Disclaimer: I don't.... I will not... I have no intention to... etc. etc.
22 Get to know...
Legolas stood stock-still, very slowly he released his breath. It had felt like when Galadriel, had tested him in his mind in Lothlórien all those years ago. Like then he felt a bit weary, like he had been questioned for a long time, but unlike then he felt like a warmth has left him and he suddenly felt cold and abandoned. He shivered.
She was still sitting with her back to him when he said: "So it is true, you live here in Mordor".
He could see she sighed by the movement of her shoulders. She got up and turned. Through the translucent white cloth he barely noticed a bandage on her thigh. 'So my presumption that she was the 'god of vengeance' at the cave in was right too.' He sheathed his knives.
She looked puzzled at him first, as if deciding what to tell and then said: "Yes, but do not talk of that here. I'll come with you to the room."
She picked up a little lantern and started towards him when he asked: "What were you doing?"
She stopped again and looked around in the small cave before she said: "I was returning to earth what it once gave to me: life."
There was a silence. Then he whispered, enchanted by the serene image in front of him: "Thûlocuil: Breath of life..." She smiled. "Well I'm trying to be but..."she gazed pensively at him and slowly said: "So many colours of green, so many trees, so many spirits..." Then she laughed and continued: "I bet if I had managed to draw blood on that training field in Ithilien, it would have been green, Legolas, Greenleaf!" A quick grin crossed his face as he said: "Ìf you had managed..."
She smiled back at him as if to say 'you just wait and see...' and then became serious again: "Would you... you could, I know you could... I mean, you have those wonderful green images in your mind..." she started to talk faster, "I did not mean to - just now - you know - I was just trying to sense life... here..." She gestured around and held him with her eyes for a moment and then said: "You would be able to help. Would you do that Legolas?"
How could he refuse? His thoughts had strayed down every imaginable path these last few weeks and he was tired of it. He had now literally strayed down this new path and found her at the end of it. There was no question about him helping.
"What do you want me to do?" he said.
Her smile was the best reward he could dream of even before he had done anything.
"Just place your hands on the walls and think of the loveliest site of nature, of all the colours of green that you have seen in your life."
Without taking his eyes from her face he reached for the wall. Then he closed his eyes and started thinking. It was easy; being a wood-elf: thousands of years of woods, forests, plains, plants and trees simply welled up in him.
Thûlocuil watched him as he stood there; he looked carefree and completely trusting. Not even a frown of concentration was on his face, no, this was a face she would not have thought he possessed: at ease and with a slight smile playing on his lips. How many people had ever seen this face? Not many, she thought and with that thought came another one: the feeling she had witnessed when she had peeked around in his mind. She blushed and averted her look. When she felt that her face had returned to its normal shade again, she touched his arm and motioned to the room.
When they entered the room she lit six lanterns that were hanging from two little dragons, made of black stone. The mouths of the animals were constructed against the ceiling and from their claws and tails the lanterns were hanging, made of iron. The sides were formed by runes and through them the light fell. Legolas noticed that all lanterns had three couples of the same runes; thus forming hexagons.
"It reads 'ghaash'" she said when she followed his gaze, "it simply means 'fire'." She turned her gaze back to him and said: "Thank you Legolas, for what you just did." "It was not difficult." he replied. "I envy you wood-elf!" she said teasingly and then suddenly continued: "You must have some questions and you deserve some answers..."
Legolas heart leaped up! Here he had been trying to get some answers in any possible way and now... Would it be this easy? Hardly perceptible he gave a small nod. Thûlocuil went on: "Can you promise me that you won't tell anyone about this place? Not even your king? Can he not force you to do so?" "Tell me this," Legolas answered: "Do you plan on invading Gondor, Eryn Lasgalen, Ithilien or any other kingdom, principality or realm intending to annex it? Or do you plan to organise the orcs or to breed any other foul race? If your answer to these questions is 'no' then my king can not and my father will not force me. So, are your intentions any of these things?" "No!" came her immediate answer, "but what if I am the Heir of Sauron Legolas? He and I have far more in common then you think..." 'Like Mordor for a home and the wish for life in Mordor' she thought. He answered her: "Still, your answer is negative, so I can and will herewith promise you not to tell anyone about this place." After one last hesitation she said: "Well, bring on the questions!"
Legolas followed her with his eyes when she closed the doors of the chest, moved on to bed and sat down on it. She motioned to the chest for Legolas to sit down on. He did. "Well," he started so many questions and so afraid to blow it again, he thought. "For starters: where does the water come from? This being a desert..." "There is water in every desert Legolas, it is simply a question of a way to find it and collect it. I know it comes from somewhere nearer to Orodruin for its temperature." she answered. "Where does it run to?" was his next question. "It runs to the ruins of Barad-dûr." That name and especially the unconcern with which she mentioned it made him feel uncomfortable.
He moved on to a completely different question, one he had been longing to ask: "Have you ever been to Eryn Lasgalen?" She smiled: "Yes, once, only briefly, I travelled a day through the southern part of it. I don't have 'green' in my blood like you do Greenleaf! And... I'm rather..." she was searching for the right word, "...hesitant to come into contact with other elves. I was afraid to be found out and of their judgement." "But you know elves!" Legolas sounded surprised: "You know Arwen." "I did not know who she was when I met her," Thûlocuil explained: "that attracted her, I think." "Was Arwen the first elf you met?" She nodded, Legolas could not believe it: "Were you not afraid of her 'finding you out' or of her 'judgement'?" Thûlocuil smiled: "No, Arwen is a princess, not brought up to fight. She and Aragorn gave me a feeling that maybe one day there would be a place for me." This time it was Legolas's turn to smile: "Yes, thrust Estel to give you a feeling of home. He has first hand experience with that." Thûlocuil continued: "They do not ask such difficult questions. They are satisfied with vague answers," the look in her eyes was clearly accusatory. 'Unlike me' Legolas thought. She continued: "I owe them a lot; they gave me a profession when I came out of here." That had already roused Legolas's curiosity: the fact that she had and still could seemingly effortless leave and re-enter Mordor. "How did you do that?" he asked: "Aragorn's men were here then." "Well, they were merely watching the borders," she answered, "To my surprise they could not hear me when I could hear them." Legolas arched his brow: "You're an elf, they are human," yet he was not ready for her simple reply: "I did not know that back then." He was devastated by the meaning of her words. 'She survived. This, Him... how many years?' he thought. "You are an elf, why did you not return to your realm?" but then again, maybe she did not even know her realm. As if she could follow his thoughts Thûlocuil answered in a defendant tone: "I do know my realm of origin and I do know my father's name." "But, any father will take you back!" He jumped up and started pacing the room. "Any realm would surely have given you a home again." He suddenly came to a full-stop: "Unless..." She finished his sentence for him: "Unless they were not there anymore." Legolas turned and faced her: "But if your people have passed away, then know that the realm of Eryn Lasgalen is open to any elf now. Since Elrond and the Lord and Lady of Lothlórien sailed into the west..." Thûlocuil sighed: "Ah! Lothlórien: I've been there. You can still feel the magic of the Lady present. I could feel it in the earth and smell her in the air. Even the waters there still speak of a great loss since the Lady went away. I've collected seeds there for years, but they will not grow here. You were there when the Lord and Lady were still present, were you not Legolas?"
His eyes seemed to be overtaken by a greenish glow for a moment: "Lórien, ned nîn gûr i rîn o amle malthen glad. [Lórien, in my heart (is) the remembrance of its golden wood] There are no trees like the trees of that land! (2) The Lady kept the land save from evil, using the power of her ring" "Yes, I could sense the ring that once was present there." He was yanked out of his golden dream by her words. Astonished he uttered: "You could sense Nenya?" Careless she answered: "Yes, like I sensed Narya and Vilya (3). Like I sensed all the rings, like I sensed the One Ring too, like he sensed them." "Sauron was no elf," Legolas mumbled. "Can you still sense the rings Legolas?" "No, I never could." "So it is nothing elvish then..." she looked disappointed.
For a moment they were silent, each with their own thoughts. "Did you... 'like' Sauron?" Legolas found it oppressive to use the words 'like' and 'Sauron' in one sentence. Thûlocuils words were not spoken with anger, rather with resignation: "He betrayed and killed my people. He killed my father. He took me away from everything I knew. Sometimes I blame him for what my life has become. Then again, mine is not a bad life. Sauron was the one who gave me a change to live; he kept the orcs from torturing me. He kept me alive; made sure I was taken care of. He gave me this room; he let me learn how to fight... He was my care-taker. He hoped I once would follow in his footsteps... Maybe I am his heir. He was thrilled that I lived where the others had died."
"The others?" Legolas felt like he was falling from one nightmare into another. Thûlocuil looked up at him: "There were elflings here before me Legolas. They died. They were older then I was when I came here." Legolas felt sick to his stomach when he understood: "They could not live in the darkness. They missed their parents, their people." He sat down again. Fearing the answer to his question, but knowing that he had to know, he asked: "What became of them?" Thûlocuils voice was pitiful when she said: "I learned from the orcs, I was not supposed to know it, but I know that some committed 'azuga-ul', I don't know the right word in Elvish, it means they killed themselves, others just 'fûsh-matuga'," she had to think for a moment: "They slow-died, like... withered away?" Legolas nodded: "They died of a broken heart." "Are we really such a weak people?" she asked to his surprise. "Weak?" he answered: "Weak? We live eternally; we can run for days without getting tired, we fight like no other race..." But she countered him: "Do you truly think those strong things? Is not the man who is exhausted and still goes on much stronger? Do they not achieve much more in their short amount of given time than we do in the same amount?" "You took to mankind rather than to elves, did you not?" Legolas observed: "In a way you resemble them." He had not expected her to become annoyed, yet she did: "How is that possible?" Her voice sounded harsh: "I could not resemble anybody. I knew quickly enough that I was no orc and they were the only other people I saw. I also did not resemble the frog that once came along with the water." She swallowed.
Pensively Legolas said: "You were one of a kind" "No, not 'of a kind'. I simply was..." she was clearly agitated and Legolas completed her sentence: "...one. You simply were one." He looked at her again; her eyes matched the anger that had been in her voice. He had to be careful, he had learned more about her in this past half hour then ever. "Who named you?" he asked. "Sauron did," she replied, "It was the name all of his 'dik-hai', 'captured people' bared. But they took that name from me when they took the frog away. I had been hiding it for almost two months. When they took it away, they took my 'breath of life' from me." She fell silent; the light went from her eyes, as if she was wrapped in a dark memory. "That was the day I decided to die." She sighed and then continued: "But I could feel the rings, I could feel the power of Nenya and through it the will of its maker; begging me to not give up." Her eyes became wet. And suddenly Legolas comprehended: "Nenmírdan!" he whispered. "You were a child of Eregion? (4) When you said that you had no people to return to I assumed they sailed into the West. But they..."
Then he saw her eyes. The horror they were radiating was so strong that he sharply inhaled. With terror in his voice he stated: "He took you then. He took you when he finished that realm." 'A melamin, nîn gûr bretha an le!' [Oh, my love, my heart breaks for you] he thought. He continued with disbelief in his voice: "And you think us a weak race? When one of its children survives all this?" "I could not do it," she whispered, her eyes cast down, "I could not end my life, for I would end not only mine but theirs too, irrevocably!" she seemed lost in time, then shuddered and went on: "So, I decided to live. I learned to fight and to read. I learned the Black Speech and I closed my pact with the earth: I drew strength from it; it became my other care-taker." Suddenly she looked at him again: "Tell me Legolas: you are a wood-elf; are there any earth-elfs?"(5)
"No, not that I heard of," he said. Her head dropped and quickly he recovered: "No wait, I'm wrong," he bent towards her and took her hand in his, "Yes... I heard of... one." Thûlocuil looked at him and smiled, highly aware of his hand on hers. "How do I resemble mankind?" she asked. "It's in the way that you look around you. Like all is new to you. But then, it is to you!" he discovered. "Do you know your age?" he asked. "Yes, I'm 4793 years old, I was five when I came here (6)" Legolas eyes opened wide with astonishment: "You were five years old, but that means you were here for 4765 years!" Thûlocuil could barely hear him mutter under his breath: "'A weak race' she says..."
"Did you ever go back?" came his next question. "To Eregion?" He nodded. "Yes, there is nothing there any more. The spirits of fire, water and earth are weaker there then anywhere else in Middle Earth. I think they abandoned that place. And yet... it has more life than my home." She could feel the muscles in his hand go rigid and his eyes narrowed. She retrieved her hand and said: "This is my home Legolas. You might despise of it but I've lived here all those years and it feels RIGHT." Softer she repeated: "This is my home."
Again Legolas changed the subject, afraid that he would spoil her mood of candour: "When did you find out there where more elves?" This time Thûlocuil got up from the bed, she started towards the bookshelves. Legolas followed her with his eyes. "Rather quickly," she answered: "People recognized me as one. So then I knew. And I read a lot... I started that here, only here I had only these books," she gestured, "I know them all by heart! I learned to read the Cirth, Tengwar; Sindarin and Quenya, and Khuzdul..." At that last language Legolas sat up straight: "You read Khuzdul?" Thûlocuil studied his face. "Yes," she said: "is that strange?" "It is a secret language, I don't... nobody but the dwarves speak it!" "I do not speak it, I just read it," Thûlocuil pointed out to him. "It does not matter: nobody but the dwarves can read it either!" he said. Thûlocuil shrugged her shoulders: "I seem to do a lot of things nobody does: live here, wear anybody's armour; yes I understood the looks Legolas: I never thought it's not just to keep you from harm! I fight while being a woman, I'm a ranger while being an elf... and you could probably add to that list."
Legolas smiled and started to count on his fingers: "Well, for starters..." he raised his forefinger: "you wear velt." She arched a brow. "Hobbits wear velt," he said. "It's practical, but please, do go on..." she encouraged him. He raised his middle finger: "You train on bare feet!" "You should keep in touch with earth, especially when practising: it helps to draw your energy body fully into your physical body..." she commented. "And..." he said, raising his ring finger. But she interrupted him: "No, wait a moment: when did you see me practise, I was wearing boots in Minas Ithil?" she looked at him. Legolas felt a heat creep to his cheeks: "I saw you train in Minas Tirith," before she could say anything he wriggled his tree fingers and said: "And you use that slow-motion technique for training!" 'And I could add 'capturing my heart' to this list' he thought. Thûlocuil had been waving her finger at him, like a parent to an impish elfling, but now she asked astonished: "You mean you don't?" and when Legolas slightly shook his head she asked him: "Is this because you're a wood-elf?" "No, I never saw anyone do anything like that on any training- or battle field. Why do you do it?" She was still shaking her head in disbelieve when she summed up. "It helps to circulate the energy within the body, your health and vitality enhances, it gives one a calm and tranquil mind while you focus on the precise execution of the exercises. You're sure that nobody..." "I have not seen all of Middle Earth yet, but I'm pretty sure" Legolas answered. "Well," she said with determination: "I stopped thinking I did strange things a long time ago. If I was just 'one' it made sense that everything I did would be 'not like another'; or, one might say, everything I did would be like... well, like me." He looked at her, standing across the room; looking confident and extremely able of defending herself, like she had looked when confronted with the man Ragnor and he had to conclude that the items of this list did fit. These were the pieces that made up a puzzle that fitted her!
"So Sauron provided you with food? What do you eat now then?" he asked. She was startled: "Forgive me, for I've been a poor host so far. Would you like something to eat? But maybe..." she looked him up and down. "Would you like to freshen up first? I can't remember any hot baths on the Batlle Plain or in the Ered Lithui. And..." she laughed. "I even have a nice, clean smock just about your size!"
After a really great bath Legolas was sitting on one side of the bed, opposite Thûlocuil. On a cloth between them were the remainders of a meal. 'Yonk' had actually been the right word above the doors on the right and it meant 'storage'. The rooms behind them contained a large amount of dried food. "It's a desert, you don't want to run out of 'stock'" Thûlocuil had explained. The left doors were 'pizumu' or 'armory'; the door next to her room was the 'maukumru' or fight-hall, where she used to train. Now they had eaten and he looked at her. She really thought of this place as a home, it was obvious from the way she moved: at ease and not on her guard; like he had come to know her. He could not help that the words home and Mordor were two opposite notions to him. He had to try: "Come with me to Eryn Lasgalen." She even looked more startled then he had imagined her to. "They will condemn me," she said. "Did Arwen?" he countered. "No, but..." Legolas cut in: "That's because she sensed what I should have sensed; what I did sense and think: You are not evil."
"But..." she uttered. "But I was not satisfied with merely thinking. I wanted to know, hear it from you," softer he added: "But now..." "But now I can not confirm your thoughts," she sat up straight and continued: "I've lived here for more than 4500 years. This is my earth, my home... I'm not so sure if I would have been such a hero during the War. I did not try to escape. I simply survived, nothing more." "Nothing less! You were five years old and you managed to survive this darkness for 4765 years on your own. And I do mean that literally and figurative." She had averted her head. "Listen to me Thûlocuil, sometimes a hero does nothing else than 'simply' survive. The Pelanor Fields have taught me that." She was still not looking at him.
"Did he know you were trying to bring back life to Mordor?" he asked, changing the subject once more. "No," at least she was still answering his questions, "I did not see him after the War of the Last Alliance and later, after the War of the Ring I sensed him no longer. Then the orcs went away and I followed the stream to Barad-dûr. I told you it can be done, but it is not without danger." "Surely not back then!" he added.
"I can not come with you Legolas, you yourself had had a hard time believing what I am and where I'm from. How many elves will be willing to go through that amount of trouble? By the Valar, I do not even know who I am!" She looked at him for some time, sighed and then with a tired voice said: "Please, leave and forget."
Legolas felt that there was no more. No more room for questions, no more room for begging her to come with him. Finally he said: "You are the image on the puzzle made from the pieces of your life. You are what you are: Thûlocuil; Breath of Life. I'll leave and keep my promise, but my offer stands: you are welcome in my realm anytime. As the Prince of Eryn Lasgalen I guarantee your safety there."
(1) If you are interested: I think 'ghaash' is spelled with the runes nr. 21, 49 and 15 from appendix E The Angerthas.
(2) I literally used the words of Tolkien here: it is in LOTR, FOTR chapter VI 'Lothlórien'. In my copy on page 353. I also rephrased the words from Legolas on page 356 of the same chapter.
(3) The Three Rings of the elves: the rings of air fire and (of course) water.
(4) Nenmírdan means watersmith. He is the elf who forged Nenya. He is one of my own characters. He was introduced in chapter 16. He was one of the smiths of Eregion, the elvenland west of Khazad-dûm. The elves of Eregion were unequalled smiths. Sauron, disguised as Annatar, the Lord of Gifts, taught them secrets to enhance and refine their craft. With this knowledge the elves of Eregion forged the Rings of Power. Only, Sauron betrayed them making The One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom. In the year 1697 of the second age, he destroyed Eregion.
(5) In the second movie the followers of Sauron say: Za dashu snaku Zigur, Durgbu nazgshu, Durgbu dashhu! = Hail, Sauron, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Earth. This was after I thought this up! It just fits so well.
After a some research about elves and their development. I've decided that they do not develop different from human children. Their do not grow so fast, but they do learn the same things in their first five years. I think that puberty will come when they are between 30 and 40. (I read that elves where mature at 50). So five years of age is five years of age.
14 September 2003: I just changed some bits.
