
'You won't. I won't let you.' she smiled.
'I know.'
* * *
Sirius could not open his eyes in the darkened study on the top story of the house. His mid drifted elsewhere, to memories long since past. Always he tried to bring back those which were good, those that would make the pain and the terror go away. But somehow, the images transformed before him into things he did not want to remember.
The day he'd been thrown into Azkaban. The day James and Lilly went into hiding. The day he'd run away from home. The day he'd come upon the Potter's home to find it empty of life, all save Harry, who was only taken away from him later on in that already dark night.
Painful memories he did not want to recall, only in the end to have it all end up on the day he and Harry met face to face. He'd never intended on doing so when he had started out. Sirius had only wanted to kill Peter, and then leave Harry alone to a quiet life that was safe. He had been so certain Harry had been told Sirius was the reason his parents were dead. For thirteen years, it had to have been molded into his head beyond acceptance. When they'd met, how he'd called Sirius a murderer. How his green eyes, so like Lilly's, had burned into him with deep hatred and loathing. But that had changed when Peter had admitted to everything he'd done. The loathing and hate had changed. He'd accepted it. That had been the greatest moment in Sirius' adult life. Harry had accepted him as his godfather, and had been more than willing to start life anew. Sirius had planned so much that they could do together, but that hope had been dashed when Peter had managed to escape, just from underneath their noses.
A hand rested gently on his shoulder. For a fleeting moment he thought of James, or Harry, but found it to be Remus.
'How are you doing?' he asked, sitting across form him.
'Miserable. Have you heard anything?'
Remus shook his head. 'Kingsley said he wouldn't allow Fudge to drop the case. Other than that, nothing.'
'So everyone knows now?'
'Naturally.'
Sirius nodded, again letting his head rest in his hands. Remus sat in quiet expectation, awaiting his words. There was a long silence, however, in which Remus could hear the shuffling of Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Upstairs, the twins were at their experiments again. He could also hear the quiet whispers of Ron and Ginny. Hermione was in her room packing for Europe. He'd heard of her first assignment, but had yet to say anything to her. He heard the wind shifting outside, and the impatient hooting of a snowy white owl in the sitting room. Other than that, all was silent, save for the two men's breathing and the crackling fire.
'What do you think?' Sirius asked at last, causing him to stir out of his trance.
'I'm sorry?'
'What do you think?'
'About what?' he raised an eyebrow. There was a lot to have an opinion about.
'Do you think he'll make it?'
Remus nodded. 'Of course I do. How could he not? He's seen himself out of worse, I'm sure.'
Sirius rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. 'I've tried not to dwell on these thoughts. Tried to keep my mind on other things...' he sighed, looking up at Remus with swollen red eyes. 'It always draws back to him.'
'I know. It hurts. It's aggravating. No one knows anything.' Remus left his chair and kneeled at Sirius'. 'But you must take comfort in what you know. He's strong. He's smart. He's a quick thinker, and can easily escape Voldemort's grasp and eye as long as he keeps his head. And, if you ask me,' he stood. 'Harry's better at doing that than most.'
The man in the chair laughed. It was a nice feeling.
'Yeah.'
He laid a hand on Sirius' shoulder once more.
'Get some rest.' he stated gently, then left the room.
* * *
'How's he doing?' Mrs. Weasley asked, her eyes followed Remus all the way to the chair he collapsed into.
'Not well.'
'He's been locked up in there all day.'
'I know.'
'I'm worried about him.'
'Well, Molly, you must realize...Harry is more his son than his godson, he's acting just like any parent would. And him being powerless doesn't help him at all.'
'No, I would think not.' She sighed, sitting down on the table. 'Poor man.'
Remus sighed once more. Exhaustion was easing into his limbs, causing everything to go numb. He fell asleep within a few moments, leaving Mrs. Weasley to ponder their situation alone at the table.
* * *
Harry lay in the forest, still as an animagi. His right leg and left side were bleeding, though not heavily to cause worry. He wasn't sure where to go, or whether it was safe to leave the forest yet. Limping and growling in pain, he started back toward the house. If he got captured, so be it.
