(A/N: Well...I've been slow with updates and lookit what I churn out. 9_9 This chapter's one of the shortest. I feel so bad for keeping people waiting for something like...this. *kicks chapter* Sorry. I'll try to get the next chappie up sooner, and it'll be longer too. Ne who, thankies for the reviews! ^O^ Tallulah: I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Kai. ^^ And I'm so very glad you like the fic. ^^

Sta-san: I'm glad you like the fic so far and thanks again for the pressie! That so made my day! ^O^

Sarfox: I'm glad you like the fic. ^^

And again, sorry for the shortness of the chapter. Now, on with the fic!)

Just To Tell You

Chapter 5: Easier To Run

Yamagata sat down heavily on the edge of his bed. He stared at the floor, chewing his lip, trying to sort this out. Kai liked him and he liked Kai and Kai was right. Why shouldn't this happen? It seemed natural, it was more natural than anything else in this fucked up life. But, it wasn't natural, at least, not by society's standards and therefore, it shouldn't happen.

Shunned. It was a funny word. It grated on his ears and its meaning was terribly clear. It echoed, constantly, off the walls of his head, reverberating. /Queers./

The guys wouldn't be cool with it, wouldn't be comfortable with it. Hell, he wouldn't be comfortable with it if it was anyone else. He knew what he'd say if somebody told him that. /Afraid of a little name calling?/

He'd never let anything bother him before. Maybe it was because it wouldn't be in fun this time. Or from random starngers he'd never see again in his life. But, was he really scared of it? Maybe it was the fact Kai would be receiving nasty words too- well, more of them at least. Everyone already said shit about Kai.

Wasn't Kai used to that by now? No. Kai was sort of...fragile, almost. He'd been like that as long as Yamagata had known him. He wasn't stable. The wrong word would make him collapse in a sobbing heap or, on the odd occasion, make him angry. Violent, dangerous.

Which was another reason to avoid this whole thing. /I'd say something stupid and set him off. I just know I would./

He'd said a couple of stupid things to his girlfriend and she'd been upset or pissed off - it was hard to tell with girls. But Kai...Kai was different, more extreme. Whatever you said, he took it to heart. If this thing ever did happen - which it wouldn't - they'd get into a fight and Kai'd probably slit his wrists or something like that. Or he'd try to kill him. One or the other.

It was different when you fought with a friend, somehow less meaningful, less serious. It was so much easier this way. So much less risk, less chance. But...but...

Kai had been so upset and so scared and helpless. It had felt good to hold him in his arms and know that he was the sole comfort for the boy he loved. That was right - he loved him. And caused him so much pain-

/Yamagata. The cause and solution to all of Kai's problems./

He snorted and felt tears burn at the corners of his eyes. He didn't want to do this to Kai, to make him cry like that. It was horrible and each tear broke his heart a million times over. And still, he couldn't reach the depth of the pain that thrived in Kai's eyes and the sadness that bled out everytime he cried. But this was better, wasn't it? No name-calling, no confusing couple-fights or couple-stuff, just...just...

Tears and a broken heart. /I...I really didn't mean to make him cry...I...It's better this way.../

The excuse was so feeble, so weak, that it was flattened by his mind a moment later, with a thousand questions and comments it couldn't withstand. It fell, meeting its demise and the excuse was dead. He had nothing to hide behind anymore. He had no choice but to face the facts. Cold, hard truth bit into him, angrily. It laughed at him.

He'd been such a coward all this time. He was scared of this. So scared, it had numbed him and forced him to hide from it. Fuck, he'd been so blind, so stupid-

"I'm so sorry Kai..."

His voice was barely above a whisper, choked with tears and regret. He gritted his teeth and tried to stop the tears in his eyes from spreading their colling cheerlessness. "I'm so sorry."

Nobody could hear him. The objects in his room were the silent witnesses of this. Nobody was listening.