(A/N: *dies* O____O Tallulah, Grammar Songtress reviewed my fic! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE! X_____X I'm a huge fan of your fic, "Out of the Ashes" (I don't have the guts to contact people. I'm chicken-shite.). Glad you liked it. And yes, this place needs more yaoi. -_- I'm a huge yaoi fanatic. There's lots of yaoi in the other section I contribute to, so the lack of yaoi here was a little disappointing to me. But after all, it's quality we're after not quantity, right? And there surely is a lot of quality in the yaoi fics there are. I'll stop ranting now. I know I over-write stuff, I do it all the time. Its pretty much habitual. -_- I need to work on that....Ne wayz, thanks for reviewing! ^^ Shannon reviewed my fic! *dies yet again* X____X I'm a huge fan of your site (which is what got me hooked on Kai/Yama to begin with)! Yes, we will rule the world! MWHA! *chokes and dies* ......Ne wayz, on with the fic......)
Just To Tell You
Chapter 2: Don't Stay
A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. /Who could that be?/
He crept over and opened the door. He blinked in surprise. "Yamagata?"
The taller boy grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "I, uh....you sounded upset."
He looked at Kai, still grinning apologetically. Kai wanted to cry. Somebody did care, a bit at least. Somebody cared and they were here and he wasn't alone. He wasn't alone. He wiped tears away with his forearm. "Hey. What's wrong?"
Yamagata grabbed Kai by the shoulders. Kai latched onto the other boy, hugging him tightly. Yamagata froze. "Uh...Kai?"
The short brunette looked up at him, then looked away and loosened his grip. "Oh. Sorry."
He backed away, retreating back past the doorframe. "Come in?" he asked, stepping aside.
Yamagata hesitated. "I...err....what the heck."
He stepped inside, looking about. "So....what's up?"
Kai shrugged. "Nothing really."
He stepped away and Yamagata shut the door. "Nothing's wrong, huh?"
"No...not really."
He followed Kai into the small area designated as the "kitchen." "Can I get you something?"
He shook his head. "Nah. I'm fine."
He sat down at the table and regarded Kai. "You're sure you're okay?"
Kai nodded and joined him at the table. "I...uh...just got a little...err...lonely."
He looked at the table, a small blush creeping over his features. Yamagata didn't reply. Kai looked up. Yamagata was practically glaring at him. "So, why'd you call me?"
His tone was deadly, accusing, harsh and grating on Kai's ears. He didn't reply. Instead he looked away.
"You ain't thinkin'-"
Yamagata didn't finish his sentence. He leaned forward, glowering at Kai. "'Cause I ain't..."
Kai looked at him through his bangs, trying to force the ideas his words were forcing up away. There was a terse silence, Yamagata awaiting an answer; Kai struggling with himself. /I can't, I won't.../
Reflex. He grabbed Yamagata's wrist, chaining the startled boy to the table. Yamagata blinked and tried to pull back, almost half-heartedly. Kiss. Such a simple, natural action. Lips met lips and brushed against each other. Yamagata pulled away, shaking Kai off him. The chair clattered to the floor as he stood up rapidly. He glared daggers at Kai. His lip curled upwards in a sneer. "Faggot. Keep it to yourself, ya freak."
He turned away, heading for the door. Kai glowered, hot tears burning at his eyes. The angry words had burnt him. "Baka yaro."
The words were poison. Yamagata turned back, eyes ablaze. "What did you say?"
"Baka yaro."
Kai tried to steady his voice, to keep the fear from leaking through. Yamagata charged across the floor, hauling Kai up by his collar. "I wouldn't talk, you fucking homo!"
Mentally, Kai grinned as he pecked Yamagata on the cheek. The taller boy threw him into the wall like he'd been burnt. "I ain't like that, you fag!"
"So what?"
"I'm not gonna be like...like you!"
The older boy stormed back across the floor. "You know what? You can stay the fuck away from me! You come near me and I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
"Fine! I don't care anyways!"
"Freak!"
"Motherfucker!"
The door slammed and the light fixture rocked, scattering dim light about the room. Kai glowered at the door. "Glad he's gone," he muttered, trying to convince himself more than anything else.
"I don't need anybody, anyways."
Still, he couldn't help the sinking feeling. At least Yamagata had been someone to talk to. Now he was alone again and the silence was eating away at him. /I don't need him. I don't need anybody./
He glanced at the window, at the broken blind, at the rotting mattress that served as a "bed". He whimpered. He'd tried to change this. Really, he had. But Yamagata had gone and screwed it up. Yeah, it was all Yamagata's fault, not his. If...if he hadn't been so...so goddamn homophobic, everything would be okay. Everything would be alright. But it wasn't and he was alone again. /Don't need him anyways./
He wandered over to the bed, flopping down. Tears coursed their way down his cheeks, soothing the red of anger, humiliation and hate. /That was the stupidest thing I've ever done.../
He'd lost Yamagata as a friend, probably the only friend he'd had left. //Yeah, well. He probably wouldn't have been your friend much longer anyways.//
This wasn't helping. If anything, this was making him even more miserable. //What would you have done if he hadn't of left?//
Cold, miserable silence bore down on him from all sides. Even his strangled sobs couldn't break the quiet around him. He whimpered and rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face into the cool of the pillow. /Didn't need him anyways.../
Alone. It was the only thing his mind could think of. Why had he done that? It had been so natural and thoughtless - why? Yamagata was the only person left in his crumbling life and now....and now-
Why?! It was so stupid and careless and now, now he had nothing left and nobody left to cling to. He sobbed into the pillow pathetically. He hiccupped and sat up, wiping tears from his face. It was no good crying. /Didn't want him to stay anyways./
He sniffed. /Don't want him anyways./
He sat on the bed, staring at the wall blankly. /Better on my own./
He felt weak and helpless. /Don't want him back....okay, maybe a bit.../
He blinked and suddenly, he was angry. /I can't believe he did that...I trusted him. I thought he was my friend./
This is what he'd been afraid of. Ever since THAT, he'd never given anybody his trust, his friendship. And now he had and now it had blown up in his face again, hurt him again. /Stupid bastard./
He didn't need Yamagata. He didn't need friends. He didn't need anybody - hell, he'd survived this long without them. Yamagata ignored him anyways, just like everyone else did. What kind of friend was that? Certainly not a good one. /Better that he's gone./
He wasn't going to spend any more time wishing he had friends, wishing he wasn't alone. He didn't care anymore. He just didn't. Why should he? Being alone hurt him as much as being with people, so what did it matter which choice he made? It didn't. No, that was it. That was the final straw. He was sick of it; sick of being sick with want. Absolutely enough. He curled up on the bed, tears starting down his cheeks, the ever-constant sickness melding with his "anger". He choked back a sob or two, biting his lip. He couldn't do this.
He clutched at the tattered sheets, wrapping his hands about them tightly. He was too weak to make it on his own. He hated this! /Do something about it then,/ the voice in his head mocked, taunting him because he knew he couldn't do any thing at all. /Don't stay.../
He sobbed, trying to force away thoughts of what he was still, stupidly, hoping for. He wanted Yamagata back. /Forget everything...it doesn't matter any more./
He wanted Yamagata back.
~*~*~*~*
[A/N: I'm not trying to make out to be a "cry-baby" or anything. He's just severely depressed. ^_^
Kai: 9_9 Joy.
Abee: R&R, please?]
Just To Tell You
Chapter 2: Don't Stay
A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. /Who could that be?/
He crept over and opened the door. He blinked in surprise. "Yamagata?"
The taller boy grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "I, uh....you sounded upset."
He looked at Kai, still grinning apologetically. Kai wanted to cry. Somebody did care, a bit at least. Somebody cared and they were here and he wasn't alone. He wasn't alone. He wiped tears away with his forearm. "Hey. What's wrong?"
Yamagata grabbed Kai by the shoulders. Kai latched onto the other boy, hugging him tightly. Yamagata froze. "Uh...Kai?"
The short brunette looked up at him, then looked away and loosened his grip. "Oh. Sorry."
He backed away, retreating back past the doorframe. "Come in?" he asked, stepping aside.
Yamagata hesitated. "I...err....what the heck."
He stepped inside, looking about. "So....what's up?"
Kai shrugged. "Nothing really."
He stepped away and Yamagata shut the door. "Nothing's wrong, huh?"
"No...not really."
He followed Kai into the small area designated as the "kitchen." "Can I get you something?"
He shook his head. "Nah. I'm fine."
He sat down at the table and regarded Kai. "You're sure you're okay?"
Kai nodded and joined him at the table. "I...uh...just got a little...err...lonely."
He looked at the table, a small blush creeping over his features. Yamagata didn't reply. Kai looked up. Yamagata was practically glaring at him. "So, why'd you call me?"
His tone was deadly, accusing, harsh and grating on Kai's ears. He didn't reply. Instead he looked away.
"You ain't thinkin'-"
Yamagata didn't finish his sentence. He leaned forward, glowering at Kai. "'Cause I ain't..."
Kai looked at him through his bangs, trying to force the ideas his words were forcing up away. There was a terse silence, Yamagata awaiting an answer; Kai struggling with himself. /I can't, I won't.../
Reflex. He grabbed Yamagata's wrist, chaining the startled boy to the table. Yamagata blinked and tried to pull back, almost half-heartedly. Kiss. Such a simple, natural action. Lips met lips and brushed against each other. Yamagata pulled away, shaking Kai off him. The chair clattered to the floor as he stood up rapidly. He glared daggers at Kai. His lip curled upwards in a sneer. "Faggot. Keep it to yourself, ya freak."
He turned away, heading for the door. Kai glowered, hot tears burning at his eyes. The angry words had burnt him. "Baka yaro."
The words were poison. Yamagata turned back, eyes ablaze. "What did you say?"
"Baka yaro."
Kai tried to steady his voice, to keep the fear from leaking through. Yamagata charged across the floor, hauling Kai up by his collar. "I wouldn't talk, you fucking homo!"
Mentally, Kai grinned as he pecked Yamagata on the cheek. The taller boy threw him into the wall like he'd been burnt. "I ain't like that, you fag!"
"So what?"
"I'm not gonna be like...like you!"
The older boy stormed back across the floor. "You know what? You can stay the fuck away from me! You come near me and I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
"Fine! I don't care anyways!"
"Freak!"
"Motherfucker!"
The door slammed and the light fixture rocked, scattering dim light about the room. Kai glowered at the door. "Glad he's gone," he muttered, trying to convince himself more than anything else.
"I don't need anybody, anyways."
Still, he couldn't help the sinking feeling. At least Yamagata had been someone to talk to. Now he was alone again and the silence was eating away at him. /I don't need him. I don't need anybody./
He glanced at the window, at the broken blind, at the rotting mattress that served as a "bed". He whimpered. He'd tried to change this. Really, he had. But Yamagata had gone and screwed it up. Yeah, it was all Yamagata's fault, not his. If...if he hadn't been so...so goddamn homophobic, everything would be okay. Everything would be alright. But it wasn't and he was alone again. /Don't need him anyways./
He wandered over to the bed, flopping down. Tears coursed their way down his cheeks, soothing the red of anger, humiliation and hate. /That was the stupidest thing I've ever done.../
He'd lost Yamagata as a friend, probably the only friend he'd had left. //Yeah, well. He probably wouldn't have been your friend much longer anyways.//
This wasn't helping. If anything, this was making him even more miserable. //What would you have done if he hadn't of left?//
Cold, miserable silence bore down on him from all sides. Even his strangled sobs couldn't break the quiet around him. He whimpered and rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face into the cool of the pillow. /Didn't need him anyways.../
Alone. It was the only thing his mind could think of. Why had he done that? It had been so natural and thoughtless - why? Yamagata was the only person left in his crumbling life and now....and now-
Why?! It was so stupid and careless and now, now he had nothing left and nobody left to cling to. He sobbed into the pillow pathetically. He hiccupped and sat up, wiping tears from his face. It was no good crying. /Didn't want him to stay anyways./
He sniffed. /Don't want him anyways./
He sat on the bed, staring at the wall blankly. /Better on my own./
He felt weak and helpless. /Don't want him back....okay, maybe a bit.../
He blinked and suddenly, he was angry. /I can't believe he did that...I trusted him. I thought he was my friend./
This is what he'd been afraid of. Ever since THAT, he'd never given anybody his trust, his friendship. And now he had and now it had blown up in his face again, hurt him again. /Stupid bastard./
He didn't need Yamagata. He didn't need friends. He didn't need anybody - hell, he'd survived this long without them. Yamagata ignored him anyways, just like everyone else did. What kind of friend was that? Certainly not a good one. /Better that he's gone./
He wasn't going to spend any more time wishing he had friends, wishing he wasn't alone. He didn't care anymore. He just didn't. Why should he? Being alone hurt him as much as being with people, so what did it matter which choice he made? It didn't. No, that was it. That was the final straw. He was sick of it; sick of being sick with want. Absolutely enough. He curled up on the bed, tears starting down his cheeks, the ever-constant sickness melding with his "anger". He choked back a sob or two, biting his lip. He couldn't do this.
He clutched at the tattered sheets, wrapping his hands about them tightly. He was too weak to make it on his own. He hated this! /Do something about it then,/ the voice in his head mocked, taunting him because he knew he couldn't do any thing at all. /Don't stay.../
He sobbed, trying to force away thoughts of what he was still, stupidly, hoping for. He wanted Yamagata back. /Forget everything...it doesn't matter any more./
He wanted Yamagata back.
~*~*~*~*
[A/N: I'm not trying to make out to be a "cry-baby" or anything. He's just severely depressed. ^_^
Kai: 9_9 Joy.
Abee: R&R, please?]
