(A/N: Thank you Tallulah! ^O^ I feel loved...Nevermind me, I'm just crazy. ^^;;;

Yamagata: *is currently being huggled and is appeased* ^^

Abee: -_- Ne who.....Glad to hear it wasn't as unnatural as I thought. ^^ And I know Yama's thoughts were a little to "elegant"...or I dunno what you'd call it....Yama ain't the brightest bubl in th box, ne?

Yama: ¬_¬ *contemplates murder*

Abee: ^^;;; Glad you liked it. and I will keep writing...I think....*is wary of Yama, who is in the corner, plotting* O_o;;;;

On with the fic....)

Just To Tell You

Chapter 4: Faint

Kai slammed the reciever down, biting down on a sob. /Stupid bastard./

Why did he have to call? He was reminded now of the silence of his lonliness, of the quiet that resounded. Oh, what did he care anyways? Yamagata was an asshole, just like everyone else. And it bothered him. In a spot, even secret to himself, he liked Yamagata - a lot, actually. More than he'd like to admit. That's why he'd kissed him, why he'd taken that chance. And deep down, it hurt him when Yamagata kept the distance and put up walls. He was tired of Yamagata ignoring him and acting like they were "just friends." They both knew it ran deeper than that.

Until now, he'd just put it down as a Yamagata "thing" - it was just the way Yamagata was and it didn't bother him that much. But now, it did. He was sick of it. He was sick of Yamagata ignoring him, ignoring what they had. He was tied of being left in the dust, tired of having Yamagata's back turned to him. He was sick of listening to his heart and its wounded beat. /So, why put up with it?/

He could leave, treat Yamagata the same way, be alone and heartbroken. He couldn't do that, couldn't bring himself not to be near Yamagata, not to talk to Yamagata. It made him feel sick. /So, confront him./

He liked that idea even less and his stomach agreed, churning nervously whenever he thought it. What if he did confront Yamagata, but he had been reading the other boy all wrong? It wouldn't be pretty - Yamagata could be tempermental and violent, especially when he was accused of something. /You're never going to get him if you don't talk to him./

He swallowed nervously. That was right. He wouldn't ever get what he wanted if her kept being such chicken-shit. His gaze wandered to the phone. /So, change it./

His hands shook with the nervousness of indecision. He couldn't really change anything, could he? He squeezed his eyes shut. Time wouldn't make him less alone; it wouldn't make him any less afraid. In fact, he'd probably be more miserable than he was right now. /Change it./

It was now or never. He didn't think he ever have the courage to do this, but desperation was making him bold. Hell, he'd already kissed him - what else did he have to left loose?

Everything and anything. But still...

His eyes wandered to the door. /Change it./

He grabbed his jacket and dashed out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.

~*~*~*

The door swung open and crashed into the wall. Yamagata jumped and looked up.

Kai walked boldly into the apartment, slamming the door shut. "You and I are going to talk, Yamagata."

Yamagata stared at him, wild-eyed, then narrowed his gaze. "Oh yeah? What's there to talk about?"

Kai walked over to him, looking up at him, almost angrily. "Us."

Yamagata nearly choked, surprise making his heart leap up into his throat. "Us?"

Kai nodded. Yamagata laughed. "Us? Us?! You idiot! There is no 'us'!"

Kai gritted his teeth. "Don't you tell me that, you fucking liar!There is an us and don't fucking well deny it!"

He shoved Yamagata, putting all his frustration into the action. Yamagata stumbled back a bit, surprised by Kai. The smaller boy was suddenly face to face with him again. "I like you, Yamagata. I like you a lot. And I know you like me. So, why do you keep throwing me away?!"

Tears burned at his eyes.

"Why do you keep coming back?! Why won't you just leave me alone?! There is no 'us', there has never been an 'us'- there can't be an 'us'-"

"Why not?!"

"Because it's for your own good!"

"For my own good?! That's bullshit!"

Yamagata grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "Don't you get it?! You're my friend! I don't wanna hurt you, Kai!"

"You think this isn't?!" Kai screamed.

"I don't wanna loose you, Kai!"

Yamagata shook him again and he started crying. He couldn't help it. The tears flooded out of his eyes, dribbling down his cheeks. Yamagata gathered him up in his arms. He sobbed into Yamagata's shoulder, clenching fistfuls of the other boy's shirt as he cried. Yamagata nuzzled the top of Kai's head, hugging the other boy tightly. "I'm sorry, Kai-chan."

Kai lifted his head, sniffling loudly. "Why can't you just let this happen?"

Yamagata looked at him sorrowfully. "I ...can't let me hurt you, Kai. I'd hurt you if it did happen."

"Why won't you just listen to me?"

"Kai-"

"No. Just shut up and listen! I like you and I don't want you to ignore me. I want this to happen!"

"I can't, Kai! I- It wouldn't be pretty. It wouldn't last long and- Why can't you just leave this alone?!"

"'Cause we're more than friends and you know it! Please, Yamagata! Please!"

He looked pleadingly at the older boy, who looked away. "I can't, Kai-"

"We can! Just- Just give us a chance!"

He returned to his broken sobbing, burying his face in Yamagata's shoulder. Yamagata sighed and wrapped his arms about Kai, looking guiltily at the floor. "Shh, Kai. Shh."

He rubbed Kai's back as the boy continued crying, almost hysterically. "Shh, Kai-koi. I know, I know."