Author's Notes:-Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.
It's Martouf's turn to suffer
The Dead Zone 6-Memories
Sha're smiled triumphantly as the stone she'd thrown sailed into the bowl sitting in the tree while Charlie looked on disgustedly.
"Next time we get hold of some paper I'm making a pack of cards," he muttered.
"Stop sulking," she told him, "Just because I have defeated you at this game six times."
"Martouf should be back by now," Charlie changed the subject.
"He shall return soon," she grinned, "We have time for another game."
Charlie shook his head, "Not a chance in hell. I'm making lunch."
Sha're laughed as he headed back to their campsite muttering to himself. It had been his idea to start playing the game while they waited for Martouf to look around. Looking around she took in a deep breath of the flowers that covered the ground. She really liked this place, it was beautiful, quiet and best of all had no Goa'ulds anywhere.
"Sha're," Charlie called, "Gonna get some water?"
"Are you sure you do not wish a rematch?" she goaded.
He narrowed his eyes at her while she smiled innocently at him, "No. Go get some water."
"Okay," she replied glibly, heading to the stream.
x
They were eating lunch when Martouf finally returned.
"Anything?" Charlie asked.
"There is a village quite nearby," Martouf said, "But nothing other than that. I'm sure there is something about this place that is familiar."
"That doesn't bode well," Charlie replied, "The last time you said that we were captured by Jaffa."
"It is different than the last time," Lantesh said, "We shall work it out."
"Do you wish to investigate the village?" Sha're asked, "Or do we go to a new planet?"
"If you feel like you know this place," Charlie jumped in, "Maybe we should stay."
Martouf chewed his lip as he thought, "If you two don't mind?"
"We do not mind," Sha're told him, "If you feel the need to investigate it then we shall."
"Grab some lunch then we'll head to the village and see what we can find," Charlie smiled at him, "Who knows we may find something interesting."
"Knowing our luck we shall probably find something trying to kill us," Sha're sighed, "But there is no harm in trying."
Martouf frowned as he walked along the main street of the small village. Most of the buildings were falling apart and others looked as though they'd been destroyed. His memory was faulty from being programmed to kill but there was something else. It felt like Lantesh was being pulled in two, which didn't help ease the confusion he was feeling about this place. Sha're gently took his arm seeing his annoyed expression.
"Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.
"I'm just slightly confused about this place," he answered smiling at her concerned face, "I'll work it out."
She gave his arm a quick comforting squeeze before moving away to look at some of the small houses. Charlie was glancing around what looked like it had been a shop of some kind.
"This place looks as though it's been abandoned for decades," Charlie said, "It was probably a good while since you two were here."
Martouf nodded, "It feels different."
"Different?" Sha're asked.
"Different how?" Charlie jumped in.
Martouf sighed, "Singular. Like I was here but Lantesh wasn't."
Sha're looked at him sharply, "Martouf, did you travel through the Stargate before you joined with Lantesh?"
"No," realisation hitting him.
"Is this where you were born?"
Martouf looked around again as though seeing the place for the first time, "Yes."
Amazement filled his eyes before his head dropped.
"Martouf is having some difficulty with this news," Lantesh told the others taking control, "Give him some time."
"Of course," Sha're took Charlie's arm, "We should see if we can find anything else."
They headed to the other side of the village leaving Martouf/Lantesh sitting on the steps to a small house.
"Are you alright?" Lantesh asked.
"I haven't thought of this place in such a long time," Martouf said, "I didn't want to remember it."
"Martouf, you may need this," Lantesh told his host, "This was your place of birth, you lived here for twenty years."
"And the Goa'uld destroyed it," bitterness filled him, "They killed my whole family and left me for dead."
"Until I found you," Lantesh reminded him, "Martouf, you have done many things that has saved many people."
"Yet I let my family die."
"No. You had no idea what they were," Lantesh told him, "There was nothing you could have done."
"Maybe," Martouf sighed before standing up, "We should get out of here."
Martouf had went to fetch some water for them while Charlie and Sha're made dinner. Charlie had watched him as he moved silently away from the campsite and frowned at Sha're.
"Are we having turns at being depressed?" he asked, "Cause I think I'll pass."
"Martouf has never spoken of who he was before being a Tok'ra. This is possibly something that hurts him deeply," Sha're gave him a disapproving look, "And I had good reason to be disheartened."
Charlie laughed softly, "I hope he can work through this."
"We shall help him," Sha're told him.
When Martouf came back with their water Sha're handed him his food.
"Martouf," she said compassionately, "Do you wish to talk?"
"Not really," he shook his head.
"It does help."
"Sha're, I don't want to talk," he snapped, before slamming down his plate and heading to his own tent leaving them staring after him shocked.
"That was uncalled for," Lantesh scolded him.
"I don't want to talk to anyone," Martouf snapped again, "Why should I?"
"Sha're just wants to help you."
"I don't need any help," Martouf rubbed his head, "I just need to work this out."
"What about me?" Lantesh asked, "Do I count as no-one?"
"That's not what I meant," Martouf sighed, "You are a part of me."
"But there is also the part of who you were before me," Lantesh reminded him, "You have to come to terms with your past before you can move away from it."
"How do I do that?" Martouf asked angrily.
"You talk to your friends," Lantesh told him, "You let them help you."
Martouf sighed and headed back to the fire.
x
"I'm sorry," Martouf apologised sitting back down, "I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"It is okay," Sha're told him, "I should not have pushed."
"No," he shook his head, "You were only trying to help."
He stopped talking for a few seconds taking some deep breaths, "I was born here a long time ago. We were a peaceful happy village but we had a Naquada source nearby. We had no idea what it was but we didn't mind cause it wasn't important to us. Then one day the Goa'uld came. They wanted the Naquada but we were not prepared just to let them start ordering us about. We fought back and they slaughtered the entire village."
Feeling deep empathy Sha're gently took his hand in hers and squeezed it in comfort.
Martouf smiled at her gratefully before continuing, "My whole family were among the first to be killed as I was one of the leaders of our rebellion, I was badly injured and left for dead. I'm not sure how long after the attack it was but a few Tok'ra came through the Stargate and Lantesh found me. Lantesh took me back to the Tok'ra's headquarters where I recovered over several months. I became good friends with Lantesh and his host at the time Reffer. One day we were discovered by the Goa'uld and the base was attacked. We managed to make it to the new base but Reffer was badly injured beyond Lantesh's capability to save him. I volunteered to become Lantesh's new host and ever since I tried everything within my power to stop the Goa'uld from hurting people like mine. I never thought how badly returning here would affect me."
Sha're gently hugged him, "You were not responsible for what happened to your village. I lead the rebellion against Ra. I rounded up the boys and despite our casualties I know I did the correct thing. Fighting against them was not the wrong decision. If you had not then you may still have been blended but not by choice."
"Sha're's right," Charlie added, "You had to fight."
Martouf nodded and stood up, "I know. Look why don't we all get some sleep and then move on tomorrow?"
"That is a wonderful idea." Sha're smiled standing to join him, "We are your friends Martouf. You can tell us anything," she hugged him tightly before giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Goodnight."
Charlie nodded to her, "See you in the morning," he smiled clapping Martouf's shoulder, "What she said. We're family. Night."
Martouf watched them both head to their own tents and felt the smile cover his face. Silently he said goodbye to his past before going to sleep.
